Encouraging Child-Led Weaning

[alaria_lyon]

So, I'm not going to get an answer I'm looking for in my breastfeeding community I think, but I know there are a bunch of nursers on my friends list and even more on navrins friends list. So if you wouldn't mind passing this along navrins I'd appreciate it

Comments

[chenoameg]

Most of the people I know have started by reducing it to only one BF a day.

So first eliminate the 5am, then one by one cut back until it's only "at bedtime" (Or "when you get up", whichever you think is more important to him)

Hopefully they'll chime in with more specifics on how they did that, though.

[remcat]

Chiming in .... (meg pointed me thisaway)

I have three boys, all nursed "long" (3ish, 2ish, and 2-and-still-nursing). Each case was a little different, but generally speaking I started refusing a bit -- offering something else (drink, snack, snuggle) but being flexible. Mine tend to love that first AM nursing, so that was always the last to go. (Also laziness on my part, because they would come in, nurse, and then go play -- I could stay in bed.) For bedtime nursers, it helped to explain what's going on, and start with *limited* nursing ("just for this story" or "one side only") before going no-nursies at bedtime. You can also try absenting yourself from the house at the critical time.

For what you describe .... the two areas I would target is 5am (5am! 5am! I am not a morning person!) and the snacking from 8-10 at night. Maybe a new bedtime routine (without nursing) would help?

[alaria_lyon]

I was actually thinking that the 5am may be the last to go since I can just role over and nurse instead of worrying about feeding him, but that may change once we get him out of our bed :-)

I would love a new bedtime routine, but he will not go to bed without me lying next to him. He only nurses a little right at bedtime and we have started introducing water then cause I don't have enough milk to make him happy then anyway.

[pekmez]

I'm about where you are too with an almost 2 year old nurser where mommy wants to wean before child does, except with a slightly different schedule (ie thank god no 5am nursing!). but the whole off and on thing all evening is one of the main things I want to reduce, plus if she's at all insecure in her surroundings on day she's with me, or cranky and tired around naptime, or I'm distracted and on the phone, she will try to get more opportunities to nurse too

[alaria_lyon]

Does your breastfeeding community just say "but you shouldn't wean! why do want to wean when your kid doesn't want to?"

Yes some. But I got one really good response that I will pass on to you...

The biggest thing that worked for us (my son weaned around his 3rd birthday) was to listen carefully to what need my son was trying to meet when he asked to nurse, and to offer him the chance to meet it antoher way

[pekmez]

ooh, that is a really good response. thank you for sharing it!

I offer food and drink but am not good at offering the right thing cuddling or attention-wise (hence the extra nursing when I'm on the phone and just want to finish the conversation and she sneaks into my lap on the couch.)

[vickyunleashed]

I had to look up what TTC means! Hope it all works out well. My sister and I are nine years apart, so I appreciate it when parents plan to have their children such that they arrive in the same generation.

Not being a mother, I've no useful information. But I will say this: My former boyfriend's ex-wife breast-fed her children until they were about three or more! After she weaned them, the refused solid food, and drank only milk for tooooo long. They seemed physically healthy in every way -- but emotionally unhealthy as best I could tell. I swear that those girls could not go to the bathroom unless Mommy approved.

But you'll not have that problem! Hope Squeak welcomes a new little sister (or brother).

[remcat]

Just to counter ... nursing past 3 does not always lead to eating weirdness or emotional over-attachment! :) (says the mom whose oldest quit nursing a month past his third birthday....)

[vickyunleashed]

One thing I did not mention is that my former boyfriend reproduced with what I believe to be Sasquatch. She is a strange woman; you are likely not strange at all.

Oh, the stories I could tell. In any case, she has trained her children, now 15 and 19, that only Mommy is ever right. As best we can discern, her children are her personal science projects. They will never, ever be able to operate in the mainstream. They've NO independence from Mommy. When they used to visit me, I'd offer them nutritious food. They'd counter with, "But Mommy hates vegetables and fruit, so we don't have to eat them. And Mommy's SMART."

I don't know if this is good or bad, but she used to carry her children naked under her sweater out in public. Well, I don't think I've ever met anyone who was not carried naked under mommy's sweater who turned out bad!

You sound like a great mom.

[remcat]

Hm, no, I have never heard of anyone in the US carrying naked babies in their sweaters :). Sorry to be defensive. Sounds like in this case the ex bf was more a side effect of general weirdness, instead of the cause :).