( Read more... )

i am still alive. alone and alive...and it really isn't so bad. in fact i think maybe this is how i was designed to live. alone alone alone. i'm battling my demons or, at the very least, regrouping them.

A new year. This is the year I hit the big time!

every single time i remove him from my thoughts and think i've moved on, i get an email. oh i love him, i love him so much...but not in any "real" way because we've never actually had a relationship. it's just these emails that happen, and a kiss now and then, and the words "thinking of you" that kill me.

no i'm not going to be crying tomorrow because that would be lame. i miss him so much and it kills me not to be able to speak to him. i get these few lines in email about how he's going to keep in touch but then months will go by before i hear from him again. if only we could speak for 5 minutes on the phone instead of these emails with giant ( Read more... )

i now know exactly what i need in life and that is a pet. since our dog died my mom hasn't wanted to get another one. she's even commented on how nice it is not to have to clean up after an animal. but my life seems empty without something fuzzy that sleeps in my bed. i think maybe if i got a kitty or a bunny i wouldn't need lexapro at all.

today was a good day. i read sylvia plath all day in bed.

wow. i can't believe it's been an entire year nearly since i wrote on livejournal. i haven't even really written all that much in my paper journal either. it's strange how i go through stages of wanting to say nothing or a lot ( Read more... )

so the weather has been beautiful and i still can't seem to get myself out of the house. i've been sleeping a lot. i pass out before 11:30pm, wake up at 9:30am and can't make it thru the day without a nap.

i think i might need to go back on anti-depressants, and that truly depresses me.