need to figure out how to be myself again.

i must have cried in my sleep last night even though i don't remember doing it because i woke up with my eyes all puffy and bloodshot and a tear soaked pillow. i swear my soul hurts. and i physically hurt. it feels like somebody got inside me and scooped out a bunch of stuff and then is squeezing my lungs. or something near my lungs. its the ( Read more... )

fuck every single thing.

maybe i'm overreacting just a touch.

besides the fact that i'm still hopelessly sad and miss him (while realizing that that's crazy), i just feel incredibly stupid for ever believing that it was real. that's probably the most heartbreaking part about the whole thing. i finally thought i'd been wrong that love didn't really exist. i really really believed i was in it and it was real ( Read more... )

i should have known he was a lying about being in love all along when ( Read more... )

all i can do is stare, take showers, and sleep.

do things for the natural world and animals. make a real effort on this one. its so freaking important. if i learned one thing from borneo it was that.

i dreamed of a small peninsula of swamped houses that looked like east coast houses. i walked around and into a few, just empty, with brush blown in and some scraps of paper. i found one that was so dirty on the outside, it looked just like the abandoned house next to my building in waking life. but it was bigger. it had the same cracked window ( Read more... )

Turns out everything is fine. Yay