last night had it's ups and downs ( Read more... )

today was fun. other than two or three hours after work when i had what could probably be the most intense anxiety attack i think i've ever had. i need to look into a therapist asap. i think it's that unmentionable hereditary problem that my mom's side of the family seems to pass down to each generation ( Read more... )

it's funny how quickly your eyes can become unclouded ( Read more... )

i'm tired. i tried to show her i care. that i'm back. that i have a soul again ( Read more... )

i don't know what to do.

plain and simple.

i don't know what to do.

i now know what the "brink" is. i'm teetering .... but i'm still holding on to hope. the hope that she'll call me and tell me it's all alright. she could always do that for me.

i got a lot of things off my chest tonight. a lot ( Read more... )

it feels like elijah all over again. i don't know if she was being completely honest. she was laughing at me ... and her friend was too ....

and she didn't call to say she wasn't coming ... and i'm just so lost. i'm so lost.

it's days like these when you realize how temporary we all really are ( Read more... )

it's not until you've lost someone that you realize how much they meant/mean to you.

and how badly you've fucked things up.

hope. hope. hope. hope. hope. hope. hope.

"& this bloomberg child, it's nice to be joking & friendly with him just like all the other boys... but certain little gestures when we're alone make me smile. big."

it's over. i'm moving on. i'm not anybody's "backup plan".