Fic: Different (8/?)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Everything becomes different after an unexpected move by Alex.
Authors' Note: We know it's been a long time. No excuses. Remember that feedback and comments (and shoutouts!) make our day.
Previously on 'Different': The Prologue / Part 1 / Part 2/ Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7
12. Manifest
Early Tuesday Morning
Alex felt the chill of the hardwood floor beneath her feet as she padded along a darkened hallway of the modest two-storey colonial house. She shuffled towards the fireplace in the living room, the only source of light in the dark hours just before daybreak.
She crossed the ornate threshold and found, in the chair she had earlier vacated to use the bathroom, a striking blonde woman keeping warm under a blanket. The woman looked up at Alex and gave her a sleepy smile.
The clock by the large window bay quietly chimed, announcing to the pair that it was half past six. A dog twitched in protest of the clock chiming. The mixed breed lab was asleep at one corner of the brick fireplace and its brown coat of fur glowed from the firelight.
Too early in the morning, Alex thought as she stood over the other woman, with her hands crossed over her chest. The borrowed robe she had on was a delicate silk number and while roaring fire kept the room considerably warmer than the hallway, she still felt a chill running through her.
Victoria Brewer closed her eyes and ignored Alex's questioning posture.
"You're in my seat, Icky," Alex said, purposely using the hated childhood nickname.
"Your seat? It's my house. There's plenty of room on the couch." Vicky waved Alex off with a brush of her hand.
Alex caught the hand and held it tight as she sat down next to Vicky. A brief struggled ensued that ended with Alex dumping Vicky to the floor in a manner that only an older sibling could.
The lawyer sat with a triumphant smirk playing at the corner of her lips. She looked at her younger sister who was splayed out on the hard, wooden surface.
Vicky laughed good-naturedly as she first sat, then slowly stood up. "We're getting too old for rough housing, don't you think?"
"According to Mom we've been too old for years." Alex watched as Vicky contemplated retribution but then opted to sit on the couch, just out of arms reach.
"So Alexandra, what brings you to my door step?"
"I need a reason to visit?" Alex asked.
"No, but you usually have one. I don't think you're hiding from Mom and her lectures on the state of your love life since this is the first place she'd look," Vicky said.
Alex cringed slightly. Their mother was of two minds. Alex was wasting her youth and prime by choosing job that had turned her off of having a husband and children. Vicky, on the other hand, had given up a wonderful career to play in the dirt with her husband. She did spoil the grandchildren though.
"I was in the area," Alex explained.
It was not a lie. Alex had been invited by Barry Moredock, her former professor and current adversary, to guest lecture in his Con Law class on the topic of constitutional standards in the criminal procedure.
"Uh huh. Your lecture was last night. You would've had plenty of time to get back to the city afterwards. So, explain why you took a day off and are loafing in my living room."
Alex had accepted Barry's invitation weeks before but taking the next day off was a last minute decision. The plan was to have a day away from work, and more importantly, a day away from Olivia, to figure out what the hell was going on.
"My calendar was clear," Alex told her sister. "Maybe I wanted to spend some time with my niece and nephew."
"I'm sure you do. Got any new tricks to teach them?"
"Tricks?" Alex tried to play innocent but was failing miserably.
"Like teaching Gus to plead the Fifth every time I ask him something? Or maybe teaching Kyla to shout OBJECTION when I ask her to do her chores?"
"Really?"
"No. Gus says he pleases the Fifth."
"I'm not the only lawyer in the family," Alex pointed out, amusement clearly written on her face.
"True, but Uncle Jim would have them yelling OVER RULED when I try to discipline them," Vicky said with a roll of her eyes.
"Discipline? Those angels?"
"They have Cabot blood," Vicky said simply. It had been their mother's answer for the behavior they had displayed during the sisters' collective teenage years. "Good try with the diversion by the way. So why are you here, big sister?"
After a moments thought Alex said, "I need some advice."
"Okay. You better get a move on if you want to have this conversation before the kids get up. Gus wakes at seven fifteen every day," Vicky said.
Alex stopped short in each of her next three attempts at speaking. She snuck a peek at the clock and decided that half an hour was long enough for an explanation. Hopefully.
"I've met someone," Alex finally confided.
"Mr. Right?" Vicky asked her eyebrows shooting up.
"Not exactly. We work together and it's kind of complicated."
"Okay. I thought there was a no coworker dating rule," Vicky said when Alex stopped speaking.
"That's my rule. Besides, they don’t work in my office. We only work together." Alex bit her lip and examined the nails on her left hand. She was going to play the pronoun game in an attempt to delay the inevitable.
"You got a new detective?" Vicky asked, trying to hold back the excitement in her voice. Alex had told her about the police detectives she worked with soon after she started with SVU. There wasn’t even a potential in that lot. Well… maybe Fin, Vicky mused.
"No. I…" Alex fell silent again, unable to finish her thought.
"He's married?" Vicky was getting impatient at her sister's delay tactics.
"If you would quit interrupting me." Alex growled.
"If you would quit stalling!" Vicky countered.
"OKAY! She is one of New York's finest," Alex snapped.
Then it was Vicky's turn to be silent. Alex sighed and sunk into her seat.
"Wow. Seriously?" Vicky finally said.
"Yes."
"Wow."
"You already said that," Alex pointed out dryly.
"Can I be there when you tell Mom?"
"Vicky!" Alex half groaned.
"Sorry. I just… So you've hooked up with Detective Benson. What's the problem?"
"I've not hooked up with Olivia. I'm… confused about my feelings," Alex admitted.
"Okay, so tell me what happened," Vicky said, offering her sister the opportunity to get it all off her chest.
Alex pulled the blanket snug over her body. She began the story from new years day, hitting the highlights and the lowlights. Vicky noted the way Alex's posture changed when she talked about Laney Whitmore.
Alex had barely finished her story when Vicky swiftly declared, "You're being territorial, Alex."
"I am not!" The lawyer exclaimed.
"Are too. If you were in kindergarten you'd be pulling at her pigtails and making her cry. You've always been territorial."
"Give me one example," Alex demanded.
Vicky pointed to the chair they had scrapped over. "You had to have that seat. You always sit there. Always. And the blanket. You dug it out from the bottom of the pile, Alex. You always use it."
"Habitual maybe but not…" Alex began but Vicky cut her off.
"You used to shut your bedroom door, even if you were going to the bathroom. You wouldn’t even let Mom drive your car. And you had a fit when Heather Weston wanted to include me in your nights out."
"Heather was my friend not yours," Alex said sulking as she defended her adolescent self.
"Exactly. And now you're doing the same thing with Olivia. Sending her that text message just because she was out with Laney? Why'd you go out with Edna in the first place?" Vicky asked.
"Edna? Garret… ha ha. Your age is hanging out."
Vicky stared at Alex with a look that said she wasn't about to let her get away without answering the question.
"I thought he was a nice guy," Alex said with a short shrug.
"Lemme guess. Garret's slightly above average in height, in gym shape, wears his suit well but would be just as comfortable in jeans. Polite, mildly humorous and about as thrilling dish water?"
Alex was a little surprised at Vicky's description. That would have been just about how she would characterize Garret herself. "You know Garret Young?"
Vicky sighed in frustration at her sister's obliviousness. "I wasn’t describing Garret. I was describing Jay! Every guy you've seen in the past five years has been a boring imitation of Mr. California," Vicky stated glaring at Alex who had began to smirk. She stopped Alex from winding her up even more when she asked, "Is Olivia?"
"Is she what?"
"Dreary, conforming and irritatingly polite? What's she like?" Vicky said after Alex shook her head.
"She's… intense. Smart, and funny. Beautiful," Alex said ruefully.
"Not a Jay-Clone. I'd call that progress." Alex frowned and then Vicky stopped her cold with another thought. "She's not falling all over herself to impress you though, is she?"
"Excuse me?"
"Oh, come on, Alex. You've never found yourself not being pursued. Every guy, every crush in high school, every college man, Jay, Nathan-- even that twit Trevor jumped when you showed the slightest bit of interest. You've had it easy, big sis! But Olivia isn’t falling under your charms, is she?"
"My what?" Alex stared at Vicky as if she was channeling John Munch in his most befuddling conspiracy mode.
"Have you dropped little clues? Standing closer to her, touching her to get her attention-- Never mind, your face is as red as a Better Boy in August." Vicky smirked at the sight of Alex's complexion flushing crimson. "How'd she react?"
"She didn't."
"Ouch. Must be tough when the tricks fail you," Vicky said and the smirk turned into a smug grin.
"Stop it, Vicky," Alex snapped.
Vicky raised an eyebrow at her sister. Harassment about potential relationships was nearly a sport between the two of them. The only time she could remember it being an issue was with her husband Tanner. The two sisters sat in silence after that.
"So… you like women now too?" Vicky finally asked.
Alex gave the question consideration before she answered truthfully, "Just this one."
"Then why did you go out with Garret? Hoping she'd get jealous?"
"Maybe. I don’t know. She called me on it…" Alex grimaced at the memory. "She wanted to know if I'd have done it if she had not been out with on her date."
"So you used Olivia…" Vicky watched Alex slink deeper into the chair. "Was he really that bad?"
Grateful for the subject detour Alex began a mini rant, "He was trying too hard and in the wrong way. He opened doors, held my chair, escorted me across the street. He took me to this Italian place…"
"Gosh Grandma what big flaws you have," Vicky teased. Alex threw her the same look she gave defense attorneys when she was about to crucify their clients.
"He was clueless," Alex muttered.
Vicky ignored Alex and pressed on. "So if Olivia hadn’t been out with Laney would you have suffered through the date?"
"No. Maybe. He was a nice guy. Who turned out to be just about as exciting as the ficus in my living room."
"Hopefully more alive," Vicky quipped. She felt pity for her sister, who seemed to be completely clueless in dealing with her feelings for this woman. Olivia Benson must really be something. It was time to lay out the truth in plain words for the lawyer. "You're just being pissy because Olivia isn’t jumping high enough."
"It's not like that," Alex objected.
"How is it then?" Vicky asked.
"It's been different... from anything I've felt for anyone I've ever dated. And that's completely understating the situation. And the fact that she is a woman isn't even the sticking point."
Vicky was silent for a moment, parsing Alex's words. "How is it different?"
"It's just... I have met many interesting men and had some great relationships." Alex glared at the eye rolling. "It wasn't difficult to tell if they were interested and everything seemed so..."
"Straightforward?" Vicky offered.
Alex smiled despite herself. "Yes. They were uncomplicated... in comparison."
"You don't know if Olivia's interested is what's different?"
"Yes. No. I mean…" Alex vacillated. "She said something after..." after the kiss that rocked my world, she wanted to say but decided that that bit of information was not requisite of the explanation. "She said she wouldn't be the one to add to my confusion."
"Mommy..." Two heads turned to the small voice calling out from upstairs. Gus was awake.
Vicky sighed and turned back to Alex. "Gus is going to need help getting ready for school. The boy takes his hygiene very seriously. I'll make this quick. You are jealous and you are being territorial with Olivia. If you were a meerkat you'd be smacking your little tail all over her desk to mark your territory!"
"... Meerkat?"
Vicky shrugged. "Kyla likes Animal Planet. I only share what I know. And if you were Harrison," she motioned to the mutt laying on his back by the fireplace with his legs in the air, "you'd--"
"I get the point!"
"I'm sure you do. It's no wonder you're confused, Alex. Your instinct is to mark her as yours but you want her to chase you--Okay, okay, court maybe, not chase." The younger sister backpedaled hastily when Alex began to scowl. "It's always worked with the men you liked. Drop a hint and watch them start sniffing your-- OW! There's a no hitting rule in this house."
"You're being unnecessarily crude," Alex said haughtily pulling the covers back up.
"MOMMY!" Andrew Gustaf Brewer called out again.
Vicky stood up, still rubbing her arm. She looked at her sister with love and sincerity. "I'm being honest, Alex. I think you need to decide if you really want her enough. Laney be damned. Chew on that while I prepare his highness for a day of Montessori molding."
Vicky walked out of the room leaving a very floored Alex Cabot.
Alex didn't have much time to think before her niece and nephew discovered her presence. Breakfast was a production and neither of the kids wanted to go to school. After many assurances that she would still be there in the afternoon Kyla reluctantly trudged off to the bus stop and Vicky ran Gus to his kindergarten.
Alex took the opportunity to shower and grab a second serving of homemade blueberry pancakes. Tanner, Vicky's husband, kissed Vicky and then Alex before disappearing to his lab behind the greenhouse, still wearing his flannel pajama bottoms and an ancient Stanford t-shirt he had stolen from Vicky, who had lifted it from Alex.
Vicky conscripted her sister to dish washing duty while she dried and put them away. They chatted about other things and Alex let Olivia drift to her subconscious. Alex got the low down on their mother's latest distressed inquiry on her marital status. In turn, she informed Vicky about their mother's wish for five more grandchildren. Vicky sputtered and threw the washcloth at Alex when she saw the telling smile.
"For a lawyer you're a shitty liar, Alexandra."
"Yeah? For a successful business woman you live in the dark ages. They have these things called dishwashers you know."
"Oh, like you eat at home. Have you learned to cook?" Vicky asked already knowing the answer.
"No pot, I haven't. I noticed that Tanner makes a killer breakfast," Alex replied.
"Hmm, there's a thought. Can Olivia cook?"
"She's not Benny but I think she gets by," Alex said.
"Chef Benny…" A look of reverence crossed Vicky's face as she thought about the Cabot family's chef. "Now there's a reason to visit mom," she said with a grin.
"And to announce the impending birth of your triplets," Alex answered with a small chuckle as she handed Vicky the last dish.
When Vicky left to prepare the greenhouse to be opened to the public Alex returned to her favorite armchair and settled down to work, grumbling at the fickle internet connection. Her mind slowly slipped back to her issue with Olivia.
It didn’t take much thought at all to realize that Vicky was right. She was being territorial and she had no right. If she hadn’t been so indecisive about it she would not have let the New Years kiss go as a drunken mistake.
She should have sat down with Olivia at that time and had a serious conversation. Like an adult, Alex thought miserably knowing that Vicky had left that part out of her assessment. Alex was being territorial as well as childish. She may not be ready to take her relationship with Olivia to a different level but that didn’t give her the right to sabotage what Olivia could have with Laney. Alex cringed, though she wasn’t sure if it was because she was thinking of Laney or because she was admitting to her own duplicity.
She thought about Olivia's words again, for the thousandth time now. Inevitably her decision on what to do came to rest on thoughts about Olivia's future with Laney. What good would it do them if Alex admitted that she was slowly but surely falling in love? Olivia was already sending a clear message by still being with Laney, wasn't she?
Alex didn’t like the look Olivia got on her face when she spoke of the professor. Olivia was serious about Laney and all Alex could do was watch. Watch and feel like she was losing the best thing that never happened to her.
* * *
Wednesday
Olivia couldn’t decide which was worse, the pulsing ache in the middle of her back or the tight knot that was her stomach. Both had been caused by the same event; yet another night on call to cover the third watch. She had spent four hours crouched down next to a stoop on a townhouse in Chelsea attempting to calm and lure a six year old girl out of her hiding place. The girl, who had been attacked by an older neighbor boy, wasn’t having any of it. After finally getting the kid to come out, she had spent the rest of the night at the hospital.
At eight a.m. she was at her desk downing the last of her third cup of coffee. The caffeine boost wasn’t working. Neither was the running mantra in her head that sleep was an overrated experience. What she needed was a good solid ten in her own bed. Since the chances of that happening were slightly less than that of Bin Laden walking through the squad room doors to surrender she just fixed another cup of coffee and returned to her report on Peter Jansen.
Not too far from where she was struggling to stay coherent sat Elliot who was only slightly more awake. Olivia had waited until she got the little girl into the ambulance before making the call to her partner, interrupting what was definitely not sleep.
Elliot watched Olivia out of the corner of his eye and was about to suggest she catch a few in the crib when he heard the telling click of heels on the squad room floor. Olivia had heard it too, judging by the way she stiffened, but neither of them looked up.
"Good morning, Detectives," Alex greeted them.
"Morning," Elliot returned with a telling emphasis on the missing 'good'. Olivia murmured something that her partner suspected was profane.
When she realized that nothing more would be forth coming Alex looked between the two cops and said, "I haven’t received your paperwork on Jansen."
"Is it noon already?" Elliot asked, wide-eyed and still not quite looking at the ADA.
"Not quite, but I need to file and I can't do that without--"
"It's not the only thing we have on our plates!" Olivia snapped. Both Elliot and Alex looked equally surprised when Olivia cut the lawyer off.
"You don’t believe Jansen to be a priority?" Alex seemed to be taking exception to Olivia's tone.
"He was until the phone rang," Elliot jumped in.
"I can't do my job unless you do yours. If I don't get the paperwork filed today that statute of limitations will..." Alex trailed off as Olivia again muttered under her breath. Without another word, Olivia got up from her desk and left the bullpen.
"We're aware of the deadline, counselor," Elliot said as Alex moved to follow Olivia. Alex could only nod at him before she hurried out after Olivia.
When she entered the restroom she found Olivia hunched over the sink rinsing her face with cold water. Alex frowned with concern at the state the detective was in. Olivia Benson was usually very well put together but today her shirt was untucked and she had missed a belt loop on her jeans. Alex couldn’t recall ever seeing Olivia in faded 501's.
"Olivia, I need that report." Her voice was less demanding this time, more uncertain.
"And I need a hot bath and couple hours of sleep." Olivia looked at the lawyer's reflection in the mirror and snarled, "Bet you get yours first." She ran her wet hands through her hair.
"Can we not be flippant about this? Jans..."
"Rapist, torturer and all around scum of the sewer. Going to walk if you don't file charges on him today. Got it," Olivia told her with a slight roll of her eye.
"You don't seem to be taking this very seriously," Alex replied, the Cabot edge returning to her voice.
Olivia counted to ten. Alex had not used that tone with her in a long time. She really did not want to take off Alex's head no matter how obnoxious and condescending the prosecutor sounded at this moment.
"Did you know that the third watch is so short I pulled a double that's quickly becoming a triple? If I'm lucky they'll call again tonight so I can work forty eight straight? You said noon, you'll have the report by noon," Olivia said with finality.
Damn it. She didn’t want to pick a fight with Alex but the well-rested lawyer was pissing her off just by standing there. Standing there as if nothing had happened. Olivia didn’t want to admit, even to herself, that all she wanted was to grab Alex by the lapels of her pinstriped suit jacket and put her up against the wall. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to interrogate, yell at or kiss her until neither of them could move.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know."
"Yeah, well, it's not our fault you took off midweek for a mini vacation and it didn't get done before you left," Olivia grumbled with more than a little resentment.
"Excuse me?"
Olivia closed her eyes and counted to twenty this time before she attempted a response. "We arrested him the day before you left. You could have filed the charges then. We would have worked late if you had stuck around. You could have passed it off to another ADA. I have seven actives, three cold and a brand-new case that also need my attention. I said I will have it to you by noon so, please, don't ask again," Olivia said, failing to reign in her exasperation. She walked out of there before the tirade turned into something uglier.
"That almost made sense," Alex said to herself after the restroom door finished shutting behind the detective.
Olivia was not in the squad room when Alex walked across to Cragen's office. The Captain's mood wasn’t the best either and his face was almost purple when she suggested that Benson and Stabler be given a break.
"You really want to help maybe you should get your boss to let the Chief of Detectives know that it wouldn’t kill him to replace the three we lost on the third," he snapped, effectually dismissing her from his office. Alex Cabot left the station house feeling as if her ass had been chewed on by a rabid dog.
* * *