Comments | absinthequeen: Your Tears Don't Fall, They Crash Around Me

absinthequeen

Your Tears Don't Fall, They Crash Around Me

Feb 07, 2007 13:43

And here I am in tears after seeing old texts from him that read:

"I'd love to come over cuite"
and
"Sitting here, wanting you next to me"

I HATE myself. I really do.

Comments 8

imperfectrose February 8 2007, 05:58:41 UTC

i forced myself to delete old texts today.

absinthequeen February 8 2007, 16:26:14 UTC

It's sad. I still have texts from Eeyan that I saved where he says, "I care a lot about you".... I can't ever throw away anything. It used to hurt to look at the things Eeyan wrote...but once I had Keith it didn'[t really make me feel anything...now...well...now it just remindes me that men only know how to care about me until they get what they want...and then there is nothing left. *Sigh* The sad thing is, Keith and I are still together and I'm treating this like we're over....Sometimes that's more painful. I'm just preparing myself so there are no suprises like last time.

P.S. I'm glad that you took that step. Can I ask what happened? You don't have to tell me over livejournal. Or you don't have to tell me at all. Call or e-mail me (tatooine@charter.net). Cheers.

xhollywoodlandx February 8 2007, 21:12:30 UTC

like I said before, love shouldn't hurt and if he's hurting you now.....it may never change.

Yes, old texts. People say things in the moment for whatever reason....and it hurts to look back at their old feelings.
It took me forever to want to let go of the old guy I used to know.
You want to hold on to the guy you thought was in the very beginning...but as the relationship goes on you get to know the real person. Not the fake front. Look at what this guy is doing so soon. If you leave now, he may see what he lost and the rest is up to you.

I once had a text from the ex, "I think you're going to be the love of my life", and look where that went.
I don't get people. I don't get the shit they do. So I feel your pain. The pain from that guy still lingers on to the point where I can't even move on to another guy...a guy that seems more perfect.

sucks.
don't do this to yourself.

xhollywoodlandx February 8 2007, 21:13:42 UTC

absinthequeen February 8 2007, 21:40:54 UTC

I don't want to do this. I want to be happy. And I do look at what happened to you and it makes me want to get out....but I can't! I just can't do it! aND WHAT i'VE NOTICED IS THAT....iT'S NOT ME THAT'S CHANGED....sorry, caps button...it's not me that's changed...it's him...his thoughts are just....there just more shallow....it could be because he's afraid to tell me things...but...I thought today back in the beginning when I told him some things I had never told anyone...and he understood! He didn't look at me like I was nuts....he understood...and when as I told him, he grabbed me and held me. Now...anything I say is like a joke...I feel like if I said the same things I did then, now...he would laugh and call me crazy or stupid. And he won't touch me. If we're watching a movie together and I'm sitting far away...before he would pull me to him or sit by me...but now...he just lets me be...I just don't know how to read into this...

xhollywoodlandx February 8 2007, 22:38:11 UTC

I know you haven't changed. You are more trusting and giving yourself to someone for them to reject this. Don't ever let someone reject who you are. If you've noticed a change with him and are questioning it, I am sorry...but it may be time for you to end it and come out victorious. However maybe he is waiting for you to end it because he doesn't want to look like the bad guy. But how he is acting, IS being the bad guy.
It makes me very sad to see your emotions typed out here....it reminds me of how I was. reminds me what he did to me.
And he still comes around, not understanding my dislike for him.
But I just ignore him.
I realize guys just think they are perfect...and WE admit our faults.

xhollywoodlandx February 8 2007, 22:40:27 UTC

and maybe if you do end it, he will realize what he lost.
but puhlease...I couldn't end it even when I wanted to. So I realize I am just talking out of my "ass".

love you.

absinthequeen February 9 2007, 02:04:59 UTC

When we started this all he said no matter what happens with this, he will always be here... But, by the way he treats most of his exes...well the ones he left and was done with...I don't think he'll have anything to do with me. He hates the way Eeyan treated me...but I don't know if he'll be any better. *sigh* I don't know. He calls me randomly when I don't expect him to, and then my hope is revived...but then he doesn't call when I expect him to and I feel worthless. I just need to get away.

I love you LoGirl...and I miss you. We need another face to face meeting....I'm trying to find someone to be adventurous with and go to Chicago for a day this weekend...but so far no luck.