Written All Over My Face (2/?)
Written All Over My Face
Author: alienanalysis
Title: Written All Over My Face (2/?)
Pairing: Kradam
Rating: PG-13 for this chapter, although the R rated stuff is coming later, I promise!
Summary: Kris searches for the right words to tell Adam his feelings, but it isn’t an easy task. How exactly can he tell Adam he wants to stick his tongue down his throat when he can’t even get his tongue to function enough to speak..?
Length: 2,000
Disclaimer: Thisisaworkoffictionidontowneitheroftheguysmaycontainstronglanguageandcontentofasexualnatureblahblahblah.
Notes: Thanks for all the awesome comments on chapter one yesterday! Here’s the next instalment, I’m going to try and update this every day. Enjoy!
Previous chapters:
Chapter 1: A conversation with a chat-show shrink makes Kris finally realize the feelings he’d been hiding in the deepest, darkest part of his mind for months
As Kris sat in his New York hotel room watching YouTube Kradam montages, he realized how obvious it had been all along.
Why hadn’t he figured it out long ago?
The body language expert had been spot on. It was all there, clear as day. The pair of them resembled lovesick teenagers with their lingering eye contact, big sappy smiles and constant touching. The fans had caught on early, convinced he and Adam were having a wild love affair.
And at long last, Kris had finally caught on too.
The video ended and he scrolled down the related videos list to find something else to watch. He spotted a behind the scenes report from Adam’s recent Details magazine shoot and clicked on it, quickly wishing he hadn’t.
He felt a rush of jealousy as he watched Adam wrap his arms around the almost-naked model, then realized the double standards and reminded himself that he was married.
Well, not for much longer.
News of his recent separation from Katy was sure to hit the headlines shortly once some eagle-eyed fans or journalists noticed he wasn’t wearing his wedding band. He was shocked the fans hadn’t already noticed, usually very quick to notice the smallest of details like his plaid shirt missing a button.
He stared at verging-on-porn video of Adam with his lips on the girl’s thigh, wondering how big a part in his marriage breakdown Adam had played. Although he was sure the break up would have been inevitable, both agreeing they’d married too young and had simply grown apart, he knew his feelings for Adam had made him re-evaluate his idea of what ‘love’ was... and whether he actually liked girls.
Sure, he’d always felt something special for Katy. He’d enjoyed the intimacy, the kisses, the sex. But somewhere in the back of his mind even right at the beginning of their relationship, he’d known he’d wanted something else, something... different.
He hadn’t counted on it taking a 6f 1 glitter-loving, mascara-wearing rock star from Hollywood to finally realize how different.
He looked at the racy video, ignoring the pretty model and eyes transfixed on Adam’s tongue. In the past, he would have quickly stopped the video and ticked himself off for thinking such ‘inappropriate’ thoughts. But this time, Kris allowed himself to stare, imagining his own tongue next to Adam’s, inching closer towards his mouth until he felt Adam’s warm breath, until their tongues were entwined together...
Lost in the fantasy, Kris closed his eyes and let out a whimpering sigh and stuffed his hand down his pants to meet his stiffening cock. Ever since letting his feelings flood to the surface, he’d been driving himself nuts thinking, dreaming, fantasizing, obsessing over Adam. The last few nights had been unbearable, just lying there, trying but failing to sleep.
And he knew he was in for yet another restless night.
On an impulse, Kris picked up his cell and dialled that familiar number he hadn’t called for a couple of weeks.
As he waited to be connected, Kris held his breath nervously and tried to figure out what the hell he was going to say.
‘I want to jump into your bed and stick my tongue down your throat...’
Kris shook his head. Too graphic.
‘Um... Adam, I’ve finally realized that the fans were right all along. Kradam is real.’
Kris let out a nervous laugh, still no idea how he was going to phrase it. His stomach did somersaults as he racked his brains. He wasn’t even sure if Adam felt the same. After all, he had Drake and they seemed pretty happy.
‘I have to say something...’ he decided, still completely clueless on how to approach the subject when Adam picked up.
‘Hey!’
Kris grinned as he heard the voice he’d been longing to hear for so long. ‘Hey,’ he responded, lying back on the bed, hand still down his pants. There was something about Adam’s voice, even in a simple ‘hey’ that was just so damn sexy. ‘I realized I hadn’t called in a while.’
‘Yeah I guess we’ve both been kinda busy, always on opposite coasts. I was in New York last week and now you’re there...’
‘I know.’
‘So, how’s life? How’s Katy doing? Has she landed any acting roles yet?’
Kris froze, realizing he hadn’t told Adam about it yet. ‘Um, she’d back in Arkansas...’ he trailed off, taking his hand out of his pants and tapping his fingers nervously on the bedside table.
‘Oh, how come? Did the acting thing not work out?’
Kris stared at the pale ring of skin on his finger where his wedding band used to be. ‘We, erm, kinda... broke up.’
There was silence at the other end of the line.
‘Hello? Adam? You there?’
‘Yes, I’m here. Oh, shit. That’s awful. Oh Kris, I’m so sorry!’ Adam exclaimed, sounding genuinely bummed for Kris. ‘How? Why? When?’
‘The details don’t matter,’ Kris dismissed, not really wanting to go into it. ‘We both kinda realized it wasn’t working. It was mutual.’
‘I wish I’d been there for you,’ Adam sighed.
‘I wish you were here now,’ Kris mumbled, his lips moving faster than his brain.
‘What did you say?’
Kris was silent for a few seconds, his hands trembling as he pondered what direction to take the conversation in. ‘I, erm, I.... I miss you, Adam.’
It was then Adam’s turn to be silent. ‘I miss you too, Kris,’ he finally responded sincerely. ‘I’ve been travelling all over the country this past month on a crazy whirlwind of promo, and as much as I’m living out all my ultimate fantasies with this whole rock-star lifestyle thing, it’s just not the same on my own. It’s lonely.’
‘Mmmm,’ Kris replied, heart thumping against his chest as he tried to form the right words together. ‘It does get lonely,’ he agreed. ‘All this time alone makes you think about things, doesn’t it? About life, about relationships, about, erm, -l-l-love...’
‘Oh, it does,’ Adam agreed.
Kris let the line go silent for a few moments, squeezing his eyes shut and desperately trying to regain his composure. If he continued getting so flustered, he’d end up losing his nerve.
‘Man, I still can’t believe it,’ Adam went on before Kris had a chance to say anything. ‘You and Katy... you just seemed so perfect. What went wrong? Was there somebody else?’
Kris felt his body begin to tremble. This was it. The perfect opportunity to tell Adam exactly what was on his mind.
But it was hard to string a sentence together without turning into a mumbling mess. He felt like his head was about to explode from the million and one thoughts and emotions flying through it.
‘Erm, well, I-I-I...’ Kris babbled, his brain going to complete mush and unable to speak coherently. Forget wanting to stick his tongue in Adam’s mouth, he couldn’t seem to get it to function enough to even speak.
Words alone weren’t enough for something as big as this. He needed to show Adam how he felt. Like the psychologist had said, 90% of communication was non-verbal. If Adam could see the way he was looking at the image of Adam’s face on the screen of his laptop right then, the way his eyes were wide, pupils dilated, trembling hands raised to his mouth, Adam would know what he was thinking. He wouldn’t need any words at all.
Too bad Adam was thousands of miles away on the opposite side of the country.
*
Adam paced up and down the grand bedroom of his new house, beside himself with worry for Kris. His normally laid-back, easy-going friend sounded like a nervous wreck. Even on results night on Idol when everybody had been jittery, it had always been Kris that had calmed everyone else’s nerves with his constantly-calm composure.
It was obvious the break-up had hit him hard.
And was there someone else involved? Kris still hadn’t answered the question. Adam couldn’t help feeling a pang of jealousy at the thought of Kris with someone else.
‘Who is she?’ he asked, straight to the point as always.
‘W-w-w-what?’ Kris stuttered.
Adam strode up to the window and gazed outside. ‘Kris, I know you well. Probably too well. You can’t hide anything from me! So, spill.’
The line went silent, just the sound of Kris’s ragged breathing.
‘Uh, Kris..?’
‘I can’t say,’ Kris whispered so quietly Adam had to strain his ear to listen.
Adam sighed, staring out at the view of the sun setting over LA. He thought he and Kris were tight. He thought Kris felt comfortable telling him anything.
Obviously not.
‘It’s OK, I know its private business...’ Adam replied softly, trying not to let his disappointment show in his voice. ‘I just hope you’re OK. I hate hearing you in such a state, you’re...’
‘Adam..?’ Kris interrupted suddenly.
There was something in the tone of Kris’s voice that made Adam stand up straight and take notice.
‘Yes..?’
There was another silence before Kris’s ragged, whispered reply came. ‘I’ve been thinking a lot lately, and, erm, realizing things...’
‘Yeah?’ Adam replied, sitting on the bed and hanging onto Kris’s every word, wondering exactly what was coming next. Adam was used to being the one with the shocking revelations. He could hardly believe it, sweet Southern boy Kris Allen leaving his pretty blonde wife. And by the sound of Kris’s voice, more revelations were on the way.
‘And I realized... I figured out that I... oh God, this is hard.’
A confused look came over Adam’s face. ‘Hard? Why?’
Kris mumbled an inaudible response and made a funny noise; Adam couldn’t tell whether he was laughing or crying.
‘Are you OK?’ Adam asked, starting to get really worried. Usually nothing fazed him. This was so, so unlike Kris.
‘Adam...’ Kris began, his voice sounding shaky. ‘Yes, there is someone else.’
Adam knew it. But who? He hoped Kris would just go ahead and spit it out before he had to resort to going on TMZ to get the gossip.
‘Well, I’m not with that person,’ Kris quickly added. ‘Not yet anyway, well I don’t know if I ever will be...’
Adam shook his head, wondering why any sane person would ever turn down Kris freaking Allen. ‘Well whoever it is, she’d be crazy not to want you.’
‘Oh, Adam!’ Kris blurted out suddenly.
Adam froze, trying to interpret Kris’s tone of voice. He sounded like he was in immense pain, like he was trying not to burst into tears, like he was...
No.
Surely not..?
The memory of the psychologists’ lesson on body language on the chat show had been playing on Adam’s mind a lot over the last few days. But he had to stop reading too much into Kris’s actions.
He almost laughed out loud at even comprehending the idea for one second. Kris wasn’t pining away for him. Of course not! He obviously had a hot new chick, probably right there with him in New York, about to come to his hotel for some hot action.
Lucky bitch. Adam narrowed his eyes and tried to wipe that image off his mind.
‘When are you back in LA?’ Adam asked, focusing back on the conversation and reverting back to Caring Friend role. ‘We need to catch up properly.’
‘We do,’ Kris agreed. ‘I fly back on Sunday. Can I, erm... c-c-c-an I come over?’
‘Of course,’ Adam grinned, excited at the prospect of seeing Kris again. It had been a long time. Too long.
‘Thank-you,’ Kris replied softly. ‘Oh, and Adam..?’
‘What?’
There was a long pause; the longest of the phone call so far.
Adam held his breath waiting for the response. Was he reading into things too much, or was there just the smallest, tiniest possibility that perhaps his wishful thinking had been right all along..?
‘I-I-I-I, erm...’ Kris began, sounding like he was having trouble breathing.
Adam froze, heart in his mouth as he waited for Kris to finish the sentence.
‘I, erm... oh, it can wait until I come over!’
‘OK,’ Adam replied reluctantly, wondering what the hell was going on in Kris’s mind.
Now he’d have to wait until Sunday to find out.
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