This seriously sucks.  I still have everyone's replies and comments in my email so that I can eventually hit you guys back up, not that you'll read this anyway, but yeah....I went to reply and it said I was banned. I thought it was my computer so I left the community and went to rejoin, only to see that the community's moderator was no longer ( Read more... )

It's not that I'm half hearted, I'm just afraid to to jump when I'm not sure that anyone will catch me.
I've done that a lot.
I used to walk blindly, run fast and fall backwards through the sky as the clouds hit my back and the stars bounced off of my skin....only to hit rock bottom: to have the wind knocked out of me, to turn over and look around ( Read more... )

I can't seem to find any of the words that describe how i'm feeling right now.
Today is droll.
I hate today.

My horoscope said today would be a downer because I needed to reevaluate my values and that i needed to do a little self reflecting.
I self reflect every day but most days that i wake up it's the same shit.

"Maybe you should just avoid ( Read more... )

I find myself writing about what it would be like to be normal often.  Always curious what I would be like if I didn't have this obsession, addiction, and lifestyle.  All the tables turn in my head viciously and my knees buckle and my eyes spin in their sockets trying to catch a clear picture ( Read more... )

Each day it feels like a new bone in my body breaks and I swear I can feel the ash falling into my blood stream ( Read more... )

My knees buckle.
Breath -stops-
.....relapse....
heart [attack]
collapse, trapped:
My eyes snag the quick motion of falling;
foggy air winding around my feet.
_stuck_
Head on the floor ~writhing~
struggling, gasping for the words
but
left with broken letters.
Grains of sand engraved in my hands;
[rewind]

just close your eyes instead.

The bad thoughts set in when i'm in moods like this.  When i'm left alone with myself on so many bad notes. The visions hurl through my head, across my eyes and the gulp in my throat gets bigger with each swallow. 
Maybe i'm not like other writers, like Augusten Burroughs, because I simply can't write about the day to day shit that happens or why I ( Read more... )

"When did you first figure out you were going to die?"

Maybe it was every short breath in between the heart palpitations.
Maybe it was every long sigh that I thought would be my last.
Every thought; every long spiraling, drowning thought in my already cluttered head; mishapen and messed up, mixed and momentary.

It could have been every day that the ( Read more... )

Today was the one of those very, very slow mornings. Woke up with shallow breath and a very weak body. Couldn't stand up to quick or I know I'd pass out.
I b/p'd probably 3-4 times yesterday-all very thorough; i felt as though I lost 10 pounds just yesterday.
I feel extremely empty today, which will be a wonderful to start my liquid fast. I've ( Read more... )

I feel absolutely treacherous today. I don't even know why.
I'm down 3 pounds on the scale- but like i said before...the scale doesn't show me any difference on my body.
It's just one of those days where you can't do anything without feeling the fat on your body move when you do.
It's horrid. I feel awful.
The weather isn't helping any either. It's ( Read more... )