maybe if i would have only been afraid, if i would have known- i would have been. i saw the shimmering glimpse of something on the horizon and without pause, i dove into the warm, azure water. but as i swam, the water began to turn cold, the shimmering light in the distance that had once been a blazing beacon faded to a mere glow, and then ( Read more... )

with you alone i spoke ( Read more... )

kaela and i had a fight today, she asked me why i brought them here and i said because i thought it would be better. and she screamed "is it better?" and i didn't have an answer for her... i really just don't know. i don't know if it is better here for us, or if life is really just the same no matter wherever you are. i want to believe that i made ( Read more... )

well, another year gone. i feel like i'm living someone else's life. how the hell did i get here? news so far this year, chris and i decided to call it off between us. we both agreed that we didn't see things going anywhere long term for us and it was better that we just go our separate ways before things got too messy or complicated. it is the ( Read more... )

so today i woke up and didn't remember where i was for a moment, one blissful moment. i imagined i was back home in my fluffy bed in detroit, with the sun streaming in the back window and my soft cream sheets and pillows surrounding me. for one small moment in time i was warm and safe again. then the truth came rushing back in at me like a freight ( Read more... )

i can't fake it....anything really. it's just not there, and i don't know if it ever will be. it is gone from me. stolen, broken, wasted. all of those forlorn adjectives....just gone. i don't know how, or if i will ever get it back again. i could say that my heart is broken, but that is just a cliche and it is so much more than that. shattered ( Read more... )

so it's christmas on the beach for me, aren't you all jealous?? i do miss home however, and it's a bit more poignant around the holiday season. as messed up as my family is, they are still my family and somehow it just isn't the same without them around. all the tears, craziness and most of all the food. good times really ( Read more... )

spiders are funny things....they spend all of their time and energy spinning their web, getting it just right and perfect and then they sit back and wait for things to come to them. then a rainstorm or a strong gust of wind comes along and blows their masterpiece to bits. and if they survive, what do they do? well they just get back up and start ( Read more... )

do you know what it's like to feel so incredibly sad? i really feel like noone else in the world feels exactly as I feel. i came so close to something only to have it turn out to be a pale imitation of the truth- and nothing like the truth at all. what if there is no truth out there? what if there is noone who will ever completely understand me and ( Read more... )

Ain't no talkin to this man ( Read more... )