so at work yesterday, the kids told me about how they made up an imaginary coworker named phil to be their scapegoat. one of the managers virgina will ask "okay, i need someone to put plates in the warmer." and they will respond "oh, phil is doing that" or she'll ask "is someone going to get more spoons?" and someone will reply "i just told phil to ( Read more... )

i miss a girl who is hiding in springfield, ohio. i am looking forward to her return home on the 22nd [?].

"i love all thirteen of my children, don't get me wrong. but i do have the three or four that i love better." -ODB on parenting.

it is 7:19AM and i just awoke to my brother blasting black sabbath's iron man on his stereo. i don't expect any of you to understand the humor in this but i felt the need to document it.

some guy tried commiting suicide by jumping over the canadian side of the niagra falls and survived. hahahahahaha

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upon watching "the fabulous life of jennifer lopez today" i came to the realization that even jennifer lopez's dog has a better life then me.

bruce campbell as an elvis impersonator? i am quivering with desire.


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Ian D Webster (4:35:37 AM): i get drunk off being me
quone something (4:35:59 AM): well, i get drunk off whiskey
Ian D Webster (4:36:05 AM): of course
Ian D Webster (4:36:12 AM): and then you eat potatoes
Ian D Webster (4:36:28 AM): and fist fight your loved ones

me: "where'd that rock come from?" [motioning towards the huge mystery rock in my backyard]

my brother: "i dont know. i asked mom yesterday and she said that she didnt know, so i asked dad and he said that he found it in the street"

sometimes i need to remind myself that there is more to life than cigarettes and records. oh wait, no there isn't.