i just reread all of my posts (not hard, since i rarely update). it seems i've lost my touch. it seems i've lost my feelings. it's been quite some time since i've been itching to get out of my skin. not that i've been enjoying myself more. i've just been ( Read more... )

it is after one in the morning. i can't sleep. i simply can't bring myself to close my eyes. i'm afraid of missing something. missing what? all i do is work and fuck around on the internet and play computer solitaire. i don't talk to anyone. i don't go do anything. there's nothing to miss. but still, i can't close my eyes ( Read more... )

i've always been ready to run away. one foot out the door. looking for the exit before it's time to go. i don't know how to say goodbye. for the first time in my life, i don't want to go. i'm not ready. i don't want to say goodbye. i can't.

giant mess.

don't get on that flight.

???

if that's the advice, i'm screwed.

too many things to deal with. too many people to figure out.

amsterdam, throw me what you've got. i only have a month left.

Amsterdam is back.

(i.e. the most perfect place in the world, the city of/in my dreams, the place i never want to leave, the place that fits me best, where i feel most comfortable, where i'm free to be myself, the city i just want to hug tightly)

AMSTERDAM IS BACK.

because i'm not in amsterdam yet, and everyone else has left...
i give you quizzes:

You Should Date A Swede!
( Read more... )

I'm going to Amsterdam. I dream of canals and bridges, rowhouses, bikes, tulips, and Van Gogh. I'm going to study anthropology and culture and art. Ride a bike alongside the canals, out to the fields of tulips.

I'm going to Amsterdam!

On the way home tonight, they play "Hurt" on the radio. I hadn't heard that song in a long time. It surprised me, that song didn't make me feel how it used to. I didn't quite connect, didn't quite understand what Trent Reznor was talking about. I used to think he was singing to me, he sang how I felt, I knew how he felt. And now, I liked the ( Read more... )

I love the clouds. They were so big and low and fluffy and dark and covered most of the sky today. I love the moon. It's almost full and shining bright. I have an obsession with the sky. I wish I could just float on up and live there forever. If I believed in heaven, that's what it would be, just me and the sky and the clouds to play on, as ( Read more... )