If sometimes you feel yourself little, useless, offended and depressed, always remember that you were once the fastest and most victorious sperm out of hundreds of millions...

Practice safe eating - always use condiments ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

There was this boy and he was a special ED kid and well his sister was retarded (seriously). Okay well the boy got out of special ED classes and everyone was so proud of him but it was because he worked SO hard, he always had to have everything perfect. Well one morning the dad had a flat tire so the mother left the boy and the girl alone to get ( Read more... )

Never ever take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night.

- Dave Barry

How to improve your Day:

1. Create a "new folder" on your computer.
2. Name it "George W. Bush."
3. Send it to the trash.
4. Empty the trash.
5. Your computer will ask you: "Do you really want to get rid of "George W. Bush"?
6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button.
7. Repeat, as required.

Order a MindMap, elect a President!

( Read more... )

Why do all the slugs come out after it's rained?
Well today, my little brother and I went hunting for slugs, salt shaker in one hand and plastic sword in the other. Why do slugs turn bright orange and start to ooze what looks like egg yolk after you pour salt on them?

Watching Showgirls

and when I was a little kid I used to watch Saved By The Bell almost religiously soo....it's kind of weird watching Elizabeth Berkely being a stripper...I don't think she's a very good one either .
'

Ohhh you touch my tra la la