Yeah, I'm writing again. Twice in one day, highly unusual. I was thinking about some stuff, reading Ronnie's journal. Contrary to what a lot of people may believe, I'm not unapproachable. Yes, I do have a bit of a temper, everyone does & everyone has their breaking points. But how are things supposed to get better when you don't talk to me? You go ( Read more... )

Nothin too much has been going on lately. Went over to Dad's last night for the first time in forever. Nathan & Noah(1 year old twin brothers) remind me of those 2 Siamese cats in Lady & the Tramp. They were plotting to piss Caden off, were grabbing his legs & arms & making him cry. Apparently Caden is scared to death of my Dad & would cry anytime ( Read more... )

Crappy weekend. Ronnie was in a pissy mood Friday b/c Dave isn't going to be proprietor anymore. He's going to New York or something. Then last night, he had to put in a freaking 16 hour day. He was supposed to be off around 7 & ended up getting home around 10. Great. Spends more time there then with me. Speaking of which, there's now an Outback ( Read more... )

It's mine & Ronnie's 2 year anniversary. Tried to get sex, was rejected big time. So now I feel like a big, fat tub of lard. He says that he can't help my insecurities. Uh... let's see, if you know something makes me feel bad, then don't run it into the ground. Don't reject me all the damn time & make me feel like shit about my physical appearance ( Read more... )

So sick of caring. I'm on a roll with the cell phones. Threw mine & broke it, threw his, put a dent in the wall. My 21st birthday was almost ruined b/c of him. Great. Why should I care, he obviously doesn't. I'm going to get fucking wasted tomorrow night. Maybe visit someone... who knows. Supposedly wants this to work out, can't put the effort in. ( Read more... )

2 more days until I hit the big 2-1. Woooo. THe b-day plan: Cheeseburger in Paradise for an Euphoria, the new Hard Times, the old Hard Times. Aaron might be joining in the festivities. I want cake... cake would make me happy ( Read more... )

Time to analyze. Ronnie is completely avoiding spending time with me every day that he is off. Someone always has to be over and when I freaking beg for him to spend time with just me, he always has some smart ass comment about it. I feel like he just doesn't care. I just want some damn time alone. I dont understand what is so hard about that ( Read more... )

OK not pregnant, thank God. Tomorrow is Ronnie's b-day, woo. I'm supposed to make him dinner even though I really don't feel like it. I dunno, we got into another fight, I'm just sick of trying this. Although Gussie said she was happy I left & went to my Mom's & how she respected me for doing it, so I don't feel like a complete ass. I have off ( Read more... )

I hate analyzing everythnig. I hate feeling like I don't matter. I hate people who never change, I hate the same arguments over & over again. This is all just draining me. I'm constantly sick all the time, tired, I just can't do this shit anymore. And sometimes it's the stupid little things that annoy you more than the big things. Like, today ( Read more... )

Time for one of those random updates. So I'm sitting here thinking of just certain things that are going on in my life and realizing that I'm not at all fulfilled in my life. My relationship sucks ass. the only thing that keeps me going is Babycakes. There are so many aspects that I wish I could change. My job is... horrible. I'm tired of people ( Read more... )