I tried parallel parking tonight when my already-fucked up catalytic converter came loose as I tried backing over this foot-high snow ridge a plow truck left. This pisses me off because I saw the fuckin ridge and I knew I shouldn't have done it because I know the safe height of my car's underbody. I was just tired and desperate for a close space. ( Read more... )

Oh by the way, that van?

Still making noise.

Yup.

During my brief return to Seattle this summer I came across a stuffed puppy in my dumpster. Yesterday when taking out the trash I saw another, larger and happier-looking stuffed puppy in my trash bin, just as I threw a wine bottle on top of it. Today when gathering laundry I accidentally threw in a stuffed Garfield doll, which I bought at a Cracker ( Read more... )

I just found an orange City of Chicago parking violation envelope under my windshield wiper with a piece of lined notebook paper inside of it reading "psych" in handwritten text. I cannot stop laughing. Considering the fact that I am probably on the boot list due to my ridiculously neglected amount of unpaid parking tickets in this city, I applaud ( Read more... )

I really want to be at the Hanson Brothers / Das Kapital show at Reggie's tonight, but I'm fucking miserable. My car is miles away, I can't find my phone anywhere, I can't find my watch anywhere (not that I need it), I drank way too much last night, and I just want to lie down on my bed, but the slats won't stay in place because the frame is bent, ( Read more... )

I am so god damn addicted to açaí. I don't know what it is about the stuff. But it can't hurt to be addicted to one of the healthiest foods out there. Except after I finish this açaí juice I am going to go get a meatball sub from the place down the street. Taken with a multivitamin, of course. Then I'm going to go to Delilah's to drink and play ( Read more... )

THIS FUCKING VAN


( Read more... )

I'm laughing so hard it hurts. Rob is so retarded and neurotic.

Rob118357: My dick hurts ( Read more... )

A couple of days ago my friend Pat called me while I was walking down the street in Wicker Park. He was about to come over and hang out, but I knew the weather got bad in those two hours. This was our conversation ( Read more... )

I've developed this new ridiculous habit of licking the shit out of my chin whenever my stubble grows in. I don't know why I started doing it. It's one of those addictive ticks like biting your nails or grinding your teeth, and it's stupid because I have a lot of facial hair which is extremely coarse (ask any girl I've kissed). So now the tip of my ( Read more... )