Comments | _xonikkiox_: Worse than the fear it's the lie you told a thousand times before

_xonikkiox_

Worse than the fear it's the lie you told a thousand times before

May 16, 2006 04:24

i went to the doctor this morning. they didn't tell me anything that i didn't know they just confirmed it. iam in fact pregnant. this is alot... what if im not ready for another kid? i mean...the twins aren't even a year old... and im already pregnant again. i can't sleep. i have to much going on in my head. i just dont know what to do. i mean.... ( Read more... )

Comments 32

tj_h May 17 2006, 10:17:41 UTC

you watch me sleep? i had no idea. Dammit i feel so used *chuckles* no, i'm glad it makes u feel better even though i'm not doing anything really. I look happy when i'm asleep? really? probably cuz i'm dreaming of juilet, then it turns to a horrible nightmare of losing her. But yeah that happens ( ... )

_xonikkiox_ May 17 2006, 10:47:27 UTC

yeah i do. sometimes i just slip in and watch you slip when i can't sleep. you laying there looking peaceful is enough for me. you do look happy..well every time i've been in there you have. aww. hun. im sorry you have nightmares like that..but i have nightmares too...almost everynight...thats why i hardly sleep anymore. i barely sleep 1 or 2 hours a night anymore ( ... )

tj_h May 17 2006, 11:43:08 UTC

i have an idea. Tomoro, get the boys dressed and everything, get urself ready. We're going out. I'll get everything ready. Just be ready around lunch time to go out. we're gonna have a family day. The boys need it. Maybe it'll get it mind of it even for alittle bit. We'll go have lunch spend time with the boys and try and be alittle happy. I wanna see a smile on ur face at least once while we're out. Then u can go for a nice bubble bath and find something relaxing to do. I'll make dinner and we'll just make it a nice and relaxing day. Something to get ur mind off it.... ok? Sound nice?

The boys know something up, they're worried about you and so am i. I'm here remember, u can come and wake me up when u can't sleep. Don't forget that i can relate in some way. i've done enough shit to see wat can happen. And ur not lost ur just hiding and thats perfectly normal, just hide out with me. At least let me in. Let me help you hide if need be. I'd rather be hiding with you, then u be hiding out alone. If you know wat i mean.

_xonikkiox_ May 22 2006, 05:55:43 UTC

well what a dandy idea. the boys need it eh? are you sure thats not just a way of saying i need it? because i do need it. and i'm glad you came up with the idea. i'm always happy when im with them..sometimes they are the only thing that makes me happy. its scary...being this sad..and withdrawn..i hate being like this. it's not me..and it makes people worry about me when i dont want them too. but yeah... i dunno. great fun ( ... )

Thread 22

doinitwitrythem May 18 2006, 00:47:34 UTC

Wow nikki...this...is just..well..its pretty damn intense id say.I mean,nothing I didnt already pretty much assume and out of common sense, but still..just to hear you say it all..and to hear streight from your mouth,in your own words how you feel.Its so sad and unfortunate.I know you arent trying to get anyone to pitty you.But Nikki, thats what good friends do..especially when they KNOW that the person didnt deserve for any of this shit to happen to begin with ( ... )

_xonikkiox_ May 22 2006, 05:48:38 UTC

it is intense....all of this is overwhelming me. i just dont know what to do anymore. it's scary. i dont know how i feel... i have all these feelings in me and it's just hard. i really dont have anyone i can talk to about it... i know i have you and tay...but its not the same ya no? i wish i had a chick to sit down and talk to about all this but i dont really. god. i dont even know what to say anymore ( ... )

doinitwitrythem May 22 2006, 06:42:31 UTC

Life can be overwhelming.Quite a bit actually.It had me by the throat for a while..but now..thanks to you livening tay back up just enough for me to get in and us to have fun like old times again, and a good friend like you...it's finally starting to fall into place again.Sure natalie and I arent fixed yet, but now im a bit more patient and less tense because of this all.Nikki...it'll start falling into place soon enough for you too.Im sure.I...uh...well..what about Kate?Kate misses your company Nikki.You girls could use a day out, she needs you to rescue her lol you two are turning too much into "one of the guys" lol and me and tay would fuckin LOVE to hang with just us 2 and the kids, it'd be so so fun.Seriously.I mean, we are totally up for it if you'd do that.I mean im not going to push you but it could be good.Real good ( ... )

doinitwitrythem May 22 2006, 06:42:51 UTC

Yeah.I know.Sometimes he can be really nieve and just thick headed dude.There aint no denying that.Sorry..this is the REAL world and just because the girl is pregnant dont mean your going to get married and live happily ever after just because of that.A baby dont hold THAT kind of obligations and it has to be for the babies best interest..NOT for ikes.And right now, he's going to really have to concure his selfishness..fatherhood...you have to sacrifice that.That baby has to be number 1 in your mind and so he's going to have a little trouble with that..I mean, beings he's so damn obsessed with himself, or thats how he's been most his life.So he definitely needs to work some things out...and change his whole way...do a complete 180..in order to be a good father and provide for this child.Im hoping, for the childs sake, and for yours...for whatever decision you come to make..he's able to do this.I really hope he dont take his issues and childhood resentment out on tay's children beings he has his own child with you now.You know?That ( ... )

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