So i am in guelph. It's not really the place to be for me right now. Autumn melancholy plus family not a good idea. And the constant pull of friends against the need to do work ( Read more... )

 
WARNING - COULD BE VERY TRIGGERING -

but it hasnt been sitting well not to post this.

read at your own risk.

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hey joel. i miss you. i wish i knew you better. it was beautiful to hear people talk about you. i wish you knew about this site. I wonder if that would have made a difference.

I wish they gave you ECTs - they scare the shit out ( Read more... )

quick details of my cousin's death are below so read with care.

it could be triggering.

i just posted to long enteries about Joel's death.  He killed himself.  He tried hard not to before he did. In the end, he said he could see no other alternative.  That is so fucked.

I just wrote a few 1000 words, but

I deleted them.

I want to write them to you ( Read more... )

it is a really nice route. The car is frigid (but not the freeze-to-death train-hopping frigid  recently mentioned to me - nope - this ticket’s paid in cash - er- credit card but i will pay it off at the end of the month, honest!) and its a little disorienting feeling the warmth of the sun through the window and gazing out on what seems to be a ( Read more... )

its odd...i am bleeding really early - last month i was really late (in the middle of a hike in cape breton no less) but a relieve becuase maybe that is at least a little bit what the last few days have been about.

here's to explaining (some of) the pain away.

3 days ago. im great...working...flirting...playing...keeping the doubts at bay. felt them - nagging. slowly edging closer. thought i could ignore them away. or fool them away - obscure them with delussion ( Read more... )

i am incredibly cranky. grumpy. tired. cant take my shitty landlord or my new colocotaires, the roaches (fuck i've only ever had roaches once before - maybe it is just a product of poor urban life - and i think i prefer them to ants, which a lot of people have - certainly prefer them to bedbugs. but still. fuck!). Yesterday was sort of touch ( Read more... )

Well i had hoped to be more prolific but my computer seems to be on the fritz, much like many things in m apartment; sadly this is one thing i can't blame on my landlord. picked up a laptop for the time being but it just isn't the same ( Read more... )

Photobucket Album
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Well its been a while - sorry for my absence...a lot has been going on - i've been keeping busy and having a lot of fun and generally feeling really good - which means lots to update but less time to do it. Where ever shall i begin ( Read more... )