Twitter has taught me to speak in CAPS. (alt title: That time I quit smoking)
It's a long one, folks. I'll lj-cut it.
So here I was, eating dinner alone in my room, listening to Stereolab and reading through old QC strips, and I realized something that's bothered me for a long time but I've never been able to put my finger on it.
To be more specific, my dinner this evening consisted of 1 strong IPA beer and several cubic inches of Wisconsin sharp cheddar cheese. But when my eyes lazily rolled over the packaging of said cheese brick, it said the following:
APR 30 2010
KEEP REFRIGERATED
FRESHNESS IS ASSURED IN UNOPENED PACKAGES UNTIL DATE STAMPED ON PACKAGE.
USE WITHIN 3-5 DAYS OF OPENING SEAL.
Has ANYBODY that reads my journal ever encountered their cheese going bad in even as few as five days? I like my cheese as much as the next guy, but I can't eat too much of it at a time, as it tends to make me a wee bit phlegmy. All things considered though, I think this is a highly deflated shelf-life statistic!
When both Chelsea & I were living with my mom, she would buy shredded mozzarella in five pound bags, and it was ALWAYS delicious until I coerced the final dregs from the corner folds of the plastic. I'm sure it took us AT LEAST 2 weeks to get through a bag. And this little block of Wisconsin cheddar has the audacity to tell me that if I don't eat the rest of it in 3 days, IT WON'T BE FRESH AND DELICIOUS ANYMORE.
Anyway. I think that's bogus. The funny thing is, I bought and opened it a little over a week ago. It was a lovely evening meal.
I quit smoking cigarettes a full week ago, intent on not smoking another one. They're totally bullshit. They're the least healthy, the most addictive, and by far the most expensive substance I've ever come in contact with.
I smoked tobacco for what feels to me like A VERY LONG TIME. I'd been smoking only casually/socially for a few solid months after I was 19, but I started smoking by myself in January of 2005, and started seriously smoking in February or March, which means I've been a serious smoker for 5 years. The 1st year seemed like a decent idea, and why shouldn't it have been? Didn't seem all that unhealthy at the time, they were HALF as expensive as they are now, and I thought they made me look and feel cool as shit. Well, the second year I smoked like I meant it, howling at the moon; the 3rd year it was "A REALLY GREAT IDEA SO FUCK ANYBODY WHO DOESN'T LIKE IT", and as pathetic as it reads, I spent the last two years using nicotine without joy as an emotional numbing agent because it fit in with my idea of what hipster musicians are supposed to look and feel like. Car cigarettes & post-coital cigarettes were the only ones I honestly enjoyed or remember. And this is true, no joke: I've spent the last week really trying to describe the sensation of quitting smoking for a true smoker. With no exaggeration, I feel as though someone close to me has died, and yes I do realize how fucking ironic that is. Thank you.
Listen, as much as I hate the expression most of the time, it really was a slippery slope: Carly introduced me to them much like she introduced me to sex. It was a fantastic time in my life, I was blossoming artistically, and I was nigh invincible. Over the next several years, it just felt natural to me that as I continued to flourish as a musician, so must my nicotine addiction travel along for the ride. I mean...what kind of rock & roll star quits smoking before he's famous?
Well I'm NOT famous. I just moved out of my mom's house at 24, the same age Paul McCartney had to stop touring because he was TOO FAMOUS. In fact, I've been so tightly wrapped up in my own problems and bullshit feeling-sorry-for-myself emo drama that I couldn't play somebody a single song with a gun to my head. I've been making excuses for fucking years: "I don't know anybody to play with; I like making stuff on my computer that I can't play live; I'm not a big fan of the whole '1 dude & a guitar' sound". That guy sounds like a walking cop-out. Five years. I smoked for five hard years and my best excuse was "I wanna be a rock-star some day". What a fucking waste.
So last Monday night I smoked my last cigarette, brushed my teeth & went to bed. I was a fucking asshole for three days. I talked to as few people as I could, drank a lot of water, and read a book in my room until it was time to sleep or go to work.
I ATE FOOOOOOOOOOOOD. I gained like five pounds and lost most of it yesterday when I got MYSTERIOUSLY & RIDICULOUSLY ILL and slept for a full 24 hours, with breaks for only explosively puking/shitting. Just about simultaneously. It was horrible. 24-hour bug aside, ain't no non-smoker done seen the things I've coughed up this week. Terrible things.
And yet, since I've quit smoking, I've found a stillness I'm not accustomed to. I've been breathing through long-forgotten crannies in the depths of my lungs and I've found myself less tense at work, despite an honest 40 extra minutes per day that I ACTUALLY HAVE TO WORK. Still, every time my boss goes out for a smoke break, I think about how fucking awful she sounds when she coughs and it strengthens my resolve. It hasn't been easy, but I'm starting to honestly believe it's totally worth it.
My apartment is finally starting to feel settled after two stressful months of nonsense and my body's last shove toward quitting smoking. Shauna finally moved out, Peet is in. Peet is rad. He likes the Breeders! That's just good people right there.
Um...I've been working on acoustic guitar songs, just me and lady Ibanez. Potential 1/2hr opening set for a band in town at the end of March. Plenty of time to get 30 minutes of interesting sound together, and an honest deadline to keep me ship-shape.
For better or worse, it is as it has been: An exciting time to be a young American.
Does anybody even use this thing anymore?
Music nerdery for roomof0nesown, sleepyworm and anybody else who likes to hear me talk about music!
This is a sleep mix I made for myself like a month ago, and it's probably my favorite out of any I've ever made! I've been making them too long, and I end up listening to it all night long on repeat and never actually get to sleep.
1: The Album Leaf: Red-Eye
2: Panda Bear: Ponytail
3: Polmo Polpo: Farewell
4: Brian Eno: Another Green World
Track 1 starts it off upbeat yet thoughtful, and then Panda Bear gets most of my residual bouncies out before track 3 kicks in, and you can't listen to that song without breathing deeply. That lasts for a good seven minutes, and I'm wafted into the silence of sleep by my favorite Brian Eno track. At 15 minutes and 53 seconds, it's the Indie Rock textbook definition of short & sweet. Oh, what's that? Not long enough? Easy peasy! Start it, take a melatonin, and lay down in bed. If you're still awake, don't put it on repeat, just get out of bed enough to put it on again. Twice over, it's only 31 minutes long, but it's plenty of time to let your brain relax and wander off into its own space. Dare I say it's the perfect mix? Details at 11.
Jorn, thanks yet again for turning me on to (and giving me) half the albums I own. To everybody else (but especially Sam 'cause I think she'll dig it): You have to check out this mix on your own time! I put all four songs up online through Yousendit.com ILEGULLEY!!1%! but I honestly don't think any four of those artists would really care. That's because this mix? It's a winner!!
So here I was, eating dinner alone in my room, listening to Stereolab and reading through old QC strips, and I realized something that's bothered me for a long time but I've never been able to put my finger on it.
To be more specific, my dinner this evening consisted of 1 strong IPA beer and several cubic inches of Wisconsin sharp cheddar cheese. But when my eyes lazily rolled over the packaging of said cheese brick, it said the following:
APR 30 2010
KEEP REFRIGERATED
FRESHNESS IS ASSURED IN UNOPENED PACKAGES UNTIL DATE STAMPED ON PACKAGE.
USE WITHIN 3-5 DAYS OF OPENING SEAL.
Has ANYBODY that reads my journal ever encountered their cheese going bad in even as few as five days? I like my cheese as much as the next guy, but I can't eat too much of it at a time, as it tends to make me a wee bit phlegmy. All things considered though, I think this is a highly deflated shelf-life statistic!
When both Chelsea & I were living with my mom, she would buy shredded mozzarella in five pound bags, and it was ALWAYS delicious until I coerced the final dregs from the corner folds of the plastic. I'm sure it took us AT LEAST 2 weeks to get through a bag. And this little block of Wisconsin cheddar has the audacity to tell me that if I don't eat the rest of it in 3 days, IT WON'T BE FRESH AND DELICIOUS ANYMORE.
Anyway. I think that's bogus. The funny thing is, I bought and opened it a little over a week ago. It was a lovely evening meal.
I quit smoking cigarettes a full week ago, intent on not smoking another one. They're totally bullshit. They're the least healthy, the most addictive, and by far the most expensive substance I've ever come in contact with.
I smoked tobacco for what feels to me like A VERY LONG TIME. I'd been smoking only casually/socially for a few solid months after I was 19, but I started smoking by myself in January of 2005, and started seriously smoking in February or March, which means I've been a serious smoker for 5 years. The 1st year seemed like a decent idea, and why shouldn't it have been? Didn't seem all that unhealthy at the time, they were HALF as expensive as they are now, and I thought they made me look and feel cool as shit. Well, the second year I smoked like I meant it, howling at the moon; the 3rd year it was "A REALLY GREAT IDEA SO FUCK ANYBODY WHO DOESN'T LIKE IT", and as pathetic as it reads, I spent the last two years using nicotine without joy as an emotional numbing agent because it fit in with my idea of what hipster musicians are supposed to look and feel like. Car cigarettes & post-coital cigarettes were the only ones I honestly enjoyed or remember. And this is true, no joke: I've spent the last week really trying to describe the sensation of quitting smoking for a true smoker. With no exaggeration, I feel as though someone close to me has died, and yes I do realize how fucking ironic that is. Thank you.
Listen, as much as I hate the expression most of the time, it really was a slippery slope: Carly introduced me to them much like she introduced me to sex. It was a fantastic time in my life, I was blossoming artistically, and I was nigh invincible. Over the next several years, it just felt natural to me that as I continued to flourish as a musician, so must my nicotine addiction travel along for the ride. I mean...what kind of rock & roll star quits smoking before he's famous?
Well I'm NOT famous. I just moved out of my mom's house at 24, the same age Paul McCartney had to stop touring because he was TOO FAMOUS. In fact, I've been so tightly wrapped up in my own problems and bullshit feeling-sorry-for-myself emo drama that I couldn't play somebody a single song with a gun to my head. I've been making excuses for fucking years: "I don't know anybody to play with; I like making stuff on my computer that I can't play live; I'm not a big fan of the whole '1 dude & a guitar' sound". That guy sounds like a walking cop-out. Five years. I smoked for five hard years and my best excuse was "I wanna be a rock-star some day". What a fucking waste.
So last Monday night I smoked my last cigarette, brushed my teeth & went to bed. I was a fucking asshole for three days. I talked to as few people as I could, drank a lot of water, and read a book in my room until it was time to sleep or go to work.
I ATE FOOOOOOOOOOOOD. I gained like five pounds and lost most of it yesterday when I got MYSTERIOUSLY & RIDICULOUSLY ILL and slept for a full 24 hours, with breaks for only explosively puking/shitting. Just about simultaneously. It was horrible. 24-hour bug aside, ain't no non-smoker done seen the things I've coughed up this week. Terrible things.
And yet, since I've quit smoking, I've found a stillness I'm not accustomed to. I've been breathing through long-forgotten crannies in the depths of my lungs and I've found myself less tense at work, despite an honest 40 extra minutes per day that I ACTUALLY HAVE TO WORK. Still, every time my boss goes out for a smoke break, I think about how fucking awful she sounds when she coughs and it strengthens my resolve. It hasn't been easy, but I'm starting to honestly believe it's totally worth it.
My apartment is finally starting to feel settled after two stressful months of nonsense and my body's last shove toward quitting smoking. Shauna finally moved out, Peet is in. Peet is rad. He likes the Breeders! That's just good people right there.
Um...I've been working on acoustic guitar songs, just me and lady Ibanez. Potential 1/2hr opening set for a band in town at the end of March. Plenty of time to get 30 minutes of interesting sound together, and an honest deadline to keep me ship-shape.
For better or worse, it is as it has been: An exciting time to be a young American.
Does anybody even use this thing anymore?
Music nerdery for roomof0nesown, sleepyworm and anybody else who likes to hear me talk about music!
This is a sleep mix I made for myself like a month ago, and it's probably my favorite out of any I've ever made! I've been making them too long, and I end up listening to it all night long on repeat and never actually get to sleep.
1: The Album Leaf: Red-Eye
2: Panda Bear: Ponytail
3: Polmo Polpo: Farewell
4: Brian Eno: Another Green World
Track 1 starts it off upbeat yet thoughtful, and then Panda Bear gets most of my residual bouncies out before track 3 kicks in, and you can't listen to that song without breathing deeply. That lasts for a good seven minutes, and I'm wafted into the silence of sleep by my favorite Brian Eno track. At 15 minutes and 53 seconds, it's the Indie Rock textbook definition of short & sweet. Oh, what's that? Not long enough? Easy peasy! Start it, take a melatonin, and lay down in bed. If you're still awake, don't put it on repeat, just get out of bed enough to put it on again. Twice over, it's only 31 minutes long, but it's plenty of time to let your brain relax and wander off into its own space. Dare I say it's the perfect mix? Details at 11.
Jorn, thanks yet again for turning me on to (and giving me) half the albums I own. To everybody else (but especially Sam 'cause I think she'll dig it): You have to check out this mix on your own time! I put all four songs up online through Yousendit.com ILEGULLEY!!1%! but I honestly don't think any four of those artists would really care. That's because this mix? It's a winner!!