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Customer: That's it? That easy?
Me: Well. I could set up some rings of fire for you to jump through, if you like.
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Me: Yeah I'm going back to Vancouver. Want me to bring you back anything?
Friend: How about half of Vancouver? -
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Me: Sorry, could you hang on one sec? ... while I find a stapler that works.
Customer: Should I call tech support?
Me: ... nah, I think I just need to upgrade to Staples 2.0.
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Me: So, what are your thoughts on purchasing refurbished?
Manager: Computers? Okay. Food? Not so much. -
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Today's Horoscope:
Are you looking for a new romance? Keep your eyes peeled in the professional or work environment -- someone's repeated emails or questions conceal a hidden motive. If you're not looking for romance, then make sure you don't do anything to lead anyone on. Refrain from getting too personal with your witty comments; otherwise you ( Read more... ) -
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Me: (at the eye doctor, looking through the giant viewfinder at a board of letters)
Doctor: Can you see now?
Me: Yes.
Doctor: (swaps the lenses) Can you see now?
Me: No.
Doctor: This is your current prescription.
Me: Well. (Thinking: ... What do I need to see that far for anyway? >.>;) -
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Can I just say the DST is a crock?
I mean. When were farmers ever a fucking majority in this country? How long ago was that anyway?
/wants-more-sleep-dammit. -
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Coworker: You're not cute.
Me: You're a bad liar.
Coworker: ... -
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Janelle's New Rule:
Don't talk about people at work when you're not at work. Especially with people from work. -
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There are two types of people in the world:
Buy-buy and Sell-sell.
I'm definitely a Buy-buy. -
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Me: "So Marlene told me to tell you that she would've sent you a picture of her ugly nephew had she seen him over the holidays."
Friend: "Well, you tell Marlene I would've sent her a picture of a black man in the coast guard had there been any to see." -
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The only thing healthier than admitting you're in denial is talking to someone suffering from the same. Because, no matter what anybody says: nothing is healthier than complete and utter validation.