048 Diamond
Title: Not Alone
Fandom: Final Fantasy X
Characters: Yuna, Lulu, Rikku
Prompt: 048 Diamond
Word Count: 1175
Rating: G
Summary: Lulu's engagement reminds Yuna of what she lost
Table link: http://airelement.livejournal.com/11132.html
“Congratulations, Lulu! That’s wonderful,” I say, smiling at the woman who’s been like my sister for eleven years.
“Wakka said he went to the Calm Lands to get it, honestly. Such a fuss,” Lulu says, shaking her head, but it’s obvious she’s pleased he went to so much trouble.
“It’s beautiful,” I tell her, and I’m nearly blinded by the brightness of the smile she flashes at me. She’s not acting like the admittedly grouchy Lulu I know at all, but she’s entitled to be ecstatic - Wakka did ask her to marry her, after all.
Rikku’s here, and all our friends from Besaid and some that we met on our journey are here too, and we’re throwing a big party for Lulu. I talk and laugh and drink and dance, and I’m so convincing in my act of a happy sister that no one can tell that I’m simply going through the motions.
I feel numb inside. My mouth is on autopilot as it smiles and chatters and my feet can move themselves as I dance with friends. But through the numbness, every single nerve in me is screaming and they all home in on the gaping wound in my heart. Not a physical one, obviously, but I feel as if some inner part of my ribcage has been pulled out through the ribs, leaving behind an ache that I can feel radiating all over my body.
I really thought that I was beginning to get over losing Tidus. Not forgetting him, or even stopping loving him, but being able to move on and live life knowing that our short time together was wonderful but ended.
My head is filled with images of what could have been as I party; all the time that I’m walking, talking, dancing and drinking, dreams of what could have been our future fill my thoughts so much that if my body wasn’t running on autopilot and ignoring my brain, I’d be stood still, ignoring everyone around me.
I can’t do that though, I can’t ruin Lulu’s party. She’s so happy, she and Wakka are going to live their happy ever after and have children and I shouldn’t be moping. I should be talking to her and hugging her and making comments about married life that will make her ask where on earth did I learn those things.
I turn around to go to Lulu, and freeze. The light reflecting from the diamond on her finger reflects into my eyes and I’m suddenly hit with a sense of jealousy and loss. I should have a ring! I should be with the man I love! I was willing to give my life to save the world, but the world takes my life away from me!
My finger suddenly seems very light, and I remember the first time I saw Tidus, inside the temple. My insides freeze as I realise I have to go there. I have to see him, even if he’s not really there. I make my excuses hurriedly and as soon as I’m out of the door I sprint to the temple.
I push past the priest and don’t look back to see if he’s chasing me or not; I run to the elevator with tears running down my cheeks and wish there was a wall to bang on as the slowness of the elevator frustrates me. I run into the Cloister of Trials and sob as I realise that Tidus was always there to decipher the puzzles of the spheres; finally I slot the last sphere into place and the door opens agonisingly slowly.
I run into the centre of the room, and spin around and around looking for any trace of Tidus, some sort of proof that he was here and that I fell in love with him right then. But nothing is there save the grandeur of the chamber and the heavy door leading to the Chamber of the Fayth… the Fayth!
I heave and pull and tug at the heavy metal and know there’s absolutely no way I can lift it to get into the Chamber, and finally give up, resting my head against the door and sobbing in frustration and misery. I try to pull myself together, telling myself it was a stupid idea to come down here and I shouldn’t have done it and I have to get back before Lulu notices I’m gone.
I know I shouldn’t do it, that I should walk away with my head held high, but I take one last, long look at the door to the Chamber of the Fayth where it all began. My composure is crumbling and I sink to the floor, letting out the scream of agony that’s been building up for a year. I hunch over, clenching my fists and grasping nothing but rock floor and my body is wracked with sobs as I lose all self-control. Then I feel two hands grasping my forearms from behind me and pulling me upright, and wrapping me in their arms as I lean back against them weakly and let the tears come.
Finally, after what felt like eternity but must have been an hour, I have no more tears left to cry and the person who has held me moves in front of me to hold my hands, and I see through blurry eyes that it’s Rikku. I open my mouth to say something, although I have no idea what to say, but she hushes me and squeezes my hands gently. Then she pulls me into a hug and I rest my head tiredly on her shoulder, exhausted by my earlier outpour of emotions. Before I can fall asleep there and then, on the floor of the antechamber of the Chamber of the Fayth with my eyes red and my face swollen and my dress soaking wet with tears, Rikku gently helps me to my feet and leads me out.
Before we leave the antechamber, she looks at me, and although we don’t say a word to each other, because it isn’t needed, I can tell she understands. She hasn’t babied me, or tried to calm me down, or even cried herself, but she’s here with me and I appreciate that more than any spoken words.
Leading me back to the house, she silently helps me get into bed, and only speaks to tell me she’ll wake me up in the morning. I nod at her, trying to convey how much I appreciate her, and she rests a hand on my shoulder briefly before leaving.
In the morning, neither of us mention last night and when Lulu asks me if I’m alright, “You left so suddenly I was worried about you”, I reply that I’m alright and realise that it’s the truth. I still feel sad when I see the flash of light glinting from her diamond ring, but I’m not desolate any more. There’s still a gap in my heart where Tidus should be, but the wound has healed - it’s not painful any more.
The Sequel