Thoughts on overseas adoption

[angelicvampyre]

Not sure if anyone here is adopted from overseas or has adopted from overseas but just wondering on input

Comments

[sourdick]

China does not allow same-sex couples to adopt children born there, so I guess they have an over-abundance of loving waiting parents. Culture senativity, yeah. OKAY.

[angelicvampyre]

They also do not allow single women to adopt so they are out for me, also i think Culture Senativity training is a nice idea on paper not sure how good it would be in real life.

[sourdick]

Can you imagine if Americans forced foreign people to take "Culture Senativity" classes to move here, or acquire a kid here? Hoo boy, there would be kicking and screaming.

[angelicvampyre]

I agree and I think the issue is the same in Australia. I mean we are not seen to have such a rich culture as other countries. I was having this discussion with another friend of mine who adopted a baby from the south of the USA and they live in the north. She was saying how maybe she should teach the boy to make fried chicken, shot a gun, drive a pick up and say "you all" at the end of every phrase (she said it in jest) but it did get me thinking. I agree that you need to expose a child to the culture that come from or are born into but as the USA (and to an extent Australia) is seen as a cultureless society it is not a two way street.

[azriona]

I would suspect those that refer to the girls as the "stolen generation" aren't exactly doing much to provide the girls a healthy and happy life in China anyway. (Far easier to complain about a perceived problem than to actually fix it

[angelicvampyre]

thanks for your response. I think it's both I would hate for my child to grow up and hate me from taking them away from their culture. Also china is off the books for me as I am single however I was using my friends group as an example I would most likely have to look at countries in Europe so the "physical" difference between me and any child I adopt may not be as great as one adopted from china/Asia. (not saying that is a bad thing more that general joe blogs down the street may not think the child is adopted at first glance

[gnimaerd]

I worked in a Thai orphanage for six months a couple of years ago and have some strong but very conflicting feelings about international adoption

[angelicvampyre]

Thanks so much for that I found that intresting to read. I think that some of the issue are the same that my friend is hitting with China as they have the one child policy and some families would perfer boys over girls and therefor the girls end up in institutions. I agree that it would be sad for a child to lose their native tounge and that is one thing that I would strive to give them (if nothing else) the ability to be able to speak the language they where born into but I also agree thai cooking classes and language classes do not cut it when trying to keep the culture alive for the child.

International adoption worries me even if it is really the only option available for me I am still not sure if this is something that I want to do (adopt yes as i really want kids but not a the risk of them losing a sense of who they are)

Thanks you have given me stuff to think about

[idiolecto]

It's a complicated issue. Ideally, everyone everywhere would have the means to raise children who are wanted and avoid having children who are not. However, in reality, children exist who need homes, and I don't think foreigners who want to adopt them are bad people

[angelicvampyre]

Thanks so much for that. I never thought about pushing a culture on the child, has given me something else to think about. You are right about letting the child have a choice what they want out of the situation and how involved they want to be.

Congrats on your adoption, I like how you said that you did not "save" your son so many people I talk to state how I would be "saving" a child and I don't like to think about it in that terms.

[mary_goodnight]

Thank you for posting this. I've been having similar feelings lately. I love my sister dearly but I can't help but feel that she should be in Ethiopia. It's hard when she cries and misses Africa. I can't help but feel like international adoption should be a last resort and that more of an effort should be made to keep these kids in their home country. However I don't see my parents paying as much money as went into the adoption to sponsor a child to perserve their culture and I think most adoptive parents wouldn't. Although ours was a diffrent situation, my sister has a family in Africa who wanted her (oh yeah we had to get a private investigator to find this out. I'm seriously pissed off at the care center she came from, they cut off our contact with her first mom because they don't believe in open adoption, so now we have a priest in the area keeping us in contact with my sister's first family, against the wishes of the care center but seriously f*ck them.) I can't help but feel that this was not the best solution but at the same

[angelicvampyre]

thanks for posting can I ask how old your sister was when your family adopted her? Sounds like a bad situation all around. My cousin was an open internatioal adoption however after she turned 14 they found out that the "mother" was not infact the mother of the child and there was a whole issue. However my aunt and uncle have tried to keep her ties with her culture and she loves the fact that she can claim both as her own so this end worked out that end not so great but she still is happy and loves the fact that she was adopted but it always worries me as to how much we know about what really goes on.