i think it's a good plan. it's nice to have you on my list, it's hard to find people who knows what the battle is with things like orthorexic tendencies and other tendencies. there's not only a normal ED battle in my head all the time, but even within that it's more complex. it's kind of like one side wants me to be sick and emaciated and the other is a complete health-obsessed nut-case -- and both are unhealthy, completely for me. it just depends on which voice seems the strongest for me on any given day. and it only adds to the despair or guilt i feel sometimes. sometimes it seems even more so much deeper than just a normal guilt -- the kind where part of you knows what you're doing is wrong to yourself, but also, the health-obsessed part of me that knows i'm breaking my many ortho-rules.
Wow, I could've written that myself. I totally understand. I am obsessed with emaciation and completely orthorexic. I know how unhealthy this is- it's killing my spirit. It's no way to live. But it's so ingrained in me that I don't know any other way to be. I feel so hopeless and scared sometimes.
And don't you apologize! I really, really appreciate that you read and comment. Eating disorders are so lonely. And there isn't anyone who can possibly understand what it's like in our heads unless they've been through it themselves. So it's really such a huge relief that you can relate to me and I'm not just some alien. =\
Yeah, it's pretty low, 900 is considered starvation. Another thing I find interesting is apparently the holocaust victims were given a diet of 1200 calories while in concentration camps.
I used to be able to restrict like nobody's business and I never felt deprived. I don't know what happened to me!
Even when I read facts like this, I can't register that calorie count as starvation. I think it's because I can eat 800 a day and not get hunger pains. Hunger signifies starvation idk.
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sorry for the ramble. :) i'm bored.
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And don't you apologize! I really, really appreciate that you read and comment. Eating disorders are so lonely. And there isn't anyone who can possibly understand what it's like in our heads unless they've been through it themselves. So it's really such a huge relief that you can relate to me and I'm not just some alien. =\
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I don't think it is at all.
I can't do 500 a day anymore, no matter how hard I try.
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I used to be able to restrict like nobody's business and I never felt deprived. I don't know what happened to me!
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