It's weird thinking about how you can't ever really escape who you are. I'm talking about deep down, your roots, whatever that is. I think after a long time and a lot of work you can change some of those things. Maybe lessen or intensify your traits based on your experiences, but when you're born you probably get some pre-rolled stats and that is ( Read more... )

This year is going by fast. I feel like I did so much more last year, and last year we were in a lock down. I think I feel this way every year though ( Read more... )

I wish there was an easy way to say to someone, "hey, you said this thing to me and when you said it I had a full on melt down about it even though it wasn't that big of a deal. However today I am being rational about it and I'm still pretty bummed out." I guess I could just say that but its harder than it sounds. It's also frustrating because when ( Read more... )

It's been a while since I've been here, my account is probably dead to the world. Which is good because I really just want to scream in to the void. Some small self indulgent part of my brain wants to scream so that maybe someone sees it though ( Read more... )

It's weird to be on here. I guess I'm looking for any sort of comfort and familiarity. Also i's just a good place to scream into the void, Livejournal is practically dead right ( Read more... )

I actually feel inspired to write on a day I feel good which is new. It's weird because I am actually trapped in the house today. Josh's car is in the shop now, right after mine just got fixed. I'm not sure if that's a stroke of luck or a "when it rains it pours" situation. But either way he has a way to get to work and we hopefully won't have to ( Read more... )

Sometimes I don't feel much of anything and I think it's worse than feeling really upset. Then again when I think about times I've felt genuinely scared or helpless I'd probably say that feeling absolutely numb is way better comparatively. Lately I don't look very forward to my days off, things are going fine at work. I can't say they're great. The ( Read more... )

Yesterday I had the first day in a while where I felt normal all day. I'd even be bold enough to say I felt good all day. Josh and I are starting to settle into a schedule and it's very similar to one that we had back in Florida. It's comforting. Naturally since my head doesn't feel like it's filled with screaming it's much harder to write but I ( Read more... )

Today so far isn't great. But I haven't really had a better than okay day in a long time. I'm really stuck in whatever this is. Sometimes it feels like this is how it's going to be forever. Which sounds really dramatic, but whatever ( Read more... )

It's been a while since I've done this but I think I'm going to start journaling again. It's funny because I can tell when I'm in a good mental space because my thoughts are really quiet. It's weird to go back and read my journals because when I'm really happy they're really, well boring ( Read more... )