Delinquent [17/24]
Delinquent [17/24] by all_tattooed
Frank/Gerard [NC-17 - language, violence, crime, mentions of drugs & alcohol, sex ...etc.]
RPS. Don't know. Don't own. No harm intended.
~4039 words.
Summary: When Frank goes to Juvy, his counselor reforms him in a questionable manner.
Thanks to skelterellax for beta'ing. xo
Dedications: gee4president & x_missdarko_x
Con-Crit welcome. Comments are nice.
Chapter 16
***
Chapter 17
The following morning, Frank should have woken up with a guilty conscience, or at least the thought that he should have guilty conscience, but he didn’t. Mostly it was just another day, what happened yesterday was something he wasn’t really going to think about, something he didn’t need to think about, unless forced to.
The morning had dragged on painfully slowly so far. Thanks to the new restrictions in place for himself and his friend’s, the guards had woken both him and Jepha at what Frank considered and ungodly hour in the morning, though in reality it was about seven-thirty. They were escorted to the bathrooms on the lower level of the center after being told to collect what they would need for the day, because they would not be returning to their rooms until late that afternoon. It was in the showers, once Frank had the water running hot and fast in the small cubicle that he could actually being to fully grasp the true extent of what Mr. McKay had said.
Mark, the guard who would be constantly on both Frank and Jeph’s backs, had ordered the boys to a quick morning shower before he casually took a seat at the end of one of the rows of benches, pulled out a paper that was tucked under the leg and proceeded to read it, obviously waiting for the two to be finished with cleaning themselves up.
Frank had just watched him for a moment, waiting for him to just leave because this could not possibly be any more awkward. Mark didn’t move though, he didn’t even look at Frank or Jeph, just read his paper, one leg crossed over the other as if there was nothing strange about the older man just casually hanging out in a bathroom whilst a couple of teenagers washed up.
Frank peeled his shirt off slowly, keeping a firm eye on Mark as if the man was going to sneak peeks at him when he wasn’t looking. It wasn’t that he was embarrassed about being seen without his clothes on, he’d run loops around the entire center, naked, just to prove his point if he had to. It was the fact that this man had been made to stay there, to supervise whilst they took part in what is usually intended to be a rather personal activity in everyday living. It wouldn’t have mattered at all if the showers had curtains, but they didn’t, safety regulations stated they weren’t allowed; Frank assumed this was for self-harming issues ...among other things.
But Frank wasn’t about to do anything like that, nor was he about to break out into a fit of violence against others when he was simply having a shower, and not to mention, it was only himself and Jeph in the entire bathroom at that moment. He was just confused, these terms that had been placed upon them now just seemed way too ridiculous for Frank to comprehend. And even though it was obvious that Mark was decent enough to keep his eyes on the daily news, that didn’t matter, it felt like invasion of privacy and simply wasn’t right.
Frank stepped away from the running shower, only to stick his head around to the other side of the tiles that were separating his cubicle from his friends own. Frank was a little surprised when he saw Jeph, already naked as the day he was born and lathering soapsuds through his hair. Frank assumed that he either hadn’t noticed Mark’s presence or simply didn’t care, he hoped it was the former otherwise he would have felt quite stupid for being so worried about it.
“Jeph,” He shot, the preoccupied teen spinning around under the water to face his friend. “Mark’s over there. Am I freaking out or did you just not notice?”
Jeph looked past Frank over to where the guard was seated, which in the man’s defense was a reasonable distance away, nevertheless, if he turned his head even slightly, young naked boys were clear as day in his view.
Jeph shrieked a little, his hand quickly leaving his hair to cover more obvious parts of his body. “Oh god!”
Frank stepped further over in front his Jeph’s cubicle in attempt to cover his exposed friend from plain view. Though it may have seemed like he was contradicting himself, that was only to people who didn’t know the pair had seen each other naked on countless occasions anyway, so the fact that Frank was somewhat close to his unclothed friend was not even acknowledged by them.
“I don’t know if I should say anything.” Frank almost whispered, glancing back at Mark.
Jeph shrugged, looking over at the uniformed man too, his hand still hiding himself. “Maybe just ask him if- ahh, oh god, make it stop!”
Frank quickly looked back at Jeph, the boy jumping up and down a little as he stuck his face directly under the stream of water.
“Burning eyeballs.” He panicked, his voice muffled underneath the water flowing over his mouth.
Frank smiled at his friend’s stupidity, “Well you shouldn’t wash your hair with a bar of soap. I’m gonna ask him to leave.” With that, Frank made his way over to Mark, the man a little startled by his sudden presence.
“Frank?”
“Mark, it’s a little weird you being in here while we shower. Can’t you just leave for like five minutes or something? I mean, I’m not saying you’re looking or anything, it just ...is, strange.”
Mark smiled rather genuinely at him. “Sorry kiddo, bosses orders. I will turn around though, but I can’t leave.”
Frank scoffed and rolled his eyes. “This is ridiculous. What the fuck are me and Jeph gonna do?”
“Well, no one knows, Frank, that’s the thing.”
Frank inwardly kicked Mark’s head in. Though he knew it wasn’t Mark’s fault that he had to be there, he still felt the man could up and leave for five minutes without Mr. McKay’s knowledge. Now he knew he was over-reacting but this just wasn’t right and he intended on getting it fixed, already with an idea on just how he would do that.
***
After refusing to shower, just to later prove his point, Mark took Jeph and Frank to the cafeteria for breakfast, still not letting himself wander too much further than a good ten feet away from them. Frank felt like a complete child and was already tearing at the seams out of pure frustration.
“This is just bullshit…” He started grumpily, biting into a piece of toast. “…there is no fucking way we need to be watched like this.”
Jeph looked up at him, eyebrows raised as his cheeks hollowed around the straw of his juice box. “Well what else are they going to do? There’s not much they can do. They give as more counsel sessions, big fucking deal, were only going to learn from Way if we choose to listen. Which…” He paused, putting his drink down and leaning across on the table a little. “…may I add, I’m actually going to do.” He sat back, Frank watching him curiously. “I am.” He protested. “Well at least I’m going to try; you said yourself that you get along with him and we’re practically the same person, so I can’t see why I can’t either.”
Frank choked a little on the mushy toast in his mouth. “I wouldn’t count on it.”
“Oh really? And is that ‘cause you and him are the best of buddies now and you just know he only wants to be nice to you?” Jeph challenged, folding his arms across his chest.
“Yes.”
Jeph raised his hands, leaning back in his seat. “Whatever dude. I’m already sick of this fucking place and if it takes me sucking up that guy’s ass to get out then, fuck, I’ll do it.”
Frank sighed, wishing he hadn’t said anything at all last night about Gerard not being such a bad guy. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Jeph and Mr. Way to get along, it was that he didn’t want Jeph doing or saying anything stupid about him that may get the older man suspicious. The last thing he needed was Jepha blurting out little things he had said and therefore maybe causing Mr. Way to think Frank hadn’t kept his end of their promise, because so far, he had.
“He’s not going to give you a fucking early mark out of here just because you say, ‘oh I like what you’re wearing today’ or ‘wow, your hair sits around your face just nicely,’ if it was that easy I’d be out of here already.”
Jeph raised an eyebrow. “Oh, ‘cause you’ve already said these things and it didn’t work?”
“Shut up, Jeph. You know what I mean. I’m trying to say that he’s not an idiot, and that, if you go all there all kiss-ass, he’s going to read into it straight away and probably hate you even more.” Frank took another bite into his toast, hoping there stupid conversation was over. Apparently it wasn’t.
“How the hell do you know that?”
Frank didn’t even need to think about it, he knew why Gerard wouldn’t give Jeph the time of day if he walked in with some automatic attitude change. He knew because he wasn’t an idiot either and had used Jeph’s idea from day one. “Because I listened to him from the beginning, that’s how.”
Jeph looked confused. “Why? I asked you last night and you said that you don’t regret this shit, that you don’t care and that you wouldn’t take it back. So why did you listen to him? Why did you bother?”
For Frank, their discussion was travelling beyond questions much further than just Gerard. He knew what his reasons were; it was because Bob had warned him of how much of a condescending prick Mr. Way could be and he didn’t want to be subjected to someone like that so he had chosen to just go along with the man’s outlandish behavior since day one. He didn’t know it would get him where it did, but over those couple of weeks before the weekend, he came to realize that he wanted to learn much more from Gerard, whether he had made that obvious to his counselor or not. He wanted to come out of this place the best his possibly could, not just on false merit.
“That’s exactly why I bothered, because I didn’t care. I just sat there and let him say what he had to say, mind you it had nothing to do with what we’d done, most of the time it was complete shit he would talk about, but I went along with it…the more I related to him the more he related to me.” He took a deep breath and looked at Jeph, who by the look on his face, couldn’t believe Frank was talking like a normal person. “I don’t know dude, I just…we still haven’t even talked about the cars really and we probably don’t need to, it’s all the shit before that we need to talk about.”
“Wow.” Jeph breathed, his eyes searching blankly around the room. “Well how come you don’t talk to me about it?”
“Because we both have the same problem, Jeph.” Frank sighed, shaking his head. “Our resolutions are always the same. Yesterday for example, Nick’s a dickhead; we scorch his ass, that’s how we would have dealt with it back home. Fuck, we both know it was nasty, we both couldn’t care less, that’s why if I tried to talk to you about it you’d be next to no help, you’re in the same boat as me.”
Jeph nodded his head slowly, seemingly understanding a little more of what Frank was trying to get at. “So…do you feel guilty about yesterday then?”
“No. I mean, that’s the thing; I can’t…” Frank shrugged again, pushing his plate aside and giving his friend a wry grin. “…but when I do I’ll give him a pair of gloves or something.”
Jeph scoffed. “You’re an asshole.”
***
Once nine o’clock had come around, Frank had grown a little nervous. He had his session with Mr. Way, he just knew the man would have already been fully informed of what was going on and also been put under strict procedure by Mr. McKay on how to handle it all. Mark had taken Jeph to his first class of the day before walking Frank to the counselor’s office, he really hated the man being in his face everywhere he turned, but on the other hand, he was glad Mark wasn’t that much of an asshole, just a middle-aged guy, doing his job.
Mark waited with Frank at Mr. Way’s door for him to answer before he told the teen he’d be back in an hour to come get him and a part of Frank was relieved that the other man was still standing there with him when Gerard did answer the door; it saved him from seeing the initial look on his counselor’s face. Even if it wasn’t so bad, he just didn’t want to see Gerard’s face if he was disappointed in him, somehow that reaction felt like it would hurt the most.
Frank walked into the office quietly, taking off his cap and placing it on his knee as he sat down. Gerard lingered around the room for a moment, apparently walking back and forth behind Frank’s chair, but Frank wouldn’t dare turn around and look at him, the man’s failure to question him instantly was getting him more and more on edge with each footstep he heard Gerard take.
A moment later, Gerard finally stepped out from behind Frank, his gaze not settling on the boy once as he took his seat behind his desk and began shuffling through a small pile of papers. He remained silent as he seemingly skimmed over the details on the pages before he took a deep breath and looked up at Frank and his face couldn’t have been more inexpressive.
Frank swallowed hard, he hated that he had not even the slightest idea as to what Gerard was thinking. He didn’t know if the man was going to laugh, cry or scream. Given the way he was simply staring, he could have done any of the three and Frank wouldn’t have been surprised either way. He was completely unreadable and Frank could feel his palms being to sweat and started to blink probably a little too rapidly.
Mr. Way cleared his throat, and Frank just closed his eyes as if somehow it would block out whatever the older man was going to say.
“So Frank, I was wondering…” He paused briefly and Frank slowly open one eye, his counselor features still possessing that same vacant expression. “…are you some kind of an idiot?”
Frank’s eyes opened fully, his eyebrows stitching together and he just looked at Gerard for a second, unsure of whether or not he was actually waiting for an answer to that question. Apparently he was, when he urged the teen with a plain, “Well?”
Frank stuttered, releasing a breath he wasn’t even aware he had been holding. “Ah…I-, I-, no. Yes. I mean no. No.”
Gerard hummed to himself, picking the papers up from the table and leaning back in his chair, kicking his feet up to rest upon the surface in front of him. “That’s funny…” He mused, squinting at the documents in his hand. “…it says right here…” He pointed to a random spot, “…Frank, is, an, idiot. I would show it to you, but I’m not allowed.”
Frank wanted to smile, but he couldn’t. Gerard wasn’t being cool about this, he was being sneaky, he hadn’t expected this at all.
“Oh, well…” Frank half-shrugged. “…maybe I am?”
Gerard nodded, almost profusely as he removed his legs from the table and sat back in his chair properly. Right then, Frank could feel it. He could see it in the way Gerard’s eyebrows raised quickly and then furrowed, his nose scrunching and his tongue clicking against the backs of his teeth. He was pissed off.
“Yeah…” He began slowly, slowly and painfully, somehow he knew just how to make this worse for Frank. “…yeah, I think you’re a child, that’s what I think.” He glanced up quickly at the teen in front of him, his lips pursed so tightly they were starting to turn white. “I think you fail to realize that you’re fucking everything up for yourself!”
Frank flinched slightly as Gerard’s voice rose dramatically throughout his sentence. He took a deep and sharp breath; there was nothing he could do but brace himself for whatever else Gerard was going to say next. He felt helpless at his own actions and Mr. Way was already doing a perfectly good job at scolding him like he was the child the man said he was.
“What am I supposed to do with this shit, Frank, huh?” He picked up his papers before throwing them back onto the table and looking expectantly at the teen. “How the fuck am I going to fix this?”
“I-, do-, I’m-” Frank struggled, he didn’t actually know what it was he was going to say, but he felt like he needed to say something, even if it was complete gibberish, but clearly Gerard didn’t want him to say anything; cutting him off almost instantly.
“-Don’t say anything!” He raised a hand to silence him, along with the terrifying snap of his voice. “Whatever you have to say is bullshit. You’re not even sorry for what you done. You’re spiteful, ignorant and completely nauseating. I don’t know how the fuck you could sit there and just watch. Laughing when you walked away.”
Frank’s stomached churned. Deep down he knew to expect a bad reaction from Gerard, how bad he didn’t know, but somewhere inside he had prepared for the worst, although, he didn’t even know what the worst was. He hoped this was it though, Gerard had only gotten through a paragraph of things to say and already he was feeling like complete shit. Maybe that was the point?
“Gerard, I-”
“-I said shut up!”
Frank lowered his head; he had disappointed Gerard completely. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled.
“Yeah, sorry ‘cause I’m pissed off with you. Not sorry for what you did though are you?”
Frank swallowed hard again. He couldn’t answer that. Gerard was right, he wasn’t sorry for what he had done and he couldn’t lie about it, more so, he wouldn’t lie about it. He was willing to let Gerard help him, he didn’t want to be a fuck up, he didn’t want to laugh at another person’s misfortune, he just couldn’t help it, it was the only thing he knew, the only way he knew how to be. He just wished his counselor could see that, or at least give him the chance to say it.
Gerard pressed the matter, even though he clearly knew Frank couldn’t feel any remorse for what he had done. "Are you?"
Frank looked up at him quickly, almost snapping the fragile bones in his neck. His eyes were wide and his mouth was dry, he didn’t want Gerard to act like this towards him. He knew it was his own fault, regardless of their relationship, Gerard still had a job to do. But something about the way he was yelling, the questions he was asking and how he didn’t want him to talk, told Frank that he was only angry because he didn’t know how else to handle the situation.
Frank knew that Gerard was aware he had something to hold over him, he knew that the older man wasn’t stupid enough to get himself in the position where Frank may just spill his guts about what went on between them. He knew Gerard didn’t know how to take him, he didn’t know enough about Frank to be able to fix the problem. His anger was there to cover up how let down he was, how wrong he was in what he’d portrayed Frank as. Frank wished the man could just be honest with him and talk it through, he wished he would just ask if he was okay and then help him climb out of that wicked rut he had fallen into.
Regardless of how immoral the older man was making him feel, Frank couldn’t cower down to him forever, whether the ground he stood for himself was sturdy or not, he needed Gerard stop. Screaming at him wasn’t going to solve anything, except maybe cause Frank to think that his counselor is in fact a replica of his father which would only lead to him beginning to hate the older man with a fiery passion. He wanted Gerard to know that he hadn’t meant to put him in this position, he hadn’t even thought about it until after the fact and if the only way he could make his counselor listen was by yelling then so be it, it wasn’t as if he hadn’t screamed his heart out at Gerard before.
“NO! I’m not fucking sorry, okay? I’m not sorry for what I did to him, Gerard.” Frank stared back at his counselor, his eyes piercing right into Gerard skin.
Gerard’s mouth hung open slightly and he was about to speak again when Frank just cut him right off.
“I don’t know how I don’t regret it, I just don’t. Call me what you want, spiteful, ignorant, whatever, I don’t give a fuck. You could hate me with everything in you Gerard, think I’m the worst person in the world, it wouldn’t change anything though…” His voice faltered under the pressure of everything he wanted to say.
He didn’t want to be talking to Mr. Way right now, he wanted Gerard back. He was silently begging for the man’s comfort, unable to stop himself from doing the stupid things he does. He was fine on the weekend because he had Gerard there the entire time to hold him up, but when he was gone, the only thing he could suffice with was partaking in what he knew best. And he hated that Gerard couldn’t see how much he already needed him, because he doubted he’d ever actually be able to say it.
He took a deep breath before finishing softly, “…you’d still mean the same to me.”
Gerard looked down at desk and if Frank had to take a guess, he would say that he just hurt his counselor somehow, like it pained him to hear the teen talk like that. “This is about you, Frank. Don’t make this about us.” He looked up, his head tilted slightly, eyes stern and still somewhat reprimanding.
Frank scoffed. “This is about us. It’ll always be about us. You’ll never just be my counselor anymore, Gee. I’m sorry I made you angry …and, I. I don’t know what else to say.”
The room fell to an eerie silence. Frank finding the peeling fabric on the arm of his chair far more appealing than looking at Gerard and Gerard flinging himself back in his chair and staring straight up at the ceiling. They had finally reached a fork in the road and with what Frank had just stated, and Gerard felt like it was up to him to work out where they went from here. He wanted to help Frank, he just didn’t know how. He couldn’t fix this like he could with Jeph, Pete and Bob. Frank was more to him than a delinquent he had to straighten out, what he was exactly he still wasn’t quite sure, but he knew now that a handful of insults along with a raised voice wasn’t going to resolve anything. He needed Frank to change for the boy’s own sake, he also needed him to change for the sake of his job, but just how he was going to deal with Frank, he still had to figure out.
He settled with his first and only thought that came to mind, his gaze not tearing away from the ceiling and his voice harsh yet soft. “Just go, Frank.”
Interlude
Frank/Gerard [NC-17 - language, violence, crime, mentions of drugs & alcohol, sex ...etc.]
RPS. Don't know. Don't own. No harm intended.
~4039 words.
Summary: When Frank goes to Juvy, his counselor reforms him in a questionable manner.
Thanks to skelterellax for beta'ing. xo
Dedications: gee4president & x_missdarko_x
Con-Crit welcome. Comments are nice.
Chapter 16
***
Chapter 17
The following morning, Frank should have woken up with a guilty conscience, or at least the thought that he should have guilty conscience, but he didn’t. Mostly it was just another day, what happened yesterday was something he wasn’t really going to think about, something he didn’t need to think about, unless forced to.
The morning had dragged on painfully slowly so far. Thanks to the new restrictions in place for himself and his friend’s, the guards had woken both him and Jepha at what Frank considered and ungodly hour in the morning, though in reality it was about seven-thirty. They were escorted to the bathrooms on the lower level of the center after being told to collect what they would need for the day, because they would not be returning to their rooms until late that afternoon. It was in the showers, once Frank had the water running hot and fast in the small cubicle that he could actually being to fully grasp the true extent of what Mr. McKay had said.
Mark, the guard who would be constantly on both Frank and Jeph’s backs, had ordered the boys to a quick morning shower before he casually took a seat at the end of one of the rows of benches, pulled out a paper that was tucked under the leg and proceeded to read it, obviously waiting for the two to be finished with cleaning themselves up.
Frank had just watched him for a moment, waiting for him to just leave because this could not possibly be any more awkward. Mark didn’t move though, he didn’t even look at Frank or Jeph, just read his paper, one leg crossed over the other as if there was nothing strange about the older man just casually hanging out in a bathroom whilst a couple of teenagers washed up.
Frank peeled his shirt off slowly, keeping a firm eye on Mark as if the man was going to sneak peeks at him when he wasn’t looking. It wasn’t that he was embarrassed about being seen without his clothes on, he’d run loops around the entire center, naked, just to prove his point if he had to. It was the fact that this man had been made to stay there, to supervise whilst they took part in what is usually intended to be a rather personal activity in everyday living. It wouldn’t have mattered at all if the showers had curtains, but they didn’t, safety regulations stated they weren’t allowed; Frank assumed this was for self-harming issues ...among other things.
But Frank wasn’t about to do anything like that, nor was he about to break out into a fit of violence against others when he was simply having a shower, and not to mention, it was only himself and Jeph in the entire bathroom at that moment. He was just confused, these terms that had been placed upon them now just seemed way too ridiculous for Frank to comprehend. And even though it was obvious that Mark was decent enough to keep his eyes on the daily news, that didn’t matter, it felt like invasion of privacy and simply wasn’t right.
Frank stepped away from the running shower, only to stick his head around to the other side of the tiles that were separating his cubicle from his friends own. Frank was a little surprised when he saw Jeph, already naked as the day he was born and lathering soapsuds through his hair. Frank assumed that he either hadn’t noticed Mark’s presence or simply didn’t care, he hoped it was the former otherwise he would have felt quite stupid for being so worried about it.
“Jeph,” He shot, the preoccupied teen spinning around under the water to face his friend. “Mark’s over there. Am I freaking out or did you just not notice?”
Jeph looked past Frank over to where the guard was seated, which in the man’s defense was a reasonable distance away, nevertheless, if he turned his head even slightly, young naked boys were clear as day in his view.
Jeph shrieked a little, his hand quickly leaving his hair to cover more obvious parts of his body. “Oh god!”
Frank stepped further over in front his Jeph’s cubicle in attempt to cover his exposed friend from plain view. Though it may have seemed like he was contradicting himself, that was only to people who didn’t know the pair had seen each other naked on countless occasions anyway, so the fact that Frank was somewhat close to his unclothed friend was not even acknowledged by them.
“I don’t know if I should say anything.” Frank almost whispered, glancing back at Mark.
Jeph shrugged, looking over at the uniformed man too, his hand still hiding himself. “Maybe just ask him if- ahh, oh god, make it stop!”
Frank quickly looked back at Jeph, the boy jumping up and down a little as he stuck his face directly under the stream of water.
“Burning eyeballs.” He panicked, his voice muffled underneath the water flowing over his mouth.
Frank smiled at his friend’s stupidity, “Well you shouldn’t wash your hair with a bar of soap. I’m gonna ask him to leave.” With that, Frank made his way over to Mark, the man a little startled by his sudden presence.
“Frank?”
“Mark, it’s a little weird you being in here while we shower. Can’t you just leave for like five minutes or something? I mean, I’m not saying you’re looking or anything, it just ...is, strange.”
Mark smiled rather genuinely at him. “Sorry kiddo, bosses orders. I will turn around though, but I can’t leave.”
Frank scoffed and rolled his eyes. “This is ridiculous. What the fuck are me and Jeph gonna do?”
“Well, no one knows, Frank, that’s the thing.”
Frank inwardly kicked Mark’s head in. Though he knew it wasn’t Mark’s fault that he had to be there, he still felt the man could up and leave for five minutes without Mr. McKay’s knowledge. Now he knew he was over-reacting but this just wasn’t right and he intended on getting it fixed, already with an idea on just how he would do that.
***
After refusing to shower, just to later prove his point, Mark took Jeph and Frank to the cafeteria for breakfast, still not letting himself wander too much further than a good ten feet away from them. Frank felt like a complete child and was already tearing at the seams out of pure frustration.
“This is just bullshit…” He started grumpily, biting into a piece of toast. “…there is no fucking way we need to be watched like this.”
Jeph looked up at him, eyebrows raised as his cheeks hollowed around the straw of his juice box. “Well what else are they going to do? There’s not much they can do. They give as more counsel sessions, big fucking deal, were only going to learn from Way if we choose to listen. Which…” He paused, putting his drink down and leaning across on the table a little. “…may I add, I’m actually going to do.” He sat back, Frank watching him curiously. “I am.” He protested. “Well at least I’m going to try; you said yourself that you get along with him and we’re practically the same person, so I can’t see why I can’t either.”
Frank choked a little on the mushy toast in his mouth. “I wouldn’t count on it.”
“Oh really? And is that ‘cause you and him are the best of buddies now and you just know he only wants to be nice to you?” Jeph challenged, folding his arms across his chest.
“Yes.”
Jeph raised his hands, leaning back in his seat. “Whatever dude. I’m already sick of this fucking place and if it takes me sucking up that guy’s ass to get out then, fuck, I’ll do it.”
Frank sighed, wishing he hadn’t said anything at all last night about Gerard not being such a bad guy. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Jeph and Mr. Way to get along, it was that he didn’t want Jeph doing or saying anything stupid about him that may get the older man suspicious. The last thing he needed was Jepha blurting out little things he had said and therefore maybe causing Mr. Way to think Frank hadn’t kept his end of their promise, because so far, he had.
“He’s not going to give you a fucking early mark out of here just because you say, ‘oh I like what you’re wearing today’ or ‘wow, your hair sits around your face just nicely,’ if it was that easy I’d be out of here already.”
Jeph raised an eyebrow. “Oh, ‘cause you’ve already said these things and it didn’t work?”
“Shut up, Jeph. You know what I mean. I’m trying to say that he’s not an idiot, and that, if you go all there all kiss-ass, he’s going to read into it straight away and probably hate you even more.” Frank took another bite into his toast, hoping there stupid conversation was over. Apparently it wasn’t.
“How the hell do you know that?”
Frank didn’t even need to think about it, he knew why Gerard wouldn’t give Jeph the time of day if he walked in with some automatic attitude change. He knew because he wasn’t an idiot either and had used Jeph’s idea from day one. “Because I listened to him from the beginning, that’s how.”
Jeph looked confused. “Why? I asked you last night and you said that you don’t regret this shit, that you don’t care and that you wouldn’t take it back. So why did you listen to him? Why did you bother?”
For Frank, their discussion was travelling beyond questions much further than just Gerard. He knew what his reasons were; it was because Bob had warned him of how much of a condescending prick Mr. Way could be and he didn’t want to be subjected to someone like that so he had chosen to just go along with the man’s outlandish behavior since day one. He didn’t know it would get him where it did, but over those couple of weeks before the weekend, he came to realize that he wanted to learn much more from Gerard, whether he had made that obvious to his counselor or not. He wanted to come out of this place the best his possibly could, not just on false merit.
“That’s exactly why I bothered, because I didn’t care. I just sat there and let him say what he had to say, mind you it had nothing to do with what we’d done, most of the time it was complete shit he would talk about, but I went along with it…the more I related to him the more he related to me.” He took a deep breath and looked at Jeph, who by the look on his face, couldn’t believe Frank was talking like a normal person. “I don’t know dude, I just…we still haven’t even talked about the cars really and we probably don’t need to, it’s all the shit before that we need to talk about.”
“Wow.” Jeph breathed, his eyes searching blankly around the room. “Well how come you don’t talk to me about it?”
“Because we both have the same problem, Jeph.” Frank sighed, shaking his head. “Our resolutions are always the same. Yesterday for example, Nick’s a dickhead; we scorch his ass, that’s how we would have dealt with it back home. Fuck, we both know it was nasty, we both couldn’t care less, that’s why if I tried to talk to you about it you’d be next to no help, you’re in the same boat as me.”
Jeph nodded his head slowly, seemingly understanding a little more of what Frank was trying to get at. “So…do you feel guilty about yesterday then?”
“No. I mean, that’s the thing; I can’t…” Frank shrugged again, pushing his plate aside and giving his friend a wry grin. “…but when I do I’ll give him a pair of gloves or something.”
Jeph scoffed. “You’re an asshole.”
***
Once nine o’clock had come around, Frank had grown a little nervous. He had his session with Mr. Way, he just knew the man would have already been fully informed of what was going on and also been put under strict procedure by Mr. McKay on how to handle it all. Mark had taken Jeph to his first class of the day before walking Frank to the counselor’s office, he really hated the man being in his face everywhere he turned, but on the other hand, he was glad Mark wasn’t that much of an asshole, just a middle-aged guy, doing his job.
Mark waited with Frank at Mr. Way’s door for him to answer before he told the teen he’d be back in an hour to come get him and a part of Frank was relieved that the other man was still standing there with him when Gerard did answer the door; it saved him from seeing the initial look on his counselor’s face. Even if it wasn’t so bad, he just didn’t want to see Gerard’s face if he was disappointed in him, somehow that reaction felt like it would hurt the most.
Frank walked into the office quietly, taking off his cap and placing it on his knee as he sat down. Gerard lingered around the room for a moment, apparently walking back and forth behind Frank’s chair, but Frank wouldn’t dare turn around and look at him, the man’s failure to question him instantly was getting him more and more on edge with each footstep he heard Gerard take.
A moment later, Gerard finally stepped out from behind Frank, his gaze not settling on the boy once as he took his seat behind his desk and began shuffling through a small pile of papers. He remained silent as he seemingly skimmed over the details on the pages before he took a deep breath and looked up at Frank and his face couldn’t have been more inexpressive.
Frank swallowed hard, he hated that he had not even the slightest idea as to what Gerard was thinking. He didn’t know if the man was going to laugh, cry or scream. Given the way he was simply staring, he could have done any of the three and Frank wouldn’t have been surprised either way. He was completely unreadable and Frank could feel his palms being to sweat and started to blink probably a little too rapidly.
Mr. Way cleared his throat, and Frank just closed his eyes as if somehow it would block out whatever the older man was going to say.
“So Frank, I was wondering…” He paused briefly and Frank slowly open one eye, his counselor features still possessing that same vacant expression. “…are you some kind of an idiot?”
Frank’s eyes opened fully, his eyebrows stitching together and he just looked at Gerard for a second, unsure of whether or not he was actually waiting for an answer to that question. Apparently he was, when he urged the teen with a plain, “Well?”
Frank stuttered, releasing a breath he wasn’t even aware he had been holding. “Ah…I-, I-, no. Yes. I mean no. No.”
Gerard hummed to himself, picking the papers up from the table and leaning back in his chair, kicking his feet up to rest upon the surface in front of him. “That’s funny…” He mused, squinting at the documents in his hand. “…it says right here…” He pointed to a random spot, “…Frank, is, an, idiot. I would show it to you, but I’m not allowed.”
Frank wanted to smile, but he couldn’t. Gerard wasn’t being cool about this, he was being sneaky, he hadn’t expected this at all.
“Oh, well…” Frank half-shrugged. “…maybe I am?”
Gerard nodded, almost profusely as he removed his legs from the table and sat back in his chair properly. Right then, Frank could feel it. He could see it in the way Gerard’s eyebrows raised quickly and then furrowed, his nose scrunching and his tongue clicking against the backs of his teeth. He was pissed off.
“Yeah…” He began slowly, slowly and painfully, somehow he knew just how to make this worse for Frank. “…yeah, I think you’re a child, that’s what I think.” He glanced up quickly at the teen in front of him, his lips pursed so tightly they were starting to turn white. “I think you fail to realize that you’re fucking everything up for yourself!”
Frank flinched slightly as Gerard’s voice rose dramatically throughout his sentence. He took a deep and sharp breath; there was nothing he could do but brace himself for whatever else Gerard was going to say next. He felt helpless at his own actions and Mr. Way was already doing a perfectly good job at scolding him like he was the child the man said he was.
“What am I supposed to do with this shit, Frank, huh?” He picked up his papers before throwing them back onto the table and looking expectantly at the teen. “How the fuck am I going to fix this?”
“I-, do-, I’m-” Frank struggled, he didn’t actually know what it was he was going to say, but he felt like he needed to say something, even if it was complete gibberish, but clearly Gerard didn’t want him to say anything; cutting him off almost instantly.
“-Don’t say anything!” He raised a hand to silence him, along with the terrifying snap of his voice. “Whatever you have to say is bullshit. You’re not even sorry for what you done. You’re spiteful, ignorant and completely nauseating. I don’t know how the fuck you could sit there and just watch. Laughing when you walked away.”
Frank’s stomached churned. Deep down he knew to expect a bad reaction from Gerard, how bad he didn’t know, but somewhere inside he had prepared for the worst, although, he didn’t even know what the worst was. He hoped this was it though, Gerard had only gotten through a paragraph of things to say and already he was feeling like complete shit. Maybe that was the point?
“Gerard, I-”
“-I said shut up!”
Frank lowered his head; he had disappointed Gerard completely. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled.
“Yeah, sorry ‘cause I’m pissed off with you. Not sorry for what you did though are you?”
Frank swallowed hard again. He couldn’t answer that. Gerard was right, he wasn’t sorry for what he had done and he couldn’t lie about it, more so, he wouldn’t lie about it. He was willing to let Gerard help him, he didn’t want to be a fuck up, he didn’t want to laugh at another person’s misfortune, he just couldn’t help it, it was the only thing he knew, the only way he knew how to be. He just wished his counselor could see that, or at least give him the chance to say it.
Gerard pressed the matter, even though he clearly knew Frank couldn’t feel any remorse for what he had done. "Are you?"
Frank looked up at him quickly, almost snapping the fragile bones in his neck. His eyes were wide and his mouth was dry, he didn’t want Gerard to act like this towards him. He knew it was his own fault, regardless of their relationship, Gerard still had a job to do. But something about the way he was yelling, the questions he was asking and how he didn’t want him to talk, told Frank that he was only angry because he didn’t know how else to handle the situation.
Frank knew that Gerard was aware he had something to hold over him, he knew that the older man wasn’t stupid enough to get himself in the position where Frank may just spill his guts about what went on between them. He knew Gerard didn’t know how to take him, he didn’t know enough about Frank to be able to fix the problem. His anger was there to cover up how let down he was, how wrong he was in what he’d portrayed Frank as. Frank wished the man could just be honest with him and talk it through, he wished he would just ask if he was okay and then help him climb out of that wicked rut he had fallen into.
Regardless of how immoral the older man was making him feel, Frank couldn’t cower down to him forever, whether the ground he stood for himself was sturdy or not, he needed Gerard stop. Screaming at him wasn’t going to solve anything, except maybe cause Frank to think that his counselor is in fact a replica of his father which would only lead to him beginning to hate the older man with a fiery passion. He wanted Gerard to know that he hadn’t meant to put him in this position, he hadn’t even thought about it until after the fact and if the only way he could make his counselor listen was by yelling then so be it, it wasn’t as if he hadn’t screamed his heart out at Gerard before.
“NO! I’m not fucking sorry, okay? I’m not sorry for what I did to him, Gerard.” Frank stared back at his counselor, his eyes piercing right into Gerard skin.
Gerard’s mouth hung open slightly and he was about to speak again when Frank just cut him right off.
“I don’t know how I don’t regret it, I just don’t. Call me what you want, spiteful, ignorant, whatever, I don’t give a fuck. You could hate me with everything in you Gerard, think I’m the worst person in the world, it wouldn’t change anything though…” His voice faltered under the pressure of everything he wanted to say.
He didn’t want to be talking to Mr. Way right now, he wanted Gerard back. He was silently begging for the man’s comfort, unable to stop himself from doing the stupid things he does. He was fine on the weekend because he had Gerard there the entire time to hold him up, but when he was gone, the only thing he could suffice with was partaking in what he knew best. And he hated that Gerard couldn’t see how much he already needed him, because he doubted he’d ever actually be able to say it.
He took a deep breath before finishing softly, “…you’d still mean the same to me.”
Gerard looked down at desk and if Frank had to take a guess, he would say that he just hurt his counselor somehow, like it pained him to hear the teen talk like that. “This is about you, Frank. Don’t make this about us.” He looked up, his head tilted slightly, eyes stern and still somewhat reprimanding.
Frank scoffed. “This is about us. It’ll always be about us. You’ll never just be my counselor anymore, Gee. I’m sorry I made you angry …and, I. I don’t know what else to say.”
The room fell to an eerie silence. Frank finding the peeling fabric on the arm of his chair far more appealing than looking at Gerard and Gerard flinging himself back in his chair and staring straight up at the ceiling. They had finally reached a fork in the road and with what Frank had just stated, and Gerard felt like it was up to him to work out where they went from here. He wanted to help Frank, he just didn’t know how. He couldn’t fix this like he could with Jeph, Pete and Bob. Frank was more to him than a delinquent he had to straighten out, what he was exactly he still wasn’t quite sure, but he knew now that a handful of insults along with a raised voice wasn’t going to resolve anything. He needed Frank to change for the boy’s own sake, he also needed him to change for the sake of his job, but just how he was going to deal with Frank, he still had to figure out.
He settled with his first and only thought that came to mind, his gaze not tearing away from the ceiling and his voice harsh yet soft. “Just go, Frank.”
Interlude