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I may return to this blog in the future -- not sure yet.

He told me that Pastor Adam at the church texted him and told him I was really depressed (which, admittedly I wasn't happy about at first... it kind of added to my feeling of being a burden and a nuisance. 🙁) I let him read my previous two blog entries and we talked about them. He said that anytime I'm feeling lonely or depressed (especially if I'm ( Read more... )

I talked to one of the guys at Bonhoeffer House after Bible study last Monday night. Ryan and the others have been doing so much to make me feel included and a part of things -- Monday morning prayers, Bible study, Wednesday night meals, get-togethers every other Saturday... Plus they spend time one on one with me, talking to and counseling me. But ( Read more... )

I'm really starting to hate myself right now. I kind of feel like I'm pushing Ryan away by being needy and clingy, and I don't know what to do. I'm just feeling so lonely. I don't have anyone to hang out with or talk to, no one who wants to go out and do stuff with me. I really feel like I don't deserve to be loved or to feel like I truly belong ( Read more... )

Ryan loaned me a book called Sleeping with Bread that talks about the examen (the Epworth Project's Rule of Life mentions it under Prayer as a means of reflecting on one's day/week, but I wasn't quite sure what it was), and that's something else I'd love to do as part of a group. (Although you can do it by yourself, I want the connection with ( Read more... )

I had an awesome time ( Read more... )

Finally got my application filled out for the Epworth Project. Now all I have to do is write some essays and get two letters of recommendation (and who are going to write those? No one who's known me over the past 20 years or so has known me to be particularly religious/spiritual, except for the past few months. I guess I'll have to ask for Ryan's ( Read more... )

Will I always go through life feeling like I don't really belong? I gave up trying to get together with old school friends and people like that long ago. They'd say, "Yeah, we'll do something soon", but nothing ever came of it ( Read more... )

I had an informal meeting yesterday with Ryan and Ceceliah Igweta, the abbess of the Epworth Project, which oversees housing for the Missional Wisdom Foundation ( Read more... )

I'm supposed to have a phone interview with the Director of Learning Strategies at the Academy for Missional Wisdom sometime this week. It's affiliated with the Methodist Church, although you don't have to be Methodist to take courses. Most of it will be online, but we will get together every so often at retreats to discuss what we're learning and ( Read more... )