I don't know what to do. This life thing is starting to seem less and less worth it....

I’m in a really weird mood. I’m not even sure I know how to explain it. I just know that I really want to have my life figured out and it is causing intense insanity not even knowing even the simple things I want… Most of my questions, I feel, are rather easy to answer. But why can’t I answer them? Why is it impossible to decide if I want to stay ( Read more... )

So the reason why my posts have been so scarce has been because I have been writing in my paper journal. I can only say that unfortunately typing is way easier than getting hand cramps a page in and then every paragraph consecutively. But it’s what ever.

I have been trying really hard lately to post very frequently because I have come to notice that ( Read more... )

I wish I could re-connect with an old friend of mine. I wouldn't know where to begin though. Or how to begin. Or how to approach them... Or why to bother. Being as they hate me..... It's sad to realize, but I really do bring no one joy in life.... Fuck it.

So. People fucking suck. I’m so fucking over the personal relationships. I’m done trying. I’m done wishing that I could be better for people. I’m done wishing people would be better for me. There is no fucking point in developing a relationship with someone when either A) You’ll stop talking anyways. B) They will hurt you. C) You will hurt them. Or ( Read more... )

So, four things ( Read more... )

I feel the vacant space in my chest, that you often help fill. But right now, I feel the emptiness that seems to be imploding on itself in a colossal black hole that sucks every bit of joy out of life, leaving me in a dark hole, in my mind, created by my mind, fabricated by my mind with an intent of imprisoning my own self in it with no way out. I ( Read more... )

The past month or so has been unbelievably, unrealistically, un-real. If I woke up as I’m typing this to only find that the past month or two had only been a dream, I wouldn’t be surprised. Relieved more or less, but not surprised. I can’t even explain how mythical this feels. The only thing that I can really explain is that time has been going way ( Read more... )

So much has changed in so little time. My grandma did pass. Luckaly I got to say goodbye though. I still can't seem to believe she is gone ( Read more... )

So, I found out yesterday that my Mom’s mom, my favorite grandma, was in the hospital for pneumonia. She was only in a little hospital in a little town, so I didn’t think much of it. Later that day my dad calls me telling me that they are moving her to billings. Not only moving her, but air lifting her, to Billings. For them to air lift her to ( Read more... )