Written All Over My Face (1/?)
Written All Over My Face
Author: alienanalysis
Title: Written All Over My Face (1/?)
Pairing: Kradam
Rating: PG-13 for language, although the R rated stuff is coming later, I promise!
Summary: A conversation with a chat-show shrink makes Kris finally realize the feelings he’d been hiding in the deepest, darkest part of his mind for months.
Length: 1,600
Disclaimer: Thisisaworkoffictionidontowneitheroftheguysmaycontainstronglanguageandcontentofasexualnatureblahblahblah.
Notes: A return to the ‘serious’ fiction. Inspired by the title of one of Kris’s new songs and an article I once read about Kradam's 'relationship', I got thinking about the body language between them and decided to put my 3 years of studying Psychology at university to good use. Enjoy!
‘Can I ask a very personal question?’
Kris turned around to face the smartly-dressed, middle-aged lady in the seat next to him. ‘Sure, go ahead.’
‘Are you and Adam Lambert having a relationship?’
‘W-w-w-what?’ Kris stuttered, almost falling out of the make-up chair. He’d been asked about his ‘relationship’ with Adam many times by giggling fans, but never in such a blunt, matter-of-fact way.
‘I’m sorry, that was very unprofessional of me!’ the woman responded quickly as she noticed Kris’s shocked expression. ‘It’s just that my best friend called me yesterday when she heard I was appearing on the show with you and begged me to find out ‘the truth’ about you and Adam.’
‘The truth..?’ Kris repeated with a nervous laugh.
‘I must admit, I had no idea who you and Adam were until she called me,’ the woman continued. ‘I don’t really watch TV. But she’s a big Idol fan and sent me some YouTube links of you two together to analyze, which I did.’
Kris stared back at the woman, no idea who she was, and why her opinion on his ‘relationship’ with Adam was so important to the friend.
‘And..?’
‘Let’s just say I was very intrigued by what I saw,’ she replied. ‘But I’ll shut up now, it’s totally inappropriate of me to be going on about this with you!’
Now Kris was intrigued. ‘No, go on,’ he insisted. ‘What made you so intrigued? Just out of curiosity, of course,’ he added quickly.
‘The body language between you two is exactly that of two people in a relationship, or wanting to be in a relationship with one another. I watched a few clips of you two together on Idol and in interviews and you were both displaying all the classic signs.’
‘Classic signs..?’ Kris repeated, raising an eyebrow and feeling his brow beginning to sweat even though he wasn’t even going under the hot studio lights for another half an hour.
‘The way you talk to one another is so adorable,’ the woman explained. ‘You both talk in a soft, hushed voice when alone together, which is always a big sign of intimacy.’
Kris nodded, feeling his pulse rate speed up as he hung on to her every word in fascination.
‘And the way you two smile at one another, now that’s a genuine smile. Not just faked for the cameras.’
‘How can you tell if it’s a ‘true’ smile?’ Kris asked.
‘It shows in the eyes,’ she explained. ‘If you look at a photo of someone smiling and cover up their mouth and it still looks like they’re smiling, then that’s the real deal.’
Kris nodded and mumbled an inaudible response, wondering why the hell he was having this conversation.
‘But I clearly misinterpreted all those signals,’ she concluded with a shrug. ‘Hey, even after 30 years specializing in the field I do get it wrong sometimes!’
Kris shuffled in his seat nervously, avoiding eye contact. ‘I guess...’
‘He’ll be a friend for life though. It’s obvious how close you two are.’
‘Adam’s a great guy,’ he nodded, stroking his lips as they curled into a big grin.
‘See, another classic sign of affection!’ she laughed. ‘Did you know that the lips contain erectile tissues?’
‘Erectile what..!?’
‘People unconsciously touch zones like the lips when thinking or talking about a lover.’
Kris folded his arms and mumbled a reply.
‘I’ll shut up now,’ she replied noticing now fidgety and jumpy the conversation was making Kris go. Luckily, a runner entered the dressing room and led her out of the room to go on air.
Now alone in the room, Kris stared at reflection in mirror, reflecting on the conversation.
‘She’s wrong, she’s wrong,’ he muttered to himself. ‘We’re just friend. Good friends.’
He stared at his reflection, starting to analyze his own body language; the way he licked his lips nervously, clasped at his clammy palms and shook his head defiantly.
Why was he getting into such a state? He’d been asked about Adam many times and would always just laugh it off.
But it was normally just silly fifteen year old fan girls who wrote dirty fan-fiction who asked him. Not intelligent psychologists who knew their shit.
He continued to stare back at the mirror as the realisation started to hit him.
‘No, no,’ he whispered, shaking his head. ‘Surely I can’t... surely not..?’
For months and months, it had been going on in the darkest depths of his unconscious mind. Every time Kris had started to ponder his ‘feelings’ for Adam, a loud, angry voice in his brain had yelled ‘NO!’ and he’d quickly pushed any inappropriate thoughts aside. He hadn’t allowed himself to think about it. He mustn’t. He shouldn’t. He couldn’t.
But he couldn’t deny it any longer.
The hugs. The jokey ‘flirting’. The late night heart to hearts. The ‘man crush’. Deep down, he’d known all along something was going on in his mind, but refused to acknowledge it.
Until now.
He watched his flustered movements in the mirror and realised why the lady was must have been such a renowned figure in her field to be asked to appear on a top rated TV show. She knew how minds worked. And she obviously knew how Kris’s mind worked.
‘She’s right,’ he said in a shaky voice, acknowledging his feelings for Adam for the first time. ‘Oh God, she’s right!’
There was no way he could hide it any more.
It was written all over his face.
*
‘Come on, I got up early especially for this. Where the fuck is he?’
Adam lounged around in his king sized hotel bed painting his nails and yelling at the TV. He’d been out until the early hours at a press event in Manhattan, and after all those Martinis he’d consumed there he wasn’t exactly feeling his best.
He didn’t need to leave for his next promo appearance for over an hour yet, but Adam had gotten up early to watch Kris on the morning chat show. Only, he’d been watching for almost an hour and there was still no sign of him. ‘He must be getting the pimp spot,’ Adam sighed, channel surfing but not finding anything interesting to watch.
Adam had known he was going to miss Kris after the tour ended, but hadn’t counted on missing him just this much. Getting up early to watch a five minute TV appearance, now that was dedication.
Going out there alone had been a shock to the system. Adam had gotten so used to doing everything together with Kris during idol and the tour. They’d shared every moment, every memory.
But now he was Adam Lambert, solo superstar. It was exciting to break free from the Idol mould and do his own thing, but also very lonely travelling around the country and staying in hotels alone without his Idol buddies. He missed hanging out with Kris and all the laughter they shared together. He missed just being together.
‘Maybe it’s a good thing we’re apart,’ Adam told himself, shaking himself out of his Kris daydream. He remembered how crazy it drove him sometimes when he would watch Kris walk out of the shower in just a towel, or watch him catching a few minutes sleep on the couch, or watch him kissing Katy.
Adam knew Kris was out of reach in that way.
Although sometimes he did wonder if Kris felt something. Maybe he was mis-reading it, but there was something about the lingering hugs. And the affectionate way Kris spoke of him in interviews. And the concerned nature he always had when Adam was down or sick, that made him wonder...
Adam shook his head. That was just wishful thinking.
Wondering when Kris was going to come on screen, he turned the volume up and watched as a body language expert sat on the couch talking to the host about relationships.
‘Relationships,’ Adam muttered, rolling his eyes. His with Drake wasn’t really going anywhere. It had lost its spark. Adam wondered if there ever really was a spark in the first place.
‘So, tell our viewers how they can tell whether their crush likes them back!’ the host gushed.
‘Watch their body language carefully,’ the psychologist announced with a knowing smile. ‘All the clues are there. Up to 90% of communication is non-verbal.’
Adam sat up and started listening.
‘Look for the classic signs,’ she went on. ‘Open, relaxed posture like open legs is a sign that your crush feels comfortable with you.’
‘Kris always seemed comfortable with me.’
‘Also look out for mirroring movements. If you scratch your nose, watch to see if they do it back.’
Adam laughed to himself, remembering some animated gifs he’d seen on fan sites of him and Kris with their synchronized tongues, both licking their lips at the same time.
‘Seemingly innocent touches to safe zones like the arm and back are a sign they really want to touch you more.’
Adam let out a long, sad sigh. Kris had always been very touchy-feely with him. But he was like that with everyone. Not just Adam.
He soon cheered up when Kris walked onto the set and took a seat on the couch next to the psychologist. ‘Looking good,’ Adam hissed, feeling himself getting horny as the camera panned in on Kris in his plaid shirt and fitted jeans.
‘That was really interesting,’ Kris told the psychologist as he shook her hand.
Adam nodded in agreement, looking at Kris’s face as the camera zoomed in. His own psychoanalysis skills had kicked in and he started to wonder why Kris looked so tense and serious.
‘Thank-you so much for joining us!’ the host gushed as the psychologist stood up to exit the set. ‘Remember, viewers, if your crush exhibits all those signs then they must like you!’
Adam let out a frustrated sigh and stared at Kris on the screen.
‘I wish.’
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