'Oh for the sake of momentum, I've allowed my fears to get larger than life...'
"Bye Sam!"
"Hope you can come on the next shoot Sam, that was fun."
"SAM-O! Call me buddy, we'll talk about the next shoot! Great work buddy!"It's like having a fan club, with unnerving amounts of very beautiful women that I can't touch, and one really annoying bald guy who won't stop calling me 'Sam-O ( Read more... )
"Hope you can come on the next shoot Sam, that was fun."
"SAM-O! Call me buddy, we'll talk about the next shoot! Great work buddy!"It's like having a fan club, with unnerving amounts of very beautiful women that I can't touch, and one really annoying bald guy who won't stop calling me 'Sam-O ( Read more... )
Comments 57
Okay, so I'm having a bad day, so screw me. I hate knowing that I intentionally hurt Jake and I meant what I said when I told him that I love him. We're such good friends, and I think I might have ruined that.
Sam will be thrilled.
"Bye byes?"
"No, no bye byes for us."
I smiled and gave Julia a kiss on the forehead. She didn't know why we were all alone today. Not that she wasn't happy; I managed just fine without Jake or Sam, but instead of missing one of them, I missed them both.
I would have missed Sam less if he had called me like he promised he would. I don't know why I'm here. He's probably pissed off that he had to leave the 'party' again.
"Dada! Dada! Dadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"Laughing, I looked in the ( ... )
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I know that baby yell anywhere.
I grinned, looking in the direction of where it came from, seeing Julia waving her arms at me. And Carly... who doesn't really seem pleased over something. What would she be...
... Oh.
I knew I should have shaved before I came home. Just maybe. I didn't think it'd be that big a deal, but it looks like it's going to be. "Hey." I smiled anyway as they came over. She wants to have a problem with me looking a little different for a change, she can bring it up.
"Dada!"
"Hey, welcome home.""Thanks. I wasn't sure you guys'd be here." I took Julia. "Hey." I grinned at her, taking baby hugs and kisses. "I missed you guys ( ... )
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He's alone. That helps; not much since I appear to be dating the garbage man, but it does. And I don't understand why he was so 'unsure' about the two us showing up. I offered to leave him off when he left, of course I'd come pick him up.
Can I help it if I missed the guy?
"I missed you guys."
Sure, sure he did. Sam didn't care enough to call or email, or send a damn postcard, but he must have missed us a little. I'm not going to think about how he was probably too busy doing other things to shave. What the hell distracted him so much? You wake up in the morning, and if you're alone, you have time to shave.
Sam didn't shave. And that kiss felt really weird. I mean, I've kissed scruffy guys before, but the scruffy guy was never Sam. The familiarity thing is gone. Shot to hell because he didn't shave.
Bastard.
...Who I missed.
"How'd it go?"Good for the first six and a half days, and then I screwed it over in the last minute. It would have been perfect if I didn't go and open my ( ... )
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Oh.
Well... that's... bad... for Jake... who was helping out with Julia... so I should be some sort of grateful... But he left last night. Gee. I wonder why that might have been. Carly saying she pulled a 'me' could mean just about anything.
Gotta suck for Jake... I think...
Yeah, I'm not happy about that at all. I'm a little... concerned, about the situation that might have happened.
... Yeah.
Trying really hard to look indifferent, I looked over at Carly as I pulled my headphones off the rest of the way so Julia'd stop trying to kill me with them. "What happened?"
Not that I care. It's just gotta be really bad for Jake... who was helping out... I have to really remember that part. Wonder what the 'pulling a me' was...
I don't care, really, I'm just making conversation here.
Kinda.
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"Yeah, crap." I glanced over at her, raising an eyebrow at the look on her face. I'm talking about Alex and Madsen, what's she talking about?
"Look. There's only one thing about the week still on my mind, and that's what happened with Jake last night. I already said I don't want to talk about it right now."
This a guilty conscience or something?
"I give up."
I don't like how that sounds at all. Brace yourself Sam, whatever she says, try not to get too pissed off, you have a kid in the car. You can't blow it up, remember? Regardless of who's inside.
"Jake still has feelings for me, and I told him how much I love you. I thought it might snap him out of it, but it just upset him more."
...
"Oh." I blinked, and then blinked again. So... that's what she was talking about. I knew Jake still had feelings for her, I mean come on, who didn't. But... she said that? Oh. So...
I'm not supposed to be happy about this, but I think I am. I'm thinking about how this means she chose me. Not Jake, me. And there is nothing greater right ( ... )
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Damn you to hell and shut your mouth. I know. I figured it out a little late, but I know. So I just told him a bunch of information that could have waited for a day or two. I didn't have to tell him that right away. Actually, I didn't have to tell him that at all, but I did.
Why did I do that?
"Yeah, I realized that a little late."
God damnit, does anyone have half as many problems as we do? It's getting to the point that there are so many issues that Sam and I can't talk about any single one of them without getting confused.
"Sorry."
Sorry that you can't be more clear. 'Original crap', what the hell was I supposed to think that meant? And technically, that is the original crap. It's the thing Sam's been worried about since the day he told me he was leaving.
So there, I was right.
"Were you talking about the whores, or the inevitable murder of your best friend?"
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That's not funny. Really, it's not. I'm not happy about what happened with her and Jake, and Carly actually spilling something to me for once instead of waiting a couple of days to tell me, if at all, isn't funny.
"Sorry."
"No problem." I shrugged. It kind of isn't my problem, other than trying not to put any emotion of any kind to the whole freakin' thing until she's not around.
"Were you talking about the whores, or the inevitable murder of your best friend?"
"You can't murder him, Julia needs her mother, and me as a single Dad would really suck. Unless you're really into the idea of twenty five to life." I grinned at her, and realized she didn't see the humor. Okay, fine. I sighed. "Car, it's not as big a deal as you're making it out to be. He hasn't hurt her."
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Bad joke. Really bad joke. Everyone knows that when I say I'm going to 'kill' or 'murder' Madsen, it only means that I'm going to throw him around a little bit. Given the situation, a little beating up of the idiot is understandable. He constantly calls me a psycho; I might as well do something to earn that title this time.
I've tried with him. For Sam, for Julia, for my own belief that I'm a better person than he makes me out to be. But if I'm not, then maybe I'm okay with that as long as I'm allowed to act out sometimes. I've been holding back for years, but now he's crossed a line.
Daphne was different. Alex is better than this.
"Car, it's not as big a deal as you're making it out to be. He hasn't hurt her."Yeah, he hasn't. And all I'm hearing is the big yet that should be attached to that last sentence. He hasn't hurt her yet. She's still good for something to him. No, he hasn' ( ... )
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No, I'd really like it if you baked them for me next week, that'd be great, think you can pencil that in? I think this is going to crack my innocent look. Jeez. If she hadn't been saying it because I know her resolve's cracking like a freakin' twig, I'd seriously think she was just screwing with me.
And... "Da da!"
She wanted to get down. Damn it Julia, you're ruining my innocent look here. What're you trying to do, make me lose out on the cookies? My own daughter is working against me on my favorite addiction. This isn't right.
"Hang on a second." I went into the other room, putting Julia down in her crib. "Just give me a minute Jules, you can play." I have work to do.
I went back to Carly, and kissed her. "If you could do that, it'd be really great. Please." Have to keep adding the 'please', especially with the lost time. There's a narrow time window in getting Carly to crack without a long wait being involved.
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No. No hanging on. Hanging on suggests that he's going to come back in and beg, and I don't want that. I mean, I'd planned to make Sam cookies at some point, I just didn't get around to it before he came home. Now that he's home I was hoping that the three of us could spend some time together.
Oh god, I'm becoming one of the scary moms.
Whatever, he owes me some time. If he can spend a week taking pictures of nearly naked women, he can give me a few hours of his time. I'm his girlfriend. The title is supposed to mean something!
"If you could do that, it'd be really great. Please."
I only get kissed when he wants something. At the airport it was a ride home, now it's cookies. I know I told Jake that he's the only one for me, but geez, this seems a little dismal every once in a while.
"So...you want me in the kitchen...while you're in there with Julia?"
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Does he have to play stupid? Sam knows how much trouble Julia causes when she's in the kitchen while I'm trying to back. He's only offering to bring her in with him because he wants his cookies immediately. I'm not allowed to sit down and relax, I have to bake for him. I hope he realizes how much I don't feel like doing this. He doesn't care, but I'd like it acknowledged that I'm being nice.
"Nevermind."
I don't know why I bother. Clearly, all Sam wants from me is cookies and all Julia wants is 'Da da', but she's only a year old and he's a moron. Julia's excuse is better.
"I'm starting to find it hard to believe that you missed me."
You know, because I'm being sent to work like the good little girlfriend that I'm not, and Sam is not only eager, but absolutely giddy that he's getting what he wants. He's back for an hour and already winning a battle. Today was supposed to be better than this.
And he's watching The Stepford Wives tonight as punishment ( ... )
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... That would be good. Julia should take a nap. That way good things can happen. God I love that costume. She never stops looking great in that thing. And if I was in the right mind, I'd be thinking about how I'm completely falling for her favorite method of torturing me, but I don't care about that right now.
"I'll be waiting."
"... Jules, let's go. Nap time." I got up, taking her with me, ignoring the mass giggling because she knows I'm falling for it too. I don't care, she looks great.
"Stop laughing at Daddy, Daddy knows how pathetic he is." I muttered as I laid her down in her crib. "Go to sleep, huh?" I kissed her forhead and headed out quickly, shutting the door behind myself.
"Hi." I said as I came out. "How's it going?"
Sex now for Sam please.
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Alright, I know he's a little rusty on the parent thing since he's been away for a week, but he knows better than this. There is no way that he got Julia to settle down that quickly. None. I spent about twenty minutes trying to get her to nap everyday. I refuse to believe that he could just drop her in her crib and be done with it. She's going to start crying soon. Yep. Any minute now. Any second...
"Why isn't she crying?"
I can't believe it. I can't. And I can't think about it too much either, or I'll cry. I wouldn't look sexy crying in this thing, so I'm not going to think about it. Nope. Julia loves her Daddy better, but that's just because he's around her more. And last week doesn't count because...I can't think about it.
"They're already in Stepford."
Go team me, changing the subject. I can't help it Julia is a Daddy's girl. I did my best. Now I'm going to sit down and watch this damn movie, and make Sam suffer for something. For treating me like a cookie slave. Yeah. That was it ( ... )
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What do you mean why isn't she crying? That's a good thing. "... Because she's sleeping." I glanced back at Julia's room. I know Carly usually has the worst time getting her to sleep, but... there's another thing I don't really care about right now.
"They're already in Stepford."
That's real special. Sex now please. "That's nice..." I muttered, glancing over that the tv. Don't look back at her, and you can keep a coherent thought. That's what you should work on Sammy. Coherent thoughts.
"Come sit with me."
I'm looking. I'm looking and... God damn it. "Sure." Can't sit too close, or I'm going to jump her, I swear it. I saw down next to her, keeping a little bit of distance, and then deciding the hell with it. I moved over, and watched the movie, because if I watch her, I'm gonna lose it.
"So is this torture for something in particular?"
If it's torture, I'm not getting her out of that costume. I'm hoping it's not torture, because I really want that thing off. No matter how good it looks. Right the hell
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Nice. I know he doesn't care, but he did agree to watch this with me as payment for the cookies. He agreed to any one I wanted, and this is the one I wanted. I had to fast forward a little because the beginning is slow and dumb, but it's an okay movie. Honestly, I'd rather be watching something else. The Stepford Wives is okay, I picked it to prove a point. I'm not a robot like those women in the movie, and he should be glad, right? I bake cookies in spite of the fact that at least an hour and a half of my night goes to slaying. When I want to spend time with Sam and Julia, Sam needs to easy up on the demands a little. Even if they're not demands as much as they are weak moments of begging, it takes effort to put together the plate of cookies he's ignoring.
I am getting more attention than them. That's a plus.
"Sure." I think he's misunderstanding me a little. When I said 'sit with me', I meant with me. Next to me. I didn't mean sit a mile away on the same couch when watching this is something that he agreed t-- ( ... )
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He's hinting. He wants the protest thing over with, so he either wants me out of the costume and into my normal clothes or out of the costume and too busy to put them on. I knew it. I knew it, and there are very few things that I can be absolutely sure of with him. Sam is capable of turning me down while I'm wearing this; he's done it before, and it was humiliating. But as embarrassing as it was for me, I know Sam was kicking himself for saying no. He was practically a puddle on the floor when I walked out of the room, no matter what he said.
"Yeah. I can go take it off if you want."
Let's see what he has to say to that. I could do worse and ask if he wants to help me take it off, but when it comes to this costume, I don't have to say that much. I just have to kinda, stand there and make sure he sees everything he's supposed to long enough to imagine the rest.
"Since I really did miss you..." "Since you did miss me...what ( ... )
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You could take it off right here, and I wouldn't object. At all. In fact, I'd help. In a kind of extensive fashion. Gladly. Only too happy to.
... Stop torturing me damn it, you just said you forgave me!
"Since you did miss me...what?"
"Since I did miss you..." Sex now for Sam please. "And I behaved myself the whole week..." Which deserves a God damn medal as far as I'm concerned. "And that costume's going to drive me out of my mind..."
Come on Carly, weren't you always the one who used to get on my case for being too classless when it came to asking for sex? I'm not begging here, I think I'm pretty damn politely hinting. And behaving myself the full week I was gone deserves some sort of reward.
I missed my girlfriend. And dear God, I missed that costume.
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Oh for the love of sex, can he just say it?
"What would you like me to do about that?"
He's not as shy as he's acting. Ever. We have a daughter to prove it. You really think he'd be about to say what we're about to do if he wants it that bad. And this hinting around thing is driving me crazy. He's not the only one who had to behave for a week, I did too. I know a lot of men who would have jumped at the opportunity if I'd called them up and told them that my boyfriend was out of town. A lot. Like a whole, god damn little black book of men with weird names and hot bodies. But I wasn't tempted to call any of them. Not once. I knew that Sam would most likely be home at the end of the week, and that if he wasn't I could have sued him for emotional damage.
Behaving himself is not a plus, it's an expectation. I'll be good as long as he is. When he starts not being good, I can be violent. I'm good at that ( ... )
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That. Is freakin'. It.
I have endured long enough here, and I'm done behaving myself. I rolled my eyes. "Alright Car, if you want to play it that way." I stood, picking her up, and throwing her over my shoulder. Not the first time I've done it, but damn it, if I don't do something, I'm looking at a cold shower.
"I suggest we go take the costume off, and take it from there." I said, as I started for the bedroom, rolling my eyes. I'm sort of expecting cold shower hell, but I'm pretty sure she wants it too, so I'm safe.
"What do you think?" I said as I headed inside the bedroom, kicking the door shut behind me as quietly as I could, so I didn't wake Julia. Once she's out, she's usually out, but I'm not taking any chances.
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