quote post part 2!
A couple people suggested I just make another quote post, so here it is, The Big Book of Quotes Volume 2. XD
Volume 1 is here.
College volume is here.
Quotes from games/movies/songs/books/musicals/tv/fictional people
Phoenix: Trucy, here’s a present for you.
Trucy: Yippee! Pudding!
- they are ridiculous.
[An assload of quotes from Trials and Tribulations case 5! Because it is amaaaazing and soap opera-y. XD]
“My beauty can’t possibly be captured by a mere crayon!” - Franziska
Miles: If you came here to laugh at me, then get on with it. Go on! Laugh away!
Phoenix: *sigh* I was ready to hug it out with him, but he's just the same, prideful Edgeworth.
Franziska: So, when Americans run out of paint, they use gravy...
Phoenix: No! No one does that!
“It was just a simple greeting. Like a friendly tap on the shoulder...from my whip.” - Franziska (I LOVE HER AND HER CRAZY XD)
Franziska: Your personal involvement will make it all the easier to crush you into teensy weensy pieces!
Phoenix: ...It’s probably just the fever talking... She’s so openly hostile that it’s almost kinda cute.
Franziska: *whips*
Phoenix: Ow!
Franziska: No smirking!
Phoenix: No whipping the sick!
Franziska: I wonder how the head nun is holding up...
Phoenix: Oh, wow. Is that an inkling of human kindness I sense?
*Larry’s just presented a sketch he drew of what he saw the night of the murder, which features the defendant flying through the air over a burning bridge.*
Miles: Are...!
Franziska: You...!
Judge: High! The girl...she’s really high up in this picture!
- I loled
“...I probably shouldn’t say that out loud, though. Thank God for inner monologue.” - Miles
“These must be what Wright was talking about... The ‘Psycholocks’!” - Miles is a tiny bit confused.
Larry: *upon seeing Phoenix’s profile* He was a good guy... A real pal to the end. When I look back now, I have nothing but good memories.
Miles: What's with the past tense? He's not dead, you know!
Larry: *talking about Miles in art class when they were in elementary school* Yeah, this guy was so bad, he couldn't even fold a dollar, let alone a crane. Everyone tried to comfort him, but he would just sit there sobbing.
Gumshoe: Really? I never would have expected that -
Miles: Be quiet already! I'll never forget the shame of that day!
- it’s okay Miles, I can’t fold paper cranes either
*After unlocking Larry’s three psyche-locks, five more appear*
Miles: ...Noooooooooooooooooooo!
- case five is the SHIT XD
Miles: It takes simple to know simple, I suppose.
Gumshoe: You’ve got no idea how much I’ve missed that biting sarcasm of yours, sir! :D
“ ‘Prosecutor Edgeworth, Defense Attorney’ just sounds plain old weird, pal!” - Gumshoe
Godot: Where does that leave the porcu-headed lawyer and the topknot chick over there and the ungodly cool guy with the mask over here?
Phoenix: Ack! N-not the hair!
Maya: I do not have a topknot!
- Trials and Tribulations case 3
Maya: SuPer-Admin Restricted Desktop Access password protected? What? This is madness!
Phoenix: No, Maya, that is SPARDA.
- T&T case 3
Maya: Look, it’s one of those magical boxes that spits out money!
Phoenix: ....You are the only person I know who would describe a cash register like that.
- T&T case 3
“Well, we know whose milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...” - Mia, T&T case 1
Random guy: *asks Zack for a suggestion for a name for the bar he’s building in Sector 7*
Zack: “Seventh Heaven”! A little piece of paradise in the slums.
Random guy: Hey, that’s a pretty good idea! And maybe there’s a young girl tending the bar. With a big bosom and long legs. What a killer figure! Hurr hurr.
Zack: Yeah, now you’re talking!
Random guy: And there’s a secret room underneath! It’s the perfect location for an anti-Shinra organization!
Zack: ....Uh, I work for Shinra.
- Crisis Core
“You’re hanging out with that Aerith girl again, aren’t you? I bet you’re wondering how I got that information. See, I know everything about you, even if you never tell me anything. In other words, it’s no use keeping secrets from me, because I know how to get information.” - one of Kunsel’s emails to Zack, in Crisis Core. (Zack has these two homo stalkers in 2nd who are always emailing him and either trying to help him or just tell him how great he is. It’s unintentionally lolarious. XD)
Hojo: Surely these settings will finish him off!
Zack: ......What’d you say?
Hojo: Nothing, nothing...
- Crisis Core
“Sephiroth, I see you’ve lost weight.” - Angeal, Crisis Core (MOST RANDOM THING TO SAY TO SEPHIROTH EVER. Gawd. This is why I friggen love Angeal. XD)
“You now have quadriceps of steel!” - status message thing in Crisis Core (STUPID SQUAT MINIGAME)
“Operation: Midgar full of flowers, wallet full of money!” - Zack, Crisis Core
Miles: Is that what you’re driving at....?
Phoenix: *smirking* That’s exactly what I’m driving at!
Judge: What are we driving at? And whose car are we driving?
- Justice for All, case 4
Miles: Is that where you’re going with this!?
Phoenix: That’s exactly where I’m going with this!
Judge: Where are we going? Should I pack a suitcase?
- Justice for All, case 4
"Damn, man! You high on mako or somethin'!?" - Barret, FF7
Title card at the end of the short reads: THE END. A Jam Handy Production.
Crow: Jam Handy reminds you to keep your preserves in a convenient place!
-MST3K, “Spring Fever” short
“Cloud...I mean, Alfred...” - Aerith, FF7
“You look like a bear wearing a marshmallow.” - Cloud, to Barret, FF7
“You cut a pretty pathetic figure up there, man. I’d say it was a -3 on the manliness scale.” - Kiros, to Laguna, FF8
“Don’t be such a weenie!” - Laguna, FF8
“I feel a draft on...my butt...” - Laguna, FF8. (He cracks me up.)
“I dreamt I was a moron...” - Squall, after the first ‘vision’ of Laguna, FF8
Tidus: He went to, uh, Macarena Temple.
Wakka: Macalania Temple.
Tidus: AYYYYEEE.
- FF10
Seymour: What are you doing here?
Auron: >.>
Seymour: Forgive me. I’m sensitive to the scent of the Farplane.
Auron: . . . .
Tidus: ...*walks over and starts sniffing Auron*
-FF10
“So you’re PMSing really bad, huh?” - Dwight, trying to comfort a very upset Pam, The Office
[While Dirge of Cerberus: FFVII is playing in the background]
"What-no, why are we watching this?! I don't want to watch Vincent's home movies!" - Sephiroth (....long story.)
“Sit your ass down in that chair and drink your goddamn TEA!” - Cid, FF7 (Best. Line. Ever.)
“Hey, that’s Cloud’s line! ‘It’s too dangerous, I can’t let you get involved’...blah, blah, blah...” - Aerith, FF7 (XD she’s so cute. I heart Aerith.)
Sora: Riku... c’mon, man! Why did you try to do so much on your own? You got friends... like us!
Riku: Have you forgotten? ...I’ll tell you why. *pause* ‘Cause I’m not a total sap like you!
-KH2
“Once we go through, there's no turning back. It's victory...or oblivion. So, Sora...are you ready? Do you remember before? We stood facing each other on opposite sides of that door. Now we stand side-by-side. Let's go home together this time.” - Riku, KH2. And he says he’s not sappy...
Riku: I had given into the darkness.
Sora: Riku!
Riku: How am I gonna face everyone?
Sora: Like this! *retarded face*
-KH2 (they’re so cute. XD)
“You really do remember me this time? I’m SO FLATTERED!” - Axel, KH2
Axel: Look what it’s come to. I’ve been given these icky orders to destroy you - if you don’t come back with me.
Roxas: But aren’t we best friends?
Axel: Sure...but I’m not getting turned into a Dusk for...
Leon: *he and Cloud are surrounded by Heartless* Think you can handle ‘em all?
Cloud: Eh, might be trouble if one more shows up...
Leon: Well, then that’ll be the one I fight.
-KH2 (that was a sexy, sexy cutscene.)
“Silence, TRAITOR! *points dramatically at Sora*” - Demyx, KH2
Context is for the WEAK!
My dad: Is the Joker a librarian?
Me: Can you scrape marshmallow off of the Joker?
My mom: I think we need a new topic of conversation.
Mokie: Zack, Angeal, or Genesis?
Me: Zack.
Mokie: Angeal or Genesis?
Me: Angeal.
Mokie: Genesis?
Me: ...Genesis.
“Newsflash: Phoenix Wright is a hobo!” - me
“Newsflash: Batman is a hobo!” - my sister
“Hey Ema! Hey Ema! Hey Ema! Hey Ema! Hey Ema! Hey Ema! Hey Ema! Hey Ema!” - me and my sister
Sister: So how’s your RP going?
Me: Sephiroth just exploded.
Sister: W-WHAT!?
Luke: MAH BOOOOOOOOOOBS!
Me, Laura, Adele: *cracking the eff up*
- sixth period lunch is not a bastion of maturity.
“Lots of things come out of my panties! Sometimes even the truth!” - Trucy, AJ case 2
“ALAKAZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMG!” - Valant Gramarye, AJ case 4
Marissa: And we’re going to be eating in the pope room!
Quinn: ARE YOU SERIOUS!?
Me: Yeah... we reserved the pope room.
Marissa: *to Scott, as he comes over* Scott, we’re gonna be in the pope room!
Scott: What’s the pope room? Does the pope live there?
Me: lololol
“I dunno, I kinda want Mommy to kill Nick and Miles...” - my sister
*Playing case 5 of T&T*
Suspension bridge: *on fire*
Larry: *appears, all smiley*
Me: o_O What the hell!? What are you, Sephiroth!?
My sister: Lololol
Miles: I have no objection to the whip, Your Honor.
Me: YEAH, YOU LIKE THE WHIP DON’T YOU MILES.
My sister: LOLOLOLOLZ
Me: Sorry, I had to go there.
“Take that! Objection! You oaf!” - me and my sister impersonating Miles. He says “take that” in a funny weird British accent XD It’s lolarious.
Me and my sister: *in deep scratchy voice* Sweetie, do your math homework! *whip*
“Kind of like Gackt wanted to be a super flying video game star, and since he's god, they made it happen. Bah. They’d never do that for me.” - Ashley. This spawned a very long cracky conversation on what sort of characters we’d be if we were in FF7. XD
“I assembled a search party and then destroyed them!” - my sister a la Miles Edgeworth
Zack: *to Genesis* Summons are not meant to be used this way!
Me: Bad Genesis, no cookie!
Pop-up message in Crisis Core: Aerith has been added to the DMW!
Me: Yay! Now I can stop rolling her shadow!
Kirstie: Oh, Lisa, if you ever do a Google image search for ‘chocobo’, don’t go past the first page.
Me: ...What did you see?
Kirstie: Who’s the one with the white tank top and the ponytail?
Me: Tifa....
Kirstie: Yeah... Tifa was doing some interesting things with a chocobo.
“It’s cool guys - I’M FROM SHINRA.” - Luke
“I assembled a search party and then destroyed them!” - my sister a la Miles Edgeworth
“I don’t really want to do a Google image search for ‘Cid spinning banana’, you know what I mean?” - me
Luke: *singing* Box, box, box, box, box, box, it’s a box -
Jeff: *also singing* - booooooox....booooooooox -
Luke: Box, box, box, box, it’s a box with a liiiid and black foam insiiiide...
Kirstie: It’s a chair! ><
Jeff: - booooooox....boooooooox -
Luke: Box, box, box, box, or a sex toy for four women!
Me and Kirstie: *sporfle*
Evan: Luke, if you don’t cease and desist I will taze you.
Luke: *still singing* Box, box, box - don’t taze me bro! :D
“Why are you brandishing a pretzel at Luke?” - me
“It’s not my purse, Kirstie. There’s no Chinese food in there.” - me
“I don’t pay you to have emotions.” - Jeff
“Boobs are like a Monet!” - Kirstie
“Aw, I was gonna look at her boobs when we got up...” - me
Me: And then Cloud could be like, “Oh no, a blanket! NOOOO!”
Mokie: ....¬_¬ .......-_- ....... o___O
Me: Hey Mokie.
Mokie: What?
Me: Beerstink.
Mokie: *hysterical laughter*
“Well it’s a good thing Axel doesn’t have boobs!” - me
“I smell like rat urine on a daily basis. ...... I probably shouldn’t have said that out loud.” - Kim
Autumn: There’s a never-ending sock in your puss!
Me: o_o; *cracks up, chokes on water*
Proof that I associate with people in real life
Brett: What’s Newsies?
Ellyn: Newsies is a lovely musical about Christian Bale being hot.
Brett: ....
Brett: *telling Ellyn how to play Mario Kart Wii* You press 1 to go forward and 2 to reverse.
Me: Um, actually, it’s the other way around. You press 2 to go forward and 1 to go backwards.
Brett: .....That would explain why I did so bad last time.
“What the hell are these...these squishy thingies!?” - Brett, playing Mario Kart. He’s really serious, so it was hilarious to hear him say “squishy thingies”. XD
“This sounds like bad movie music!” - my mom, listening to Klavier’s theme music XD
“This definitely sounds like videogame music. Or ‘70s-cop-show car chase music.” - my mom, listening to one of the ‘Objection!’ themes
In sociology class
Mitchell: *kind of ranting about gay rights* In the Pennsylvania legislature, they’re certainly not talking about gay marriage right now!
Jenn: *very quietly* .....Mawwiage.....
During the end credits for T&T, they suddenly decide to go through who did the voices for the games.
My sister: VOICES!?
Me: What the heck...!? *the names start to come up on screen.* WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE!?
“I'm right at the bit where Cloud is airsick. I'm not entirely sure how, but he even makes being sick adorable.” - Ashley, on Crisis Core. ....It’s true.
Kirstie: SHE SPOTS HER PREY! *tackles me from behind*
Me: LOLWTF? ...So where are you going?
Kirstie: ....*sings to the tune of “Singing in the Rain”* I’m goooooing to my car!
Me: *looks at the now-wet streets and joins in* Appaaarently it rained!
“ *to the tune of “Singing in the Rain” again* We’re stuuuuuck in traffic, coming out of the schooool!” - me, driving Meg and Cali home after the show
Me: *working on English paper*
Karen: *sitting next to me* I can tell you’re bullshitting...
Me: *nods* :33333
Karen: ‘Cause you keep pausing like, ‘hmm, what word should I put here...?’
“Ha! That’ll teach me not to give me my lunch money!” - me, upon learning that Evan tried to stuff himself into his own locker one day
Aerith: *to Zack* You were talking in your sleep...
My sister: ...Well he wasn’t really asleep...
Me: Yeah, he was more ‘unconscious’ than ‘asleep’.
My sister: *a la Aerith* You were talking in your unconsciousness!
“He runs like a pregnant woman!” - my sister, on Hollander, when you have to like chase him all over the place in chapter four
“And I love how she goes ‘conflict resolved!’ at the end of the battle. Of course the conflict's been resolved, you just killed everyone!” - me, on the weird disembodied female voice in Crisis Core
Me: I’ll cut a bitch. :/
Ashley: I’ll cut every bitch at the mall.
- On what would happen if they didn’t have Crisis Core in stores on the 25th
“...my brain is peeing everywhere and my eyes are throwing up in joy.” - Ashley, getting excited over some Crisis Core English clips.
Me: *talking about Cloud in Crisis Core* He's like a cute, shy little freshman!
James: With a gun. :D
Me: ....Yes, a freshman with a gun.
Phoenix: *very cryptically and tensely changes the subject away from Miles*
Me: :/
My sister: *solemnly* Maybe he [Miles] broke up with him [Phoenix]...
Me: LOLLLL
[Set painting quotes!]
Brett and Karen: Faillll! FAILLLLLL!
Katie: I thought you were saying ‘Phil’...
Amanda, Scott, Katie: PHILLL! PHILLLLLLL!
Lady on the PA system: *beep* John, please call the office. *beep*
Us: WHO’S JOHN!?!?!
Katie: *mimes speaking on the phone* Hi, I just wanted to know if John ever called the office. I was concerned.
“Okay, you people down there shouting - what - why are you singing? Would you be quiet!? I’m trying to admire the doors!” - Katie
“Oh sorry, I puced on your shoes!” - Scott (we were discussing how the word “puce” sounds nasty.)
“I always sort of drool when I’m doing art stuff...” - Katie
“Now would be a good time for me to drool.” - Brett
Karen: Who here doesn’t like Mythbusters?
Class: *silent*
Karen: Exactly.
Kadaj: If Mother willed it, I would do anything.
Mokie: What if she told you to poop your pants? Would you do that?
Me: *EXPLODES WITH LOL*
My mom: *goes to Ebay* Now, what’s this action figure you two were talking about getting?
Me: Here, I’ll pull it up. *types “final fantasy vii play arts aerith” in the search box*
My mom: Oh, the dead chick!
Mokie: *attempting to sing “For Good” from Wicked* ‘Like a ship blown from it’s orbit...’ Wait, no-
Me: Ships don’t have an orbit.
Jeff: *gets up to throw away his trash*
Luke: *immediately takes Jeff’s seat and starts singing “Johanna” from Sweeney Todd*
Jeff: *returns and sees his seat is lost; falls to his knees and raises his arms in a silent ‘nooooo!’*
Me and Kirstie: *cracking up*
Luke: People look at me and go mad with lust! :D
Kirstie and Evan: *gagging motions*
Luke: *jokingly* Hey, come on Evan! Don’t make those weird gestures at me! If you have something to say, say it to my face!
Evan: *turns to Luke* Luke, I think you’re hot. Will you marry me? I want to have your babies.
“I got somethin’ inside of me! You got somethin’ inside of you, too!?” - Brandon Flowers of The Killers, from when I saw them live. In case you’ve ever wondered where that line comes from. XD
Rufus: We conducted an investigation in Sephiroth’s wake.
My sister: *to the tune of The Killers’ “Sam’s Town”* I still remember Sephiroth’s wake, I’d never really known anybody to die and then repeatedly come back before!
Me: *talking about how nervous I was to take my driver’s test*
Cali: You’ll do fine! Just pretend you’re driving with me.
Me: Yeah, if you were old and had a sex change [because my driving instructor was an oldish man].
Deanna: Wait...WHAT!? I think I came in the conversation at the wrong time...
Me: Did I ever tell you Ursinus College was founded by a guy named Zachary?
Mokie: ......OH, HOW FUNNY. IT MUST HAVE TO DO WITH CRISIS CORE. BECAUSE EVERYTHING HAS TO DO WITH CRISIS CORE.
Mokie: *puts cell phone down her shirt*
Me: Nice third boob you’ve got there.
Mokie: It’s a uni-boob!
Me: ...Oh, un-‘e’ boob! Like ‘unibrow’. I thought you meant “Yunaboob” as in “Oh I’m Yuna and I summon things.”
“Not Avatar like, ‘Oh I’m bald and have an arrow on my head’.” - Mokie
Mokie: *sings to the tune of ‘Santa Baby’* Santa Mokie, it’s really weird when you breathe on... my face...
Me: LOLLLLLZ
Kadaj: This is too fun, sir! Any requests for the next act!?
Rufus: *stands up and throws the blanket off of himself*
My sister: *a la Rufus* NO!!!!1one
Me: *cracking up*
Cloud: See? I knew I’d be no help.
My sister: *a la Vincent* Cloud. Could you like, shut up for just one minute?
My sister: *in nice, quiet Aerith voice* Yes. I would like a pizza. Oh, um, hold on. Zack, what would you like on the pizza?
Me: SAUSAAAAGGGEEEEE.
My sister: *in same Aerith voice* ...With sausage.
“Gongagagaga!” - my sister
“How’s Cid? Oh, gee, maybe if you GOT TO THAT PART...” - my sister, nagging me because I hadn’t touched FF7 in a while
Me: Yeah, but did you know Genesis is voiced by an actual singer? I mean it’s a Japanese singer, but -
Mokie: Britney Spears!?
Me: ....No. That is NOT a mental image I needed.
“Love is like a wolf that...consumes us and...eats your grandma...” - Karen, trying to compare A Midsummer Night’s Dream and “Little Red Riding Hood”
Luke: *to Jeff* Wait, you’re supposed to be Kirstie’s id? That makes no sense at all, Jeff isn’t bad!
Jeff: No, compared to the people at our lab table I was.
Luke: Who was at your lab table, God and Jesus!?
[While watching AC, at the part where Reno scrambles up the wall]
Sister: *sings* Spider-man, Spider-man, heeeeee is Reeeno!
Me: ...Well that was retarded.
[During the senior ‘Big Picture’, when, the entire senior class gets its picture taken and we’re all crammed tightly in the gym bleachers]
Kim: There’s going to be a serious outbreak among the seniors of...scabies.
Karen: No, I’m thinking much worse...
Kim: AIDS?
Karen: No, even worse!
Kim: Worse than AIDS?
Karen: I’m thinking like...the black plague.
Mr. P, the assistant principal in charge of the senior class: You guys are my seniors! I need you!
Karen: *quietly* Aww.
Me, Kim, Kirstie: *snicker*
Karen: *choked up voice* I need... your...emotional support!
Kim: *to Karen* XD I love you so much right now...
“*makes gun shape with fingers* PUNCH!” - me
Abby: *as the song playing on the car stereo ends* ...There’s a splatter on the camera!
All: *go silent*
Mike: ....What?
Kirstie’s mom: So, Abby, how was Japan?
Abby: ....Um...Japanese.
Kirstie’s mom: Wow. How deep.
Me: *getting out of Mike’s car*
Mike: *shuts the door in my face*
Me: ....
Mike: *pauses, then opens the door again* I’m sorry! I thought you were Melissa!
Melissa: HEY!
“Hey, I’ll have you guys know my mental state is completely stable. *turns to empty seat next to me* Right, Bob? C’mon, help me out here!” - me, at lunch
Me: Laura, my invisible friend just killed himself.
My friend Laura: *solemnly* I am so sorry.
“I have invisible malpractice insurance!” - Kirstie
“Kirstie, come back here! I’m trying to teach you responsibility!” - James, on the first day of school
“Aw, James... I gave up on that in middle school.” - me, in response to the above quote
Mokie: *walks in* Hi, poop.
Me: Oh, hey butt.
- That’s a totally normal greeting for us.
[During a very random IM convo]
Mokie: you have never ever smelled like a basket of roses so there!!!
Me: that's because I don't rub baskets of roses all over my person.
Mokie: You don't ever smell like a basket of roses
Me: YES WE'VE ESTABLISHED THAT
[Whilst playing FF8]
Zell: You think the President will retaliate on Garden!?
Squall: Maybe.
Me: Wow, what a little ray of sunshine he is!
Rinoa: Oh, you're just a great leader, aren't you... Do you actually have fun acting so callous towards your comrades?
Me: Gah, she’s being annoying again.
Squall: ...Not again.
- The timing was perfect.
[Discussing Zack’s ridiculous tallness as compared to Aerith when you see them at the end of AC]
Mokie: I mean, his BUTT is so much higher than hers!
Me: o.o *nearly spills dinner all over self*
Mokie: *in her ‘Vincent’ voice* Cloud. Poop.
Me: *choking on noodles* THE HELL!?
[Whilst at the movies]
Trailer: His past erased.
Me: Roxas?
Trailer: His loved one murdered.
Me: Cloud?
Trailer: His identity stolen.
Me: Zack?
[Disney world quotes! :D]
My mom: Ah, you know the parade is almost over when all the princess floats start going by.
My dad: *mimes speaking into a walkie-talkie* Bzzt, bring out the princesses, bzzt.
[As we approach this statue]
My dad: (a la Walt) Some day, Mickey, we’ll cut down all these trees, and drain these swamps, and build a giant theme park.
My mom: (a la Mickey) Gee, Walt, we’ll make billions! I’ll be the richest mouse in the world!
My sister and I: *cracking up*
“Oh man, the Disney Police are gonna be all over you for that...” - me, in response to the above quote. We had this running joke that any time any of us said something cynical or sarcastic the Disney Police would come after us.
“Come to Vincent Valentine World!” - my sister. We were discussing what Walt Disney’s voice was like, and when my mom said it wasn’t deep, my sister started rambling in her Vincent voice...
“And you get autographs from the FF7 characters...” - me, in response to the above quote
“Do you stay at the Grand Cerberus?” - my mom
“Girls, if your mom only had one leg, I’d treat her exactly the same.” - my dad
[During the morning Pledge of Allegiance]
Kim: ...My brothers! Why do you salute them!?
Justin: It’s just the flag...
- Oh English class
[In Japanese, we were complaining about our teacher and the amount of busywork she gives us]
Jess: This class has made us cynical people. Oh wait, that was English.
“I think Vincent is Jewish.” - my sister
Roxas: *summons his two main Keyblades, Oathkeeper and Oblivion*
Axel: Two!?
My sister: But that’s okay, ‘cause I have two too!
“Cloud Hard Work!” - my sister, while my mom was trying to explain what the word ‘strife’ means
Hilarity ensued when my mom sat down and watched Advent Children the whole way through:
“Oh, there’s Denzel Washington again.”
“Tifa has really big boobs.”
“...Yep, gravity’s not really much of a problem for them, is it?”
“Oh Denzel, now you’ve turned into a cat!”
[As Kadaj is dying]
“So basically they wasted Jenova’s head.”
[After the scene in the church where Cloud’s arm spasms and he passes out]
“...What just happened?”
Kadaj: With this Materia, those powers will be ours.
My mom: Ah yes, the bouncy balls.
Me: Yeah, basically those are bouncy balls that make you more powerful.
Kadaj: *smushes materia into his arm*
My mom: ...And we’re sticking them directly into our skin. Okay.
Vincent: The stigma. It's a symptom of alien matter infesting the body; the body tries to eliminate it and overcompensates. Inside our bodies is a current, like the Lifestream, that current is what fights off any malevolent intruders.
My mom: . . . . .
Me: Vincent doesn’t make any sense. Don’t worry, you don’t have to listen to him.
[On the subject of the complicated Cloud/Tifa relationship]
My mom: Is she in love with him or something?
Me: Yeah, but he’s all hung up on Aerith, the dead chick.
My mom: Oh, right. *rolls eyes* But she’s dead! He should just get over it!
Sephiroth: Those remnants will join the Lifestream and girdle the planet -- choking it, corroding it. What I want, Cloud, is to sail the darkness of the cosmos with this Planet as my vessel -- just as my mother did before long ago.
Mom: . . . .
Me: They’re about to fight. That’s all you need to know.
Mom: And then is it over!?
Me: XD
[As Cloud gets shot, at the end of the movie]
My mom: ...WHAT THE HECK.
Me and Laura: *cracking up*
[A handful of quotes from those stupid author dinners! XD]
“So you’re telling me God is a cow-torturer, is that what you’re saying?” - Sam/Tom Stoppard, the author dinners
“And having sex with your niece...?” - me/Lewis Carroll
“She made it with love and Judaism.” - Jess/Anita Loos
“Sex between two people is beautiful. Sex between five people is fantastic!” - Marie/Woody Allen
Jiahe/Voltaire: I believe that there’s no point in living and we’re all going to die anyway.
Kim/H.L. Menken: Sounds pretty emo.
Jiahe/Voltaire: I like to think of it as early existentialism...
Me/Lewis Carroll: They both begin with ‘e’...
“You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.” - Karen/Dorothy Parker. Say the quote out loud if you don’t get it. X3
“TSENG I wanna have a BABY!” - my sister, a la Elena. We were discussing what would happen if we made the Elena sim of the family aspiration...
*while IMing with my sister; I was telling her the poster I made for my chemistry class came out well*
Me: IT LOOKS GOOD DARNIT.
Her: Really? I thought it would look weird. ‘Cause you ain’t no artist.
Me: Okay, Barret.
Her: YOU SUCK!!!
Me: I think you mean, “YOU SUCK, FOO’!!!”
This one was typed by Sister:
Our whole family went to see Little Shop of Horrors at school. There was a song called Suddenly Seymour in it. Then we played Final Fantasy 10 and there’s a guy named Maester Seymour. Then Mokie(Lisa) told me that Seymour forces Yuna to marry him and then Mokie (Laura) chimed in with “Suddenly Seymour, you force me to marry you”
Kadaj: *doubled over, clutching Jenova’s head* MOTHERRRR!
Mokie: I’ve got CRAMPS!
Kadaj: *inhale* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Mokie: Need...MIDOLLLLL!
[My sister and I like to act like old friends catching up, just to be silly, and we have some reeeeeally ridiculous conversations.]
Me: So, let me tell you about what happened to this friend of mine-
Mokie: *attacking me with water bottle*
Me: -She’s like, sitting there, just minding her own business, you know? Right, okay, so then this guy just sort of falls out of the sky -
Mokie: *cracking up, continuing to attack me with her water bottle*
Me: *ignoring the water bottle* So this guy, he like stabs her in the middle, okay? Just out of nowhere! And she died and it was really sad.
Mokie: You won’t believe what happened. So this cool guy I know, he turned out to be a spy.
Me: Wow, really!?
Mokie: Yeah. And he’s also a robot...
Me: Now, see, that’s really interesting, because you don’t meet many robots, let alone robot spies.
Mokie: Yeah, so, he ends up like killing himself so he can get this item-
Me: Wow. Wow, that’s totally crazy.
“Yeah, so, let me tell you about you - you’re a retard...” - Mokie, after we were done giggling over the above two conversations.
“Greetings from WUTANG!” - Mokie, forgetting Yuffie’s country is called ‘Wutai’.
Reeve: [on Cloud’s phone] I saw your flyer. How in the world do you stay in business? *chuckles*
Laura: [a la Reeve] *chuckles* I’m making fun of you!
Sephiroth: I will.................
Laura: Line, LINE! What’s my line!?
Sephiroth: .....never...be a memory.
Laura: Geez!
“OMGAHAHAHAWTF I CANT BREATHE” - me, in response to the above three quotes.
[During FF7, the camera briefly zooms in to show this crazy-looking purplish monster thing.]
Me: *creepy voice* ...HiI’mFred!
Sister: *cracks up*
Me: *in same creepy voice* I enjoy poetry and long walks on the beach...
“Oh don’t worry about dying, Sephiroth’s got like eleventy-billion HP.” - me, during the Nibelheim flashbacks when Sephiroth’s in your party
“*sings* Grooover Cleveland, running the U.S.A., with me - at his side!” - my sister. She really, really misheard some song lyrics.
“...Okay, I definitely thought you just said ‘One-Winged Eggo’ and I was like, ‘....waffle-Sephiroth...?’ ” - me, to Abby
“People are like Slinkies - it brings a smile to your face when you push them down stairs.” - Karen
[During one of Ajemian’s frequent diatribes on life beyond high school and how tough it is. This particular one was about colleges and high freshman dropout rates.]
“Does suicide count as a dropout?” - Justin
[During a discussion about the symbolism of a peacock’s cry]
Ajemian: *to Ian* You’ve never heard a peacock cry?!
Kim: You know, when you’re at the zoo and you go up to a peacock and pull its tail...
(Kim was so matter-of-fact about it, too. Ah, first period...)
“Chigaimassssss.” - Abby (“Chigaimasu” is Japanese for “you’re wrong”)
“Magi-san wa daughter of...” - Jess, being apathetic in Japanese class
Quinn: *ranting about fandom* -I mean, what the heck - any time you have two girls or two guys that are friends, they’re automatically gay!
Me: So I’m guessing you don’t like House/Wilson slash?
Quinn: ...Well yeah but I only like that secretly so...
(I swear, sometimes we actually do work in Japanese...)
[During a conversation about the people you meet when you’re a kid and then meet again some years later]
Zoe: That's like how I wonder if CeeJay remembers beating me in a spelling bee when I was in the fifth grade. XD
Me: I consider bringing that sort of thing up to people from time to time, but I decide against it because it would probably sound stalkerish.
Zoe: XD I know! Especially since I still remember the word he owned me on >_>;
Me: XD
Zoe: ...porcupine.
Me: ...you couldn’t spell porupine?
Me: *porcupine
Me: SHUT UP.
Zoe: XDDD
My younger sister: You know, if I’d never been born, you probably wouldn’t be here.
Me: .....wait, what?
“Yum yum, I love paninis. ....And Yuffie.” - my sister, in this scratchy deep ‘Vincent’ voice. She does this really hilarious impression of Vincent XD
Me: I don’t know why there were bananas. x.x
Kirstie: Lisa she don’t wanna be no hollaback girl! >>
Me: XD oh shut up.
Zoe: [discussing some forums she frequents] A moderator got banned the other day. o_o;
Me: o.O wtf.
Zoe: He was harassing a friend of mine, apparently. >.>; Plus two previously banned members came back. They were banned not long after I started coming back earlier this year. There was a huge war with the Vampire Legion threads and those who commanded them. *totally sounding like Marlene in the beginning of AC*
Me: The moderator went back to the Lifestream?
(Apparently Zoe and I have quotable conversations a lot...)
“The mods fought against the commanders of the Vampire Legion. There were many battles. Two members were banned in connection with the Legion. Including one...formerly known as Dark Charm. He hated the moderators...and soon...over time...he began to hate everyone.” - Zoe, continuing the above quote
“But he’s not just a naked guy on a pedestal!” - Kirstie, on Michelangelo’s David
“Drink coffee! ..... ._. please... lisa's ‘RAWR HISSS’ before the coffee” - Kirstie, talking to me about the morning
“Axel’s real name is Lea!” - Mokie
Me: *reading trippy Roxas/Sora/Riku angst* I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM. I CAN STOP ANYTIME.
Zoe: ..... *gives you Ritalin*
Me: LULZ CANDY.
Zoe: *falls out of chair*
- Kingdom Hearts slash does weird things to your brain.
“It’s a little-known fact that Ben Franklin was eight feet tall.” - my mom (no, he’s not really eight feet tall. It’s a long story...)
“Does that mean I have to start wearing tight jeans?” - my mom, upon learning my dad planned to upgrade our cell phones to Motorolla razrs
Mokie: *holding a sunglasses case up to her eye* You know, I don’t get how people can look through telescopes like this.
All: ...... *crack up*
“They gang-tickled me... In the dark corner of Marissa’s living room.” - me
Kirstie: I want one of those dogs with the kegs around their necks.
Marissa and I: St. Bernard’s?
Kirstie: Yes. I want one of them. ^.^
Me: Well they don’t come with the kegs, you know!
Zoe: I saw the video to "Savin' Me" by Nickelback...and it's like...SO a ripoff of Death Note. XD
Me: XD; Except you have to like...save people and not kill them.
“It’s like strawberries, bananas, cucumbers, and tomatoes all having a party in my mouth.” - me, describing the taste of my V8 Fusion
Lisa: *kicks soccer ball*
Ball: *nails Laura in the butt*
Us: *crack up*
~A few minutes after the above quote~
Lisa: I’m a good kicker!
Kirstie: Yeah, I’m sure Laura agrees with you...
Kirstie: *kicking Mike*
Mike: Ah! Why are you kicking me in the butt? ><
Kirstie: ‘Cause that’s where you get it every night.
Mike: Hey, that was mean! ....But good.
Lisa: Aww, it’s raining...
Kirsten: The rain makes me melt. ‘Cause I’m a witch.
Lisa: And it makes you sticky!
Car: *drives by*
Kirstie: Ah, pedestrian hazard!
Me: What, the car or the rain?
Kirstie: ...Both.
Us: *in a pool, treading water*
Melissa: I don’t believe it. They’re going in the kiddie pool.
Abby: You mean the PISS POOL.
Melissa: *cracks up; nearly drowns*
“Ooh, let’s be Mexicans crossing the border!” - Abby, on why we should ride in the bed of Mike’s truck
~Later, while riding in the bed of Mike’s truck~
Kirstie: I feel like a Mexican!
Truck: *passes a group of Hispanic people having a picnic*
Hispanic people: *glaaaare*
Kirstie: Oh geez... ._.
Volume 1 is here.
College volume is here.
Quotes from games/movies/songs/books/musicals/tv/fictional people
Phoenix: Trucy, here’s a present for you.
Trucy: Yippee! Pudding!
- they are ridiculous.
[An assload of quotes from Trials and Tribulations case 5! Because it is amaaaazing and soap opera-y. XD]
“My beauty can’t possibly be captured by a mere crayon!” - Franziska
Miles: If you came here to laugh at me, then get on with it. Go on! Laugh away!
Phoenix: *sigh* I was ready to hug it out with him, but he's just the same, prideful Edgeworth.
Franziska: So, when Americans run out of paint, they use gravy...
Phoenix: No! No one does that!
“It was just a simple greeting. Like a friendly tap on the shoulder...from my whip.” - Franziska (I LOVE HER AND HER CRAZY XD)
Franziska: Your personal involvement will make it all the easier to crush you into teensy weensy pieces!
Phoenix: ...It’s probably just the fever talking... She’s so openly hostile that it’s almost kinda cute.
Franziska: *whips*
Phoenix: Ow!
Franziska: No smirking!
Phoenix: No whipping the sick!
Franziska: I wonder how the head nun is holding up...
Phoenix: Oh, wow. Is that an inkling of human kindness I sense?
*Larry’s just presented a sketch he drew of what he saw the night of the murder, which features the defendant flying through the air over a burning bridge.*
Miles: Are...!
Franziska: You...!
Judge: High! The girl...she’s really high up in this picture!
- I loled
“...I probably shouldn’t say that out loud, though. Thank God for inner monologue.” - Miles
“These must be what Wright was talking about... The ‘Psycholocks’!” - Miles is a tiny bit confused.
Larry: *upon seeing Phoenix’s profile* He was a good guy... A real pal to the end. When I look back now, I have nothing but good memories.
Miles: What's with the past tense? He's not dead, you know!
Larry: *talking about Miles in art class when they were in elementary school* Yeah, this guy was so bad, he couldn't even fold a dollar, let alone a crane. Everyone tried to comfort him, but he would just sit there sobbing.
Gumshoe: Really? I never would have expected that -
Miles: Be quiet already! I'll never forget the shame of that day!
- it’s okay Miles, I can’t fold paper cranes either
*After unlocking Larry’s three psyche-locks, five more appear*
Miles: ...Noooooooooooooooooooo!
- case five is the SHIT XD
Miles: It takes simple to know simple, I suppose.
Gumshoe: You’ve got no idea how much I’ve missed that biting sarcasm of yours, sir! :D
“ ‘Prosecutor Edgeworth, Defense Attorney’ just sounds plain old weird, pal!” - Gumshoe
Godot: Where does that leave the porcu-headed lawyer and the topknot chick over there and the ungodly cool guy with the mask over here?
Phoenix: Ack! N-not the hair!
Maya: I do not have a topknot!
- Trials and Tribulations case 3
Maya: SuPer-Admin Restricted Desktop Access password protected? What? This is madness!
Phoenix: No, Maya, that is SPARDA.
- T&T case 3
Maya: Look, it’s one of those magical boxes that spits out money!
Phoenix: ....You are the only person I know who would describe a cash register like that.
- T&T case 3
“Well, we know whose milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...” - Mia, T&T case 1
Random guy: *asks Zack for a suggestion for a name for the bar he’s building in Sector 7*
Zack: “Seventh Heaven”! A little piece of paradise in the slums.
Random guy: Hey, that’s a pretty good idea! And maybe there’s a young girl tending the bar. With a big bosom and long legs. What a killer figure! Hurr hurr.
Zack: Yeah, now you’re talking!
Random guy: And there’s a secret room underneath! It’s the perfect location for an anti-Shinra organization!
Zack: ....Uh, I work for Shinra.
- Crisis Core
“You’re hanging out with that Aerith girl again, aren’t you? I bet you’re wondering how I got that information. See, I know everything about you, even if you never tell me anything. In other words, it’s no use keeping secrets from me, because I know how to get information.” - one of Kunsel’s emails to Zack, in Crisis Core. (Zack has these two homo stalkers in 2nd who are always emailing him and either trying to help him or just tell him how great he is. It’s unintentionally lolarious. XD)
Hojo: Surely these settings will finish him off!
Zack: ......What’d you say?
Hojo: Nothing, nothing...
- Crisis Core
“Sephiroth, I see you’ve lost weight.” - Angeal, Crisis Core (MOST RANDOM THING TO SAY TO SEPHIROTH EVER. Gawd. This is why I friggen love Angeal. XD)
“You now have quadriceps of steel!” - status message thing in Crisis Core (STUPID SQUAT MINIGAME)
“Operation: Midgar full of flowers, wallet full of money!” - Zack, Crisis Core
Miles: Is that what you’re driving at....?
Phoenix: *smirking* That’s exactly what I’m driving at!
Judge: What are we driving at? And whose car are we driving?
- Justice for All, case 4
Miles: Is that where you’re going with this!?
Phoenix: That’s exactly where I’m going with this!
Judge: Where are we going? Should I pack a suitcase?
- Justice for All, case 4
"Damn, man! You high on mako or somethin'!?" - Barret, FF7
Title card at the end of the short reads: THE END. A Jam Handy Production.
Crow: Jam Handy reminds you to keep your preserves in a convenient place!
-MST3K, “Spring Fever” short
“Cloud...I mean, Alfred...” - Aerith, FF7
“You look like a bear wearing a marshmallow.” - Cloud, to Barret, FF7
“You cut a pretty pathetic figure up there, man. I’d say it was a -3 on the manliness scale.” - Kiros, to Laguna, FF8
“Don’t be such a weenie!” - Laguna, FF8
“I feel a draft on...my butt...” - Laguna, FF8. (He cracks me up.)
“I dreamt I was a moron...” - Squall, after the first ‘vision’ of Laguna, FF8
Tidus: He went to, uh, Macarena Temple.
Wakka: Macalania Temple.
Tidus: AYYYYEEE.
- FF10
Seymour: What are you doing here?
Auron: >.>
Seymour: Forgive me. I’m sensitive to the scent of the Farplane.
Auron: . . . .
Tidus: ...*walks over and starts sniffing Auron*
-FF10
“So you’re PMSing really bad, huh?” - Dwight, trying to comfort a very upset Pam, The Office
[While Dirge of Cerberus: FFVII is playing in the background]
"What-no, why are we watching this?! I don't want to watch Vincent's home movies!" - Sephiroth (....long story.)
“Sit your ass down in that chair and drink your goddamn TEA!” - Cid, FF7 (Best. Line. Ever.)
“Hey, that’s Cloud’s line! ‘It’s too dangerous, I can’t let you get involved’...blah, blah, blah...” - Aerith, FF7 (XD she’s so cute. I heart Aerith.)
Sora: Riku... c’mon, man! Why did you try to do so much on your own? You got friends... like us!
Riku: Have you forgotten? ...I’ll tell you why. *pause* ‘Cause I’m not a total sap like you!
-KH2
“Once we go through, there's no turning back. It's victory...or oblivion. So, Sora...are you ready? Do you remember before? We stood facing each other on opposite sides of that door. Now we stand side-by-side. Let's go home together this time.” - Riku, KH2. And he says he’s not sappy...
Riku: I had given into the darkness.
Sora: Riku!
Riku: How am I gonna face everyone?
Sora: Like this! *retarded face*
-KH2 (they’re so cute. XD)
“You really do remember me this time? I’m SO FLATTERED!” - Axel, KH2
Axel: Look what it’s come to. I’ve been given these icky orders to destroy you - if you don’t come back with me.
Roxas: But aren’t we best friends?
Axel: Sure...but I’m not getting turned into a Dusk for...
Leon: *he and Cloud are surrounded by Heartless* Think you can handle ‘em all?
Cloud: Eh, might be trouble if one more shows up...
Leon: Well, then that’ll be the one I fight.
-KH2 (that was a sexy, sexy cutscene.)
“Silence, TRAITOR! *points dramatically at Sora*” - Demyx, KH2
Context is for the WEAK!
My dad: Is the Joker a librarian?
Me: Can you scrape marshmallow off of the Joker?
My mom: I think we need a new topic of conversation.
Mokie: Zack, Angeal, or Genesis?
Me: Zack.
Mokie: Angeal or Genesis?
Me: Angeal.
Mokie: Genesis?
Me: ...Genesis.
“Newsflash: Phoenix Wright is a hobo!” - me
“Newsflash: Batman is a hobo!” - my sister
“Hey Ema! Hey Ema! Hey Ema! Hey Ema! Hey Ema! Hey Ema! Hey Ema! Hey Ema!” - me and my sister
Sister: So how’s your RP going?
Me: Sephiroth just exploded.
Sister: W-WHAT!?
Luke: MAH BOOOOOOOOOOBS!
Me, Laura, Adele: *cracking the eff up*
- sixth period lunch is not a bastion of maturity.
“Lots of things come out of my panties! Sometimes even the truth!” - Trucy, AJ case 2
“ALAKAZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMG!” - Valant Gramarye, AJ case 4
Marissa: And we’re going to be eating in the pope room!
Quinn: ARE YOU SERIOUS!?
Me: Yeah... we reserved the pope room.
Marissa: *to Scott, as he comes over* Scott, we’re gonna be in the pope room!
Scott: What’s the pope room? Does the pope live there?
Me: lololol
“I dunno, I kinda want Mommy to kill Nick and Miles...” - my sister
*Playing case 5 of T&T*
Suspension bridge: *on fire*
Larry: *appears, all smiley*
Me: o_O What the hell!? What are you, Sephiroth!?
My sister: Lololol
Miles: I have no objection to the whip, Your Honor.
Me: YEAH, YOU LIKE THE WHIP DON’T YOU MILES.
My sister: LOLOLOLOLZ
Me: Sorry, I had to go there.
“Take that! Objection! You oaf!” - me and my sister impersonating Miles. He says “take that” in a funny weird British accent XD It’s lolarious.
Me and my sister: *in deep scratchy voice* Sweetie, do your math homework! *whip*
“Kind of like Gackt wanted to be a super flying video game star, and since he's god, they made it happen. Bah. They’d never do that for me.” - Ashley. This spawned a very long cracky conversation on what sort of characters we’d be if we were in FF7. XD
“I assembled a search party and then destroyed them!” - my sister a la Miles Edgeworth
Zack: *to Genesis* Summons are not meant to be used this way!
Me: Bad Genesis, no cookie!
Pop-up message in Crisis Core: Aerith has been added to the DMW!
Me: Yay! Now I can stop rolling her shadow!
Kirstie: Oh, Lisa, if you ever do a Google image search for ‘chocobo’, don’t go past the first page.
Me: ...What did you see?
Kirstie: Who’s the one with the white tank top and the ponytail?
Me: Tifa....
Kirstie: Yeah... Tifa was doing some interesting things with a chocobo.
“It’s cool guys - I’M FROM SHINRA.” - Luke
“I assembled a search party and then destroyed them!” - my sister a la Miles Edgeworth
“I don’t really want to do a Google image search for ‘Cid spinning banana’, you know what I mean?” - me
Luke: *singing* Box, box, box, box, box, box, it’s a box -
Jeff: *also singing* - booooooox....booooooooox -
Luke: Box, box, box, box, it’s a box with a liiiid and black foam insiiiide...
Kirstie: It’s a chair! ><
Jeff: - booooooox....boooooooox -
Luke: Box, box, box, box, or a sex toy for four women!
Me and Kirstie: *sporfle*
Evan: Luke, if you don’t cease and desist I will taze you.
Luke: *still singing* Box, box, box - don’t taze me bro! :D
“Why are you brandishing a pretzel at Luke?” - me
“It’s not my purse, Kirstie. There’s no Chinese food in there.” - me
“I don’t pay you to have emotions.” - Jeff
“Boobs are like a Monet!” - Kirstie
“Aw, I was gonna look at her boobs when we got up...” - me
Me: And then Cloud could be like, “Oh no, a blanket! NOOOO!”
Mokie: ....¬_¬ .......-_- ....... o___O
Me: Hey Mokie.
Mokie: What?
Me: Beerstink.
Mokie: *hysterical laughter*
“Well it’s a good thing Axel doesn’t have boobs!” - me
“I smell like rat urine on a daily basis. ...... I probably shouldn’t have said that out loud.” - Kim
Autumn: There’s a never-ending sock in your puss!
Me: o_o; *cracks up, chokes on water*
Proof that I associate with people in real life
Brett: What’s Newsies?
Ellyn: Newsies is a lovely musical about Christian Bale being hot.
Brett: ....
Brett: *telling Ellyn how to play Mario Kart Wii* You press 1 to go forward and 2 to reverse.
Me: Um, actually, it’s the other way around. You press 2 to go forward and 1 to go backwards.
Brett: .....That would explain why I did so bad last time.
“What the hell are these...these squishy thingies!?” - Brett, playing Mario Kart. He’s really serious, so it was hilarious to hear him say “squishy thingies”. XD
“This sounds like bad movie music!” - my mom, listening to Klavier’s theme music XD
“This definitely sounds like videogame music. Or ‘70s-cop-show car chase music.” - my mom, listening to one of the ‘Objection!’ themes
In sociology class
Mitchell: *kind of ranting about gay rights* In the Pennsylvania legislature, they’re certainly not talking about gay marriage right now!
Jenn: *very quietly* .....Mawwiage.....
During the end credits for T&T, they suddenly decide to go through who did the voices for the games.
My sister: VOICES!?
Me: What the heck...!? *the names start to come up on screen.* WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE!?
“I'm right at the bit where Cloud is airsick. I'm not entirely sure how, but he even makes being sick adorable.” - Ashley, on Crisis Core. ....It’s true.
Kirstie: SHE SPOTS HER PREY! *tackles me from behind*
Me: LOLWTF? ...So where are you going?
Kirstie: ....*sings to the tune of “Singing in the Rain”* I’m goooooing to my car!
Me: *looks at the now-wet streets and joins in* Appaaarently it rained!
“ *to the tune of “Singing in the Rain” again* We’re stuuuuuck in traffic, coming out of the schooool!” - me, driving Meg and Cali home after the show
Me: *working on English paper*
Karen: *sitting next to me* I can tell you’re bullshitting...
Me: *nods* :33333
Karen: ‘Cause you keep pausing like, ‘hmm, what word should I put here...?’
“Ha! That’ll teach me not to give me my lunch money!” - me, upon learning that Evan tried to stuff himself into his own locker one day
Aerith: *to Zack* You were talking in your sleep...
My sister: ...Well he wasn’t really asleep...
Me: Yeah, he was more ‘unconscious’ than ‘asleep’.
My sister: *a la Aerith* You were talking in your unconsciousness!
“He runs like a pregnant woman!” - my sister, on Hollander, when you have to like chase him all over the place in chapter four
“And I love how she goes ‘conflict resolved!’ at the end of the battle. Of course the conflict's been resolved, you just killed everyone!” - me, on the weird disembodied female voice in Crisis Core
Me: I’ll cut a bitch. :/
Ashley: I’ll cut every bitch at the mall.
- On what would happen if they didn’t have Crisis Core in stores on the 25th
“...my brain is peeing everywhere and my eyes are throwing up in joy.” - Ashley, getting excited over some Crisis Core English clips.
Me: *talking about Cloud in Crisis Core* He's like a cute, shy little freshman!
James: With a gun. :D
Me: ....Yes, a freshman with a gun.
Phoenix: *very cryptically and tensely changes the subject away from Miles*
Me: :/
My sister: *solemnly* Maybe he [Miles] broke up with him [Phoenix]...
Me: LOLLLL
[Set painting quotes!]
Brett and Karen: Faillll! FAILLLLLL!
Katie: I thought you were saying ‘Phil’...
Amanda, Scott, Katie: PHILLL! PHILLLLLLL!
Lady on the PA system: *beep* John, please call the office. *beep*
Us: WHO’S JOHN!?!?!
Katie: *mimes speaking on the phone* Hi, I just wanted to know if John ever called the office. I was concerned.
“Okay, you people down there shouting - what - why are you singing? Would you be quiet!? I’m trying to admire the doors!” - Katie
“Oh sorry, I puced on your shoes!” - Scott (we were discussing how the word “puce” sounds nasty.)
“I always sort of drool when I’m doing art stuff...” - Katie
“Now would be a good time for me to drool.” - Brett
Karen: Who here doesn’t like Mythbusters?
Class: *silent*
Karen: Exactly.
Kadaj: If Mother willed it, I would do anything.
Mokie: What if she told you to poop your pants? Would you do that?
Me: *EXPLODES WITH LOL*
My mom: *goes to Ebay* Now, what’s this action figure you two were talking about getting?
Me: Here, I’ll pull it up. *types “final fantasy vii play arts aerith” in the search box*
My mom: Oh, the dead chick!
Mokie: *attempting to sing “For Good” from Wicked* ‘Like a ship blown from it’s orbit...’ Wait, no-
Me: Ships don’t have an orbit.
Jeff: *gets up to throw away his trash*
Luke: *immediately takes Jeff’s seat and starts singing “Johanna” from Sweeney Todd*
Jeff: *returns and sees his seat is lost; falls to his knees and raises his arms in a silent ‘nooooo!’*
Me and Kirstie: *cracking up*
Luke: People look at me and go mad with lust! :D
Kirstie and Evan: *gagging motions*
Luke: *jokingly* Hey, come on Evan! Don’t make those weird gestures at me! If you have something to say, say it to my face!
Evan: *turns to Luke* Luke, I think you’re hot. Will you marry me? I want to have your babies.
“I got somethin’ inside of me! You got somethin’ inside of you, too!?” - Brandon Flowers of The Killers, from when I saw them live. In case you’ve ever wondered where that line comes from. XD
Rufus: We conducted an investigation in Sephiroth’s wake.
My sister: *to the tune of The Killers’ “Sam’s Town”* I still remember Sephiroth’s wake, I’d never really known anybody to die and then repeatedly come back before!
Me: *talking about how nervous I was to take my driver’s test*
Cali: You’ll do fine! Just pretend you’re driving with me.
Me: Yeah, if you were old and had a sex change [because my driving instructor was an oldish man].
Deanna: Wait...WHAT!? I think I came in the conversation at the wrong time...
Me: Did I ever tell you Ursinus College was founded by a guy named Zachary?
Mokie: ......OH, HOW FUNNY. IT MUST HAVE TO DO WITH CRISIS CORE. BECAUSE EVERYTHING HAS TO DO WITH CRISIS CORE.
Mokie: *puts cell phone down her shirt*
Me: Nice third boob you’ve got there.
Mokie: It’s a uni-boob!
Me: ...Oh, un-‘e’ boob! Like ‘unibrow’. I thought you meant “Yunaboob” as in “Oh I’m Yuna and I summon things.”
“Not Avatar like, ‘Oh I’m bald and have an arrow on my head’.” - Mokie
Mokie: *sings to the tune of ‘Santa Baby’* Santa Mokie, it’s really weird when you breathe on... my face...
Me: LOLLLLLZ
Kadaj: This is too fun, sir! Any requests for the next act!?
Rufus: *stands up and throws the blanket off of himself*
My sister: *a la Rufus* NO!!!!1one
Me: *cracking up*
Cloud: See? I knew I’d be no help.
My sister: *a la Vincent* Cloud. Could you like, shut up for just one minute?
My sister: *in nice, quiet Aerith voice* Yes. I would like a pizza. Oh, um, hold on. Zack, what would you like on the pizza?
Me: SAUSAAAAGGGEEEEE.
My sister: *in same Aerith voice* ...With sausage.
“Gongagagaga!” - my sister
“How’s Cid? Oh, gee, maybe if you GOT TO THAT PART...” - my sister, nagging me because I hadn’t touched FF7 in a while
Me: Yeah, but did you know Genesis is voiced by an actual singer? I mean it’s a Japanese singer, but -
Mokie: Britney Spears!?
Me: ....No. That is NOT a mental image I needed.
“Love is like a wolf that...consumes us and...eats your grandma...” - Karen, trying to compare A Midsummer Night’s Dream and “Little Red Riding Hood”
Luke: *to Jeff* Wait, you’re supposed to be Kirstie’s id? That makes no sense at all, Jeff isn’t bad!
Jeff: No, compared to the people at our lab table I was.
Luke: Who was at your lab table, God and Jesus!?
[While watching AC, at the part where Reno scrambles up the wall]
Sister: *sings* Spider-man, Spider-man, heeeeee is Reeeno!
Me: ...Well that was retarded.
[During the senior ‘Big Picture’, when, the entire senior class gets its picture taken and we’re all crammed tightly in the gym bleachers]
Kim: There’s going to be a serious outbreak among the seniors of...scabies.
Karen: No, I’m thinking much worse...
Kim: AIDS?
Karen: No, even worse!
Kim: Worse than AIDS?
Karen: I’m thinking like...the black plague.
Mr. P, the assistant principal in charge of the senior class: You guys are my seniors! I need you!
Karen: *quietly* Aww.
Me, Kim, Kirstie: *snicker*
Karen: *choked up voice* I need... your...emotional support!
Kim: *to Karen* XD I love you so much right now...
“*makes gun shape with fingers* PUNCH!” - me
Abby: *as the song playing on the car stereo ends* ...There’s a splatter on the camera!
All: *go silent*
Mike: ....What?
Kirstie’s mom: So, Abby, how was Japan?
Abby: ....Um...Japanese.
Kirstie’s mom: Wow. How deep.
Me: *getting out of Mike’s car*
Mike: *shuts the door in my face*
Me: ....
Mike: *pauses, then opens the door again* I’m sorry! I thought you were Melissa!
Melissa: HEY!
“Hey, I’ll have you guys know my mental state is completely stable. *turns to empty seat next to me* Right, Bob? C’mon, help me out here!” - me, at lunch
Me: Laura, my invisible friend just killed himself.
My friend Laura: *solemnly* I am so sorry.
“I have invisible malpractice insurance!” - Kirstie
“Kirstie, come back here! I’m trying to teach you responsibility!” - James, on the first day of school
“Aw, James... I gave up on that in middle school.” - me, in response to the above quote
Mokie: *walks in* Hi, poop.
Me: Oh, hey butt.
- That’s a totally normal greeting for us.
[During a very random IM convo]
Mokie: you have never ever smelled like a basket of roses so there!!!
Me: that's because I don't rub baskets of roses all over my person.
Mokie: You don't ever smell like a basket of roses
Me: YES WE'VE ESTABLISHED THAT
[Whilst playing FF8]
Zell: You think the President will retaliate on Garden!?
Squall: Maybe.
Me: Wow, what a little ray of sunshine he is!
Rinoa: Oh, you're just a great leader, aren't you... Do you actually have fun acting so callous towards your comrades?
Me: Gah, she’s being annoying again.
Squall: ...Not again.
- The timing was perfect.
[Discussing Zack’s ridiculous tallness as compared to Aerith when you see them at the end of AC]
Mokie: I mean, his BUTT is so much higher than hers!
Me: o.o *nearly spills dinner all over self*
Mokie: *in her ‘Vincent’ voice* Cloud. Poop.
Me: *choking on noodles* THE HELL!?
[Whilst at the movies]
Trailer: His past erased.
Me: Roxas?
Trailer: His loved one murdered.
Me: Cloud?
Trailer: His identity stolen.
Me: Zack?
[Disney world quotes! :D]
My mom: Ah, you know the parade is almost over when all the princess floats start going by.
My dad: *mimes speaking into a walkie-talkie* Bzzt, bring out the princesses, bzzt.
[As we approach this statue]
My dad: (a la Walt) Some day, Mickey, we’ll cut down all these trees, and drain these swamps, and build a giant theme park.
My mom: (a la Mickey) Gee, Walt, we’ll make billions! I’ll be the richest mouse in the world!
My sister and I: *cracking up*
“Oh man, the Disney Police are gonna be all over you for that...” - me, in response to the above quote. We had this running joke that any time any of us said something cynical or sarcastic the Disney Police would come after us.
“Come to Vincent Valentine World!” - my sister. We were discussing what Walt Disney’s voice was like, and when my mom said it wasn’t deep, my sister started rambling in her Vincent voice...
“And you get autographs from the FF7 characters...” - me, in response to the above quote
“Do you stay at the Grand Cerberus?” - my mom
“Girls, if your mom only had one leg, I’d treat her exactly the same.” - my dad
[During the morning Pledge of Allegiance]
Kim: ...My brothers! Why do you salute them!?
Justin: It’s just the flag...
- Oh English class
[In Japanese, we were complaining about our teacher and the amount of busywork she gives us]
Jess: This class has made us cynical people. Oh wait, that was English.
“I think Vincent is Jewish.” - my sister
Roxas: *summons his two main Keyblades, Oathkeeper and Oblivion*
Axel: Two!?
My sister: But that’s okay, ‘cause I have two too!
“Cloud Hard Work!” - my sister, while my mom was trying to explain what the word ‘strife’ means
Hilarity ensued when my mom sat down and watched Advent Children the whole way through:
“Oh, there’s Denzel Washington again.”
“Tifa has really big boobs.”
“...Yep, gravity’s not really much of a problem for them, is it?”
“Oh Denzel, now you’ve turned into a cat!”
[As Kadaj is dying]
“So basically they wasted Jenova’s head.”
[After the scene in the church where Cloud’s arm spasms and he passes out]
“...What just happened?”
Kadaj: With this Materia, those powers will be ours.
My mom: Ah yes, the bouncy balls.
Me: Yeah, basically those are bouncy balls that make you more powerful.
Kadaj: *smushes materia into his arm*
My mom: ...And we’re sticking them directly into our skin. Okay.
Vincent: The stigma. It's a symptom of alien matter infesting the body; the body tries to eliminate it and overcompensates. Inside our bodies is a current, like the Lifestream, that current is what fights off any malevolent intruders.
My mom: . . . . .
Me: Vincent doesn’t make any sense. Don’t worry, you don’t have to listen to him.
[On the subject of the complicated Cloud/Tifa relationship]
My mom: Is she in love with him or something?
Me: Yeah, but he’s all hung up on Aerith, the dead chick.
My mom: Oh, right. *rolls eyes* But she’s dead! He should just get over it!
Sephiroth: Those remnants will join the Lifestream and girdle the planet -- choking it, corroding it. What I want, Cloud, is to sail the darkness of the cosmos with this Planet as my vessel -- just as my mother did before long ago.
Mom: . . . .
Me: They’re about to fight. That’s all you need to know.
Mom: And then is it over!?
Me: XD
[As Cloud gets shot, at the end of the movie]
My mom: ...WHAT THE HECK.
Me and Laura: *cracking up*
[A handful of quotes from those stupid author dinners! XD]
“So you’re telling me God is a cow-torturer, is that what you’re saying?” - Sam/Tom Stoppard, the author dinners
“And having sex with your niece...?” - me/Lewis Carroll
“She made it with love and Judaism.” - Jess/Anita Loos
“Sex between two people is beautiful. Sex between five people is fantastic!” - Marie/Woody Allen
Jiahe/Voltaire: I believe that there’s no point in living and we’re all going to die anyway.
Kim/H.L. Menken: Sounds pretty emo.
Jiahe/Voltaire: I like to think of it as early existentialism...
Me/Lewis Carroll: They both begin with ‘e’...
“You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.” - Karen/Dorothy Parker. Say the quote out loud if you don’t get it. X3
“TSENG I wanna have a BABY!” - my sister, a la Elena. We were discussing what would happen if we made the Elena sim of the family aspiration...
*while IMing with my sister; I was telling her the poster I made for my chemistry class came out well*
Me: IT LOOKS GOOD DARNIT.
Her: Really? I thought it would look weird. ‘Cause you ain’t no artist.
Me: Okay, Barret.
Her: YOU SUCK!!!
Me: I think you mean, “YOU SUCK, FOO’!!!”
This one was typed by Sister:
Our whole family went to see Little Shop of Horrors at school. There was a song called Suddenly Seymour in it. Then we played Final Fantasy 10 and there’s a guy named Maester Seymour. Then Mokie(Lisa) told me that Seymour forces Yuna to marry him and then Mokie (Laura) chimed in with “Suddenly Seymour, you force me to marry you”
Kadaj: *doubled over, clutching Jenova’s head* MOTHERRRR!
Mokie: I’ve got CRAMPS!
Kadaj: *inhale* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Mokie: Need...MIDOLLLLL!
[My sister and I like to act like old friends catching up, just to be silly, and we have some reeeeeally ridiculous conversations.]
Me: So, let me tell you about what happened to this friend of mine-
Mokie: *attacking me with water bottle*
Me: -She’s like, sitting there, just minding her own business, you know? Right, okay, so then this guy just sort of falls out of the sky -
Mokie: *cracking up, continuing to attack me with her water bottle*
Me: *ignoring the water bottle* So this guy, he like stabs her in the middle, okay? Just out of nowhere! And she died and it was really sad.
Mokie: You won’t believe what happened. So this cool guy I know, he turned out to be a spy.
Me: Wow, really!?
Mokie: Yeah. And he’s also a robot...
Me: Now, see, that’s really interesting, because you don’t meet many robots, let alone robot spies.
Mokie: Yeah, so, he ends up like killing himself so he can get this item-
Me: Wow. Wow, that’s totally crazy.
“Yeah, so, let me tell you about you - you’re a retard...” - Mokie, after we were done giggling over the above two conversations.
“Greetings from WUTANG!” - Mokie, forgetting Yuffie’s country is called ‘Wutai’.
Reeve: [on Cloud’s phone] I saw your flyer. How in the world do you stay in business? *chuckles*
Laura: [a la Reeve] *chuckles* I’m making fun of you!
Sephiroth: I will.................
Laura: Line, LINE! What’s my line!?
Sephiroth: .....never...be a memory.
Laura: Geez!
“OMGAHAHAHAWTF I CANT BREATHE” - me, in response to the above three quotes.
[During FF7, the camera briefly zooms in to show this crazy-looking purplish monster thing.]
Me: *creepy voice* ...HiI’mFred!
Sister: *cracks up*
Me: *in same creepy voice* I enjoy poetry and long walks on the beach...
“Oh don’t worry about dying, Sephiroth’s got like eleventy-billion HP.” - me, during the Nibelheim flashbacks when Sephiroth’s in your party
“*sings* Grooover Cleveland, running the U.S.A., with me - at his side!” - my sister. She really, really misheard some song lyrics.
“...Okay, I definitely thought you just said ‘One-Winged Eggo’ and I was like, ‘....waffle-Sephiroth...?’ ” - me, to Abby
“People are like Slinkies - it brings a smile to your face when you push them down stairs.” - Karen
[During one of Ajemian’s frequent diatribes on life beyond high school and how tough it is. This particular one was about colleges and high freshman dropout rates.]
“Does suicide count as a dropout?” - Justin
[During a discussion about the symbolism of a peacock’s cry]
Ajemian: *to Ian* You’ve never heard a peacock cry?!
Kim: You know, when you’re at the zoo and you go up to a peacock and pull its tail...
(Kim was so matter-of-fact about it, too. Ah, first period...)
“Chigaimassssss.” - Abby (“Chigaimasu” is Japanese for “you’re wrong”)
“Magi-san wa daughter of...” - Jess, being apathetic in Japanese class
Quinn: *ranting about fandom* -I mean, what the heck - any time you have two girls or two guys that are friends, they’re automatically gay!
Me: So I’m guessing you don’t like House/Wilson slash?
Quinn: ...Well yeah but I only like that secretly so...
(I swear, sometimes we actually do work in Japanese...)
[During a conversation about the people you meet when you’re a kid and then meet again some years later]
Zoe: That's like how I wonder if CeeJay remembers beating me in a spelling bee when I was in the fifth grade. XD
Me: I consider bringing that sort of thing up to people from time to time, but I decide against it because it would probably sound stalkerish.
Zoe: XD I know! Especially since I still remember the word he owned me on >_>;
Me: XD
Zoe: ...porcupine.
Me: ...you couldn’t spell porupine?
Me: *porcupine
Me: SHUT UP.
Zoe: XDDD
My younger sister: You know, if I’d never been born, you probably wouldn’t be here.
Me: .....wait, what?
“Yum yum, I love paninis. ....And Yuffie.” - my sister, in this scratchy deep ‘Vincent’ voice. She does this really hilarious impression of Vincent XD
Me: I don’t know why there were bananas. x.x
Kirstie: Lisa she don’t wanna be no hollaback girl! >>
Me: XD oh shut up.
Zoe: [discussing some forums she frequents] A moderator got banned the other day. o_o;
Me: o.O wtf.
Zoe: He was harassing a friend of mine, apparently. >.>; Plus two previously banned members came back. They were banned not long after I started coming back earlier this year. There was a huge war with the Vampire Legion threads and those who commanded them. *totally sounding like Marlene in the beginning of AC*
Me: The moderator went back to the Lifestream?
(Apparently Zoe and I have quotable conversations a lot...)
“The mods fought against the commanders of the Vampire Legion. There were many battles. Two members were banned in connection with the Legion. Including one...formerly known as Dark Charm. He hated the moderators...and soon...over time...he began to hate everyone.” - Zoe, continuing the above quote
“But he’s not just a naked guy on a pedestal!” - Kirstie, on Michelangelo’s David
“Drink coffee! ..... ._. please... lisa's ‘RAWR HISSS’ before the coffee” - Kirstie, talking to me about the morning
“Axel’s real name is Lea!” - Mokie
Me: *reading trippy Roxas/Sora/Riku angst* I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM. I CAN STOP ANYTIME.
Zoe: ..... *gives you Ritalin*
Me: LULZ CANDY.
Zoe: *falls out of chair*
- Kingdom Hearts slash does weird things to your brain.
“It’s a little-known fact that Ben Franklin was eight feet tall.” - my mom (no, he’s not really eight feet tall. It’s a long story...)
“Does that mean I have to start wearing tight jeans?” - my mom, upon learning my dad planned to upgrade our cell phones to Motorolla razrs
Mokie: *holding a sunglasses case up to her eye* You know, I don’t get how people can look through telescopes like this.
All: ...... *crack up*
“They gang-tickled me... In the dark corner of Marissa’s living room.” - me
Kirstie: I want one of those dogs with the kegs around their necks.
Marissa and I: St. Bernard’s?
Kirstie: Yes. I want one of them. ^.^
Me: Well they don’t come with the kegs, you know!
Zoe: I saw the video to "Savin' Me" by Nickelback...and it's like...SO a ripoff of Death Note. XD
Me: XD; Except you have to like...save people and not kill them.
“It’s like strawberries, bananas, cucumbers, and tomatoes all having a party in my mouth.” - me, describing the taste of my V8 Fusion
Lisa: *kicks soccer ball*
Ball: *nails Laura in the butt*
Us: *crack up*
~A few minutes after the above quote~
Lisa: I’m a good kicker!
Kirstie: Yeah, I’m sure Laura agrees with you...
Kirstie: *kicking Mike*
Mike: Ah! Why are you kicking me in the butt? ><
Kirstie: ‘Cause that’s where you get it every night.
Mike: Hey, that was mean! ....But good.
Lisa: Aww, it’s raining...
Kirsten: The rain makes me melt. ‘Cause I’m a witch.
Lisa: And it makes you sticky!
Car: *drives by*
Kirstie: Ah, pedestrian hazard!
Me: What, the car or the rain?
Kirstie: ...Both.
Us: *in a pool, treading water*
Melissa: I don’t believe it. They’re going in the kiddie pool.
Abby: You mean the PISS POOL.
Melissa: *cracks up; nearly drowns*
“Ooh, let’s be Mexicans crossing the border!” - Abby, on why we should ride in the bed of Mike’s truck
~Later, while riding in the bed of Mike’s truck~
Kirstie: I feel like a Mexican!
Truck: *passes a group of Hispanic people having a picnic*
Hispanic people: *glaaaare*
Kirstie: Oh geez... ._.