I had my first bulimic experience yesterday. That's when I realized I reached a new low... I had a long tiring day....went to work...which was uneventful. There's lots of nice girls there, and I like alot of em , and alot of em like me...but something is bothering me about everything. I was driving to school...and I had just eaten a bit too much ( Read more... )

This year is going right so far, but not at the pace I want it to. It's too slow and drawn out. Already I have this great feeling of procrastination and laziness. I cannot let the spectres and demons which haunted me all last year continue on to do the same in this one. I can still recall the feeling I had when I came upon the discovery that I had ( Read more... )

I'm not planning on doing anything today. It's just too hard this year to try. For some reason I'm missing Isabel alot. It's reemerged from wherever it's hidden for the last couple of months. I can't even talk to Alfred anymore. I thought I was ok with things ..but I'm not. I'm not mad at him at all though...only myself. Just seeing him revives ( Read more... )

I think I'm gonna do this in nerd talk so here it goes ( Read more... )

"Overrated. Biochemically no different then eating large, quantities of chocolate."- Al Pacino when asked about love.

On a positive note I'm the strongest I've been my whole life. 325lbs today and I did it easily. I have a long way to go, but I will become the strongest man on the planet!

LOL.....I can't believe I've been such a fucking idiot for so long. It's taken an entire year of me being used, abused, humiliated, exploited, treaded on, lied to, and just overall out of touch with reality to beat the ignorance out of me. I've finally come upon some life changing revelations that have forever changed the person I am...as well as ( Read more... )

I don't want you to worry about me doing something to him..I won't. The fellow has done nothing to me to earn my hatred or wrath. I won't hold it against him for being the one you love. It's for that very reason that I have a limitless respect and admiration for him. The fact that you hold him in such esteem makes me realize how great a man he must ( Read more... )

I can't sleep again tonight....I thought I'd be able to, but I can't. I can't get over the fact that I can't have you. I love you to no end. The pain is pretty significant tonight. Last night I just wanted to take a chance and grab you and kiss you. But I know I'd be taking a chance with our friendship, and more importantly...your trust. Don't you ( Read more... )

I'm sorry I'm selfish ( Read more... )

well...it's been some time since I last put an entry. not a lot of things happened....but my depression got a lot worse. I was on the verge of digging an even bigger hole for myself than i ever had. I still love isabel to the greatest degree possible. And I feel responsible for just about everything that's happened to both of us since the break up ( Read more... )