I am a little overwhelmed.

I have been walking for seven days toward everything that will let me approach it. I carry with me an empty white head and this thin-lipped, watery victory that sours like milk when I put it back down, I don't put it back down, when I put it back down I don't know if I am walking to or from something. I just know that I am walking in heavy boots.

Yesterday Doug and I were driving through the east side and we saw Mario Hilario just standing around being perfect on the corner of College and Benefit. Doug screamed I LOVE YOU MARIO while I just waved like an idiot...and Mario Hilario, he turned his immaculately manicured head towards us and waved back.

It was the crowning moment of my week.

"I was too stunned to tell Ashley how much I'm going to miss her. I'm afraid she doesn't know I love her. Tell her I love her."

Ok, mama. I think she knows.

Maybe all of the things that are bothering me aren't concrete problems so much as offshoots of this restlessness of mine. "Pazienza, Alessandra." I don't have any of it anymore.

My father is the only person left in my immediate family who does not know that I am a base and despicable human being. Soon, at my mother's urging, he'll get it too ( Read more... )

Today I realized that I need to start keeping this journal again.

I also realized that if I don't stop eating what I'm eating the way I'm eating it I'll be dead before long, and that my sister will always consider me largely unworthy of her consideration.

I am crabby and I gained four pounds, something needs to be done about this.

YOU'RE DEPRESSED, YOU'RE CONFLICTED, IT'S HER FAULT.
YOU ARE PUTTING OUR RELATIONSHIP ON THE LINE
OUR RELATIONSHIP
YOU BASTARD, I'VE LOVED YOU FOR TEN YEARS.
TEN FUCKING YEARS,
I'VE LOOKED AFTER YOU, I'VE STOOD UP FOR YOU, WE'VE HAD THE BEST FUCKING TIMES OF OUR LIFE TOGETHER.
THERE WERE TIMES WHEN YOU HAD NOBODY ELSE,
BUT YOU STILL HAD ME.
THERE WERE ( Read more... )

you fuck with my best friend
you fuck with my sister
you fuck with me.

bitch, it's on.

"[mother], you bastard, I'm through."