Coming back to this journal I realize that it has almost been a year since the last time that I updated it. My father decided that he didn't want to deal with me anymore and sent me off to a private school for troubled teenagers called The Radford School. In his mind he had deduced that because I was in therapy I was a troubled teenager. Far from ( Read more... )

It seems trite that all I really needed was help. I am in therapy and I am seeing a psychologist. My therapist said she is amazed at how easily I have come to a "normal level" as she calls it. Apparently my breakdown was pretty intense. Although I do not remember much about what happened during my break down I know what it felt like. My world ( Read more... )

I guess I owe all of you an apology for my recent absence. I have been caught up in such rapturous bliss lately. She came back to me. I would have never thought that she would ever come back to me. It was as if I was in a dream, and it felt so real. She stayed with me through out all of this. Just the two of us laying in bed together for ( Read more... )

Life is shit

My father took my computer. What an asshole. He searched my room and found his beer. So while I was at school he took my monitor and my mouse pad. What a cruel punishment. He could have just taken the whole thing, but no, he just took one part of it so I could suffer. That fucking hypocrit. He started drinking at my age. At least our school lets us ( Read more... )

"I am petrified in my dream and I am petrified in reality because it is as if my dream is reality and I am having a nervous breakdown and I have nowhere to turn. Nowhere."

"I feel like a defective model, like I came off the assembly line flat-out fucked and my parents should have taken me back for repairs before the warranty ran out. But that was so long ago. I start to think there really is no cure for depression, that happiness is an ongoing battle, and I wonder if it isn't one I'll have to fight for as long as I ( Read more... )

Today was just like every other day before it. Just like any ordinary teenage existence in this agrarian hell hole. I long for a day of real people. A day with real conversations. A day to feel real emotions.

I should really cut down on inhebriation.

"I can't think with all this noise"

I looked through a kaleidoscope today. The colors, mixing and matching, joining and separating, rolling and jolting, and clinging and clashing, were too much for me. The beautifully-hued shapes formed with a touch and then instantly torn apart by something equally as fragile, resonated too deeply with the scattered shards she left of my heart. “All ( Read more... )

I'm sorry for my lack of updates. I wish I could give you a legitimate reason. But alas I cannot ( Read more... )