The Dreams in Which I'm Dying are the Best I've Ever Had
Title: The Dreams in Which I'm Dying are the Best I've Ever Had
Author: badenoughforyou
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Jalex
Summary: An accident causes more than just a few broken bones.
Disclaimer: None of this is real. I don't own anyone. Title cred goes to Mad World by Gary Jules.
NOTE: This is like, a prequel to It's a Mad World. So, you should go read that first, because then this will be better. Well, maybe. I don't know. Do whatever you want. :3
"I promise, I'll call you as soon as I get home." Alex said, giggling as his boyfriend tried to kiss him for the millionth time.
"Why can't you stay?" Jack asked, frowning and pulling the other boy close to him, huffing into his ear, sending a chill down the older boy's spine. Alex did want to stay. There was no doubt in his mind that he would stay if his parents weren't such curfew nazis. He felt his heart beat faster as Jack's lips trailed along his jaw, making him ache to stay, pulling him in.
"Jaaack…" Alex said whined softly. Jack looked up in fake innocence. "I need to go…" Alex said reluctantly. He'd much rather stay and sleep next to Jack, but if he didn't get home in time, Mama and Papa Gaskarth wouldn't even let their son see his beloved raven haired boy. The thought made his heart hurt. Jack frowned.
"I wish you could stay…" He repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time in a span of ten minutes. Alex looked at him, suddenly feeling the complete adoration for the other boy wash over him like a tsunami. He cupped his face in his hands, kissing him softly at first and then deepening it, relaying every emotion he felt for him. Jack felt his knees go weak. He could never take Alex's kisses. They were just too sweet for him. He clutched the older boy's hips so he could stay upright and not just fall in a heap on the ground.
"Love you…" Alex said, finally pulling away and kissing that nose he so adored. He began to walk away, Jack still breathless. He stood on his doorstep, feeling like his heart was about ready to beat out of his chest. He didn't respond until Alex had reached his old beat up Pontiac.
"I love you, too, Lex!" He called just before he shut the door.
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Alex was a relatively new driver. He had to admit, he really didn't like it that much. He was usually a nervous wreck about anything, but driving just put him over the edge. Especially at night.
He gripped the steering wheels, moving his thumbs back and forth to promote circulation so his hands wouldn't just fall off. He never took his eyes off the road. He wished Jack was there. He was the only person he could drive with without being freaked out.
"Lex, just ease up on the steering wheel, babe."
He could hear the younger boy's lazy tone and it made him laugh. He felt suddenly weightless thinking about the boy. In a moment of sudden bravery, he dared to take a hand off the wheel and change the station on the radio.
But the last thing he remembered after that was the pain.
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"Alex! Alex, please! Wake up!"
Alex couldn't feel anything. He couldn't see. He could only hear. Panicked voices.
"Please, Mrs. Gaskarth. He needs to rest before we can assess any critical damage."
I am awake, Alex thought. Right? He felt feeling leaking back into his limbs. And the first thing he felt was that pain. It was a dull ache at first, but the longer he laid there, the more he hurt. It soon became unbearable. But he couldn't find his words. He cried out, eliciting a gasp from someone in the room. He felt awful. He felt as if he'd been run over by a car and left to die. His back arched as he cried out yet again, writhing, as if he was trying to escape the pain. But it wasn't going anywhere. He couldn't escape his own body.
"God! Just make it stop!" He wailed, feeling hands all over him, saying things he couldn't comprehend. "I hurt so bad…" He said softly, drained from struggling. He stopped, breathing heavily. He felt a needle in his arm and everything went numb again. He felt cloudy and the pain subsided almost immediately. But so did his consciousness.
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"Hit his head pretty hard."
"Possibly comatose…"
"I can't say he was caused too much physical damage, but I'm afraid…"
"The psychological effects may be worse than first anticipated."
Alex didn't know what any of it meant. He only knew the voices were talking about him. He felt his head spinning as he opened his eyes. Too bright. He shut them quickly and shook his head, trying to shake away the feelings of dread pent up inside of him. He'd never felt more pained in his whole life, never more dismal. He opened his eyes again, slowly adjusting. The first thing he saw when he woke was his mother, blood shot eyes and all, sitting next to his bed, a smile dancing on her lips.
"My Alex… I knew you'd be okay…" She said, choking on her words a bit. He looked at her, confused.
"W-where am I?" He asked.
"Hospital. Do you remember the accident, Alex?" She asked, looking suddenly scared. The doctors had warned her about the damages that could have affected his brain. She felt a knot in her stomach as he struggled to think.
"What accident? Why am I in a hospital? I'm not s-sick, mom." Alex said, feeling as though he was about to cry. He sat up quickly, feeling achy, but nothing compared to the pain he'd felt earlier. Isobel bit her lip and struggled not to cry. She'd already done enough of that. At least her son was still alive.
"It's nothing, honey… j-just a check up." She said, but he knew there was something more. People didn't go to hospitals for check ups. He looked around, as if Ashton Kutcher was going to pop out and tell him he'd been punked. But, alas, nothing of the sort happened.
"Mom, tell me what's going on…" he said desperately. He couldn't remember a thing. And why did he feel so dreadful? But she didn't get to answer, for a raven haired boy peeked through the door. And upon seeing Alex conscious, he bolted to his side, ignoring the warnings from the nurses. He had to see his Alex. He took the older boy's face in his hands and kissed him softly. But he got a reaction he wasn't hoping for. Alex pulled away quickly, eyes wide.
"L-Lex?" Jack asked meekly, feeling as though his heart had been ripped out. "Are you okay?" He asked, his voice shaking. Alex just stared at the unknown boy.
"How do you know my name?" Alex finally asked. Jack just laughed, not believing it.
"How could I not? You're my boyfriend. I'm Jack." The younger boy said, trying to sound happy, but he sounded desperate instead. Inside he was screaming "don't forget me!".
"I don't think… I have a boyfriend." Alex said, feeling more confused than ever. Jack felt his insides churning. He felt absolutely nauseous. This couldn't be happening. Stuff like this only happened in movies… or so Jack thought.
"You can stop kidding now… You're all better now… You scared me enough." Jack said, forcing a smile, but just received that blank look on the face of the boy he loved more than life itself.
"I… I'm sorry. You must have the wrong person. I've never met a Jack before…" Alex admitted, looking down at his hands. He felt bad for the boy who seemed to be so distraught. Isobel couldn't say a word. She was so shocked. Never in a million years would she have guessed that Alex would forget about Jack. He never stopped talking about that boy.
Jack felt his world being pulled out from under him. He felt his head spinning as he clutched the side of the bed for support.
"Are you okay?" Alex asked, a surge of emotion for a boy he'd supposedly just met. Jack nodded his head.
"I'm fine, Alex. I'm sorry... I'm s-sorry I bugged you." Jack said quickly before leaving the room quickly. He couldn't stand to look back into the brown eyes of the boy he loved, but also the boy that had no idea who he was.
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It had been nearly three months.
There was no progression on either of the boys' halves. Alex had no idea who he was or what had happened... or who Jack was. Jack, on the other hand, doubted he'd ever give up and move on from the dirty blonde haired boy. He just couldn't.
Every day in that three months, Jack would visit Alex at his house, hoping to God he would come in and receive a kiss he'd so missed. He ached for those lips and even just to hold him. But every time, it was like rewinding that day in the hospital.
It was the day that marked the exact day three months earlier. Jack stood at the Gaskarth residence door. He couldn't bring himself to knock, but he didn't have to. Peter and Isobel expected him every single day. He was greeted by Isobel's warm, but troubled face. She'd aged much since the accident. Alex had less trouble remembering his parents, though.
"Hello, darling. Alex is waiting, as usual." She said, unexpectedly pulling him into a hug and taking a deep breath. "That's all he does... wait." She said softly. Jack felt his blood turn to ice. He'd never really asked what Alex was like when he was gone.
He made his way upstairs to Alex's room and knocked on the door, but entered anyway. He opened the door to find Alex sitting on his bed, staring blankly at the wall, his eyes slightly bloodshot and with bags underneath. He turned slowly and met the eyes of his boyfriend, looking blank as ever. It was terrifying how much Alex had become a shell of himself in just three months.
Jack could feel his hands trembling and clasped them, expecting the normal drill.
"Hey, Alex." He said quietly, staying put. Alex's eyes widened.
"How do you know me?" Alex asked. Jack felt that all too familiar pang of sadness.
"I'm Jack... you're boyfriend, Alex." Jack said, lips trembling, repeating the sentence he'd uttered every day for three months. Alex looked as if he'd seen a ghost.
"No... No!" He shouted, startling Jack. He'd never reacted like that before.
"Why are you doing this to me?" Alex asked, backing away from Jack.
"W-what?" Jack asked, feeling his heart breaking.
"You're always here... you... you're not real." Alex said, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. Jack felt his heart just rip in two.
"N-no! No! Alex, I'm real! I love you!" Jack said, losing it. He couldn't handle this. He had to remember, he had to. Alex shook his head, starting to cry.
"Just leave me alone.... Please..." Alex said, sliding down the wall he stood against and putting his face in his hands.
"I can't...." Jack said, walking towards him. Alex flinched as he felt hands on his knees, but he didn't move. Jack felt tears running down his cheeks. "I love you, Alex... Please. I'm real. Don't push me away." Jack said, feeling his throat constrict. Alex looked up slowly, feeling his heart beating fast.
"I'm so alone..." He whispered, looking at Jack through tear soaked eyes.
"No... you're not. I'm here. I always am. Every day. Every second, if you want me. I would do anything for you." Jack said, hoping he was breaking through.
He didn't expect to feel Alex's lips pressing to his hungrily, almost like he absolutely needed it to sustain living. He didn't argue with this.
He felt Alex tugging him closer, feeling his heat radiating off of him. Jack gasped at how powerful it was.
"Alex, you remember me." Jack said, pulling away only slightly. But Alex's eyes only relayed the awful truth.
"I-I can't feel you..." Alex said. Jack felt as if he'd been kicked in the gut.
"What?" Jack asked, feeling deflated, like he just wanted to give up.
"I want to... so bad. But I can't." Alex said, touching his lips thoughtfully, as if he wanted to feel it linger, to taste Jack.
"I can't do this.... Just get out of my head." Alex said as calmly as he could, but the torrent of emotions in his eyes betrayed his words. Jack pulled the boy back, kissing him again, as if he could somehow make him believe. Make him feel.
But again, when he pulled away, Alex looked more distraught than ever.
"Please... this hurts more than you know." Alex said, feeling his throat tightening, finding it hard to form the words.
"Oh, but I do." Jack said simply.