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my heart continues to not be in the right place. i've been up and down all week, still. the sting of it all still really hurts. i keep having in my head that i want things with other people, randomly. but i know that that's not true. i can't tell what's true and what's not. i can't deal anymore. i'm falling apart. i don't know how to put myself ( Read more... )

I miss him. I'm scared I'm starting to lose him. It's nothing I can control. We were once, but we aren't now. We need space for now. I can't even talk to him. I miss his companionship. Life feels empty without him. I'm miserable. Sometimes I feel alright, but then I wonder if I'm just suppressing. It's hard to tell. I still cry and feel it in my ( Read more... )

yesterday was my birthday. I turned the big 30. Nothing special to celebrate. Only emotions to weed through. It was a truly misterable day. It rained all day. I cried in pain all day. I had a nice accupressure massage that calmed me for a bit. It's kinda like reiki. Reminded me a bit of my friend Dan. Then I splurged on a tattoo that says Chaos of ( Read more... )

 I find that I still miss him. I haven't gotten any better; it just keeps getting worse. I know what depression feels like. But it's been a long time since I've truly been there. It's like I'm scratching at my skin, peeling it away in layers. I clasp my hands over my ears and scream on the inside so no one can hear. I can't let it out. And when I ( Read more... )

I did nothing but cry all day yesterday. I took down all photos of him and saved them. I cried over physical photos I have of him. it feels like my heart is ripped in two. I know he is keeping everything to himself. he broke up with me to spare the pain of being in a relationship. fucking bipolar. it ruins everything. i can't do this anymore. i'm ( Read more... )

My heart wants something so badly that it can't have. I guuess maybe I shouldn't have seen him so soon. It's been so hard not seeing him and barely talking to him. Just the constant emotions being all over the place. I'm lost and confused. Everything hurts. I feel like I never will move on. I have no ill thoughts towards him. I love him so much, it ( Read more... )

Dear Journal ( Read more... )

Dear Journal ( Read more... )

Dear Journal ( Read more... )