i've grown up. i've grown past LJ. i have been thinking about it more and more, and this feels right. so i will no longer be posting here anymore. i've created another outlet. the new link can be found on my dA page. love you all.

- i truly think, that i could be in the midst of killing myself, and you would still be oblivious and talking about yourself. not that i am, but that is what i am comparing it to. don't comparisons suck ( Read more... )

- i think i have been avoiding writing in here, because too many things are going on in my head ( Read more... )

- i am feeling nauseous. that is becoming the norm once again.
- i need a third job. i need a fucking genie!
- wonders..am i letting myself fail? i didn't think i was. but others think differently.
- when are you going to fucking realize that i am not a moron?
- my hands are shaking.
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- it feels like i am getting sick again. my heart aches with the dulling of pieces that never broke away from me. this will be my own fault, i know. but i will not stop until i am happy. oh, how big of a fucking oxymoron can you make up? i won't be happy, but, in my twisted eyes, i will be better. better to be sick and in control. maybe, yes? i ( Read more... )

so..here's the deal and here's the news ( Read more... )

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as you jump into the water, the feeling is one of exhilaration and anticipation. with no idea how cold it's going to be, the jump is that much more exciting. and then you hit. the bitter slap of ice cold water hits your warm face and causes you to flinch as you hold your breath. with arms flailing and legs kicking, you realize; you forgot something ( Read more... )

i took a walk tonight..and oh, how damn good it felt. just to be slapped in the face with the cold wind as soon as i stepped outside. music screaming in my ears, no one else around, and total darkness. it was perfect. i walked like there was no tomorrow, like i had somewhere to be. i walked away so many days and nights of suppression. i am addicted ( Read more... )

yesterday was so hard. i should be used to this, yes i know. and i am not complaining. it just gets to be too much at times. this time of the year is always harder than other times. my dad's anniversary is coming up on march 21st. it will have been four years since his death. he died 6 days before my birthday; 11 days before i gave birth to my ( Read more... )