SCI Topic #2: Irreversible

[amorphous_mess]

Comments

[pixiebelle]

I often wonder about the "what if's..." in life too, but find that you simply can't do that or you will live in torment.

But this is fiction, correct? Or fiction based on somewhat true events? It's a problem many young people face so it very well could be based on a true story.

Nicely done.

[amorphous_mess]

You absolutely can't sit and wonder "what if." Not if you want to have any sort of life.

This is purely fictional. Thank you for reading and commenting.

[michikatinski]

The question, "Was it worth it?", comes to mind.

This gripped me right till the very end. A bit more emotion--rather than just the indication of a void thereof--would help tie this together a little more.

Thanks for writing.

[amorphous_mess]

Thank you very much for reading and taking the time to comment. Also for the bit of concrit. I admit that I ran out of time and had to force/rush the ending more than I would have liked. So perhaps that where the void of emotion you spotted comes from. Either way, you are very correct and I appreciate you pointing that out to me.

[beyond_my_smile]

This is incredibly well written. You've got my vote, for sure.

[amorphous_mess]

Thank you so much. I'm very appreciative.

[secretlysidhe]

I couldn't imagine having a choice like that...

Written really well...

[amorphous_mess]

Thanks so much.

[talon]

Ah, another well written piece. Do you take construction criticism?

[amorphous_mess]

Thank you very much. :-)

And I absolutely welcome critique. I appreciate your time!

[talon]

Apparently I can't spell constructive (or proofread). Maybe I shouldn't say anything :P

Overall, I think this was a very well developed piece that works excellently the way you split it. I like the middle part the best - I think it has excellent emotional impact and is well paced. As for the first and last parts, I think that while they set up the middle section and set up the conflict well, they're (especially the first part) a bit sparse on details. It feels a bit more like telling us instead of showing us about her desire to be different from her lackluster parents. The final section also feels a bit too short, a bit like it rushes into the ending line instead of ruminating on it more.

Overall, though, I think it was an excellent character/decision piece, and a good use of the topic. Certainly has my vote this week.

[amorphous_mess]

Sorry for not responding sooner. I wanted to thank you for taking the time to give such a thoughtful critique. I think you're very right about the showing/telling in the first and third sections of the piece. Truth be told, the ending was rushed as I was starting to run out of time and needed to finish. But you're right about it being sparse on details and doing more telling than showing.

Thank you again. Your words are very appreciated.