im damaged , iam alone , i cant go back . god i want to go back he was the light in my darkness now it is gone . i need a reason . i need for someone to finally really want forever with me i dont think it is possible anymore ...

so i had serious what to do moments last night , i through caution to the wind . if it happened maybe it's time . how is it that after him telling me all of this and just holding me for one night , it all kind of changed ... maybe i do want the fairytale where it will be all right ? i had that once do you think i could hold on ths time ?.......... ( Read more... )

personal realization hurts . it hurts alot why am i so destructive ? i may never know . so i am angry very angry i hit a wall my hand is all fucked up . just what i need is more scars to decorate the battle feild that in recent years has become my body .maybe one day ill cut myself a break and stop hurting myself . i can have dreams too right . i ( Read more... )

so i am at his house we are watching tv im kind of fucked up all over you by live is on xm radio tv station , he looks at me and says whats the word ? i am now sitting in his room with the laptop freaking out , how can something so simple that someone eles used to say to me freak me out that bad ? get a grip ashley , you can do this .

so im at work trying to do the orders for some shit we need i.e. gravel and such . he is blowing up my phone i guess he heard about my hook up the other night with the 20 year old !! freakin small town , people love to talk , and i can always give you something to talk shit about .lol whatever . so i am off tomorrow thank god im so tired , staying ( Read more... )

sometimes when i am sitting here all alone i wondr if you still read this ? if you still even give a shit ? i know i may never know the answer to these questions but thats ok ( Read more... )

so my life is like a pattern , get hurt go out get fucked up and look for someone to fill the void . maybe it's time i put a stop to this pattern ( Read more... )

so last night mom got a new dog he is so fucking cute !! went to work today worked 10 hours , again . now im exahusted and drinking some snakebites ( Read more... )

so im having the am cup of coffee thinking of all the shit i need to do today ( Read more... )

well it;s been a super long week this week . i havent had a day off wich is good cause im saving to get my own place , but on the other hand i feel as though i could sleep for a week ... and the cat is driving me nuts ... i am scratched all to hell it sucks oh well right . so i was looking at some places to live super cheap really nice util and ( Read more... )