I'll always be a punk townie loser with mediocre credentials.... i got wicked rejected by both schools.... I'm going to die in andover, never having done anything.

~~~~Elly

on the credit card for drinks last night, at the daughter ( Read more... )

everything seemed so dead and misery earlier and i guess it still does, i'm suspicious of my mind and the way it looks at the life i lead, like it's all beads strung together being pulled towards me one at a time and i can see the next one coming, get prepared for it, and the ones behind, think about them too... i wish i could let my mind let the ( Read more... )

I should just never have sex with people. I could have given this thing to someone, it was a bad situation, we started with the condom on and it wasn't there when we were done... it's terrifying and I'd feel such guilt, such GUILT if I'd given him something, and there's a good chance I did... so I don't want to have sex with him anymore. He is my ( Read more... )

dumpster diving went off without a hitch - i am eating onion & leek focaccia bread right now from it - ohh its so delicious ( Read more... )

easter was also Amy's birthday. We had a bonfire at her house and Laura and I started the fire, got drunk on expensive whiskey and Amy and I told each other of our purest love, Charlie & his friend were there and it was funny, ah what a great night Then, Easter happened in strange phases ( Read more... )

You lay at 6:37 in bed with the light of day reaching in around the blinds ( Read more... )

it's going to rain this weekend. i wish i had a hat. windy, not with a hat. we'll have to wait to go canoing... that's better because i told the ups driver to go steal me a couple of canoes, so he needs time to do that. he's a busy man. so boston then. i think i'm going to try to put my mind to rest. it needs to chill out. yes - that will be my ( Read more... )

i'm driving myself crazy, thinking and rethinking and reaffirming what to say, the more i do it the more manufactured it's going to sound if i ever say it, i feel like a tool, why can't i get this out of my head, it makes me think i'm becoming like my mother, i could only imagine before how thoughts spin around in her like madness, clenching teeth ( Read more... )

inner momentum keeps realizations from having any lasting effect ( Read more... )