Lately posting in this journal feels like a hassle. like, i'll start and then never finish. i'm back at work, which is nice. but i'm not out of the woods until i can get a note that has more specific dates. i keep thinking about Mr. Potato. How he's probably cheated on me. and how i probably should get over him and focus more on myself. I hate ( Read more... )

Probably the of the single hardest things i've been through. Physically and mentally. I swear I'm the most selfish person I know. Only wanting what God tells me I can't have. And now, I can't ever have a baby again. Swearing to myself that is what i wanted, simply because it was taken away from me. Convincing myself that never getting pregnant ( Read more... )

So I finally spoke to him (Mr Potato). He made a comment insinuating that the baby wasn't his. It sucks but i kind of expected that. So at the moment it's time to reevaluate my list of goals. Pay rent on Friday. Spend the weekend with the kids. Work my ass off and try to get some overtime. Next pay day, abortion. Once that happens, I'll rework my ( Read more... )

The hardest part for me right now, about having an unwanted pregnancy is that, being a woman, especially a mother, i have to battle with thoughts of wanting the baby. I have to remember that I will solve this. I have to remember that if i don't solve this, i will be alone in the decision to go through the 9 month change that could potentially ( Read more... )

I failed to reach my goal of at least writing in here once a day. I never exercised, or did anything else i said i was gonna do. And lately I've had a familiar pain in my lower abdomen. Like tendons being pulled or stretched too far. It's a sharp pain that I've dealt with before. In addition to that I've had an increase in appetite and, bipolar ( Read more... )

My work day is finally over. Ive made it to the couch and have a crisp glass of chardonnay. I go into work tomorrow afternoon. I plan on actually utilizing my time before work and being productive. Laundry and gym being among those things. I spoke to my son today, through text, and told him that i couldnt come see him and his sister. His ( Read more... )

I've actually already started my day with orange juice and gin. Probably not the best way. Especially considering the fact that I had intended to begin today differently. Last night I thought to myself, that my diet will get better, and i, at the very least won't wake up to alcohol in my cup. Unfortunately, my impulses got the better of me. As ( Read more... )