uncomfortable in past worlds
harsh liquids melting paper cups
until the warmth drips down my hands and down my cheeks

don't ask me if i'm sad
even if i am, i'm just reminiscing

not attached to the feeling,
which seems so small from my new location

where warmth starts on the inside
and lights up my core

LIFE IS SOOO HARD.

alone again after a few years of reprieve.
lonely here where everyone else leaves.

and yet i have you,
and such love i do not underestimate.
i do not sneer.
i just wait, and ask
must emptiness always follow me here?

i expect to feel full with no one else around
but perhaps i'm too human
to hold solitude so dear.

almost completely settled in to our new place, jon and i are leading quite a cozy life together. we take the daily 2 minute walk to get our coffee fix, and a burrito fix is a mere 5 minute stroll away. could life be any better? however, our bedroom is still a war zone as a back up of only two loads of laundry pretty much occupies all our floor ( Read more... )

a cacophony of sound running through my head,
a mixture of radio tunes, the most repeated line,
catch phrases and cosmetics commercial slogans
filtering the air as it passes through my nostrils
filling my head like a balloon
too full of helium to get any oxygen

the finals portion of this quarter SUCKS MAJOR ASS ( Read more... )

blessed be both the kind
hearts who can say
no
and the hard hearts
who can say
no
in sturdy tones
that do no harm

---

then share with those who
will grant every
wish
that it is your very wish
that their dreams come true

and honor any wish they entrust with you

i have come to an emotional wall. i've realized i'll have to break through, brick by brutal brick, or just remain frozen in front of it forever, never changing and never becoming a better person. i have grown to hate myself for all the time i waste doing nothing, doing things compulsively that i don't even enjoy, and furthermore, the shame i coat ( Read more... )

i'm back in santa cruz after a two week hiatus in san luis. i had a good time relaxing, eating up novels like potato chips, and visiting with my family. now i'm back in santa cruz, less than a week before school starts, with no official home and no job of any sort. i'm going to crash with jon until i find a place of my own. for three weeks at ( Read more... )

i'm absurdly tired. i would kill for a foot rub ( Read more... )