I'm happy ( Read more... )

I'm on a new diet and this one (rather, "this time") is working. Collar bones, cheek bones, and hip bones are returning, old friends. Garment by garment, I am fitting back into my former wardrobe. The littlest jeans, my True Religions from freshman year, are folded beneath the rest and waiting. Today at the gym, after a protein bar and lots of ( Read more... )

THINGS THAT I LIKE TODAY

I like tired gray days in cars, driving past the crumbling commercial parts of town toward the highway. I like the way these drives make me feel. I like where my mind goes, the way my insides get still, and how for just a second I don't feel the weight of the world or this incessant need to prove everyone right, or wrong, or ( Read more... )

Merry Christmas!

The new boyfriend, Wes, joined my family for Christmas this year. Everything went off without a hitch. My family warmed up to him quickly, even Tom, who generally distances himself from new people, and Noah, who maintains a careful watch over the boys I date.

He came to the Christmas party my family attends every year, and every so ( Read more... )

We the people (with disordered eating) are sad, stressed, and confused. We believe that our objective (thinness) is the only thing that will bring us the confidence and peace to participate in our own lives. We watch from the wayside, from our windows. We decline dates and invitations to pool parties because we aren't ready yet. We don't ( Read more... )

It isn't that Andrew had bad intentions. We just both fell messily into the hormone cesspool that resulted from our steamy interactions, and pulled each other close. But his mouth turned into sad little shapes when he told me he loved me, as if even when things were good he knew it wasn't enough.

We giggled like children, and made love like ( Read more... )

I'm in a relationship, and everything about it looks like love, and everything between us works as fantastically as a well-oiled machine, but it isn't love. Why isn't it love? We're doing everything right: dinner dates, lavish desserts, a lot of sex, weekend trips, conversations, laugh attacks. All of it. He accompanies me to class, and I stroke ( Read more... )

Have you ever fallen in love in a dream? Last night it was a man whose face I have forgotten but whose presence was drawn vividly in my mind. In the dream, I wanted to go with him to where he was going. I wanted to share the bottle of wine he had lying in the back seat of his car. I didn't play any elusive or unattainable games, the way I am prone ( Read more... )

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I think more credit is owed to how complicated love is. Even when you think (or trick yourself into believing) that it's over, long over. Even when you sign onto Facebook in those secret moments after 3 a.m. and find yourself staring at the most recent pictures of your ex-lover, and, in a reaction that surprises you, chuckle lightly at his facial ( Read more... )

Does being with me remind Wes of the girl who came before me in the same way that being with him reminds me of Andrew?

We've both been touched like this before ( Read more... )