Am I really flying alone to New York City two weeks from today?  I'm alone right now and I wish more than anything I had friends around me.  I will have them around quite soon but I hate anticipating their company.  I still feel just as amazingly changed about the whole trip out of town as I did the day Zack and I drove back, but a mix of nostalgia ( Read more... )

I used to save conversations between Josh and myself because they were so funny.  They weren't even funny but it showed how we were both such... weird children.  I bring them back.  Thank you ( Read more... )

It has occurred to me that I learn the most about Batavia by talking about it and describing it to others ( Read more... )

something about the way that this summer has started reminds me of what it was like two years ago.  the weather seemed to be sort of gloomy in the beginning and I spent a lot of time watching movies and reading in my room.  The difference with this summer is that I'm two years older, not the same person I used to be, and I've graduated from High ( Read more... )

I'm so afraid of stumbling over onto my keyboard right now just passing out.  The jelly crystals (that's for Addddam) are shaking in my head next to my ears making me feel dizzy as though i will knock over.  I just imagined what I looked like sitting here at my computer hunched over like I'll die and I was sick to myy stomach.  Ugh I hate feeling ( Read more... )

I can't find my pulse ever ( Read more... )

Yesterday Tracy told me it was going to be very hot throughout the day today.  When I got home from work around 4:30 yesterday I was listening to NPR because my mom plays it in the kitchen when she's home from work as well, and they mentioned the local weather and something about an air stagnation advisory.  The word stagnant means it doesn't move ( Read more... )

I've been livining in this room with dripping wet black paint on the walls, and I keep bumping into them so I have these black marks all over my body.  Everyone can see them, and even if I cover anything up they can see right through the clothing because they remember what it looked like before.  Last night I smoked so much that I was passing out ( Read more... )

a humming bird cake gracefully sank into the stomach of the man who dreamed beauty. the sugar passed through his heart, wings flapping, tearing his ventricles apart until the aorta had to give way ( Read more... )

I'm a selfish person.  I can sort of deal with Tom Clark telling me this, but hearing it from even another source really hurts and sinks in the point and makes me want to crawl out of my fucking skin.  Which I'm doing.  And it doesn't make a difference.  So this entire time I've just been living some kind of lie about myself that I made up in my ( Read more... )