Personal VURD request

[agrnmn]

Here I am once again sleepless in the middle of the night. Unanswered questions drive me nuts.  I don't know why I'm divorced. Other than she wanted to divorce me.  I got nothing I understood in our talks, or therapy sessions. Was I that bad? Was I that dysfunctional? My depression so awful? All of her aswers seemed yweak. Did she not want to hurt

Comments

[tafl_hols]

I doubt anybody really knows

[agrnmn]

With more time to respond (and a bit of prodding) I knew that something was off, but never considered it as bad as divorce. I don't expect any apologies or explanations. Once she makes her mind up a thing is done. We were done and there was no real point in full explanations. For her there wasn't a need for me to understand. Just to sign the paperwork. She went though a year of "couples counseling" that made little progress other than for me to get to ask questions that I wouldn't understand or accept the answer to.

I too have many a hypothesis. They vary on my mood. But all feel incomplete. I'm not one who typically feels a need for closure, can't actually think of a time I have, but this is an open wound, I really need to stop picking at it. Mostly I have but it caught me off guard last night.

[tafl_hols]

There are times I'm still bothered by each of my divorces. I doubt those particular wounds will ever fully heal. That pain is just part of my existence, the same as the pain from wounds garnered in other relationships over the years.

It's all part of the human experience. That sort of pain occurs simply because we are imperfect creatures. Even when we respect each other and are good people, our hearts get damaged from the jostling that happens because we are different people. There is no need for malice to be involved for the wounds to be inflicted.

Those wounds bear witness to our essential humanity. I cherish my humanity deeply and I try to wear those wounds and scars with aplomb, if not some actual pride. I amy not manage to stay wrapped in my dignity when feeling the pain; I can only pray that other humans forgive me in those moments.

[lilia_blackbear]

Yep, yep. I agree with both of these.

As one who did the leaving, I can honestly say I'm pretty sure I told him many, many times why I left. To this day, in a new marriage and all, he tells people and I'm sure he tells himself far from the truth as the reason I left.

[agrnmn]

That's part of what I am afraid of. She told me I didn't get it or ignore her or what ever. I guess what I heard never got to what I would consider the level of divorce.

ninjitsu comment because I rarely check LJ

[matchgirl42]

Late to the party, as usual. Ah well.

What I want to say is, Hell man, if you can figure out why some relationships fall apart and others don't, I would love to hear it. I've seen seemingly great relationships fall apart for no logical reason, and I've seen horrible relationships last and last, ones in which the participants seem like they would be much better off far from each other. (My parents being a prime example of the latter.)

I can sympathize. Sort of. I wish I had something eloquent to say, some wisdom to impart. Truth is I don't. There's a quote that's tantalizingly out of reach of my brain at the moment and, tickle my brain all that I can, it won't come to the surface.

But I'm here, and if you would like to talk to a sympathetic ear, I would be willing to listen.