how could this have happened?

[_xonikkiox_]

after i went and got some stuff from ikes i wanted to go somewhere and think. so i drove to the park and went and sat on the swings. and i just sit there for the longest time swinging my feet and thinking and crying. i was thinking how my life was so bad there for awhile and i thought about how much i was missing ike even tho i know i shouldn't.

Comments

[ike__hanson]

Goddamnit Nikki! You fucking think you could just leave the house on me and not fucking have me know?! What the fuck kind of bullshit is that?! You just fucking leave while I'm gone and thats it?! I dont get any fucking say in it? How fucking fair is it that THIS is what got your fucking attention, huh? You fucking didnt even notice me when I was home because I WASNT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!! Isnt that fucking right?!! You fucking thought I wasnt enough. You've always thought it. You tell me something else but you're really just thinking how fucking horrible I am and how much you fucking hate me. Why the hell did you fucking stay with me if you're so goddamned SCARED of me. huh?? You're fucking bitching about me hurting you.. well that's how I fucking felt! Its how I fucking felt every day I looked at those fucking KIDS you had with my fucking brother! Its how I felt when I fucking went into the goddamn hospital and got home and you were fucking GONE. All your shit gone. NOTHING WAS THERE NIKKI! I fucking felt like you ripped my goddamn

pt 1

[_xonikkiox_]

EXFUCKINGCUSE ME?! No i left while you was still fucking there its not my god damn fault you didnt notice me missing but then i guess that shows how much you really care huh? took you a few days to notice *iam* missing. Ike you've had plenty to say in all the fights we've had.. and even the last fight the one where i walked out on you because i couldn't take it anymore do you not remember me throwing my engagement ring in your face and taking the boys and leaving? WHAT THE FUCK! i didnt notice you? only because everytime i fucking did you SNAPPED at me. excuse me i tried to make this relationship work. i TRIED OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Even when you was gone almost everyday and i was home all alone usually CRYING because your gone. You was never there for me. NEVER since the boys have been borned. how long did you think i could take that? i stayed longer than any other girl would have. i stayed because i LOVED You... i still love you but theres no use holding on if its not going to work. Ike.. i always think you was good enough

Re: pt 1

[ike__hanson]

What the FUCK. How the fuck would I have noticed that fucking shit Nikki?! I dont remember hardly any shit over the last fucking few months. How would I remember?? I couldnt fucking do or deal with anything that was fucking going on Nikki! God.. I'm a fucking MESS. And I'm only fucking worse without you. You know I'll only get worse without you Nik! I fucking know you tried making this work, but now you gave up on me. I'm fucking sorry that I'm so worthless that you cant see one fucking reason to stay. Who the fuck said its not going to work? Who fucking said that?! I can get better Nik, if I have a reason to. You were the only person who EVER thought I was worth shit and everyone always told you I wasnt and they fucking got in your head with that shit. I fucked up Nik! It's what I fucking do! I fucking mess up everything fucking good I ever fucking had in my whole life.. Why the hell else would I fucking be here alone and high as shit thinking what the fuck i'd do if you walked in that door again. I dont fucking know why the hell we

[tj_h]

i'm sorry nikki, i was playing outside with the boys. I didn't hear the phone. My god, i'm so sorry. i just got carried away with the twins. I feel so bad, shit..theres no words to make it right. If you wanna talk to ike, i can try and get some body guards to make sure he don't touch you. Something, so then ur safe. These boys need their mommy. They love you so much, i'm not gonna let him hurt their mom. I'm sorry nikki.

[_xonikkiox_]

dont be sorry tay..its fine. don't feel bad. i'm okay... theres no real damaged...just some cracked and bruised ribs...i'll be okay..its nothing that won't heal... i dont wanna talk or see him right now. that'd be to hard... i just can't look into his face right now after last night... and what happened... you dont have to protect me. i'll be fine. i just want everything back the way it was.

[tj_h]

Well i'll bring the boys in when u feel alittle better. I don't want them seeing you too battered. They miss you. God it was almost impossible getting them to bed last night without you. And i do have to protect you, ur the mother of my children, it's my right to protect you and my children.

[_xonikkiox_]

yeah i dont want them seeing mel ike this either. i miss them to. you know that was the first night i've been away with them since they was born? it was really hard. not being able to see the sleeping. no you just have to protect theboys. you dont have to protect me.

[doinitwitrythem]

Im so fucking sorry nikki seriously and dont you dare even be pulled in by him,dont allow him to bring you down and allow him to get what he wants.He's going to try and make you feel bad for him by throwing his lifestyle in your face, by saying how pathetic he is so you will comfort him and then as your comforting him and feeling sorry for him..move on in on you.And you know what?Thats fucked.He dont deserve you...he's had a fucking nough chances and I aint standing for it...no fucking way is he getting away with this shit.Imma hunt that mother fucker down and give his ass a beat down like no other.You dont fucking do that!!NO FUCKING way.Seriously.Every fucking girl in this family ends up getting raped.Kate,ave,natalie and now you.God Nikki, im so sorry..im so sorry the bad chain of events always seem to follow this damn family around. WHAT THE FUCK?I CANT BELIEVE THIS SHIT..I ..I JUST..I CANT.Are you okay?I mean...god you must feel horrible...Nikki...know...know this isnt your fault,just...know that.Dont feel dirty, your not..I cant

[ike__hanson]

Shut the fuck up Zac. You fucking act like you're so much better! You've fucking had people on your side, just like taylor did. When you guys were a fucking mess people helped you and now I have that going on and you're ready to fucking feed me to the dogs. I fucking know I'm a bad person and I dont need you fucking rubbing that shit in. You've raped too Zac, whats wrong, you convieniently forget that?! I would NEVER fucking touch those kids, how DARE you say that shit. You're the fucking sick one thinking that shit. I'm not fucking asking for you to say what i did was right, because i wasnt but you fucking act like i decided to do it when you know what goes through someone's head doing those things. You're not my fucking brother.

[doinitwitrythem]

I wont shut the fuck up Ike!You NEED to hear this, you NEED to be stood up to.Its for your own damn good.Alright?DONT turn this around on me.Because you arent going to.Im one person that wont stand for it alright?I never said im SO much better, what the fuck is that shit all about?I just said you need to work on yourself Ike.Fuck man, not everyone is saying they are better then you.Fucking Tay and I dont always parade around telling you...IM BETTER THEN YOU, neither did Nikki.Its like you have this nagging contience and your paranoid EVERYONE is going around thinking they are better then you.What's that about?Do YOU think we are better then you?Are you saying this to convince yourself..or us?That we arent better then you?We all have SOMEONE here for us when shit goes wrong..but YOU..you pushed them away, you said you didnt want our help..you turned it around on us and made it seem like we were just trying to make you feel like an idiot and make fun of you and tell you how much better then you we are.So its your fault that the last

[tj_h]

STOP YOU TWO!! FUCKING STOP IT!! STOPPPPPP ITTTTTT!!!!!!