(no subject)
A Bat Out of Hell
Author: hjbender
Rating: PG-13
Category: Humour, Action/Adventure
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley
Summary: Aziraphale has a serious problem when bats take up residence in the attic of his bookshop. What ensues is utterly ridiculous.
Quote:
A few moments later Aziraphale kicked off his shoes and settled onto the expired bovine couch with a blanket, Grange Andantium’s Encyclopaedia of the Endtimes (one of his favourites), and a cup of tea resting on the adjacent sofa table. After five minutes of flipping pages and sipping decaf Darjeeling he was perfectly comfortable and cosy.
At least until he looked askance and saw the bat waddling across the sofa cushions with its wingtips dragging behind its hairy, hunchbacked body.
Aziraphale’s whole demeanor changed; he went from the stereotypical character of the average late-20’s reserved Englishman complete with dry humour and conversational tediousness to the terror-stricken persona of a teenaged American girl when presented with the knowledge that her date for the senior prom had just stood her up.
A Blessed Event
Author: daegaer
Rating: PG-13
Category: Crack, Humour
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley, Hastur/Ligur
Summary: Ligur needs asylum. He comes to stay with Crowley.
Quote:
"You're enjoying this," Crowley said.
"Hee hee hee," Aziraphale giggled. "Oh, yes I am. And you're mainly shocked that I'm not shocked. Really, Crowley. You're such a prude."
A Day in Hogsmeade*
Author: daegaer
Rating: PG-13
Category: Crossover (Harry Potter), Humour
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley
Summary: The angel and demon spend a day in Hogsmeade.
Quote:
“Aziraphale, did you just manage to persuade a demon, who isn’t me, to let heaven have a free hand in destroying a psychotic dark lord; whilst at the same time guaranteeing that she’s not going to blab about seeing us together. I must be having more of an influence than I thought.”
“It just seemed like a mutually beneficial agreement for all concerned,” said Aziraphale, primly.
A Dirty Crush
Author: janicechess
Rating: PG-13
Category: Bicycle
Pairing(s): Crowley/Pollution
Summary: Pollution has a crush on Crowley. Crowley just wants his car to stay clean.
Quote:
"What are you thinking about?" he inquired dreamily.
"Er," began Crowley, as he tried to think of something to say besides 'I was just contemplating how fucked up this situation is.'
A Precise and Accurate History of Monday, Eleven Years Later
Author: Giddy Geek
Rating: PG
Category: Romance, Humour
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley
Summary: Eleven years after the end of the book, Crowley and Aziraphale explain the New Arrangement.
Quote:
"Everyone has always thought you were homosexual, angel. People in countries that wouldn't have names for hundreds of years, people in ancient Greece, people in Rome, people in France and Russia and England and Zimbabwe. The people here in this little neighborhood think so too, and I suppose some of them are quite offended that you've got a live-in, but most of them don't really care about you one way or the other, and the rest are quite pleased. Don't worry about it. Do you think I should take to gardening in tiny cut-off jean shorts?"
A Wholly Ridiculous Explanation
Author: darthmaligna
Rating: PG
Category: Romance
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley
Summary: Crowley takes a trip.
Quote:
“Antariel, you’re particularly perceptive. More perceptive than most. Michael is still wandering around wondering why the end of the world involved so little ending. Poor dear. I think he worries that if he doesn’t get to do any righteous smiting soon, he’ll forget how.”
“I don’t presume to, I mean, um, butt in on the ineffable, so to speak, but you mean to say that you don’t want me to-“
“It really matters very little what I want,” God said. This, Crowley considered, was a very strange thing for God to be saying under any circumstances. “This is really about what you want.” Crowley had nothing to say to that, so God continued. “You want Aziraphale.”
Act of Redemption
Author: copperbadge
Rating: G
Category: Bicycle, Philosophy
Pairing(s): (none)
Summary: After the world failed to end, Crowley got depressed.
Quote:
He realised, the third or fourth day in a row that he'd given up on going out because he had no idea what to do to the humans, that he was being practically angelic. Wasn't this what Aziraphael did all day? Amble peaceably through not-quite-life drinking tea and never bothering anyone? Did Aziraphael ever actually go out and do miracles or Touch People or whatever it was modern angels did?
Afterlife
Author: indy_go
Rating: R
Category: Angst
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley
Summary: They knew it would come someday. The Final Battle begins, and the angel and demon do what must be done.
Quote:
Crowley felt naked without his sunglasses. And never mind the flaming sword - he would rather have had the tyre iron, if it meant standing alongside Aziraphale.
But instead, he stood among his fellow demons, gripping his weapon resignedly and watching in a detached sort of way as the Morningstar prepared to lead them over the City gates. He rubbed his chest fiercely, trying to chase away the hollow ache inside, and wondered how a being without a heart had managed to get it broken all the same.
Amour et la Morte
Author: stella_polaris
Rating: R
Category: Angst
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley
Summary: Crowley returns from Hell.
Quote:
You didn’t need to be an angel to hear he was in pain. Aziraphale reached for the switch and flipped the lights on. Crowley moaned and covered his eyes from the light. Aziraphale stared around the room. Blood was spattered on the floor, the walls and furniture.
Crowley peeked from under his hand. He looked paler than usually, sickly. Aziraphale crossed the floor and laid his palm on the demon’s shoulder. Crowley looked up.
“I’m fine,” he said. He didn’t look fine. His eyes were wide and dull. His torso was bare and his black trousers were clotted with dried blood.
An Amusing Account of Angelic Addiction
Author: hjbender
Rating: PG-13
Category: Action/Adventure
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley
Summary: In the days when angels walked the earth with clubs and demons dressed as conquistadors comes a tale of overseas adventures, rioting pirates, and the true story behind the history of chocolate.
Quote:
Like pus oozing from an infected boil, the contents of the tavern poured out into the streets and soon spread to the neighbouring buildings. Crowds began rioting. Torches and sharp farm equipment were raised. Windows were broken as the angry masses stormed through the city, burning and looting and leaving total destruction in their wake.
It would come to be known as the worst riot in the history of Barcelona.
And all it took was one crazy pendejo and a handful of drunken pirates.
And When He Falls
Author: Torch
Rating: R
Category: Bicycle, Philosophy
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley
Summary: Temptation?
Quote:
”Anthony James," Aziraphale repeated, in much the same tone of voice that Crowley had used for 'like billy-o'. "Don't you think that's a little--well--" Aziraphale flapped his hand descriptively. "You know."
”The word you're looking for," Crowley said, "is twee. And coming from you, that's a really, really big stone in a really, really, really glassy house."
Angels Everywhere
Author: Afrai
Rating: PG-13
Category: Crossover (Murder Mysteries), Philosophy
Pairing(s): (none)
Summary: Sequel to City of Angels. War rages in Heaven, but some angels are better equipped to deal with it than others.
Quote:
"If it weren't for you lot and your ideals," said Aziraphale. "You and Lucifer -- you simply don't think. We can't all go blasting after Seraphim with whacking great Magnums. We can't all spit at the Name and make it look stylish. Some of us just want to get on with our jobs and not be bothered. And now you've filled Caphriel's head with all these ideas, and he's gone and fallen, and he'll hate it, I know he will. He'd have been all right if you'd only just left him alone."
"Don't associate me with Lucifer," said the Archangel. "I'm absolutely opposed to him!"
"But you're like him. You're all the same," said Aziraphale. "Champions and nemeses. He thinks he's a hero too, I expect. You never think of the effect you have on everybody else. On the little people. You never think."
Appearances
Author: daegaer
Rating: PG
Category: Philosophy
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley
Summary: Aziraphale is perceptive.
Quote:
Aziraphale knows exactly how people see him. Nicely turned out, well spoken in an old-fashioned sort of way, given to vague and elaborate hand gestures and overly reliant on mild endearments that should have been firmly shelved in the 1920s. He has reflected that the only way he could possibly seem any gayer would be to actually start sleeping with men. People look at him and consign him immediately to the mental box marked 'middle-aged poof.' He is then free to act exactly as he pleases, secure in the knowledge that no one will ever look past the label.
Ars Gratia Artis
Author: mercurial_wit
Rating: PG
Category: Philosophy
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley
Summary: Art for art’s sake.
Quote:
Times change and they… don’t. Current Affairs makes the angel’s mouth tighten, and Crowley reads him the comics and they aren’t funny at all.
Push this way says Up Above and pull these strings says Down Below and “Heigh ho,” says Crowley, pushing his sunglasses further up his nose with a sigh.
At the Going Down of the Sun
Author: daegaer
Rating: G
Category: Historical
Pairing(s): (none)
Summary: Crowley’s interference in World War One.
Quote:
So many names. The lads who could be identified had their crosses out in the field; the ones who couldn’t were down as unknown soldiers. So many, though, had no more trace than their names left behind. Wilkins began to read slower, telling himself as he always did that this time the name would not be there. Cowan, C. R. . . .Cowan, J. K. . . . Crowe, R. F. . . . Crowley, A. J. Wilkins came to attention, and saluted. He could look back at the stupid boy he had been and no longer feel such anger and shame. He had been a drain on the platoon, he had long since realised. All the men had known he wasn’t nineteen, and had looked out for him, treated him like a mascot. When he couldn’t really be plausibly excused from going on patrol any longer, the captain had gone with him, claiming that it had been too long since he saw the situation for himself. Wilkins still burned with shame remembering the jealous looks the others had given him. That patrol had cemented Wilkins’ reputation as a silly child, and the captain’s as a hero. Wilkins had been too noisy, and the next second had felt more pain than he thought a man could bear. The captain had dragged him away, and then picked him up and run for the line. When all was said and done, it was just a scratch; the MO said the bullet must have barely nicked him, although no one could explain where all the blood had come from.
Babysitting
Author: villainny
Rating: PG
Category: Crossover (Milliway’s Bar), Fluff
Pairing(s): Aziraphael/Crowley, Bernard/Tonks
Summary: Aziraphael and Crowley babysit.
Quote:
The volume of grizzling increases, and Crowley solemnly tells the kid to shut up, with no discernable effect. It's likewise with threats, bribes and even (and only because the angel is safely in the other room) pleading. Eventually he boosts the child against his shoulder and starts pacing, trying to jog him up and down like the angel had done.
The crying slows, stops, and the demon grins to himself. It hadn't been as hard as all that- Aziraphael's been blowing things out of-
There's a soft burp, right next to his ear, and Anthony vomits copiously down Crowley's back.
Bound
Author: villainny
Rating: R
Category: Crossover (Milliway’s Bar), Smut
Pairing(s): Aziraphael/Crowley
Summary: Aziraphael wants to try something.
Quote:
It's late enough, dark enough, that Aziraphael can indulge himself with Crowley's pulse racing against his fingers, his skin like the remnants of the summery day against the cool of the night. Late night revelers and music thudding from overlarge bass speakers and car radios and still the only thing he can hear is Crowley's rapid breathing and it's all he can do not to press him up against the rough brick wall here-
Bright With His Splendour
Author: daegaer
Rating: PG-13
Category: Historical, Bicycle
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley
Summary: A story of the birth of optimism - from the Heavenly war to the Apocalypse.
Quote:
The water was scalding hot as he sank back into the bath. Perfect. He submerged himself for a long, long moment, then sat up and rubbed soap through his hair. If there was one thing he couldn't stand it was having dirty hair. As he splashed the soap out of his eyes he saw his fingernails were grubby, and reached for the nailbrush. Even after a few minutes work, he didn't seem to have made a difference. With a shock he realised he had decaying flesh caught under his nails. He began to shake as he looked at himself. His forearms were streaked with thick, stinking mud. He'd seen wounded men out on a battlefield, both German and British, screaming in fear as the British tanks came closer and closer. The mud had been red for yards around. There was a heavy smell of shit and rot in the room and he couldn't get his nails clean. He frantically scrubbed the hard bristles under his nails and along his arms, and watched as the mud turned red. High pitched boys' voices crying out in German and English were drowned out by the roar of machinery.
Brightness
Author: daegaer
Rating: G
Category: Aziraphale-centric
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley
Summary: Aziraphale reflects on a holiday.
Quote:
The memory of the demon’s horrified eyes as he tried to describe sleet made Aziraphale think about the very few times Crowley had persuaded him to go off somewhere hot, just for the experience of being warm day and night. Little holidays when no tempting or thwarting went on at all. A terrible dereliction of duty, really. Like the time they told their superiors they were checking political and military developments in the eastern Mediterranean, and spent a few weeks doing absolutely nothing on a deserted island. That had been very pleasant. Neither of them had ever been there before, so there were no bad associations. Aziraphale had spent his days pottering round looking at ruins, or reading the large number of books that Crowley claimed he had brought with him. Crowley had mostly lain on the beach, eyes shut, soaking up heat. Their picnic basket had never run empty, the wine had always been at the correct temperature, and both of them had got rather impressive tans. As Crowley had pointed out, why follow human conventions when there were no humans around? At night they had got happily drunk, and told long pointless stories, carefully staying off topics of contention. One day they had built a sandcastle using what they remembered of the plans of the Tower of Babel, and finished off in the evening by executing Divine Wrath on it. Aziraphale grinned broadly at the memory of Crowley laughing and yelling like a boy.
But For the Grace
Author: amberdiceless
Rating: R
Category: Crossover (Hellblazer), Philosophy
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley
Summary: In the Eternal Conflict between Heaven and Hell, some beings inevitably get caught in the middle. How they deal with this conundrum varies as much as the beings themselves.
Quote:
"Well, you see what happens when you go drinking with strangers," Aziraphael said, mildly reproving, but he patted the demon's shoulder comfortingly as he passed by on his way to fetch the teapot.
"I do that all the time," Crowley protested weakly. "How was I supposed to know he was number one on Hell's Most Wanted list? The drawing they sent 'round looks nothing like him!"
Clocks
Author: Mercuriosity
Rating: PG
Category: General, Angst
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley
Summary: For every action, there are consequences.
Quote:
He should have realized they wouldn't get a happy ending. He should have known there would be complications. And part of him did know it, even as the dust was settling down and he'd started hoping things could go back to normal.
Consequences. For every action, there were always consequences. And when the action was killing a fellow demon, the consequences were swift (insofar as the bureaucracy of Hell dealt with anything swiftly), severe and, most of all, thorough.
Cloud Layer
Author: Louise Lux
Rating: G
Category: Philosophy
Pairing(s): (none)
Summary: ‘Bring the world to its knees.’
Quote:
'Crowley', he called again, louder this time. Where on earth could he be? The silence and the stillness were beginning to unnerve him. Maybe Crowley was really lost, or had been hit by a jumbo jet, or... something. Aziraphale wasn't sure what other mishaps could befall a person in a cloud, but he was sure that there were plenty, if you tried hard enough, or if you were Crowley.
Commonplace Miracles
Author: phoenixfire_lia
Rating: R
Category: Romance
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley
Summary: Heaven assigns Aziraphale to live, for the most part, as a mortal for a week. He and Crowley make a wager as to whether or not he'll break down and use his powers for his own needs. Madness ensues.
Quote:
”I’ve sort of grown…fond…of you, Aziraphale. Even if you’ve got horrible taste in clothing, can’t flambé worth a bless, and you’re soggy around the middle.”
”That’s it?” Aziraphale asked. “You kiss me and then all you tell me is that you’re fond of me? Honestly, Crowley, that’s nowhere near your standard. I’m quite disappointed.”
“I beg your pardon?” Crowley asked, staring confusedly at the blond sitting on the dryer.
Compassion (What They’ll Write)
Author: lily22
Rating: G
Category: Historical, Philosophy
Pairing(s): Crowley/Jesus
Summary: Jesus talks to the Serpent.
Quote:
And when Jesus had been cast out into the wilderness, the Tempter came unto him and spake, saying: “That didn’t go so well, did it.”
“Thanks, Crowley,” said Jesus sourly, staring into the distance.
“Well, at least you went and got baptized. He must’ve been pretty happy about that.”
“Yeah, he gave me a dove,” said Jesus. “Thirty years of missed birthdays, and he gives me a dove.”
Compromising Positions
Author: vulgarweed
Rating: NC-17
Category: Historical, Smut
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley
Summary: Seven years after the death of Christ, our heroes are in Rome, and it’s festival time. Aziraphale is mildly enthusiastic. Crowley is blasé. The Emperor is insane.
Quote:
“You’re cheating,” Aziraphale complained. “You’re tempting.”
“I’m so glad you think so,” the demon purred, stretching.
Aziraphale sighed.
Convergence
Author: macx_larabee
Rating: R
Category: Romance, Angst
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley
Summary: Aziraphale’s status is revoked.
Quote:
"Didn't want to embarrass you by throwing you over the counter," he finally murmured.
Aziraphale chuckled. "Much appreciated, my dear."
Crumpled Memories
Author: QueenStrata
Rating: PG
Category: Angst, Aziraphale-centric
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley
Summary: The thing he loved most was not a book, wasn’t God, and wasn’t music. It was Crowley-and now he’s gone.
Quote:
Crowley had been in Hell for a year now. In that time, Aziraphale had pulled out a lot of his dusty memories-the stories about knights in shining armor, white horses, and true love. And as he sat thinking, certain old adages about life and people unraveled themselves for him. Ever so slowly, the smile returned in full.
The say that Hell’s true fury is found in the actions of a woman scorned. Well, heaven’s fury is found in this one angel, for he alone of them is heartbroken, vengeful, and full of hate.
Aziraphale carefully pulled out the antique sword that he had kept hidden for years, even from Crowley. With one disinterested glare down at it, it burst into flames…
Dear Adam
Author: rhombal
Rating: G
Category: Gen
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley, Brian/Wensleydale, Famine/Pollution
Summary: Adam has an advice column, and various Good Omens characters write in to ask for advice. (Illustrated.)
Quote:
At first thought, most people would accuse Adam of going slightly mad. Why would the Adversary, Destroyer of Worlds, Prince of Darkness, (&c., &c.) be running an advice column, of all things?
Debauchery
Author: tea_and_snark
Rating: R
Category: Smut, Bicycle
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley
Summary: Angel feathers make a beautiful stuffing for a feather quilt, and angelic skin is softer than any silk bedspreads will ever be. Crowley's insane and love is a disease of the mind, not the heart. He's also redecorated his bedroom, and this time, the plants are the least of his worries.
Quote:
“You remember and you didn’t tell me?”
“What could I have said?”
“You-you were taking advantage of me! You never said anything, I thought you were blind drunk!”
Destructive Influences
Author: dreya_uberwald
Rating: PG-13
Category: Philosophy
Pairing(s): War/Pepper, Adam/Death, Adam/Crowley
Summary: Adam and Pepper confront the nature of change, entropy and apathy whilst engaging in some rather interesting encounters.
Quote:
“It’ll be apathy that finishes you,” he said quietly. “The rest of us thrive on it, but you, you need passion and anger and more than anything a cause.”
“There’ll always be war,” she said, though the confidence in her voice sounded somewhat artificial.
“We thought there would always be pestilence.”
Detente
Author: vulgarweed
Rating: NC-17
Category: Smut, Historical
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley
Summary: Sequel to Compromising Positions. Aziraphale has not yet fully recovered from his self-inflicted Saturnalia trauma. Crowley, obviously, cannot be counted on to help his repentance.
Quote:
He’d been to Crowley’s place before, and he was pretty darned sure that hadn’t been there: A tiled bath big enough for a sweaty and bloody army, but containing only one grinning demon, up to his shoulders in steaming water, leaning against the side of the pool and dipping his hand in a plate of…were those grapes peeled? He’d surely done it with an eyeblink, the cheater. And Aziraphale was starting to suspect that as much of a fashion victim as he’d always been, Crowley’s mind was also a nearly infinite repository of excuses to be naked. He’d probably got off on shedding his skin in front of other snakes.
Discorporate
Author: villainny
Rating: PG
Category: Philosophy
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley
Summary: A meeting in Purgatory.
Quote:
"Yeah, well, anyway. What happened to you?"
"Pterodactyl."
"…sorry?"
"Pterodactyl. Huge flying bugger, you remember."
Do Angels Dream of Winged Sheep?
Author: lipstickcat
Rating: G
Category: Fluff
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley
Summary: Aziraphale wants to try something new.
Quote:
"Would you... show me how?" He ducked his head down again, trying to hide his blush in his tea and failing.
Crowley almost choked.
"I don’t think I can..." he sounded slightly disturbed, "It’s not something I can just show you."
Down to the Earth with Violence
Author: daegaer
Rating: PG
Category: Philosophy
Pairing(s): Aziraphale/Crowley
Summary: Day After Tomorrow challenge: a different type of Apocalypse occurs.
Quote:
'Aziraphale,' he said, shooting a hard gaze over at the angel who reflexively assumed an air of bewildered innocence at his tone, 'what exactly did you mean when you wondered if you could have saved more people if you hadn't been distracted by your own selfishness? Where are your books, Aziraphale?'
'Er,' Aziraphale said, and gave him the vague, amiable smile the angel reserved for conversations he didn't much like.
'Hmm. It's a matter of constant wonder to me that I seem to have the better moral character,' Crowley said, not putting too much force into the statement.