[ JongKey ] The Trouble with Boys ( 2/2 )
Title: The Trouble with Boys (2/2)
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~5,800
Pairing: Jonghyun x Key
Genre: Drama, romance
Warnings: Cursing, minor sexual situations, slight fluff
Summary: After Key’s confession, Jonghyun doesn’t know what to do anymore.
Notes: Enjoy~ Read part one here, if you haven’t first.
EDIT: Thank you so much to honeysparkle for doing this amazing fanart based on this fic! :) It's lovely, dear!
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The Trouble with Boys
Part 2
---
It was three o’clock in the morning and Jonghyun’s eyes were open and fixed on the ceiling. It was only earlier on in the day that Key had told him straight out that he had feelings for him. And not the platonic kind of feelings, but the kind of feelings that Jonghyun had always thought that he’d reserve for a girl, and a girl only. And Key, as much as he flaunted his hips and swished his hair, was definitely not a girl.
After the confession, he had stayed in that empty room with the lights off for a little bit longer, letting what happened sink in. A thousand things ran through his mind; were they still best friends? Could they go back to the way they used to be? Did Key expect him to return his feelings? But when he finally shuffled back into the dressing room where everyone else was, Key didn’t skip a heartbeat before walking over to him, grabbing his hand and pulling him to the van so they could get lunch-just like he had always done.
Jonghyun didn’t really know whether to be thankful for this behavior or to resent it, because when Key held his hand it didn’t feel the same way it always had felt. It didn’t feel safe or comforting anymore; rather, it made him feel nervous and a little annoyed. Because really, what was the right thing to do now?
Jonghyun had never actually considered being gay, or even bi for that matter. It was always just a non-question. He was always just straight and that was all there was to say about it. But Key had been startlingly confident and candid in his confession, and even though the thought of Key in a romantic or sexual way made him uncomfortable, Jonghyun couldn’t help but admire the boy for his audacity.
But at the same time, he couldn’t help but wish that Key had never said anything at all, because now emotions were going haywire inside of him somewhere and he didn’t know how to just fix it.
Sighing a little, he turned to his side where he saw Key’s outline from underneath his covers, lying still in the bed right across from his. He was perfectly still, perfectly peaceful, it seemed-and Jonghyun felt a little unreasonably irritated. He felt as if all this was his problem now, and he just didn’t want to deal with it. He just wanted things to go back to how they used to be, and he just wanted to be able to feel comfortable around his best friend again…
Sighing, Jonghyun turned to his side and closed his eyes.
---
It was sometime in the late afternoon and Jonghyun was writing lyrics in a separate room. It was unusually quiet in the dorms; he couldn’t hear Key cackling in laughter, or Taemin being loud about something or another with Minho or Onew. It was peaceful and Jonghyun could simply sit and write and not worry about everything else, because it was like nobody else existed (and god knew sometimes he wished that were true).
He picked up his pencil and he began to write down a few words. He stared at what he had written for a while, and let his thoughts flow from there. But before he could pen down anything else, the door opened. He turned around to see who it was.
It was Key.
Jonghyun forced a smile, but Key didn’t return it. Instantly, Jonghyun flustered a little bit, and he decided to go back to his sheet of lyrics. But it seemed that Key had other ideas.
Jonghyun shuddered when he felt fingertips lightly brushing across the nape of his neck. Burned, he looked up and saw Key slinking down next to him. He looked at him with a mixture of incredulousness and nervousness. What exactly was that?
“H-Hey, Kibum,” Jonghyun said. “Where is everyone else?”
“Does it matter?” Was the breathy reply, and Jonghyun shuddered because Key’s lips had just grazed against his earlobe as he spoke. Startled, he pulled away, his notebook dropping from his hands as he did.
“Kibum, what-what is this? Seriously, don’t joke around with me.”
“What makes you think I’m joking? I told you I liked you. I’m taking what I want.”
And Jonghyun couldn’t really even find a second to disagree because the next thing he knew, Key had straddled him and pressed his mouth firmly against his. Jonghyun’s mind went a thousand places at once because oh god, Key was kissing him and he didn’t know what to do. He wanted to push him off but his arms felt heavy. He tried to lift them up but they just wouldn’t move from his sides. And Key’s tongue was doing something between his lips and he squirmed uncomfortably.
Or maybe he was just uncomfortable because despite himself, it felt really good.
He found himself mortified because when he finally could lift up his arms, they automatically found their place around Key’s waist, pulling him flush against his chest. And he was thinking that Key was really quite thin, that he fit quite snugly within his grasp; and then he stopped thinking altogether when Key’s mouth pressed a wet kiss right where his jaw met his neck, because really, where did Key learn all of this?
And he wanted to open his mouth to speak, but when he did, no words came out; just a low, throaty groan when Key’s hips bucked against his. And he was breathing quite hard because Key’s lips were sliding down his neck now and something violent sparked in his mind when he felt Key’s fingers trailing down his chest and cupping the front of his pants.
Oh god, Jonghyun thought, please wake up, please wake up. He felt Key unbuckling his belt. This is a dream, please wake up.
A second later, he woke up.
---
Breakfast, needless to say, was a horrible affair. Jonghyun was remarkably tired. He had only gotten about two hours of sleep, and those two hours were hardly restful since he had spent them dreaming about kissing his best friend. And the worst part was that his dream self had enjoyed it. That really wasn’t supposed to happen. But really, Jonghyun thought, nothing that had occurred within the last forty-eight hours was supposed to have happened either, but they had anyway.
“Jjong, you haven’t eaten anything. Hurry up and eat, our schedule starts soon,” Key shot at him from across the table. “You too, Taemin-ah.”
“I wanted meat though,” Taemin said, half-whining, but he did as he was told. Jonghyun, however, didn’t.
“What’s the matter, Jonghyun?” Onew asked him. “We’ve got a schedule starting pretty early, so…”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m eating,” he said while shoving a chopstick-full of food into his mouth, and everyone looked at him because Jonghyun didn’t snap at them like that very often. “I just didn’t sleep well last night,” he offered as an explanation, and watched as everyone went back to eating. He sighed quietly.
And as he expected, the rest of the day didn’t quite go swimmingly either. Despite the fact that he pulled himself together and put his best foot forward, he couldn’t help but feel terribly disengaged. He smiled and laughed all the way through the variety program he was scheduled to be in, but he really hadn’t been paying attention, and only laughed because everyone else was laughing. And Key was sitting right next to him and grabbing his knee as he guffawed, and Jonghyun had to pretend that the touch didn’t sting him.
But Jonghyun thought it would be fine to pretend, because if he pretended that everything was okay for long enough, maybe then things would become alright after all.
As it turned out, that strategy didn’t really work.
It didn’t work, because Jonghyun found himself becoming absolutely hyper-aware of Key at all times. Whenever he was there, he’d always notice. And not just notice, but really notice, down to his posture and how some hair was out of place and how that green color really did look kind of tacky. And sometimes, when they were backstage and Jonghyun was talking with Jessica or Victoria or whoever else, his eyes would still scan the crowd until they landed on Key, all the way on the other side of the room, laughing with Jinwoon.
Wait-why was he with Jinwoon? Jonghyun would think indignantly, because it certainly wasn’t Jinwoon that he just confessed to a few days ago. Key didn’t move on that fast, did he?
And then Jonghyun would have to correct himself because he wanted Key to move on fast, so that they could go back to being best friends. Right? Right.
But that didn’t really settle the tense knot in the middle of his heart.
Because the next time they were in the dressing room, Key was getting ready for a performance by primping in front of the mirror as he always did, and Jonghyun found himself looking at him. He was looking, because Key was fixing his make-up, namely the soft pink color painted on his lips. It had smudged a little bit, and so in effort to fix it, he was running his index finger slowly, carefully, alluringly across his bottom lip. His lips were slightly parted and his eyes were prettily downcast as he looked at his own reflection in the mirror, and Jonghyun couldn’t take his eyes off him.
A part of him half-wondered if Key was doing it on purpose, or if he really didn’t know that he was practically asking for it.
He looked around, but no one else seemed remotely fazed. Taemin was talking to Key while he was preening, and he didn’t look at all affected. Onew clapped Key on the shoulder as he passed, telling him to be faster please, and Minho looked over to see what Taemin was laughing about-not what that amazing thing Key just did with his finger was about.
But Jonghyun remembered that Key had always done this; he had always behaved this way, and he’d always touched up like this before performances. Jonghyun had seen him do this before. So why was this such a big deal to him now? Was he just going crazy?
They went on stage and Jonghyun spent the whole time peering at Key’s back when he came up to sing, watching the way his hair swished every time he cocked his head.
Maybe he really was going crazy.
---
It was Wednesday (Jonghyun groaned at the thought) and he and Key were scheduled for a variety show as representatives of SHINee. Jonghyun had known about this since their manager told them about it two weeks ago, but it was only for the last two or three days that he really began dreading it.
It was going to be him, and Key, and none of the other members. And normally this would be alright, save for the fact that Jonghyun couldn’t look Key in the eye anymore.
Usually, the two of them would have a great time together, regardless of if the other members were there or not. They’d talk together about anything and everything, let their imaginations get the best of them, laugh about absolutely nothing, and sometimes Jonghyun would rest his head against Key’s shoulder and sleep dreamlessly. But this time around, he was anything but relaxed. He tried to be; he tried really hard-he tried to laugh at things but he didn’t find anything funny anymore, and he tried to talk but he didn’t find anything interesting to say. He wanted to reach over and touch Key’s fingers, but somehow, they had become strangers again.
“Look at that crowd over there,” Key pointed out the window on the way there, and Jonghyun only peered over from where he sat (as opposed to crawling on top of Key in order to take a good look himself) and chuckled mildly, his hands in his lap.
“That’s interesting,” he replied, not really finding it interesting at all.
Key only looked at him with questioning eyes, but Jonghyun simply smiled and hoped that he couldn’t see through his closed-off demeanor. After a while, Key sighed and rolled his eyes as he pulled out his iPod instead. Jonghyun let out the breath he had been holding for god knew how long once Key put in his earbuds and chose to be silent for the rest of the ride there.
They got off the van and Jonghyun walked a little ahead of Key as they shuffled into the building and headed straight for make-up. Jonghyun looked over at his friend as they sat down, before the make-up artists rushed over to them and began applying concealer over their imperfections. Key was still not looking at him and Jonghyun knew that despite his efforts, he was being completely obvious about how uncomfortable he was around him. He didn’t want it to be that way; didn’t Key see that he just wanted things to go back to how they were? He opened his mouth and tried to speak to him once more, but he couldn’t gather up the mettle before they were shoved onstage.
---
“Hey.”
Jonghyun heard Key speaking to him and turned toward him, putting on a smile that was too bright to be real. The variety show had ended recording a while ago, and the two of them had gotten their make-up off and were waiting for their van to arrive. It was supposed to have been here about ten minutes ago, and neither of them knew what had happened. But Jonghyun did know that this meant for some awkward silence with Key, and he was resenting that now.
(He was also resenting that annoying feeling he got when Key spent those last ten minutes before this chatting with Jaejin instead of trying to hang out with him.)
But Key was speaking to him now and Jonghyun perked up, perhaps too much. Oh god, he really was being too awkward, wasn’t he?
“Hey, what’s up? That was really boring, huh?” Jonghyun felt that maybe if he talked a lot, that’d make things less uncomfortable between them. His heart was racing. “And tiring. I mean, especially since we’ve got that performance tonight, too. And I mean, how many times have we danced to that damn song again?” He laughed, his pitch a little higher than usual. “I swear, it’s getting really annoying.”
“Kind of like you’ve been, lately?” Key said, and Jonghyun looked over at him sharply.
“Kibum, what? Come on,” he said, not sure how to react to this.
“Come on, what?” And it was perfectly clear that Key was angry, but Jonghyun remained silent. “You’ve been acting like such a prick lately.”
“Excuse me?” And it was Jonghyun’s turn to get angry now. “How have I been a prick? Okay, so maybe things have been kind of awkward, but excuse me for not being able to go back to normal instantaneously right after my best friend says he’s got the hots for me. Right. I’m a total prick for that, Kibum. A total prick.”
“You are!” Key retaliated, Jonghyun’s anger only fueling him further. “I mean, do you realize how fucking bizarre you’ve been lately? I can’t go anywhere without you staring me down like I’m some sort of specimen. You think I haven’t noticed that? And honestly, you’re the one making everything so awkward, not me!”
“What the fuck? You just-what do you want me to do? Kibum, you just told me you liked me! And in case you haven’t noticed, I’m not-you know-” Suddenly, he flushed a little bit and stopped, not sure how to continue that sentence without coming off as insensitive.
“You’re not gay, I fucking know. Did you suddenly forget that I’ve known you for god knows how many years? I already know you don’t feel the same way-I knew that the minute I confessed!”
And Jonghyun looked at Key and the emotion in his eyes was so honest that he did feel a little ashamed of all the smiles he’d faked and all the awkward moments he’d caused. And maybe he felt a little guilty, too, but Jonghyun only lowered his eyes because he couldn’t stand to look at his friend’s face as he continued to speak.
“And here you are, pretending that everything’s somehow going to go back to how it used to be. Pretending that I’m still your best friend who wants to see you go score with girls while I sit by the sidelines-”
“That’s not what I-fine! Look, Kibum, what am I supposed to do then?” He asked the question, and he felt a thousand breaths leave his body because it was the one thing that had been on his mind since that day when Key had left him in that dusky room.
Key only looked at him simply, and Jonghyun could see the sincerity in him. “Just be honest,” Key said, like it was the easiest thing in the world. “Things are different now, so just be honest about that.” Jonghyun looked at him, not quite understanding. Key elaborated.
“I can’t have everything I want, Jonghyun. I know that. Maybe it sucks, but there’s no point in me moping around about it, is there? And you can’t have everything you want, either. You can’t have me only as your friend, because that’s not all there is to our relationship anymore. You can be awkward and annoying about it, or you can just accept the fact that I like you, and that’s not changing anytime soon. I mean, it’s not like I’m sitting here trying to seduce you or anything. Unless you want that.” Jonghyun flushed instinctively, but Key only rolled his eyes. “Get used to my feelings for you. But don’t lead me on, and don’t lead yourself on by thinking that we’re the same as we used to be.”
“So how should I behave, then?” Jonghyun asked.
“However you want to,” Key replied. “Just don’t be an asshole anymore. I’m so sick of you being a jerk. Makes me think I decided to go for the wrong guy, and I really don’t want to doubt my taste.”
Somehow, Jonghyun could only laugh at that, and Key smiled.
“Done being awkward?” Key asked.
“Sure. I’m done,” Jonghyun said. He paused a little, looking out at the parking lot as he saw the van pulling in. “Kibum…” He said slowly. “I’m sorry. About things.”
“Don’t be,” Key responded as he opened the door to the van. “Let’s play on your PSP together, alright? The car ride here was so boring.”
“Alright,” Jonghyun smiled, and got in with him.
---
Maybe that conversation was just what he needed because things settled down a little after that. Three weeks had passed, and Jonghyun had accepted that his relationship with Key wasn’t the kind that he’d have with a best friend anymore. He didn’t hold Key’s hand any longer, or hug him for no reason, or sleep pressed up against him when they were on long car rides. But he was still able to laugh with him as they always had, tell him secrets and whisper to him backstage when he thought nobody else was looking. And Key seemed satisfied, but Jonghyun couldn’t help but feel like something was out of place, still.
It was pretty late at night, and Jonghyun really hated recording sometimes because it was just beyond tedious, and if he sang one more time he was pretty sure he was going to implode. But right now it wasn’t his turn, and rather, Onew’s. Taemin and Minho had been gone for the day since they had a schedule, and only he, Onew and Key were left. And it was way past dinnertime, but nobody had gone to get food yet; Jonghyun sat down on a couch next to Key and heard his stomach growl.
“I’m going to die if I don’t eat.” Key announced, and the manager said they’d head out after Onew finished this part, and Key only slumped back further.
“I want seafood noodles,” Jonghyun suggested.
“Too bad, because I want pork,” Key added, and Jonghyun rolled his eyes because there was really no point starting another argument about food.
“Can we get chicken?” Onew asked as he stepped out of the recording room, walking over to the other two.
“We’re getting pork.” Key said, and Onew looked sideways at Jonghyun who only shrugged. Onew sighed.
“Alright, I guess.” He conceded, and the manager asked one of them to come with him to help him carry the food on the way back. Onew decided to volunteer.
Those two left, and the two staff members there also decided to step out and take a break while they were gone, leaving Jonghyun and Key alone. Jonghyun stretched a little bit and glanced sideways at Key, who was looking a bit tired.
“Stop sleeping, Kibum,” Jonghyun said cheekily, poking him in the arm. Key slapped his hand away, annoyed.
“God, you’re such a brat,” he told him, and Jonghyun only laughed. His heart warmed a little; it had been a while since the two of them could interact like this, alone. A comfortable silence set in and Jonghyun looked over as Key’s eyes were drooping, his eyelashes fluttering lightly as they did.
“Hey,” Jonghyun said, suddenly. “I have a question.”
“Is it something stupid? Because if it is, I’m not answering.”
“I’m going to ask it anyway,” Jonghyun said, grinning, though he suddenly felt a little bit nervous. “Have you…you know, ever kissed a guy before?”
Key blinked and sat up, looking at Jonghyun carefully. “Why?” He asked.
“Just curious,” Jonghyun said, attempting to sound nonchalant. But honestly, the question had been on his mind ever since he and Key had that conversation a few weeks ago, and he hadn’t been able to shake it off.
“Well… Yeah, I have,” Key shrugged, and Jonghyun looked at him sharply.
“Who was it?” He asked, but Key only smirked.
“I don’t kiss and tell.”
“Oh, cut the crap. It’s someone I know, isn’t it? That’s why you’re not telling me.”
Key only shrugged, the smirk still on his lips.
“I’m going to get it out of you, Kibum. Is it Jinwoon?”
Key shook his head, making a face. “Ugh. He’s so not my type.”
“Fine. Is it a sunbae?” Key shrugged again. “Okay, so it’s a sunbae. You know, I’m not going to stop until you just tell me.”
“Ugh, you’re such a child.” Key complained, “fine, I’ll tell. It was Jaejin. From a while ago.”
“Jae-are you kidding me? He looks like he’s ten, or something!” Jonghyun didn’t know why he felt so indignant. “You could have so done better.”
Key was aggravatingly nonchalant. “He was pretty good at it, actually,” he supplied, and Jonghyun glared.
“You’re just saying that,” he said. “Why didn’t you tell me about this?” Jonghyun felt suddenly wounded. He had told Key about all of his experiences with girls (even if he lied about it in interviews), but Key never really told him anything back.
Key shrugged. “I think I told Taemin, once.”
“Oh, so you can tell Taemin that you went and hooked up with Jaejin, but you can’t tell me.”
“What the hell is wrong with you? It was a long time ago! Maybe five months ago…it was nothing! Why are you so hung up about it? And it wasn’t even hooking up!” Key snapped, and Jonghyun glanced aside and he felt heat crawling up his face, to his cheeks. Was he blushing? God, he was blushing wasn’t he? Honestly, he didn’t even know why he was getting so worked up over what was clearly nothing.
“So…he was really good at it, huh,” Jonghyun said, and his tone was bitter. “You’re probably just saying that because he’s the only person you’ve kissed.”
“Wrong. I kissed a girl back before debut. I kissed another sunbae of ours, also before debut. Really, Jonghyun, if I didn’t know any better I’d think you’re sounding jealous.” Key looked at him with an irate expression and Jonghyun was indignant.
“What… No. I mean. No. But, I mean really, didn’t you say you liked me?” Jonghyun had a betrayed expression on his face. “Then why are you going around kissing other people, huh? I mean, Jaejin? Of all people? You can do so much better than him. Like, I don’t know, I for example-just as an example!-have so much more experience, and Jaejin-I mean, what were you thinking?”
“I really don’t know if you think you’re being funny or if you’re actually just that full of yourself.”
“How is that full of myself? You said you liked me, so why are you off kissing him?” There was a part of him, somewhere in the back of his mind that knew he really was being ridiculous and jealous.
“So what am I supposed to do, kiss you? Self-proclaimed straight as an arrow?” Key rolled his eyes. “Let’s stop this conversation. You’re really being a jerk.”
“I mean, I just don’t get it, Kibum. You said you have feelings for me, but sometimes it feels like you don’t at all! You said you liked me, but all you do is treat me like a friend. Sometimes… I don’t know, I just don’t get it! If you like someone, shouldn’t you try to convey your feelings to them? And not just through the most blatant confession in history. You said I was the one being awkward, but you’re just as bad! No wonder I’m confused as hell!”
Jonghyun exhaled and Key only looked at him with somewhat of an expressionless face. Jonghyun continued after a few moments of silence. “I… Had a dream. About you,” he confessed. He felt himself blushing once more. “It…um. It was a really random dream. We…kissed.” He looked at Key, who seemed surprised. “In the dream, I mean…it didn’t seem that bad.”
“So what’s your point?” Key said bluntly, and Jonghyun sighed, nervous.
“We could try.”
“Not when you say it like that.”
“Fine. I’m…curious. Let’s just try, because I want to. Once. I…It’s been on my mind.”
Key only looked at him and Jonghyun found him to be, for once, completely unreadable. “Alright,” he said at length. “Just…” Key looked away for half of a second and Jonghyun saw the pink tint that his cheeks had adopted. He smiled a little bit; it wasn’t often that Key actually blushed. “Fine, just close your eyes and I’ll do it.”
“No,” Jonghyun said, nervousness clasping his heart. “Um… I’ll do it. I want to do it.”
Key looked at him expectantly and Jonghyun found himself wishing he had never said anything about this at all. He was anxious now, but still-there was a part of him that knew that maybe this was what he really had wanted all along. Jonghyun bit his lip and leaned forward, closing his eyes as he did. He leaned in closer and closer and he could feel Key’s breath tickling his upper lip. He was close… His heart was doing backflips as he pressed on, and the next thing he realized, their noses were bumping.
Jonghyun opened his eyes in surprise, and saw Key pulling back, laughing hysterically. Jonghyun blushed deeply, a scowl on his face.
“Jjong… Jjong, what the hell was that?” Key said, through his laughter. Jonghyun glared.
“Well-oh, shut up! I’ve never kissed a guy before, okay? It’s nerve-wracking! Just-I can kiss better than that, you know,” he insisted. “Just-oh my god, if you don’t stop laughing I’m going to fucking hit you.”
But his threat fell on deaf ears, as Key wasn’t even trying to control himself, slapping Jonghyun’s knee as he continued to laugh. “I mean really, I thought you had so much experience,” he drawled. “Oh, wow… That was… That was great. That was great, Jjong.” Key wiped his tears and looked at Jonghyun once more. This time, he was much more relaxed. “It’s really not that big of a deal,” he said. “It’s not like kissing a guy is the end of the world.” He looked at Jonghyun, who still looked a bit stung, and pressed two fingers against his cheek, turning his face toward him. “Relax,” Key told him, and Jonghyun saw him get closer and closer and he didn’t even realize that he had been kissed until Key pulled back once more, a satisfied look on his face. Only then did Jonghyun feel the presence of Key’s lips burn against his, and he looked at him in a daze.
Key only smiled at him and Jonghyun slowly, slowly smiled back.
---
Jonghyun couldn’t let that kiss go. And he knew there was something wrong with him because he’d been replaying that moment in his mind ever since it had happened. He’d look at Key and he’d feel his heart thumping harder because he’d remember what it was like to press their mouths together. He’d hear him laugh and remember what it was like to feel his breath against his mouth. He’d smell his shampoo after a shower and recall the way his hair had brushed against his forehead when they were so close. It was like there was nothing else in his life other than those brief three seconds when Key’s lips had met his.
And it was driving him mad, really, because it wasn’t as if all of a sudden he started to notice other men. Onew was still his good friend. He still just didn’t see what was so hot about Minho, and Taemin was still too young to even think about that way. It wasn’t as if other men became attractive all of a sudden-it was only Key. It was, as always, only Key.
And Jonghyun knew where this was heading and he wanted to deny it, but there was no point anymore, because there had been this feeling growing inside of him and it sparked up all the brighter every time Key smiled at him. And Jonghyun knew that he had been running from this for long enough.
“Jjong, let’s go shopping tomorrow, now that we have time off,” Key’s voice whined. Jonghyun looked over at him as he spoke, tensing a little for some reason. They were spread out on the couch watching television while Minho and Onew slept. Taemin still had a schedule.
“Why? Let’s go somewhere else,” Jonghyun suggested, and Key looked at him with a frown.
“I want to shop,” he insisted.
“How about…” Jonghyun looked away from Key and back at the television again. His mind was filled with wild ideas and all of a sudden he spoke without thinking. “Maybe we can get some lunch…and then go to a movie?” He suggested, half-sheepish.
Key only laughed. “That just sounds like an idea for a bad date. Let’s go shopping instead.”
Jonghyun blushed a little bit when Key deemed his suggestion a ‘bad date’, and turned to look at him again. Key was grinning at him, though when he saw the earnest, embarrassed look on Jonghyun’s face, he stopped. Jonghyun didn’t want to speak, and he didn’t know what he would say to him-and more than anything, he was a little scared of where this was taking him.
“You’re weird,” Key shrugged it off, and grabbed the remote control before beginning to flip channels.
Jonghyun remained silent, and Key didn’t say anything else either. The only sounds came from the television, and for some reason, Jonghyun recalled a day about two months ago, before all this had happened, when he had casually slipped an arm around Key when they had been watching television together. Key had stiffened next to him, and ever since then, things had taken the oddest turns.
He eyed the other boy briefly before he automatically, experimentally threw an arm on the couch behind him as they rested together. Jonghyun kept looking the television, though he strained to see Key through the corner of his eye. Key had simply turned to look at him for a moment, before going back to watching the program as if nothing was wrong.
Jonghyun felt his heart beating out of his chest. He was consumed by emotion all of a sudden, and there were so many words crowded at the back of his throat that nothing came out at all when he opened his mouth.
“Kibum.” When he said his name, his voice sounded a lot more confident than he was. Key turned to him, and the lights coming from the television reflected off his cheeks. Jonghyun tried to say something, but his lips wouldn’t part. He was nervous, afraid, and about to burst. Key opened his mouth slightly to speak, but Jonghyun acted before he could say a word.
They didn’t bump noses this time, but Jonghyun was just as sincere as he had been then. Key seemed surprised, and started a little bit, but Jonghyun held him there as he slid a hand to the back of his head, slipping into his hair. The kiss was innocent, but not delicate; Jonghyun poured out his frustrations and confusion and infatuations onto Key’s lips and he didn’t try to hold back. Breathing, he pulled away a little, his hand slipping down to Key’s shoulder. He looked up; Key looked questioning, but unafraid. Jonghyun knew he owed him an answer.
“Kibum… I don’t even know what’s going on with me. I don’t know,” Jonghyun said, his voice so quiet it was almost hoarse. “I’m not…like that, you know. I’m not. But… Fuck, Kibum. I haven’t been able to get you out of my head. What’s wrong with me?” He asked softly. “I… I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know if I feel the same way you do right now. But… Maybe I’m getting there. Or, maybe I’m just going out of my mind. It feels like that, sometimes.”
Key only looked at him with surprisingly calm eyes, and Jonghyun didn’t dare break eye contact. Key’s face was solemn and his small mouth was slightly downturned, and he looked thoughtful.
“That really makes no sense,” he said at last, and Jonghyun looked at him exasperatedly. Key only smiled. “But I think I might understand.”
Jonghyun couldn’t help but smile too, and he wanted nothing more than to lean forward and steal Key’s lips for his own once more. He leaned forward, but was surprised when Key pushed him back. Jonghyun blinked. “What?” he asked.
“Do you really think I’m that easy?” Key said, though he had a mischievous little smile on his face that made Jonghyun groan in disappointment.
“Kibum, come on… Just one more.”
“No way,” Key crossed his arms. “Not until you can tell me that you really do like me. So you’d better hurry up and get there or these kisses are going to someone else,” he teased, and Jonghyun pouted.
“You’re…ugh, I knew you were going to be like this,” he sighed, though he wasn’t angry at all. “Fine. After then, can I?” He smiled, and his heart warmed at the happiness in Key’s eyes.
“As many times as you want,” Key told him, and Jonghyun blushed.
---
Cross-posted to shinee_replay and jongkey .
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~5,800
Pairing: Jonghyun x Key
Genre: Drama, romance
Warnings: Cursing, minor sexual situations, slight fluff
Summary: After Key’s confession, Jonghyun doesn’t know what to do anymore.
Notes: Enjoy~ Read part one here, if you haven’t first.
EDIT: Thank you so much to honeysparkle for doing this amazing fanart based on this fic! :) It's lovely, dear!
---
The Trouble with Boys
Part 2
---
It was three o’clock in the morning and Jonghyun’s eyes were open and fixed on the ceiling. It was only earlier on in the day that Key had told him straight out that he had feelings for him. And not the platonic kind of feelings, but the kind of feelings that Jonghyun had always thought that he’d reserve for a girl, and a girl only. And Key, as much as he flaunted his hips and swished his hair, was definitely not a girl.
After the confession, he had stayed in that empty room with the lights off for a little bit longer, letting what happened sink in. A thousand things ran through his mind; were they still best friends? Could they go back to the way they used to be? Did Key expect him to return his feelings? But when he finally shuffled back into the dressing room where everyone else was, Key didn’t skip a heartbeat before walking over to him, grabbing his hand and pulling him to the van so they could get lunch-just like he had always done.
Jonghyun didn’t really know whether to be thankful for this behavior or to resent it, because when Key held his hand it didn’t feel the same way it always had felt. It didn’t feel safe or comforting anymore; rather, it made him feel nervous and a little annoyed. Because really, what was the right thing to do now?
Jonghyun had never actually considered being gay, or even bi for that matter. It was always just a non-question. He was always just straight and that was all there was to say about it. But Key had been startlingly confident and candid in his confession, and even though the thought of Key in a romantic or sexual way made him uncomfortable, Jonghyun couldn’t help but admire the boy for his audacity.
But at the same time, he couldn’t help but wish that Key had never said anything at all, because now emotions were going haywire inside of him somewhere and he didn’t know how to just fix it.
Sighing a little, he turned to his side where he saw Key’s outline from underneath his covers, lying still in the bed right across from his. He was perfectly still, perfectly peaceful, it seemed-and Jonghyun felt a little unreasonably irritated. He felt as if all this was his problem now, and he just didn’t want to deal with it. He just wanted things to go back to how they used to be, and he just wanted to be able to feel comfortable around his best friend again…
Sighing, Jonghyun turned to his side and closed his eyes.
---
It was sometime in the late afternoon and Jonghyun was writing lyrics in a separate room. It was unusually quiet in the dorms; he couldn’t hear Key cackling in laughter, or Taemin being loud about something or another with Minho or Onew. It was peaceful and Jonghyun could simply sit and write and not worry about everything else, because it was like nobody else existed (and god knew sometimes he wished that were true).
He picked up his pencil and he began to write down a few words. He stared at what he had written for a while, and let his thoughts flow from there. But before he could pen down anything else, the door opened. He turned around to see who it was.
It was Key.
Jonghyun forced a smile, but Key didn’t return it. Instantly, Jonghyun flustered a little bit, and he decided to go back to his sheet of lyrics. But it seemed that Key had other ideas.
Jonghyun shuddered when he felt fingertips lightly brushing across the nape of his neck. Burned, he looked up and saw Key slinking down next to him. He looked at him with a mixture of incredulousness and nervousness. What exactly was that?
“H-Hey, Kibum,” Jonghyun said. “Where is everyone else?”
“Does it matter?” Was the breathy reply, and Jonghyun shuddered because Key’s lips had just grazed against his earlobe as he spoke. Startled, he pulled away, his notebook dropping from his hands as he did.
“Kibum, what-what is this? Seriously, don’t joke around with me.”
“What makes you think I’m joking? I told you I liked you. I’m taking what I want.”
And Jonghyun couldn’t really even find a second to disagree because the next thing he knew, Key had straddled him and pressed his mouth firmly against his. Jonghyun’s mind went a thousand places at once because oh god, Key was kissing him and he didn’t know what to do. He wanted to push him off but his arms felt heavy. He tried to lift them up but they just wouldn’t move from his sides. And Key’s tongue was doing something between his lips and he squirmed uncomfortably.
Or maybe he was just uncomfortable because despite himself, it felt really good.
He found himself mortified because when he finally could lift up his arms, they automatically found their place around Key’s waist, pulling him flush against his chest. And he was thinking that Key was really quite thin, that he fit quite snugly within his grasp; and then he stopped thinking altogether when Key’s mouth pressed a wet kiss right where his jaw met his neck, because really, where did Key learn all of this?
And he wanted to open his mouth to speak, but when he did, no words came out; just a low, throaty groan when Key’s hips bucked against his. And he was breathing quite hard because Key’s lips were sliding down his neck now and something violent sparked in his mind when he felt Key’s fingers trailing down his chest and cupping the front of his pants.
Oh god, Jonghyun thought, please wake up, please wake up. He felt Key unbuckling his belt. This is a dream, please wake up.
A second later, he woke up.
---
Breakfast, needless to say, was a horrible affair. Jonghyun was remarkably tired. He had only gotten about two hours of sleep, and those two hours were hardly restful since he had spent them dreaming about kissing his best friend. And the worst part was that his dream self had enjoyed it. That really wasn’t supposed to happen. But really, Jonghyun thought, nothing that had occurred within the last forty-eight hours was supposed to have happened either, but they had anyway.
“Jjong, you haven’t eaten anything. Hurry up and eat, our schedule starts soon,” Key shot at him from across the table. “You too, Taemin-ah.”
“I wanted meat though,” Taemin said, half-whining, but he did as he was told. Jonghyun, however, didn’t.
“What’s the matter, Jonghyun?” Onew asked him. “We’ve got a schedule starting pretty early, so…”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m eating,” he said while shoving a chopstick-full of food into his mouth, and everyone looked at him because Jonghyun didn’t snap at them like that very often. “I just didn’t sleep well last night,” he offered as an explanation, and watched as everyone went back to eating. He sighed quietly.
And as he expected, the rest of the day didn’t quite go swimmingly either. Despite the fact that he pulled himself together and put his best foot forward, he couldn’t help but feel terribly disengaged. He smiled and laughed all the way through the variety program he was scheduled to be in, but he really hadn’t been paying attention, and only laughed because everyone else was laughing. And Key was sitting right next to him and grabbing his knee as he guffawed, and Jonghyun had to pretend that the touch didn’t sting him.
But Jonghyun thought it would be fine to pretend, because if he pretended that everything was okay for long enough, maybe then things would become alright after all.
As it turned out, that strategy didn’t really work.
It didn’t work, because Jonghyun found himself becoming absolutely hyper-aware of Key at all times. Whenever he was there, he’d always notice. And not just notice, but really notice, down to his posture and how some hair was out of place and how that green color really did look kind of tacky. And sometimes, when they were backstage and Jonghyun was talking with Jessica or Victoria or whoever else, his eyes would still scan the crowd until they landed on Key, all the way on the other side of the room, laughing with Jinwoon.
Wait-why was he with Jinwoon? Jonghyun would think indignantly, because it certainly wasn’t Jinwoon that he just confessed to a few days ago. Key didn’t move on that fast, did he?
And then Jonghyun would have to correct himself because he wanted Key to move on fast, so that they could go back to being best friends. Right? Right.
But that didn’t really settle the tense knot in the middle of his heart.
Because the next time they were in the dressing room, Key was getting ready for a performance by primping in front of the mirror as he always did, and Jonghyun found himself looking at him. He was looking, because Key was fixing his make-up, namely the soft pink color painted on his lips. It had smudged a little bit, and so in effort to fix it, he was running his index finger slowly, carefully, alluringly across his bottom lip. His lips were slightly parted and his eyes were prettily downcast as he looked at his own reflection in the mirror, and Jonghyun couldn’t take his eyes off him.
A part of him half-wondered if Key was doing it on purpose, or if he really didn’t know that he was practically asking for it.
He looked around, but no one else seemed remotely fazed. Taemin was talking to Key while he was preening, and he didn’t look at all affected. Onew clapped Key on the shoulder as he passed, telling him to be faster please, and Minho looked over to see what Taemin was laughing about-not what that amazing thing Key just did with his finger was about.
But Jonghyun remembered that Key had always done this; he had always behaved this way, and he’d always touched up like this before performances. Jonghyun had seen him do this before. So why was this such a big deal to him now? Was he just going crazy?
They went on stage and Jonghyun spent the whole time peering at Key’s back when he came up to sing, watching the way his hair swished every time he cocked his head.
Maybe he really was going crazy.
---
It was Wednesday (Jonghyun groaned at the thought) and he and Key were scheduled for a variety show as representatives of SHINee. Jonghyun had known about this since their manager told them about it two weeks ago, but it was only for the last two or three days that he really began dreading it.
It was going to be him, and Key, and none of the other members. And normally this would be alright, save for the fact that Jonghyun couldn’t look Key in the eye anymore.
Usually, the two of them would have a great time together, regardless of if the other members were there or not. They’d talk together about anything and everything, let their imaginations get the best of them, laugh about absolutely nothing, and sometimes Jonghyun would rest his head against Key’s shoulder and sleep dreamlessly. But this time around, he was anything but relaxed. He tried to be; he tried really hard-he tried to laugh at things but he didn’t find anything funny anymore, and he tried to talk but he didn’t find anything interesting to say. He wanted to reach over and touch Key’s fingers, but somehow, they had become strangers again.
“Look at that crowd over there,” Key pointed out the window on the way there, and Jonghyun only peered over from where he sat (as opposed to crawling on top of Key in order to take a good look himself) and chuckled mildly, his hands in his lap.
“That’s interesting,” he replied, not really finding it interesting at all.
Key only looked at him with questioning eyes, but Jonghyun simply smiled and hoped that he couldn’t see through his closed-off demeanor. After a while, Key sighed and rolled his eyes as he pulled out his iPod instead. Jonghyun let out the breath he had been holding for god knew how long once Key put in his earbuds and chose to be silent for the rest of the ride there.
They got off the van and Jonghyun walked a little ahead of Key as they shuffled into the building and headed straight for make-up. Jonghyun looked over at his friend as they sat down, before the make-up artists rushed over to them and began applying concealer over their imperfections. Key was still not looking at him and Jonghyun knew that despite his efforts, he was being completely obvious about how uncomfortable he was around him. He didn’t want it to be that way; didn’t Key see that he just wanted things to go back to how they were? He opened his mouth and tried to speak to him once more, but he couldn’t gather up the mettle before they were shoved onstage.
---
“Hey.”
Jonghyun heard Key speaking to him and turned toward him, putting on a smile that was too bright to be real. The variety show had ended recording a while ago, and the two of them had gotten their make-up off and were waiting for their van to arrive. It was supposed to have been here about ten minutes ago, and neither of them knew what had happened. But Jonghyun did know that this meant for some awkward silence with Key, and he was resenting that now.
(He was also resenting that annoying feeling he got when Key spent those last ten minutes before this chatting with Jaejin instead of trying to hang out with him.)
But Key was speaking to him now and Jonghyun perked up, perhaps too much. Oh god, he really was being too awkward, wasn’t he?
“Hey, what’s up? That was really boring, huh?” Jonghyun felt that maybe if he talked a lot, that’d make things less uncomfortable between them. His heart was racing. “And tiring. I mean, especially since we’ve got that performance tonight, too. And I mean, how many times have we danced to that damn song again?” He laughed, his pitch a little higher than usual. “I swear, it’s getting really annoying.”
“Kind of like you’ve been, lately?” Key said, and Jonghyun looked over at him sharply.
“Kibum, what? Come on,” he said, not sure how to react to this.
“Come on, what?” And it was perfectly clear that Key was angry, but Jonghyun remained silent. “You’ve been acting like such a prick lately.”
“Excuse me?” And it was Jonghyun’s turn to get angry now. “How have I been a prick? Okay, so maybe things have been kind of awkward, but excuse me for not being able to go back to normal instantaneously right after my best friend says he’s got the hots for me. Right. I’m a total prick for that, Kibum. A total prick.”
“You are!” Key retaliated, Jonghyun’s anger only fueling him further. “I mean, do you realize how fucking bizarre you’ve been lately? I can’t go anywhere without you staring me down like I’m some sort of specimen. You think I haven’t noticed that? And honestly, you’re the one making everything so awkward, not me!”
“What the fuck? You just-what do you want me to do? Kibum, you just told me you liked me! And in case you haven’t noticed, I’m not-you know-” Suddenly, he flushed a little bit and stopped, not sure how to continue that sentence without coming off as insensitive.
“You’re not gay, I fucking know. Did you suddenly forget that I’ve known you for god knows how many years? I already know you don’t feel the same way-I knew that the minute I confessed!”
And Jonghyun looked at Key and the emotion in his eyes was so honest that he did feel a little ashamed of all the smiles he’d faked and all the awkward moments he’d caused. And maybe he felt a little guilty, too, but Jonghyun only lowered his eyes because he couldn’t stand to look at his friend’s face as he continued to speak.
“And here you are, pretending that everything’s somehow going to go back to how it used to be. Pretending that I’m still your best friend who wants to see you go score with girls while I sit by the sidelines-”
“That’s not what I-fine! Look, Kibum, what am I supposed to do then?” He asked the question, and he felt a thousand breaths leave his body because it was the one thing that had been on his mind since that day when Key had left him in that dusky room.
Key only looked at him simply, and Jonghyun could see the sincerity in him. “Just be honest,” Key said, like it was the easiest thing in the world. “Things are different now, so just be honest about that.” Jonghyun looked at him, not quite understanding. Key elaborated.
“I can’t have everything I want, Jonghyun. I know that. Maybe it sucks, but there’s no point in me moping around about it, is there? And you can’t have everything you want, either. You can’t have me only as your friend, because that’s not all there is to our relationship anymore. You can be awkward and annoying about it, or you can just accept the fact that I like you, and that’s not changing anytime soon. I mean, it’s not like I’m sitting here trying to seduce you or anything. Unless you want that.” Jonghyun flushed instinctively, but Key only rolled his eyes. “Get used to my feelings for you. But don’t lead me on, and don’t lead yourself on by thinking that we’re the same as we used to be.”
“So how should I behave, then?” Jonghyun asked.
“However you want to,” Key replied. “Just don’t be an asshole anymore. I’m so sick of you being a jerk. Makes me think I decided to go for the wrong guy, and I really don’t want to doubt my taste.”
Somehow, Jonghyun could only laugh at that, and Key smiled.
“Done being awkward?” Key asked.
“Sure. I’m done,” Jonghyun said. He paused a little, looking out at the parking lot as he saw the van pulling in. “Kibum…” He said slowly. “I’m sorry. About things.”
“Don’t be,” Key responded as he opened the door to the van. “Let’s play on your PSP together, alright? The car ride here was so boring.”
“Alright,” Jonghyun smiled, and got in with him.
---
Maybe that conversation was just what he needed because things settled down a little after that. Three weeks had passed, and Jonghyun had accepted that his relationship with Key wasn’t the kind that he’d have with a best friend anymore. He didn’t hold Key’s hand any longer, or hug him for no reason, or sleep pressed up against him when they were on long car rides. But he was still able to laugh with him as they always had, tell him secrets and whisper to him backstage when he thought nobody else was looking. And Key seemed satisfied, but Jonghyun couldn’t help but feel like something was out of place, still.
It was pretty late at night, and Jonghyun really hated recording sometimes because it was just beyond tedious, and if he sang one more time he was pretty sure he was going to implode. But right now it wasn’t his turn, and rather, Onew’s. Taemin and Minho had been gone for the day since they had a schedule, and only he, Onew and Key were left. And it was way past dinnertime, but nobody had gone to get food yet; Jonghyun sat down on a couch next to Key and heard his stomach growl.
“I’m going to die if I don’t eat.” Key announced, and the manager said they’d head out after Onew finished this part, and Key only slumped back further.
“I want seafood noodles,” Jonghyun suggested.
“Too bad, because I want pork,” Key added, and Jonghyun rolled his eyes because there was really no point starting another argument about food.
“Can we get chicken?” Onew asked as he stepped out of the recording room, walking over to the other two.
“We’re getting pork.” Key said, and Onew looked sideways at Jonghyun who only shrugged. Onew sighed.
“Alright, I guess.” He conceded, and the manager asked one of them to come with him to help him carry the food on the way back. Onew decided to volunteer.
Those two left, and the two staff members there also decided to step out and take a break while they were gone, leaving Jonghyun and Key alone. Jonghyun stretched a little bit and glanced sideways at Key, who was looking a bit tired.
“Stop sleeping, Kibum,” Jonghyun said cheekily, poking him in the arm. Key slapped his hand away, annoyed.
“God, you’re such a brat,” he told him, and Jonghyun only laughed. His heart warmed a little; it had been a while since the two of them could interact like this, alone. A comfortable silence set in and Jonghyun looked over as Key’s eyes were drooping, his eyelashes fluttering lightly as they did.
“Hey,” Jonghyun said, suddenly. “I have a question.”
“Is it something stupid? Because if it is, I’m not answering.”
“I’m going to ask it anyway,” Jonghyun said, grinning, though he suddenly felt a little bit nervous. “Have you…you know, ever kissed a guy before?”
Key blinked and sat up, looking at Jonghyun carefully. “Why?” He asked.
“Just curious,” Jonghyun said, attempting to sound nonchalant. But honestly, the question had been on his mind ever since he and Key had that conversation a few weeks ago, and he hadn’t been able to shake it off.
“Well… Yeah, I have,” Key shrugged, and Jonghyun looked at him sharply.
“Who was it?” He asked, but Key only smirked.
“I don’t kiss and tell.”
“Oh, cut the crap. It’s someone I know, isn’t it? That’s why you’re not telling me.”
Key only shrugged, the smirk still on his lips.
“I’m going to get it out of you, Kibum. Is it Jinwoon?”
Key shook his head, making a face. “Ugh. He’s so not my type.”
“Fine. Is it a sunbae?” Key shrugged again. “Okay, so it’s a sunbae. You know, I’m not going to stop until you just tell me.”
“Ugh, you’re such a child.” Key complained, “fine, I’ll tell. It was Jaejin. From a while ago.”
“Jae-are you kidding me? He looks like he’s ten, or something!” Jonghyun didn’t know why he felt so indignant. “You could have so done better.”
Key was aggravatingly nonchalant. “He was pretty good at it, actually,” he supplied, and Jonghyun glared.
“You’re just saying that,” he said. “Why didn’t you tell me about this?” Jonghyun felt suddenly wounded. He had told Key about all of his experiences with girls (even if he lied about it in interviews), but Key never really told him anything back.
Key shrugged. “I think I told Taemin, once.”
“Oh, so you can tell Taemin that you went and hooked up with Jaejin, but you can’t tell me.”
“What the hell is wrong with you? It was a long time ago! Maybe five months ago…it was nothing! Why are you so hung up about it? And it wasn’t even hooking up!” Key snapped, and Jonghyun glanced aside and he felt heat crawling up his face, to his cheeks. Was he blushing? God, he was blushing wasn’t he? Honestly, he didn’t even know why he was getting so worked up over what was clearly nothing.
“So…he was really good at it, huh,” Jonghyun said, and his tone was bitter. “You’re probably just saying that because he’s the only person you’ve kissed.”
“Wrong. I kissed a girl back before debut. I kissed another sunbae of ours, also before debut. Really, Jonghyun, if I didn’t know any better I’d think you’re sounding jealous.” Key looked at him with an irate expression and Jonghyun was indignant.
“What… No. I mean. No. But, I mean really, didn’t you say you liked me?” Jonghyun had a betrayed expression on his face. “Then why are you going around kissing other people, huh? I mean, Jaejin? Of all people? You can do so much better than him. Like, I don’t know, I for example-just as an example!-have so much more experience, and Jaejin-I mean, what were you thinking?”
“I really don’t know if you think you’re being funny or if you’re actually just that full of yourself.”
“How is that full of myself? You said you liked me, so why are you off kissing him?” There was a part of him, somewhere in the back of his mind that knew he really was being ridiculous and jealous.
“So what am I supposed to do, kiss you? Self-proclaimed straight as an arrow?” Key rolled his eyes. “Let’s stop this conversation. You’re really being a jerk.”
“I mean, I just don’t get it, Kibum. You said you have feelings for me, but sometimes it feels like you don’t at all! You said you liked me, but all you do is treat me like a friend. Sometimes… I don’t know, I just don’t get it! If you like someone, shouldn’t you try to convey your feelings to them? And not just through the most blatant confession in history. You said I was the one being awkward, but you’re just as bad! No wonder I’m confused as hell!”
Jonghyun exhaled and Key only looked at him with somewhat of an expressionless face. Jonghyun continued after a few moments of silence. “I… Had a dream. About you,” he confessed. He felt himself blushing once more. “It…um. It was a really random dream. We…kissed.” He looked at Key, who seemed surprised. “In the dream, I mean…it didn’t seem that bad.”
“So what’s your point?” Key said bluntly, and Jonghyun sighed, nervous.
“We could try.”
“Not when you say it like that.”
“Fine. I’m…curious. Let’s just try, because I want to. Once. I…It’s been on my mind.”
Key only looked at him and Jonghyun found him to be, for once, completely unreadable. “Alright,” he said at length. “Just…” Key looked away for half of a second and Jonghyun saw the pink tint that his cheeks had adopted. He smiled a little bit; it wasn’t often that Key actually blushed. “Fine, just close your eyes and I’ll do it.”
“No,” Jonghyun said, nervousness clasping his heart. “Um… I’ll do it. I want to do it.”
Key looked at him expectantly and Jonghyun found himself wishing he had never said anything about this at all. He was anxious now, but still-there was a part of him that knew that maybe this was what he really had wanted all along. Jonghyun bit his lip and leaned forward, closing his eyes as he did. He leaned in closer and closer and he could feel Key’s breath tickling his upper lip. He was close… His heart was doing backflips as he pressed on, and the next thing he realized, their noses were bumping.
Jonghyun opened his eyes in surprise, and saw Key pulling back, laughing hysterically. Jonghyun blushed deeply, a scowl on his face.
“Jjong… Jjong, what the hell was that?” Key said, through his laughter. Jonghyun glared.
“Well-oh, shut up! I’ve never kissed a guy before, okay? It’s nerve-wracking! Just-I can kiss better than that, you know,” he insisted. “Just-oh my god, if you don’t stop laughing I’m going to fucking hit you.”
But his threat fell on deaf ears, as Key wasn’t even trying to control himself, slapping Jonghyun’s knee as he continued to laugh. “I mean really, I thought you had so much experience,” he drawled. “Oh, wow… That was… That was great. That was great, Jjong.” Key wiped his tears and looked at Jonghyun once more. This time, he was much more relaxed. “It’s really not that big of a deal,” he said. “It’s not like kissing a guy is the end of the world.” He looked at Jonghyun, who still looked a bit stung, and pressed two fingers against his cheek, turning his face toward him. “Relax,” Key told him, and Jonghyun saw him get closer and closer and he didn’t even realize that he had been kissed until Key pulled back once more, a satisfied look on his face. Only then did Jonghyun feel the presence of Key’s lips burn against his, and he looked at him in a daze.
Key only smiled at him and Jonghyun slowly, slowly smiled back.
---
Jonghyun couldn’t let that kiss go. And he knew there was something wrong with him because he’d been replaying that moment in his mind ever since it had happened. He’d look at Key and he’d feel his heart thumping harder because he’d remember what it was like to press their mouths together. He’d hear him laugh and remember what it was like to feel his breath against his mouth. He’d smell his shampoo after a shower and recall the way his hair had brushed against his forehead when they were so close. It was like there was nothing else in his life other than those brief three seconds when Key’s lips had met his.
And it was driving him mad, really, because it wasn’t as if all of a sudden he started to notice other men. Onew was still his good friend. He still just didn’t see what was so hot about Minho, and Taemin was still too young to even think about that way. It wasn’t as if other men became attractive all of a sudden-it was only Key. It was, as always, only Key.
And Jonghyun knew where this was heading and he wanted to deny it, but there was no point anymore, because there had been this feeling growing inside of him and it sparked up all the brighter every time Key smiled at him. And Jonghyun knew that he had been running from this for long enough.
“Jjong, let’s go shopping tomorrow, now that we have time off,” Key’s voice whined. Jonghyun looked over at him as he spoke, tensing a little for some reason. They were spread out on the couch watching television while Minho and Onew slept. Taemin still had a schedule.
“Why? Let’s go somewhere else,” Jonghyun suggested, and Key looked at him with a frown.
“I want to shop,” he insisted.
“How about…” Jonghyun looked away from Key and back at the television again. His mind was filled with wild ideas and all of a sudden he spoke without thinking. “Maybe we can get some lunch…and then go to a movie?” He suggested, half-sheepish.
Key only laughed. “That just sounds like an idea for a bad date. Let’s go shopping instead.”
Jonghyun blushed a little bit when Key deemed his suggestion a ‘bad date’, and turned to look at him again. Key was grinning at him, though when he saw the earnest, embarrassed look on Jonghyun’s face, he stopped. Jonghyun didn’t want to speak, and he didn’t know what he would say to him-and more than anything, he was a little scared of where this was taking him.
“You’re weird,” Key shrugged it off, and grabbed the remote control before beginning to flip channels.
Jonghyun remained silent, and Key didn’t say anything else either. The only sounds came from the television, and for some reason, Jonghyun recalled a day about two months ago, before all this had happened, when he had casually slipped an arm around Key when they had been watching television together. Key had stiffened next to him, and ever since then, things had taken the oddest turns.
He eyed the other boy briefly before he automatically, experimentally threw an arm on the couch behind him as they rested together. Jonghyun kept looking the television, though he strained to see Key through the corner of his eye. Key had simply turned to look at him for a moment, before going back to watching the program as if nothing was wrong.
Jonghyun felt his heart beating out of his chest. He was consumed by emotion all of a sudden, and there were so many words crowded at the back of his throat that nothing came out at all when he opened his mouth.
“Kibum.” When he said his name, his voice sounded a lot more confident than he was. Key turned to him, and the lights coming from the television reflected off his cheeks. Jonghyun tried to say something, but his lips wouldn’t part. He was nervous, afraid, and about to burst. Key opened his mouth slightly to speak, but Jonghyun acted before he could say a word.
They didn’t bump noses this time, but Jonghyun was just as sincere as he had been then. Key seemed surprised, and started a little bit, but Jonghyun held him there as he slid a hand to the back of his head, slipping into his hair. The kiss was innocent, but not delicate; Jonghyun poured out his frustrations and confusion and infatuations onto Key’s lips and he didn’t try to hold back. Breathing, he pulled away a little, his hand slipping down to Key’s shoulder. He looked up; Key looked questioning, but unafraid. Jonghyun knew he owed him an answer.
“Kibum… I don’t even know what’s going on with me. I don’t know,” Jonghyun said, his voice so quiet it was almost hoarse. “I’m not…like that, you know. I’m not. But… Fuck, Kibum. I haven’t been able to get you out of my head. What’s wrong with me?” He asked softly. “I… I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know if I feel the same way you do right now. But… Maybe I’m getting there. Or, maybe I’m just going out of my mind. It feels like that, sometimes.”
Key only looked at him with surprisingly calm eyes, and Jonghyun didn’t dare break eye contact. Key’s face was solemn and his small mouth was slightly downturned, and he looked thoughtful.
“That really makes no sense,” he said at last, and Jonghyun looked at him exasperatedly. Key only smiled. “But I think I might understand.”
Jonghyun couldn’t help but smile too, and he wanted nothing more than to lean forward and steal Key’s lips for his own once more. He leaned forward, but was surprised when Key pushed him back. Jonghyun blinked. “What?” he asked.
“Do you really think I’m that easy?” Key said, though he had a mischievous little smile on his face that made Jonghyun groan in disappointment.
“Kibum, come on… Just one more.”
“No way,” Key crossed his arms. “Not until you can tell me that you really do like me. So you’d better hurry up and get there or these kisses are going to someone else,” he teased, and Jonghyun pouted.
“You’re…ugh, I knew you were going to be like this,” he sighed, though he wasn’t angry at all. “Fine. After then, can I?” He smiled, and his heart warmed at the happiness in Key’s eyes.
“As many times as you want,” Key told him, and Jonghyun blushed.
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Cross-posted to shinee_replay and jongkey .