it's august - my life already feels like something new, even though i'm sitting at work right now, drinking apricot wheat beer - it's 100 degrees outside - i wish to be out in it, i want to wash away this fatigue i've been feeling, but i think the only way to do that is stop drinking and smoking... telemarketers are getting too advanced ( Read more... )

i was just about to prove myself..,

at the moment of death the hand that gripped us all let go... a man aged 30 years in the span of 2 weeks... i hope i go quick, too...

~elly

my sister and i went together to my father - he was inchoherent.

i am going to mn.

matt is the gatekeeper of this realm that i have been travelling in and out of... good lord what will become of me?

~elly

I talked to my sister, to whom I haven't spoken in 10+ years, we're getting together tomorrow to go see dad in either hospital or hospice... my gravel-voiced mobster uncle Rich was talking to me yesterday about death.. he called me immediately after I got off the phone with my sister... apparently my father has a friend who's an undertaker, uncle ( Read more... )

i could feel disappointed about things... at first glance, disappointments seems disappointing, but really its just things changing, events of great happiness get paired with great tragedy, and it all makes sense, it all gives itself to some goal, and it's all making me into a very strange, eccentric person.. i think i like it.

i wanna go to MN...

my sister sent my father a letter, i think she looks like me but i don't remember. her average walking speed is 3.5 mph, and i should take a shower. i'm going up north to see him tomorrow. my mom says he's forgetting shit (lack of oxygen ( Read more... )

we're driving through lowell (me, julia, pat, bethany, george), and we pass this crazy silhouette of a kid on the sidewalk, flailing, dancing, jerking around madly as we pass - we were curious. we turned around and drove back, and stopped in the empty road where the kid was, and discovered there to be two of them, one on each side of the road - ( Read more... )

the sound of yodeling was faint for a moment as we passed one of those AWESOME SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY SHACKS - i've been passing by them all my life, since childhood, in various places, on a car ride with some urgent time-sensitive intent, and each time without fail it's come over me, the heartbreaking longing to stop the car and just slowly, ( Read more... )

I could've changed the course of my life so many times, but withdrew my hand. Shit always takes shape, no matter what. No looking back, and things change shape ( Read more... )

its so early it doesn't feel like anything yet, i'm the only one in the world so far. it's the first nice rain in weeks - the last couple weeks of rain were cool and caused much distress, but today's rain is more distinct. the sky is darker, there's thunder enough to shake the building - it makes the air taste electric. that other rain just mumbled ( Read more... )