(Untitled)

[aaaaaames]

my mom just sent me a COCONUT POSTCARD from Hawaii!!! to my work address. everyone in my line of cubes is laughing at me

Comments

[faux_teak]

This would be hard for me, because I really don't like coconut.

I vote you use it as a decorative (and large) paperweight/giver of cubicle personal flavor. That way, you can always be reminded of the oddity of the fact that one can send a coconut as a postcard. Plus, if you're ever stuck in your cubicle, you can survive for several weeks, since coconuts can be used for so many things (food, drink, tools, clothing). I learned it on one of those PBS shows I watched as a kid.

[aaaaaames]

hm. i love coconut. but this thing is like a steel briefcase. how do i get to the milk/meat?

wow, you can't talk about a coconut without it being sexually charged. what's up with that?

[shakespearesgrl]

[amanita03]

Um, eat it, jackass.

[aaaaaames]

i KNOW, but how do you eat a coconut? like, do you just bang it open with a hammer over a pail to catch the milk? that seems unsanitary.
also i don't own a pail. i have a bathtub, which is even more gross.

[amanita03]

Use a wine opener to poke a hole in the shell, then insert curly straw and enjoy. Or at least, that is what they do in cartoons.

[daleloco]

Well, when I was at the West Indies Day parade a couple of years ago (yeah, I was block or two from one of the shootings.) The dudes there were just using machetes to chop off the rind and open the shell. However, I wouldn't recommend using a machete if you aren't used to them and you like your fingers.

A hammer is your best bet, or maybe a saw.

[faux_teak]

Perhaps this website will help you.

Yes, it is really a website called "www.howtoopenacoconut.com."

[amanita03]

I enjoyed the mildly snarky tone of that website.
Also, mmmmm.....coconut. oooh! OOOH! Make me some coconut shrimp, wench!

[aaaaaames]

ooo, very helpful!

except my coconut doesn't look like that. mine looks like this:

[faux_teak]

Ah, it appears that maybe you have some coconut leaves attached.

I'm telling you, every part of the coconut can be used.

You could, like Polynesian natives, use those leaves to build yourself a shelter.

[lololololola]

here's what you do.

take it outside.

drill a hole in it with whatever apparatus you have.

drain the milk and save it for tofu.

use a wedge or a nail or something and bang it into the coconut with a hammer in several places. eventually the coconut will shatter.

peel off the bark (or whatever it's called) from all the pieces.

sprinkle said pieces with salt and fresh lime juice.

enjoy.

(recipe courtesy my previous, evil incarnate roommate, who happened to be cuban and made this with breakfast one day.)