If Wile E. Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

I had a dream that I was really good at the boomerang. I was flinging it all over this big field. Soon I became discontent to limit my skills to the field where nobody could see me, so I took it to city streets. I was flinging this boomerang around skyscrapers and letting it go through hot dog stands to bring me back food when I got hungry. I was ( Read more... )

My microwave declares "Your food is ready" on the screen when the cooking time stops. How assumptive! How do you know I've got food in there? How do you know I'm not nuking a baby for fun ( Read more... )

God damn it internet. :(

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Sam forgot to pay the gas bill so we've been unable to take showers or use heat for days. To make matters worse the city says they won't turn it back on until next Thursday. Fuck the city ( Read more... )

This is my friend Sam's retarded, cross-eyed cat with a backwards tail (not the Sam I live with, female Sam from Madison).


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This isn't nearly as disturbing as the woman who found a bat in her coffee filter after drinking a pot of coffee, but this morning I found a dead mosquito floating in my contact lens case above my contact lens. The part that I don't get is how he got in there, I always screw those caps tight. So he had to have darted in there before I screwed the ( Read more... )

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