how to not let your friend cheat on your cousin... 101?
...I feel like the title of my class is much more oddly specific and I am not sure anyone else will enroll in it.
BELATEDLY... come back devit look I finished it sob. I'M POSTING THIS WITHOUT YOU.
Devit: this essay over here::Shuri:this one right now
Shuri and Devit's relationship is hilarious and always will be, to me, because of where it began, and the places it has gone to get where it is now. It pretty much started off terribly and then just got gradually better, but the closer they get the more hilarious it is that it's them, I mean. The first essay I have tagged in this journal is an essay on Devit, about how Devit was dominating Shuri's life with fear and how Shuri would never truly trust Devit again unless something very unlikely and long-term happened--is this as hilarious to you as it is to me, yet.
Anyway Shuri doesn't really need an essay explaining why he has a thing for a friend of his, because you should take it as a GIVEN that Shuri has some sort of thing for most of the people he likes and talks to regularly, and also multiple people that do not fit that description. Shuri's mind blends sexual interaction into social interaction really easily, and I already wrote that essay, and I don't need to write it again. So instead of writing an essay on why Shuri might want to make out with Devit gee I cannot possibly imagine, I will write an essay on why Shuri might like Devit at all, when he used to be a one-man smear campaign against him. So it is more a ~*~friendship~*~ essay, because really the feelings of genuine friendship came after the awkward physical attraction, for Shuri. PERHAPS I HAVE MISLED YOU, BUT I DO NOT APOLOGIZE.
We doin' this chronological-style, because I like the whole tracking the development of a relationship thing. I've definitely written more relationship essaybits for these two than I can remember, maybe I can find them and use them to cheat. I THINK I WILL TRY.
Stage 1: Introductions. "I am not a toy!!"
Shuri's thoughts on Devit can be summed up like this: "STOP LAUGHING AT ME I'M VERY IMPORTANT YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING BAAAWWWWWWWW." - 2008-06-16
Shuri met Devit directly in his intropost where Devit was laughing at his misfortune, so. THERE HAS NOT BEEN A SINGLE MINUTE OF SHURI OAK'S ALMOST TWO YEARS IN CAMP THAT WAS UNTAINTED BY DEVIT'S MOCKERY. Even so, Shuri did not know what to think of Devit at first, beyond "some annoying guy who also likes annoying Hakuren." Because Devit was pretty much using Shuri for the lulz at first, he would alternate between insulting him and trying to scare him, and then pretending to be nice to him and tricking him or gifting him with a bunch of mirrors because Shuri's narcissism is hilarious (and he does still have the mirrors). But anyway, while it's pretty obvious from outside that Devit was just doing whatever was most amusing, Shuri is very gullible and was honestly confused at why Devit was so blatantly disrespectful and mean sometimes, and why he was randomly nice sometimes.
So, Shuri just went along with the tone Devit set, basically. If Devit wasn't actively insulting him then Shuri was like OH WHAT IS GOING ON |D? SPARKLE OBLIVIOUSNESS and if he was then he was like OMG, SHUT UP, NO ONE WANTS YOUR OPINION, AND ALSO I'M SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU, I THINK I WILL JUST BASK IN MY SUPERIORITY AND IGNORE YOU. Occasionally Devit would get kinda dangerous and threaten Shuri's life with a hand around his throat or something, and Shuri would feel endangered, but since Devit didn't show any lasting hate towards him he just let himself forget it afterwards. He didn't have any strong feelings about Devit himself, he just ended up talking to him a lot, and only really walked away from conversations with him feeling considerably stressed out and confused. Theeeen...
Stage 2: Stabbing. "So can you leave me alone now?!"
Currently Devit symbolizes for Shuri everything he hates about this stupid place, everything he hates in general, everything that could ever prevent him from living happily. - 2008-09-23
Instead of just threatening to kill Shuri like normal, one day Devit decided to take it a step further and manipulated Shuri into stabbing him to prove that he wasn't a sissy. He did it but didn't really prove anything of the sort. That irreversibly fucked over Shuri's opinion of Devit for MONTHS and MONTHS, spoilers, it took about a year for Shuri to stop considering Devit as potentially dangerous to him. During this stage, there were no intermittent periods where Shuri acted oblivious and pretended that Devit did not occasionally threaten his life. He was CONSTANTLY ON GUARD; even seeing or talking about Devit stressed him the hell out. And Devit became more insulting and triggering in response, I think. Also Devit was dating Hakuren by now and kept making cryptic comments about Hakuren and Shuri was fearing for Hakuren's safety as well as his own. Devit was the first real antagonist he had to deal with without the aid of his father, and he really, really did not know what to do. I already wrote this essay too, though, so this feels kind of redundant. As I said, this mindset lasted for a long time, but OTHER THINGS HAPPENED TO COMPLICATE THINGS, so I need MORE NUMBERS.
Stage 3: Devit and Hakuren. "I know nobody should ever want to touch you!!"
He doesn't understand Devit, he still doesn't like Devit, he doesn't get why Hakuren's with him--but he really hasn't actually done anything to him recently! - 2008-10-23
SHURI FOUND OUT DEVIT WAS DATING HAKUREN, LOLOLOL. Shuri was sooooo pissed and betrayed and shocked and confused, and that was when he called Devit a disgusting monster that would be better off not existing, because COME ON, HAKUREN! He started outright ignoring both Hakuren and Devit, for a while. It was honestly unbelievable to him at that point in time that anyone would want to be touched by Devit, because Devit's touch doesn't bring anything but TERROR AND TRAUMA, RIGHT! Eventually he got over it a little bit, so he was able to bitchily talk to Hakuren and Devit again, but this only strengthened his desire to tell everyone how much he hated Devit. IT WAS THE ONLY THING HE COULD THINK OF TO DO. He was so powerless and mad and he wished Devit would go away.
But he didn't! And like that old quote up there says, Devit wasn't doing anything that bad to Shuri anymore...? Once Hakuren found out what had happened, there was always Hakuren looming as protection, for both of them, so neither of them could attack the other as mercilessly anymore. Devit started being more annoying and drapey again, but where at first Shuri used to grudgingly tolerate that kind of thing, he immediately started screeching at Devit whenever he tried to touch him now. Dammit, Noah, I can already barely stand to talk to you, and everyone's on your side instead of mine already, do you HAVE to TOUCH me too?! ARRRRGH. SO INFURIATING!!
But Shuri became more used to Devit, during this period. Since he wasn't going to fall for Devit's fakey games anymore, he wasn't confused about "Does this guy like me or hate me?" It was really clear that both of them hated each other! So in that way--because they were on the same page, but also because escalating their conflict would be a terrible idea--Shuri finally became actually confident in their interactions, a little, and more comfortable at least in the knowledge of just who Devit was, and what he might do and what he would probably not do. So they talked about other things, and they actually got to know each other more, during this stage. You know, in the way where they each insulted every piece of information they got about the other. Still, they had normal conversations, in the way that they do, and slightly deeper conversations than they had before.
...Still wasn't completely comfortable by a long shot, though. Shuri was still nervous about the things that Devit could potentially do. Devit still kept telling Shuri how he was going to die and threatening him, every so often. Shuri kept triggering Devit into tirades about the worthlessness of humanity every so often, too, which wasn't much better. Well you know what, if I'm going to have to keep talking to you, or if neither of us is smart enough to leave the other alone, Devit, maybe we should make something very clear between us.
Stage 4: Peace Treaty. "You stop talking like that around me, and I'll play nice with you too!"
Over time he has realized him as a person. He doesn't like him. Devit's an annoying guy. GOD I HATE THAT GUY! But at least he's not the force of all evil?! He's just some annoying in-law?! - 2009-03-02
Shuri was getting pretty sick and tired of his own squeamishness and necrophobia and Devit's crazy Noahness getting in the way of their otherwise normal bitchy conversations. So he finally just asked Devit straight out to please stop threatening his life, or talking about hypothetically threatening people's lives, or other things that made him want to throw up. In return, he would stop stepping in the dangerous territory of Devit's Noah monster issues. So a peace treaty was born! The treaty has virtually never come to play in a concrete way, I don't think; they both brought it up every so often as an excuse for things, but neither of them took it as a serious binding contract so much as a guideline. But just the fact that it hypothetically existed made Shuri feel safer. If Devit was going to do something else terrible to him one day (as Shuri was convinced he would), he would delay it as long as possible, so he could preserve the tentative peace and growing comfort between them.
So then it was even more safe to talk to him, and they got to know each other even more personally! This was when Shuri was going through a bunch of romantic frustration and feeling depressed, and he was breaking down at the slightest provocation, and so he broke down in front of Devit ON ACCIDENT because Devit was poking at him. It's not like he expected Devit to comfort him; he broke down in part because he was fed up with everyone INCLUDING Devit. But that happened! And then not that long after, the first Jasdero left camp, and Devit was the one who was depressed and crying and pathetic, and Shuri... felt sorry for Devit, for the first time. It was the first time that Devit was obviously worse off. And there was a mildly awkward moment where Shuri deliberately chose to be gentler with him, and then they got into a conversation and Devit gave him actually kinda serious advice on his problems. Shuri still didn't trust him to actually help him... but he did start considering what Devit said and taking it somewhat to heart. Even though they weren't really FRIENDS, they were companions that talked a lot and Shuri even told him things that he didn't want people knowing in general! And there were some awkward moments where Shuri even briefly questioned their mutual hatred, when he had taken it as a solid given before. This thread snippet is really illustrative and it was a REVELATION TO HIM, that not hating Devit was possibly an option at all. He refused to take the opportunity to go down that path, though, because at least their mutual hatred he understood.
So without consciously liking Devit at all, he became more... possessive of him, instead. Instead of accepting him as a friend, he thought of him as his own personal enemy. You have to understand that BEFORE after the whole stabbing thing, Shuri had been desperately searching for anyone who had a grudge against Devit as much as he did. But he couldn't find anybody, so he had to accept that gathering a mob against Devit was just not gonna happen. But then now, around this time where Shuri had already gotten over that phase, Shuri became acquainted with Joshua, who actually did seem to hate Devit?! And Devit hated him, a lot more than he hated Shuri. And Shuri was confused, and sort of worried, and he even felt sort of protective towards Devit, though he didn't let himself express it. CONFUSING FEELINGS, CONFUSING FEELINGS!
But yeah, the more Shuri got to know Devit, the more he started to sympathize with him and draw parallels between them. He did it in a conversation with Devit once, Devit countered with "I know you didn't just compare yourself to a Noah" and Shuri was MILDLY HORRIFIED, because--with the peace treaty preventing him from constantly calling Devit a monster, he was STARTING TO FORGET THAT THE NOAH WAS A MONSTER. And when he forgot that, his subconscious mind could start thinking of both of them as... social outcasts, both out of their element in camp for different reasons.
By the way, Shuri was becoming much more comfortable with Devit as a person and as a frenemy, but he was still devoutly not attracted to Devit physically. That thought was still 99% gross to him. Devit getting too close to him in a physical way still gave him uncomfortable flashbacks, and at the time he had not yet accumulated enough issues for that to be sexual in any way. NOW he has, but Devit only sometimes fits into that category anymore, so it's not actually that applicable to this essay!!
Stage 5: Vulgarity. "Don't just sexually harass me!!"
If he thinks about Devit + sex too much he feels a little bit sick because no matter what happens it's a power thing and man, he knows devit has more power there. - 2009-05-25
THEN THERE WAS THIS ONE THREAD WHERE STUFF HAPPENED TO AFFECT HIS PERCEPTION, which is enough to make a new number I guess. Thread! It was word association!! Which... halfway through started to get really sexual and awkward... Especially awkward because, I mean--it was Devit! And then there was stuff with heart marks and then Devit said that he doesn't actually totally hate Shuri that much and ALL OF THIS AT ONCE WAS JUST AAAHHH? It was seriously shattering Shuri's worldview wrt Devit, since the entire BASIS of their relationship, he thought, was that they hated each other! SO WHAT WAS THIS ALL OF A SUDDEN???
And the thing was that Shuri absolutely could not accept this shift without addressing what Devit had done to him, like... a year previous. With the manipulating Shuri into violence and all. Because all this time Shuri was basically assuming that something like that was going to happen again one day! It just hadn't happened yet because of circumstances and the peace treaty and everything. But wasn't it supposed to be only a matter of time and wasn't Devit supposed to be hating him all of this time and lying in wait and stuff?? So Shuri actually ended up confessing this fear to Devit, and Devit was basically like "What? Wow you're stupid." So uh... :Da Really just voicing this directly to Devit and hearing that Devit wasn't ever planning to do anything was enough at that point. Since nothing HAD happened for about a year! Sooooo it was time to enter some weird nebulous territory, where they didn't exactly hate each other, and they didn't exactly like each other, and Shuri had no clue how he was supposed to act so he just... didn't! Didn't act. (As much.)
IT WAS A WEIRD TRANSITIONAL PERIOD! Shuri still got really twitchy when Devit tried to touch him, but their conversations were increasingly becoming incredibly personal. And now that Shuri didn't feel constantly threatened, he even kind of forgot that they had a peace treaty at all. There were really no words for their relationship at this point. I guess frenemy but they weren't even really enemies anymore, nor really friends. THEY WERE JUST... FREQUENT CONVERSATION PARTNERS WITH A LOT OF COMPLICATED HISTORY.
But right, the title+quotes for this section are there for a reason. Shuri was not flat-out instantly disgusted by Devit and sex in the same thought anymore. He still thought it was MOSTLY gross, thus feeling sort of sick over the concept of actually doing anything with Devit. But he was less "UGH THAT'S FILTHY AND DISGUSTING" (because virtually all the monster-ness had disappeared from his image of Devit), and more "OMFG THAT IS SO INAPPROPRIATE WHY ARE YOU EVEN," which I imagine is what made Devit start talking about it all the time, which in turn started desensitizing Shuri to it :( And despite his protests, Shuri secretly liked this twist in their relationship, because no one else talks about this stuff with him! BUT THAT'S STILL NOT ENOUGH TO GIVE SHURI SOME SORT OF THING FOR DEVIT!! ...YET!!!1
Stage 6: Heroic Rescue~. "What are you doing coming and saving me for??"
Devit is dangerous and uncouth, but if he'd stand up for Shuri that's instantly irrelevant. If they can plausibly be on the same side, then could it, possibly, be--okay, to--like him? To be friends and make peace for real? Wh-What are you talking about, of course it would be wrong, it--it's Devit! There's no way I'm going to associate myself with him! MORE THAN I ALREADY HAVE TO! WHICH IS A LOT, BUT I DEFINITELY HATE ALL OF IT MOSTLY! The cool heroic thing must have just been a fluke, I mean, everyone gets a couple cool moments in their life, and now he's USED THEM UP SO IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN! And he still hates me too, even if--DEVIT, COULD YOU STOP BEING SEXUALLY EXPLICIT FOR FIVE MINUTES, DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M GOING THROOUUUUUAAAAAGGHHHHHHH!!! I CAN'T LIVE WITH MYSELF ANYMORE - 2009-10-20
I had to quote that whole thing because that is really the best way to summarize this development.
Noise attacked Shuri and strung him up and cut up his hand and she was going to cut up MORE of him, I assume! Then all of a sudden Devit showed up shooting to kill. Although he missed, Noise was still hit and she scurried away, and Shuri was saaaaved! ...There's just the part where Shuri starts swooning for anyone who plays the knight to his damsel in distress. :Da
HE REPRESSED IT, IN THIS CASE, BECAUSE OH MY GOD NO. But it was still a very kyaaaaaa moment. Shuri doesn't care so much for the motivations behind these things--look at Antwort, lol--but the DRAMATIC RESCUE!!1 itself is enough for this! FOR THIS KIND OF TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE INSTINCTIVE CRUSH THAT WAS EATING AWAY AT SHURI'S VERY SOULLLLLL FOR HOW WRONGGGGGGGGG IT WAS. So that's where that came from yeah. Not that he consciously paid attention to it, ever.
So take the last stage of awkward "DO WE HATE EACH OTHER OR LIKE EACH OTHER I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE I THINK WE'RE TOO BUSY TALKING ABOUT BLOWJOBS OR SOMETHING" and add another even more awkward dimension of "iyaaaaaaaa, Devit is actually pretty cooooool" and... that. is. what was going on. here. Throw in the whole affirmation that Devit isn't in it just for Shuri's suffering anymore, for good measure. Shuri still didn't particularly... like Devit, in a sincere liking him and caring about him way, but he was comfortable around him EXCEPT AWKWARDLY EXCEPT IN AN IGNORABLE WAY. Devit asks if Shuri has a thing for him, Shuri punches him in the face, you know, real subtle-like.
Actually this was also around when the truth post forced them to admit they were friends, which Shuri continued to deny OUTSIDE of the truth post for months. It sort of hurt his pride to be Devit's friend, somehow, since it was like finally submitting to him; it was a BATTLE HE HAD LOST. So he denied it no matter how much he wandered over to talk to Devit and got him expensive jewelry for Christmas and stuff like that. But it's true, at that point they were really better friends than enemies on the Frenemy Spectrum. They were talking about all sorts of personal things and they had an understanding of each other that they were mostly using for good and not evil. :B
BUT BEING GOOD NEVER LASTS FOR SHURI OAK
Stage 7: Instability. "Jealousy... is easily remedied, isn't it?"
In a way it's more frustrating for him than when they just hated each other flat out, because it kills him that Devit obviously does care about him some, so--WHY CAN'T YOU JUST CARE ABOUT ME ALL THE WAY! - 2010-02-09
WELL, OKAY, SO. When Shuri went on his vacation, it... messed with him, and shook him up a lot, because he became hyper-aware of the differences between camp and home and adjusting himself for camp was causing him to lose his grip on "reality," or on the paradigm he held at home. I mention this because when Shuri came back from the vacation he was very twitchy and volatile, and he was trying to deliberately push people away from being too close to him, because--people being too close to him jeopardizes his future. Shuri stopped placing value on anything that happened in camp, because none of it "mattered." So he stopped caring so much about the consequences for his actions.
Devit... maybe noticed a little bit I think? But not in any way that really changed his actions. He was starting to get really relentless in his teasing Shuri, particularly about how Shuri SECRETLY WANTED HIM, and given how antagonistic Shuri was feeling this was RAPIDLY APPROACHING A BREAKING POINT. And then it did reach one, in a big multi-person thread with Devit and Mikage and Teito. Over the course of the thread it just turned into ALL THREE of them casually insulting Shuri to his face and judging him for his looks, which is actually very serious for Shuri because that's one of the only things he HAS so when you degrade him physically it feels like an attack on his entire worth as a person. :D;; And then when Shuri started taking this really badly, Devit was like "lol lighten up, just because I have Hakuren and I'd never touch you, you just jealous." And Shuri basically went OH YEAH ASSHOLE? YOU KNOW IF I'M SO JEALOUS THERE'S NOTHING STOPPING ME FROM *MOUTHRAPE* So that's... what happened there. ftr, there were multiple reasons for doing that; it was like 40% DEVIT SHUT THE FUCK UP, 30% attempting to prove to both Devit and himself that he had power and could use it at any time, and 30% pent-up sexual frustration. Ish! After that Devit punched him in the face, Shuri just laughed like a crazy person, and flounced.
DEVIT CLUED IN AFTER THAT THAT SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH SHURI!! So when they next talked Devit... threatened Shuri physically, in order to get Shuri admit what was wrong. Well, more than threatened, he DID torture Shuri a little, lol. And it did work eventually, Shuri went from fakey to angry to just depressed, and along the way he confessed a lot of his issues with life. He was REALLY STUBBORN though. It took a long time and a lot of effort on Devit's part to get Shuri to talk. Which... meant something to Shuri! He realized he can't be fake around Devit because Devit will not let him. Because Devit prefers Shuri how he really is! In a time when Shuri was trying to push everyone away and was starting to feel like he had succeeded, and that he didn't have anyone... Devit refused to be pushed away! Shuri was coming to the realization of "bawww, I have a meaningful connection." And--after he had calmed down about his issues some, he accidentally said something that made Devit kind of distant and "oh, I guess you don't want to talk to me after all" and Shuri started freaking out because now he had had the revelation that he didn't want that at all. He and Devit were close and he liked that, and he appreciated it a lot, and he didn't actually want to live without being close to people like that. Shuri was still kind of weird and issues-y for a while after that, but it felt good that he could at least allow himself to be honest with Devit.
Although I guess that's where that quote from a relationship meme up there comes into play, since now that Shuri allowed himself to believe that Devit cared about him, it was frustrating to know that... it wasn't perfect caring, and of course it was still selfish on Devit's part, and Devit still mocked the idea of Shuri being attracted to him and acted grossed out by it, which made Shuri kinda uncomfortable (since he'd come to terms with that last part by now and just shoved it away somewhere he didn't pay attention to). Like... there was a reason he refused to accept Devit as a friend for months, and that's because he can manage to take that shit from an enemy, but from someone who's supposed to be a friend it hits harder. So he tried to keep himself from being Devit's friend specifically because he didn't want the things Devit says to hurt him any more than they already did! And he didn't want to let himself like someone who didn't like him as much in return! And he wanted their relationship to be something easier to understand that worked by rules he understood! But at this point... refusing to recognize his friendship with Devit and trying to make it into something else wasn't going to stop them caring about each other anyway. No matter how much he tried to view Devit as an enemy to lessen his own vulnerability, he ended up caring about Devit anyway, so he was barely any less vulnerable! He wasn't getting enough protection from this lie to warrant keeping it up. (With himself, I mean--he still denied that he and Devit were friends to OTHER people.)
SO NOW THEY WERE FRIENDS AND SHURI ACCEPTED THIS, THOUGH, EVEN IF ONLY SECRETLY. Whatever he told others, the point was that he didn't have to worry about whether or not Devit liked him anymore. So now that he felt pretty comfortable being Devit's friend and talking to him and whatever else, he did start to become kinda sorta curious about the exact limits of what he could get away with on a more scandalous level. He did think Devit's attitude towards him in that respect was sort of confusing and contradictory so he wanted to clarify it! And he started making observations like "I can talk about sexual things too and he doesn't shut down the conversation, although it gets kind of awkward" and "I guess he doesn't mind cuddling and sleeping with me and stuff" and "I can be super flirtatious if the situation's right but the second I actually kiss him or touch him it's DONE." I mean he never expected Devit to ever like him or do anything with him, that idea was COMPLETELY LUDICROUS! so it's not like he was ever seriously plotting to have Devit cheat on Hakuren. It really never even crossed his mind that he should be watching out for preventing that, because wtf Devit would never do that anyway. Even more recently when it actually was getting kind of awkward Shuri was oblivious and only concerned with his own boundaries, ha ha. :'D He was just seeing what was allowed and what wasn't in their relationship as friends. Since he liked being honest with Devit, and he wanted to be able to be unrepressed as much as was safely possible, since that was also a form of being honest and true to himself, much as he would yell at you for that idea if you brought it up to him flat-out!
plz note however that no matter what Shuri acknowledges consciously, he was and most likely shall always be at least sometimes tsundere, because Devit is a jerk most of the time :|
Stage 8: Recent Events. "...If you leave, I'll never forgive you!"
I don't have a relationship meme quotey thing here because I'm not sure I've actually done one this recently. I GUESS THIS IS IT! THIS WHOLE GLORIFIED RELATIONSHIP MEME ESSAY.
Anyway... this last category just covers everything from the card event on because currently Shuri is in a perpetual state of post-card-event recovery, because a lot of his perspective on everything was fucked up really hard by the stuff that happened during that and has happened since then. BASICALLY IT WAS A TURNING POINT, and although it wasn't specifically related to Devit I think all of what happened since then falls into roughly the same category, even though the mistletoe thing didn't happen until a while into it...!
The stuff that happened DURING the card event with Devit didn't... matter that much to Shuri actually. Oh, Devit finding out about Shuri's weird thing for Teito was deeply and mortifyingly embarrassing, but that didn't really affect Shuri's relationship with Devit, exactly. Devit knocking him out and enjoying it didn't bother him so much either, because he likewise enjoyed causing Devit... more serious pain than he's caused anyone else, at least (in very questionable ways he would have exploited if he stayed conscious any longer).
More than anything, Shuri found the card event a positive thing for his relationship with Devit, since... LIKE BEFORE, Devit doesn't put up with Shuri's shit like faking things to push people away or deluding himself into believing Devit hates him, or things. After the effect wore off for Shuri he was pretty solidly convinced that no one honestly cared for him, but Devit can't put up with that for even a minute so. I think it's because Devit doesn't take that stuff personally (because he knows it's fake) and because he makes Shuri stop doing it immediately WITH FORCE IF NECESSARY that Shuri really values him and has started clinging to him. Because as much as Shuri lies to people and disguises his own feelings, he has always desperately wanted someone to love and accept him for who he truly is. (It's been my headcanon for about a year now that that's one of his 3 lifelong wishes, in fact.) But he doesn't yet have the courage to accept his true self on his own--and he doesn't even... really know who his true self is yet. So you have to understand the depth of gratitude Shuri secretly feels for Devit, for constantly trying to have Shuri realize himself for no more or less than he actually is. Devit won't tolerate him thinking he's better than he actually is, but he won't tolerate him thinking he's worse than he actually is, either. Through Devit he is forced to see the reflection of his true self, both virtues and flaws, and though he still can't face it directly, he... needs this kind of help, really, in order to do so.
Because of this he has let himself become embarrassingly dependent on Devit, ha ha. If Devit even makes vague gestures in the direction of not wanting him around anymore, Shuri gets as desperate and crazy as he would were it Hakuren or Konatsu. ...he totally does love Devit at least platonically at this point, huh. :'D Except Devit is better at accepting it when Shuri backtracks on offensive things he said so he hasn't really had FINE YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME AFTER ALL I SEE HOW IT IS BITCH *FLOUNCE* moments with Devit so much. ALL FOR THE BEST REALLY. But yes, Devit has been impressively patient with Shuri's multitudes of issues these past couple of months, sob. And Shuri APPRECIATES IT SO MUCH! while he's simultaneously starting to take it for granted that this will always be the case. He trusts Devit probably more than he should trust a Noah and Shuri's past self would basically go tell his present self to die in a fire for his stupidity.
Or perhaps just beg Devit to kill him? :') He honestly did want Devit in particular to kill him though, because he wanted a death that was meaningful in a positive way and not a negative one. If he's going to be half "dead" in his own mind, he wanted to be killed because the other person cared about him and not because they hated him. Also, mumble mumble death as a sexualized taboo act etc. Secretly Shuri is still a little bit disappointed this didn't happen. In an unhealthy masochistic suicidal way, he would have liked a MURDER AFFAIR.
Anyway ONE OF the other issues Shuri has--I'm trying really hard to not segue into an entirely separate essay on Shuri's current issues, sob. But one of the issues Shuri developed was a belief that his sexuality was nothing but a weapon, nothing to be desired and something only to be used with hatred. He was seriously starting to believe that the more he touched or desired someone, the more disgusted they would be. And he still sort of half or seventy-five-percent believes that but--THERE WERE AWKWARD MISTLETOE CONFESSIONISH THINGS with Devit! This was HONESTLY A SURPRISE to Shuri, for the above reasons as well as... it being Devit. But Devit PROBABLY WAS NOT LYING about something like that, so--that contradicted what he had come to believe about himself and his desirability! So while he easily accepted the situation as one that could not be acted upon (because dude, he accepted that about six months ago) he was very happy to learn this. it validated him somewhat :x And he was relieved that there was one less thing that he feels he has to lie about to Devit, so now he only has to lie about it if he wants to. He can live with not doing anything with Devit physically, but he will now defend to the death his right to be friends with him, because this emotional validation and support is what is really important to him!!1
... so of course like, THE SAME DAY, Konatsu gets in a fight with Devit and Shuri has to... defend his friendship with Devit lol. In a way... while it was hilarious timing, it was also pretty good timing, because Shuri was more confident about things. He had lied about being friends with Devit just a little while earlier, but he wasn't about to deny it now, so he was perfectly willing to stand up to Konatsu all "bitch, I won't let you touch him." He likes Devit more than he likes himself, apparently... And even though Shuri and Konatsu sort of reconciled, Shuri--although dreading the prospect of a choice between Konatsu and Devit--was prepared to choose his friendship with Devit over his relationship with Konatsu. After all... his friendship with Devit happened against his will, and it's harder to dissolve than his relationship with Konatsu which he worked hard to achieve, and which is a daily struggle to upkeep. Not to mention Devit is much better for Shuri's overall happiness than Konatsu, and Shuri really does know that, despite his reluctance to leave Konatsu alone as long as he can have them both, lulz. :'D BUT YES, DUE TO THESE LAST TWO PARAGRAPHS, SHURI ACTUALLY ADMITS TO PEOPLE THAT DEVIT IS HIS FRIEND NOW. CONGRATULATIONS.
Anyway, Shuri is as resigned as Devit is to not actually doing anything, for different reasons. Shuri does love Hakuren and it would break his heart to hurt him so deeply and also to lose him because of his own actions. And he doesn't want to hurt Devit that way either. But also, Shuri doesn't think it's worth it to gamble the relationship he and Devit already have for anything else. I mean, this is already one of the most fulfilling relationships he's had in his life. HE DOES NOT ALSO NEED TO MAKE OUT WITH HIM, IF IT WILL RUIN EVERYTHING. In the end, while he would theoretically want that of Devit, it's not what he wants Devit for. If that makes sense. If it's just sex Shuri wants he's willing to have that with any random person he hates or barely knows or whatever. But Shuri appreciates Devit for far more than that now! And really, secretly, Shuri has appreciated Devit all along, because... look, I have unlocked the secret of the development of their entire relationship. What Shuri really needs to survive more than anything else is consistent attention, and if there's one thing Devit definitely has provided him with more than anyone else for the past two years, no sexual dimension required, it's attention. :')
I HAVE WRITTEN SO MANY WOOOORDS. IS IT POSSIBLE THAT I LEFT SOMETHING OUT, CRY. If so I will write more words.
BELATEDLY... come back devit look I finished it sob. I'M POSTING THIS WITHOUT YOU.
Devit: this essay over here::Shuri:this one right now
Shuri and Devit's relationship is hilarious and always will be, to me, because of where it began, and the places it has gone to get where it is now. It pretty much started off terribly and then just got gradually better, but the closer they get the more hilarious it is that it's them, I mean. The first essay I have tagged in this journal is an essay on Devit, about how Devit was dominating Shuri's life with fear and how Shuri would never truly trust Devit again unless something very unlikely and long-term happened--is this as hilarious to you as it is to me, yet.
Anyway Shuri doesn't really need an essay explaining why he has a thing for a friend of his, because you should take it as a GIVEN that Shuri has some sort of thing for most of the people he likes and talks to regularly, and also multiple people that do not fit that description. Shuri's mind blends sexual interaction into social interaction really easily, and I already wrote that essay, and I don't need to write it again. So instead of writing an essay on why Shuri might want to make out with Devit gee I cannot possibly imagine, I will write an essay on why Shuri might like Devit at all, when he used to be a one-man smear campaign against him. So it is more a ~*~friendship~*~ essay, because really the feelings of genuine friendship came after the awkward physical attraction, for Shuri. PERHAPS I HAVE MISLED YOU, BUT I DO NOT APOLOGIZE.
We doin' this chronological-style, because I like the whole tracking the development of a relationship thing. I've definitely written more relationship essaybits for these two than I can remember, maybe I can find them and use them to cheat. I THINK I WILL TRY.
Stage 1: Introductions. "I am not a toy!!"
Shuri's thoughts on Devit can be summed up like this: "STOP LAUGHING AT ME I'M VERY IMPORTANT YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING BAAAWWWWWWWW." - 2008-06-16
Shuri met Devit directly in his intropost where Devit was laughing at his misfortune, so. THERE HAS NOT BEEN A SINGLE MINUTE OF SHURI OAK'S ALMOST TWO YEARS IN CAMP THAT WAS UNTAINTED BY DEVIT'S MOCKERY. Even so, Shuri did not know what to think of Devit at first, beyond "some annoying guy who also likes annoying Hakuren." Because Devit was pretty much using Shuri for the lulz at first, he would alternate between insulting him and trying to scare him, and then pretending to be nice to him and tricking him or gifting him with a bunch of mirrors because Shuri's narcissism is hilarious (and he does still have the mirrors). But anyway, while it's pretty obvious from outside that Devit was just doing whatever was most amusing, Shuri is very gullible and was honestly confused at why Devit was so blatantly disrespectful and mean sometimes, and why he was randomly nice sometimes.
So, Shuri just went along with the tone Devit set, basically. If Devit wasn't actively insulting him then Shuri was like OH WHAT IS GOING ON |D? SPARKLE OBLIVIOUSNESS and if he was then he was like OMG, SHUT UP, NO ONE WANTS YOUR OPINION, AND ALSO I'M SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU, I THINK I WILL JUST BASK IN MY SUPERIORITY AND IGNORE YOU. Occasionally Devit would get kinda dangerous and threaten Shuri's life with a hand around his throat or something, and Shuri would feel endangered, but since Devit didn't show any lasting hate towards him he just let himself forget it afterwards. He didn't have any strong feelings about Devit himself, he just ended up talking to him a lot, and only really walked away from conversations with him feeling considerably stressed out and confused. Theeeen...
Stage 2: Stabbing. "So can you leave me alone now?!"
Currently Devit symbolizes for Shuri everything he hates about this stupid place, everything he hates in general, everything that could ever prevent him from living happily. - 2008-09-23
Instead of just threatening to kill Shuri like normal, one day Devit decided to take it a step further and manipulated Shuri into stabbing him to prove that he wasn't a sissy. He did it but didn't really prove anything of the sort. That irreversibly fucked over Shuri's opinion of Devit for MONTHS and MONTHS, spoilers, it took about a year for Shuri to stop considering Devit as potentially dangerous to him. During this stage, there were no intermittent periods where Shuri acted oblivious and pretended that Devit did not occasionally threaten his life. He was CONSTANTLY ON GUARD; even seeing or talking about Devit stressed him the hell out. And Devit became more insulting and triggering in response, I think. Also Devit was dating Hakuren by now and kept making cryptic comments about Hakuren and Shuri was fearing for Hakuren's safety as well as his own. Devit was the first real antagonist he had to deal with without the aid of his father, and he really, really did not know what to do. I already wrote this essay too, though, so this feels kind of redundant. As I said, this mindset lasted for a long time, but OTHER THINGS HAPPENED TO COMPLICATE THINGS, so I need MORE NUMBERS.
Stage 3: Devit and Hakuren. "I know nobody should ever want to touch you!!"
He doesn't understand Devit, he still doesn't like Devit, he doesn't get why Hakuren's with him--but he really hasn't actually done anything to him recently! - 2008-10-23
SHURI FOUND OUT DEVIT WAS DATING HAKUREN, LOLOLOL. Shuri was sooooo pissed and betrayed and shocked and confused, and that was when he called Devit a disgusting monster that would be better off not existing, because COME ON, HAKUREN! He started outright ignoring both Hakuren and Devit, for a while. It was honestly unbelievable to him at that point in time that anyone would want to be touched by Devit, because Devit's touch doesn't bring anything but TERROR AND TRAUMA, RIGHT! Eventually he got over it a little bit, so he was able to bitchily talk to Hakuren and Devit again, but this only strengthened his desire to tell everyone how much he hated Devit. IT WAS THE ONLY THING HE COULD THINK OF TO DO. He was so powerless and mad and he wished Devit would go away.
But he didn't! And like that old quote up there says, Devit wasn't doing anything that bad to Shuri anymore...? Once Hakuren found out what had happened, there was always Hakuren looming as protection, for both of them, so neither of them could attack the other as mercilessly anymore. Devit started being more annoying and drapey again, but where at first Shuri used to grudgingly tolerate that kind of thing, he immediately started screeching at Devit whenever he tried to touch him now. Dammit, Noah, I can already barely stand to talk to you, and everyone's on your side instead of mine already, do you HAVE to TOUCH me too?! ARRRRGH. SO INFURIATING!!
But Shuri became more used to Devit, during this period. Since he wasn't going to fall for Devit's fakey games anymore, he wasn't confused about "Does this guy like me or hate me?" It was really clear that both of them hated each other! So in that way--because they were on the same page, but also because escalating their conflict would be a terrible idea--Shuri finally became actually confident in their interactions, a little, and more comfortable at least in the knowledge of just who Devit was, and what he might do and what he would probably not do. So they talked about other things, and they actually got to know each other more, during this stage. You know, in the way where they each insulted every piece of information they got about the other. Still, they had normal conversations, in the way that they do, and slightly deeper conversations than they had before.
...Still wasn't completely comfortable by a long shot, though. Shuri was still nervous about the things that Devit could potentially do. Devit still kept telling Shuri how he was going to die and threatening him, every so often. Shuri kept triggering Devit into tirades about the worthlessness of humanity every so often, too, which wasn't much better. Well you know what, if I'm going to have to keep talking to you, or if neither of us is smart enough to leave the other alone, Devit, maybe we should make something very clear between us.
Stage 4: Peace Treaty. "You stop talking like that around me, and I'll play nice with you too!"
Over time he has realized him as a person. He doesn't like him. Devit's an annoying guy. GOD I HATE THAT GUY! But at least he's not the force of all evil?! He's just some annoying in-law?! - 2009-03-02
Shuri was getting pretty sick and tired of his own squeamishness and necrophobia and Devit's crazy Noahness getting in the way of their otherwise normal bitchy conversations. So he finally just asked Devit straight out to please stop threatening his life, or talking about hypothetically threatening people's lives, or other things that made him want to throw up. In return, he would stop stepping in the dangerous territory of Devit's Noah monster issues. So a peace treaty was born! The treaty has virtually never come to play in a concrete way, I don't think; they both brought it up every so often as an excuse for things, but neither of them took it as a serious binding contract so much as a guideline. But just the fact that it hypothetically existed made Shuri feel safer. If Devit was going to do something else terrible to him one day (as Shuri was convinced he would), he would delay it as long as possible, so he could preserve the tentative peace and growing comfort between them.
So then it was even more safe to talk to him, and they got to know each other even more personally! This was when Shuri was going through a bunch of romantic frustration and feeling depressed, and he was breaking down at the slightest provocation, and so he broke down in front of Devit ON ACCIDENT because Devit was poking at him. It's not like he expected Devit to comfort him; he broke down in part because he was fed up with everyone INCLUDING Devit. But that happened! And then not that long after, the first Jasdero left camp, and Devit was the one who was depressed and crying and pathetic, and Shuri... felt sorry for Devit, for the first time. It was the first time that Devit was obviously worse off. And there was a mildly awkward moment where Shuri deliberately chose to be gentler with him, and then they got into a conversation and Devit gave him actually kinda serious advice on his problems. Shuri still didn't trust him to actually help him... but he did start considering what Devit said and taking it somewhat to heart. Even though they weren't really FRIENDS, they were companions that talked a lot and Shuri even told him things that he didn't want people knowing in general! And there were some awkward moments where Shuri even briefly questioned their mutual hatred, when he had taken it as a solid given before. This thread snippet is really illustrative and it was a REVELATION TO HIM, that not hating Devit was possibly an option at all. He refused to take the opportunity to go down that path, though, because at least their mutual hatred he understood.
So without consciously liking Devit at all, he became more... possessive of him, instead. Instead of accepting him as a friend, he thought of him as his own personal enemy. You have to understand that BEFORE after the whole stabbing thing, Shuri had been desperately searching for anyone who had a grudge against Devit as much as he did. But he couldn't find anybody, so he had to accept that gathering a mob against Devit was just not gonna happen. But then now, around this time where Shuri had already gotten over that phase, Shuri became acquainted with Joshua, who actually did seem to hate Devit?! And Devit hated him, a lot more than he hated Shuri. And Shuri was confused, and sort of worried, and he even felt sort of protective towards Devit, though he didn't let himself express it. CONFUSING FEELINGS, CONFUSING FEELINGS!
But yeah, the more Shuri got to know Devit, the more he started to sympathize with him and draw parallels between them. He did it in a conversation with Devit once, Devit countered with "I know you didn't just compare yourself to a Noah" and Shuri was MILDLY HORRIFIED, because--with the peace treaty preventing him from constantly calling Devit a monster, he was STARTING TO FORGET THAT THE NOAH WAS A MONSTER. And when he forgot that, his subconscious mind could start thinking of both of them as... social outcasts, both out of their element in camp for different reasons.
By the way, Shuri was becoming much more comfortable with Devit as a person and as a frenemy, but he was still devoutly not attracted to Devit physically. That thought was still 99% gross to him. Devit getting too close to him in a physical way still gave him uncomfortable flashbacks, and at the time he had not yet accumulated enough issues for that to be sexual in any way. NOW he has, but Devit only sometimes fits into that category anymore, so it's not actually that applicable to this essay!!
Stage 5: Vulgarity. "Don't just sexually harass me!!"
If he thinks about Devit + sex too much he feels a little bit sick because no matter what happens it's a power thing and man, he knows devit has more power there. - 2009-05-25
THEN THERE WAS THIS ONE THREAD WHERE STUFF HAPPENED TO AFFECT HIS PERCEPTION, which is enough to make a new number I guess. Thread! It was word association!! Which... halfway through started to get really sexual and awkward... Especially awkward because, I mean--it was Devit! And then there was stuff with heart marks and then Devit said that he doesn't actually totally hate Shuri that much and ALL OF THIS AT ONCE WAS JUST AAAHHH? It was seriously shattering Shuri's worldview wrt Devit, since the entire BASIS of their relationship, he thought, was that they hated each other! SO WHAT WAS THIS ALL OF A SUDDEN???
And the thing was that Shuri absolutely could not accept this shift without addressing what Devit had done to him, like... a year previous. With the manipulating Shuri into violence and all. Because all this time Shuri was basically assuming that something like that was going to happen again one day! It just hadn't happened yet because of circumstances and the peace treaty and everything. But wasn't it supposed to be only a matter of time and wasn't Devit supposed to be hating him all of this time and lying in wait and stuff?? So Shuri actually ended up confessing this fear to Devit, and Devit was basically like "What? Wow you're stupid." So uh... :Da Really just voicing this directly to Devit and hearing that Devit wasn't ever planning to do anything was enough at that point. Since nothing HAD happened for about a year! Sooooo it was time to enter some weird nebulous territory, where they didn't exactly hate each other, and they didn't exactly like each other, and Shuri had no clue how he was supposed to act so he just... didn't! Didn't act. (As much.)
IT WAS A WEIRD TRANSITIONAL PERIOD! Shuri still got really twitchy when Devit tried to touch him, but their conversations were increasingly becoming incredibly personal. And now that Shuri didn't feel constantly threatened, he even kind of forgot that they had a peace treaty at all. There were really no words for their relationship at this point. I guess frenemy but they weren't even really enemies anymore, nor really friends. THEY WERE JUST... FREQUENT CONVERSATION PARTNERS WITH A LOT OF COMPLICATED HISTORY.
But right, the title+quotes for this section are there for a reason. Shuri was not flat-out instantly disgusted by Devit and sex in the same thought anymore. He still thought it was MOSTLY gross, thus feeling sort of sick over the concept of actually doing anything with Devit. But he was less "UGH THAT'S FILTHY AND DISGUSTING" (because virtually all the monster-ness had disappeared from his image of Devit), and more "OMFG THAT IS SO INAPPROPRIATE WHY ARE YOU EVEN," which I imagine is what made Devit start talking about it all the time, which in turn started desensitizing Shuri to it :( And despite his protests, Shuri secretly liked this twist in their relationship, because no one else talks about this stuff with him! BUT THAT'S STILL NOT ENOUGH TO GIVE SHURI SOME SORT OF THING FOR DEVIT!! ...YET!!!1
Stage 6: Heroic Rescue~. "What are you doing coming and saving me for??"
Devit is dangerous and uncouth, but if he'd stand up for Shuri that's instantly irrelevant. If they can plausibly be on the same side, then could it, possibly, be--okay, to--like him? To be friends and make peace for real? Wh-What are you talking about, of course it would be wrong, it--it's Devit! There's no way I'm going to associate myself with him! MORE THAN I ALREADY HAVE TO! WHICH IS A LOT, BUT I DEFINITELY HATE ALL OF IT MOSTLY! The cool heroic thing must have just been a fluke, I mean, everyone gets a couple cool moments in their life, and now he's USED THEM UP SO IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN! And he still hates me too, even if--DEVIT, COULD YOU STOP BEING SEXUALLY EXPLICIT FOR FIVE MINUTES, DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M GOING THROOUUUUUAAAAAGGHHHHHHH!!! I CAN'T LIVE WITH MYSELF ANYMORE - 2009-10-20
I had to quote that whole thing because that is really the best way to summarize this development.
Noise attacked Shuri and strung him up and cut up his hand and she was going to cut up MORE of him, I assume! Then all of a sudden Devit showed up shooting to kill. Although he missed, Noise was still hit and she scurried away, and Shuri was saaaaved! ...There's just the part where Shuri starts swooning for anyone who plays the knight to his damsel in distress. :Da
HE REPRESSED IT, IN THIS CASE, BECAUSE OH MY GOD NO. But it was still a very kyaaaaaa moment. Shuri doesn't care so much for the motivations behind these things--look at Antwort, lol--but the DRAMATIC RESCUE!!1 itself is enough for this! FOR THIS KIND OF TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE INSTINCTIVE CRUSH THAT WAS EATING AWAY AT SHURI'S VERY SOULLLLLL FOR HOW WRONGGGGGGGGG IT WAS. So that's where that came from yeah. Not that he consciously paid attention to it, ever.
So take the last stage of awkward "DO WE HATE EACH OTHER OR LIKE EACH OTHER I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE I THINK WE'RE TOO BUSY TALKING ABOUT BLOWJOBS OR SOMETHING" and add another even more awkward dimension of "iyaaaaaaaa, Devit is actually pretty cooooool" and... that. is. what was going on. here. Throw in the whole affirmation that Devit isn't in it just for Shuri's suffering anymore, for good measure. Shuri still didn't particularly... like Devit, in a sincere liking him and caring about him way, but he was comfortable around him EXCEPT AWKWARDLY EXCEPT IN AN IGNORABLE WAY. Devit asks if Shuri has a thing for him, Shuri punches him in the face, you know, real subtle-like.
Actually this was also around when the truth post forced them to admit they were friends, which Shuri continued to deny OUTSIDE of the truth post for months. It sort of hurt his pride to be Devit's friend, somehow, since it was like finally submitting to him; it was a BATTLE HE HAD LOST. So he denied it no matter how much he wandered over to talk to Devit and got him expensive jewelry for Christmas and stuff like that. But it's true, at that point they were really better friends than enemies on the Frenemy Spectrum. They were talking about all sorts of personal things and they had an understanding of each other that they were mostly using for good and not evil. :B
BUT BEING GOOD NEVER LASTS FOR SHURI OAK
Stage 7: Instability. "Jealousy... is easily remedied, isn't it?"
In a way it's more frustrating for him than when they just hated each other flat out, because it kills him that Devit obviously does care about him some, so--WHY CAN'T YOU JUST CARE ABOUT ME ALL THE WAY! - 2010-02-09
WELL, OKAY, SO. When Shuri went on his vacation, it... messed with him, and shook him up a lot, because he became hyper-aware of the differences between camp and home and adjusting himself for camp was causing him to lose his grip on "reality," or on the paradigm he held at home. I mention this because when Shuri came back from the vacation he was very twitchy and volatile, and he was trying to deliberately push people away from being too close to him, because--people being too close to him jeopardizes his future. Shuri stopped placing value on anything that happened in camp, because none of it "mattered." So he stopped caring so much about the consequences for his actions.
Devit... maybe noticed a little bit I think? But not in any way that really changed his actions. He was starting to get really relentless in his teasing Shuri, particularly about how Shuri SECRETLY WANTED HIM, and given how antagonistic Shuri was feeling this was RAPIDLY APPROACHING A BREAKING POINT. And then it did reach one, in a big multi-person thread with Devit and Mikage and Teito. Over the course of the thread it just turned into ALL THREE of them casually insulting Shuri to his face and judging him for his looks, which is actually very serious for Shuri because that's one of the only things he HAS so when you degrade him physically it feels like an attack on his entire worth as a person. :D;; And then when Shuri started taking this really badly, Devit was like "lol lighten up, just because I have Hakuren and I'd never touch you, you just jealous." And Shuri basically went OH YEAH ASSHOLE? YOU KNOW IF I'M SO JEALOUS THERE'S NOTHING STOPPING ME FROM *MOUTHRAPE* So that's... what happened there. ftr, there were multiple reasons for doing that; it was like 40% DEVIT SHUT THE FUCK UP, 30% attempting to prove to both Devit and himself that he had power and could use it at any time, and 30% pent-up sexual frustration. Ish! After that Devit punched him in the face, Shuri just laughed like a crazy person, and flounced.
DEVIT CLUED IN AFTER THAT THAT SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH SHURI!! So when they next talked Devit... threatened Shuri physically, in order to get Shuri admit what was wrong. Well, more than threatened, he DID torture Shuri a little, lol. And it did work eventually, Shuri went from fakey to angry to just depressed, and along the way he confessed a lot of his issues with life. He was REALLY STUBBORN though. It took a long time and a lot of effort on Devit's part to get Shuri to talk. Which... meant something to Shuri! He realized he can't be fake around Devit because Devit will not let him. Because Devit prefers Shuri how he really is! In a time when Shuri was trying to push everyone away and was starting to feel like he had succeeded, and that he didn't have anyone... Devit refused to be pushed away! Shuri was coming to the realization of "bawww, I have a meaningful connection." And--after he had calmed down about his issues some, he accidentally said something that made Devit kind of distant and "oh, I guess you don't want to talk to me after all" and Shuri started freaking out because now he had had the revelation that he didn't want that at all. He and Devit were close and he liked that, and he appreciated it a lot, and he didn't actually want to live without being close to people like that. Shuri was still kind of weird and issues-y for a while after that, but it felt good that he could at least allow himself to be honest with Devit.
Although I guess that's where that quote from a relationship meme up there comes into play, since now that Shuri allowed himself to believe that Devit cared about him, it was frustrating to know that... it wasn't perfect caring, and of course it was still selfish on Devit's part, and Devit still mocked the idea of Shuri being attracted to him and acted grossed out by it, which made Shuri kinda uncomfortable (since he'd come to terms with that last part by now and just shoved it away somewhere he didn't pay attention to). Like... there was a reason he refused to accept Devit as a friend for months, and that's because he can manage to take that shit from an enemy, but from someone who's supposed to be a friend it hits harder. So he tried to keep himself from being Devit's friend specifically because he didn't want the things Devit says to hurt him any more than they already did! And he didn't want to let himself like someone who didn't like him as much in return! And he wanted their relationship to be something easier to understand that worked by rules he understood! But at this point... refusing to recognize his friendship with Devit and trying to make it into something else wasn't going to stop them caring about each other anyway. No matter how much he tried to view Devit as an enemy to lessen his own vulnerability, he ended up caring about Devit anyway, so he was barely any less vulnerable! He wasn't getting enough protection from this lie to warrant keeping it up. (With himself, I mean--he still denied that he and Devit were friends to OTHER people.)
SO NOW THEY WERE FRIENDS AND SHURI ACCEPTED THIS, THOUGH, EVEN IF ONLY SECRETLY. Whatever he told others, the point was that he didn't have to worry about whether or not Devit liked him anymore. So now that he felt pretty comfortable being Devit's friend and talking to him and whatever else, he did start to become kinda sorta curious about the exact limits of what he could get away with on a more scandalous level. He did think Devit's attitude towards him in that respect was sort of confusing and contradictory so he wanted to clarify it! And he started making observations like "I can talk about sexual things too and he doesn't shut down the conversation, although it gets kind of awkward" and "I guess he doesn't mind cuddling and sleeping with me and stuff" and "I can be super flirtatious if the situation's right but the second I actually kiss him or touch him it's DONE." I mean he never expected Devit to ever like him or do anything with him, that idea was COMPLETELY LUDICROUS! so it's not like he was ever seriously plotting to have Devit cheat on Hakuren. It really never even crossed his mind that he should be watching out for preventing that, because wtf Devit would never do that anyway. Even more recently when it actually was getting kind of awkward Shuri was oblivious and only concerned with his own boundaries, ha ha. :'D He was just seeing what was allowed and what wasn't in their relationship as friends. Since he liked being honest with Devit, and he wanted to be able to be unrepressed as much as was safely possible, since that was also a form of being honest and true to himself, much as he would yell at you for that idea if you brought it up to him flat-out!
plz note however that no matter what Shuri acknowledges consciously, he was and most likely shall always be at least sometimes tsundere, because Devit is a jerk most of the time :|
Stage 8: Recent Events. "...If you leave, I'll never forgive you!"
I don't have a relationship meme quotey thing here because I'm not sure I've actually done one this recently. I GUESS THIS IS IT! THIS WHOLE GLORIFIED RELATIONSHIP MEME ESSAY.
Anyway... this last category just covers everything from the card event on because currently Shuri is in a perpetual state of post-card-event recovery, because a lot of his perspective on everything was fucked up really hard by the stuff that happened during that and has happened since then. BASICALLY IT WAS A TURNING POINT, and although it wasn't specifically related to Devit I think all of what happened since then falls into roughly the same category, even though the mistletoe thing didn't happen until a while into it...!
The stuff that happened DURING the card event with Devit didn't... matter that much to Shuri actually. Oh, Devit finding out about Shuri's weird thing for Teito was deeply and mortifyingly embarrassing, but that didn't really affect Shuri's relationship with Devit, exactly. Devit knocking him out and enjoying it didn't bother him so much either, because he likewise enjoyed causing Devit... more serious pain than he's caused anyone else, at least (in very questionable ways he would have exploited if he stayed conscious any longer).
More than anything, Shuri found the card event a positive thing for his relationship with Devit, since... LIKE BEFORE, Devit doesn't put up with Shuri's shit like faking things to push people away or deluding himself into believing Devit hates him, or things. After the effect wore off for Shuri he was pretty solidly convinced that no one honestly cared for him, but Devit can't put up with that for even a minute so. I think it's because Devit doesn't take that stuff personally (because he knows it's fake) and because he makes Shuri stop doing it immediately WITH FORCE IF NECESSARY that Shuri really values him and has started clinging to him. Because as much as Shuri lies to people and disguises his own feelings, he has always desperately wanted someone to love and accept him for who he truly is. (It's been my headcanon for about a year now that that's one of his 3 lifelong wishes, in fact.) But he doesn't yet have the courage to accept his true self on his own--and he doesn't even... really know who his true self is yet. So you have to understand the depth of gratitude Shuri secretly feels for Devit, for constantly trying to have Shuri realize himself for no more or less than he actually is. Devit won't tolerate him thinking he's better than he actually is, but he won't tolerate him thinking he's worse than he actually is, either. Through Devit he is forced to see the reflection of his true self, both virtues and flaws, and though he still can't face it directly, he... needs this kind of help, really, in order to do so.
Because of this he has let himself become embarrassingly dependent on Devit, ha ha. If Devit even makes vague gestures in the direction of not wanting him around anymore, Shuri gets as desperate and crazy as he would were it Hakuren or Konatsu. ...he totally does love Devit at least platonically at this point, huh. :'D Except Devit is better at accepting it when Shuri backtracks on offensive things he said so he hasn't really had FINE YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME AFTER ALL I SEE HOW IT IS BITCH *FLOUNCE* moments with Devit so much. ALL FOR THE BEST REALLY. But yes, Devit has been impressively patient with Shuri's multitudes of issues these past couple of months, sob. And Shuri APPRECIATES IT SO MUCH! while he's simultaneously starting to take it for granted that this will always be the case. He trusts Devit probably more than he should trust a Noah and Shuri's past self would basically go tell his present self to die in a fire for his stupidity.
Or perhaps just beg Devit to kill him? :') He honestly did want Devit in particular to kill him though, because he wanted a death that was meaningful in a positive way and not a negative one. If he's going to be half "dead" in his own mind, he wanted to be killed because the other person cared about him and not because they hated him. Also, mumble mumble death as a sexualized taboo act etc. Secretly Shuri is still a little bit disappointed this didn't happen. In an unhealthy masochistic suicidal way, he would have liked a MURDER AFFAIR.
Anyway ONE OF the other issues Shuri has--I'm trying really hard to not segue into an entirely separate essay on Shuri's current issues, sob. But one of the issues Shuri developed was a belief that his sexuality was nothing but a weapon, nothing to be desired and something only to be used with hatred. He was seriously starting to believe that the more he touched or desired someone, the more disgusted they would be. And he still sort of half or seventy-five-percent believes that but--THERE WERE AWKWARD MISTLETOE CONFESSIONISH THINGS with Devit! This was HONESTLY A SURPRISE to Shuri, for the above reasons as well as... it being Devit. But Devit PROBABLY WAS NOT LYING about something like that, so--that contradicted what he had come to believe about himself and his desirability! So while he easily accepted the situation as one that could not be acted upon (because dude, he accepted that about six months ago) he was very happy to learn this. it validated him somewhat :x And he was relieved that there was one less thing that he feels he has to lie about to Devit, so now he only has to lie about it if he wants to. He can live with not doing anything with Devit physically, but he will now defend to the death his right to be friends with him, because this emotional validation and support is what is really important to him!!1
... so of course like, THE SAME DAY, Konatsu gets in a fight with Devit and Shuri has to... defend his friendship with Devit lol. In a way... while it was hilarious timing, it was also pretty good timing, because Shuri was more confident about things. He had lied about being friends with Devit just a little while earlier, but he wasn't about to deny it now, so he was perfectly willing to stand up to Konatsu all "bitch, I won't let you touch him." He likes Devit more than he likes himself, apparently... And even though Shuri and Konatsu sort of reconciled, Shuri--although dreading the prospect of a choice between Konatsu and Devit--was prepared to choose his friendship with Devit over his relationship with Konatsu. After all... his friendship with Devit happened against his will, and it's harder to dissolve than his relationship with Konatsu which he worked hard to achieve, and which is a daily struggle to upkeep. Not to mention Devit is much better for Shuri's overall happiness than Konatsu, and Shuri really does know that, despite his reluctance to leave Konatsu alone as long as he can have them both, lulz. :'D BUT YES, DUE TO THESE LAST TWO PARAGRAPHS, SHURI ACTUALLY ADMITS TO PEOPLE THAT DEVIT IS HIS FRIEND NOW. CONGRATULATIONS.
Anyway, Shuri is as resigned as Devit is to not actually doing anything, for different reasons. Shuri does love Hakuren and it would break his heart to hurt him so deeply and also to lose him because of his own actions. And he doesn't want to hurt Devit that way either. But also, Shuri doesn't think it's worth it to gamble the relationship he and Devit already have for anything else. I mean, this is already one of the most fulfilling relationships he's had in his life. HE DOES NOT ALSO NEED TO MAKE OUT WITH HIM, IF IT WILL RUIN EVERYTHING. In the end, while he would theoretically want that of Devit, it's not what he wants Devit for. If that makes sense. If it's just sex Shuri wants he's willing to have that with any random person he hates or barely knows or whatever. But Shuri appreciates Devit for far more than that now! And really, secretly, Shuri has appreciated Devit all along, because... look, I have unlocked the secret of the development of their entire relationship. What Shuri really needs to survive more than anything else is consistent attention, and if there's one thing Devit definitely has provided him with more than anyone else for the past two years, no sexual dimension required, it's attention. :')
I HAVE WRITTEN SO MANY WOOOORDS. IS IT POSSIBLE THAT I LEFT SOMETHING OUT, CRY. If so I will write more words.