Defining Gravity - Abby/Raven (The 100) - Part 2: Chapter 6 (of 7)
Title: Defining Gravity
Fandom: The 100
Pairing: Abby/Raven
Spoilers: Up until the end of Season 2
Rating: M
Disclaimer: The bits from the show are not mine. The *feelings* and extra bits are...
Previous chapters: 1 , 2, 3, 4 & 5
Chapter Six - Friction
"Hello?" Clarke asked, waving her hand in front of Raven's face.
Raven's eyes snapped to Clarke's face.
"You were staring off into space again," Clarke pointed out with a hint of annoyance.
"Sorry," Raven apologised, looking down at the bow in her hand, "What did you say?"
"I was telling to focus on your breathing and stop thinking of my mom," Clarke answered, teasingly exasperated.
Raven blushed.
"And you actually were," Clarke deadpanned, "I was kidding." She went to a nearby log and sat down.
"I'm sorry," Raven apologised, sitting beside her, "Is it weird?"
"Uh, yea," Clarke replied, her eyebrows raised in emphasis.
Raven looked away but Clarke bumped their shoulders playfully, "I'll get over it eventually," she added with a smile.
Raven felt her lips crack into a smile as she watched Clarke turn to look down at their feet.
"What did she say? Before she left you?" Clarke asked guardedly, “you know, after you kissed her,” she clarified awkwardly before glancing up at Raven.
Raven sighed, "She told me she couldn't," she answered before meeting Clarke's eyes.
"She couldn't," Clarke repeated thoughtfully, "Not 'no'," she pointed out.
"It doesn't matter," Raven replied, standing and holding the bow up as if she had an arrow, eyeing the line like Clarke taught her.
"It does," Clarke argued softly, "I just don't know how to fix it yet."
Raven looked over her shoulder at Clarke, "You don't have to fix everything. Except how crap I am at this - come over here and bring me an arrow," she challenged, successfully changing the subject.
Clarke nodded and got up, grabbing the quiver from the ground between them.
* * *
Clarke had been gone for a couple of hours when Raven heard gunfire. She grabbed the bow and quiver and holstered the knife she had been using, running out the door towards the sound.
Her legs had grown stronger and she manoeuvred through the underbrush without much trouble, stopping when she saw the man standing over Clarke with a rifle. Clarke was bleeding from her stomach and the man was speaking to her. Raven crouched closer until she could hear what he was saying.
"...my son is dead because of you, my wife and my sister are dead because of you."
He pointed the rifle at Clarke's head and Raven watched her close her eyes.
"I deserve this," Clarke agreed, "Shoot me."
Raven knocked her bow, aimed, took a breath and released. She missed by a wide margin but the man saw the arrow and panicked, looking around for the Grounders he imagined were in the trees. She ran out from her hiding place as soon as he turned his back, stabbing his shoulder and knocking the rifle from his grip. She picked up the rifle and pointed it at him.
"Not today. Get out of here," she commanded, gesturing for him to leave.
He glared at her but turned, holding his bleeding arm as he left the clearing.
"Raven," Clarke mouthed breathily as her eyes fluttered closed. It was only then that Raven saw the amount of blood Clarke had lost.
She slung the rifle and the bow over one shoulder, leaning over Clarke and feeling her back, the bullet had gone through. She pulled Clarke up and struggled with her weight, trying to figure out how best to carry her before slinging her over her shoulder in a fireman's carry. It probably was not the best way to transport her but Raven knew that if she did not get her to Abby she would be dead by morning. She grunted at the full weight of Clarke's body, her legs protesting as her old pains resurfaced, but she pushed herself to move, one step and then the next. She had to do this, Clarke had no other options.
* * *
Abby was woken in the night by Jackson.
"Abby wake up. We have Clarke. She's bleeding," he informed her evenly, Abby hearing the panic behind the doctor's calm.
She jumped out of bed, her heart beating out of her chest as she threw a long coat over her pajamas and ran to medical as quickly as her healing legs and lungs would allow.
As she entered she saw her daughter on the table, pale. Her shirt had been cut to expose the wound in her stomach.
"What happened?" Abby called as she washed her hands and found the necessary tools.
"She got shot," came a familiar voice from the corner, "One of the mountain men who had the treatment..."
Abby looked up and saw Raven, her shoulder and chest covered in blood.
Their eyes met and Abby could read the worry in Raven's eyes, "Please tell me I'm not too late," she begged.
Abby shook her head and she turned to her daughter.
* * *
Raven left the tent and tried to clean herself up as best she could, returning to sit outside and wait for the outcome.
It had been a couple of months since she was last here but the camp felt the same. She realised with surprise that it felt like home. She had not really felt at home anywhere since the Ark.
She heard a rustling at the door and Abby came out, sitting beside her without looking at her.
"She'll make it," she stated simply, her voice breaking. She turned to Raven, "Thank you. I can't bear to think what would've happened if you hadn't been there."
Raven's heart swelled in the light of the good news and the joy on Abby's face, but the pain was still there, aching beneath the happiness.
"Just glad I made it in time," Raven replied, her eyes watering as her mouth crooked into a smile.
Jackson popped his head out, "Abby, we're ready for you," he informed before going back into medical.
"Ready for what?" Raven asked.
"Blood transfusion. Clarke lost a lot. Mine is the most suitable," Abby replied in staccato sentences, squeezing Raven's knee gently as she stood and went back inside.
Raven felt the touch suffuse her body with warmth but tried not to make it mean more than it did, a friendly gesture. Abby had made it clear they could be nothing else.
She stood up and made for the mess hall. If Abby was giving blood she would need food. Even if there could be nothing else between them she still cared and she knew Abby well enough to know that the doctor would not think to take care of herself while Clarke was still in trouble.
Raven returned half an hour later with a sandwich and a flask of water. She entered medical cautiously but it was empty save for Abby and Clarke, linked from right arm to left by a tube filled with blood. Abby was sitting next to Clarke watching her breathing but as Raven entered she turned.
"If you're giving her blood you'll need this," Raven asserted, passing Abby the sandwich she had made, ensuring their hands did not touch. She handed her the flask next, "It's water," she explained before backing up and taking a seat closer to the door.
"Thank you," Abby stated gratefully, putting the plate on her lap and using her left hand to bring it to her mouth.
After chewing her first bite she looked up at Raven.
"You look like you could use some too, you want half?" Abby offered, holding the sandwich out to her.
"I grabbed something already," she lied.
Abby nodded and took another bite.
They sat in awkward silence as Abby finished her sandwich and drank some of the water, Raven's attention on Clarke's still form. She was breathing but still quite pale.
"Raven?," Abby voiced, snapping the other woman out of her reverie.
"Yea?" Raven replied, giving Abby her attention and trying not to focus on the nerves in her stomach at the sound of her voice.
"...I wanted to apologise," Abby began.
Raven opened her mouth but Abby held her hand up, "No, please," she asked, closing her eyes briefly, "let me get through this."
Raven closed her mouth as the feeling in her stomach intensified.
"I was... I am...scared," Abby admitted, before looking up at Raven, "but I was making it about what other people thought and not about what I thought."
"And what do you think?" Raven asked, her voice shaking at Abby's admission, at the possibility held within it.
Abby took a deep breath and exhaled, "I think I care about you," she admitted cautiously.
Raven nodded, trying to keep her breath even.
"I don't want to hear any of that sappy stuff," Clarke's croaky voice interjected.
Abby jumped out of her chair, nearly pulling the cannula out from her arm as she stood over her daughter, face blushing bright red as she took her hand.
Raven chuckled in spite of herself, standing up to see Clarke as Abby looked over at her questioningly.
"She knows," Raven told her with a half smile before turning her attention to Clarke, "good to see you."
Abby looked back at Clarke, "How you feeling honey?" she asked, her blush fading slowly to make way for the tears gathering at the edge of her eyes at her daughter being here and conscious.
"Awesome," Clarke replied, groaning as she tried to sit up.
"Stay still," Abby chided, "you lost a lot of blood."
It was then Clarke noticed the cannula in her arm and the matching one in her mother's.
"Gotcha," she replied as she lay back down and closed her eyes.
"I'll leave you two," Raven murmured, excusing herself, "Glad you're okay Clarke."
"Thanks for saving my ass Raven," Clarke replied, eyes still closed.
"You're welcome," she replied with a smile. She turned to Abby, "See you," she voiced awkwardly.
"See you," Abby replied, a small smile playing across her lips, "Thanks again for the food."
Raven nodded and exited.
As Raven walked out the nervousness she felt inside the med bay exploded into a lightness. She felt childish but Abby cared and try as she might she could not wipe the ridiculous grin off her face.
* * *
Abby awoke to find her head on Clarke's bed, hand still holding a compress against the cannula spot.
"Oh good you're up," Jackson noted, "I didn't want to wake you but you should really get some sleep in your own bed, you gave a lot of blood last night."
Abby looked at Clarke, she was asleep but some of the colour had definitely returned. She nodded at Jackson and got up, swaying a little on her feet as she waited for the lightheadedness to pass.
"Whoa," Jackson uttered, rushing to her aid and holding Abby's arm until she had her bearings back, "Let me help you home."
"Thank you Jackson, but I'm fine," she asserted emphatically, meeting his eyes before pulling away and heading towards the door.
"Take it slowly," he cautioned and Abby could feel his eyes on her as she left, waiting to come to her aid.
She smiled in spite of herself before turning in the doorway, holding the beam for support in attempted nonchalance, "Anything changes let me know," she instructed, watching Jackson nod before she turned back and left Medical.
As she made her way back to her bunk not even the bright mid-morning sun could ease the edge to the physical and emotional exhaustion wracking her body. Seeing Clarke again and having to save her, in addition to Raven's return and her own tentative admission, all vied for their place in her anxieties as her body struggled to keep her upright in the face of her blood loss.
She slowed at the bunk Raven used to inhabit, wondering if she was back there. Her stomach fluttered at the thought of her but she knew she needed to recover before she could face the younger woman again. The thought made her dizzy again and she leaned against the wall, lowering herself to the ground as the world swam before her.
When she opened her eyes a moment later she was looking at the ceiling above her bed.
"Hey, you're awake," came a familiar voice by her bed. She turned to see Raven sitting in a chair beside, but not too close to, her bed.
"How did I get here?" Abby asked sitting up carefully, the remnants of a headache still pounding behind her eyes.
"Jackson came to check on you and found you passed out in the corridor outside my door, I caught him as he was bringing you to yours and opened doors for him," Raven explained, "He's recovered well," she noted offhandedly.
"Thanks to you," Abby affirmed meeting Raven's eyes purposefully. She had forgotten what Raven's gaze felt like when they were alone, how the focused intensity of it made her feel like the world around them had stopped.
Raven took a breath, shifted her eyes away and stood.
Abby cocked her head at the retreating form, standing up carefully and putting a light hand on Raven's arm, looking at her quizzically when the younger woman turned to face her.
"What's wrong?" Abby asked softly.
Raven dropped her eyes and bit her lower lip before looking at Abby again, eyes wide with a hint of sadness.
"I don't know how to be around you anymore," she replied softly.
Abby smiled compassionately, "I've been having that problem for some time now," she confessed as her lips curved in a half smile.
Her hand was still perched awkwardly on Raven's arm but she did not want to lose the simple contact, warm and addictive, and she let it fall along Raven's arm until she was holding her hand, stretching out their arms until she was able to lean against the bed, not yet trusting her ability to stay upright.
“Really?” Raven asked, one eyebrow raised as Abby nodded. Raven narrowed her eyes, “How long?” she inquired with her usual hint of challenge as she took a tentative step towards Abby, decreasing the pull on their arms.
Abby's heart beat harder in her chest, Raven's proximity and gaze making her admission all the more intense.
"Since the night I slapped you for helping Clarke," She admitted, lips pressed together as she kept her eyes on her left hand, linked with Raven's right and held between them.
"Wow," Raven replied, her gaze following Abby's as she interlinked their fingers.
Abby looked up at Raven's face but Raven was watching their hands intently, lacing and unlacing their fingers. The sensation was traveling up her arm and making her even more aware of how close they were. She stood up straight as Raven looked up, their eyes locking as her heart hammered in her ear.
Abby held up her free hand and brushed away a stray hair, tucking it behind Raven's ear before pulling her hand back as casually as she could manage. It had been an unexpected gesture but felt right in the way things had always just felt right with Raven before she had started recognising and worrying.
"Don't worry," she almost whispered, eyes dancing between Raven's before falling to her lips, "Just be," she offered, more to herself than to Raven.
Raven bit her lower lip in response to Abby's gaze, her breathing shallow as Abby watched the desire in her eyes. Abby leaned in slowly, eyes flicking between Raven's eyes and her lips, overwhelmed by her own need. Her eyes fluttered closed and she felt the loss of Raven's hand in hers moments before she felt them on her neck, pulling them together as their lips met.
Desire flared within her and she returned the kiss thirstily, desperate for contact as Raven's tongue slid past her lips.
* * *
Raven could feel her body heating up as Abby's gaze made her feel faster and more acutely. Her experiences with Wick and Bellamy had been purely physical, while her relationship with Finn had been built on the comfort of their status quo. Her want for Abby was uncomfortable, scary and heightened by the emotional connection she had long felt but hardly understood. She saw it in Abby's eyes too, a slice of fear mixed in her desire, but she was not hiding it this time and Raven's breath grew shallow at the force of it.
She watched Abby's gaze move from her eyes to her lips and back again as she leaned towards her with a slowness that was almost painful. Raven could feel Abby's tenuousness, watching her eyes as fear and worry duelled with desire as she grew closer by moments, Raven's own want escalating with her proximity. She saw Abby's eyes flutter closed, her breath ghosting across Raven's lips and her want overrode her patience. She pulled her hand from Abby's and took a hold of her face, fingers lightly trailing the back of her neck, thumbs stroking her cheek as she pulled their lips together.
The feel of Abby's skin against her hands sent electricity up her arm as their lips met, Abby's lips soft against hers, tentative for a brief moment before they grew forceful. Raven's fingers tangled in hair as she brushed Abby's lips with her tongue, the taste of her sending waves of heat to her core as Abby's mouth opened to the exploration.
Abby's hands had found their way to the edge of Raven's pants and she felt fingers hook beneath the waistband, pulling her closer. The press of Abby's body against hers left her breathless and she broke the kiss, meeting Abby's eyes. Abby's slightly mussed hair only added to the look of intense want radiating from her eyes, the look itself melting Raven from the inside as she strove to maintain the stability of her legs.
* * *
Abby saw Raven falter, her breath coming in short gasps as she stared at Abby with a desire that shot straight to the building heat between her legs. She leaned back against the bed, pulling Raven closer as she braced Raven's bad leg with her own. The kiss was slower this time, methodical, as Abby explored her mouth with a patient thoroughness that elicited a soft moan from the younger woman. Raven broke the kiss, leaning in to trail lips across Abby's neck and under her ear, nipping lightly every so often in a way that made Abby bite her lip, her body electric.
They heard the voice before the swish of the doors and broke apart as Jackson entered, his eyes flickering from one woman to the next.
"...ahh.. Just checking to see if you were up. Clarke just finished lunch and I thought you might want to eat something.." he informed her, clearly uncomfortable.
A smile broke across Abby's face at Jackson's discomfort but she tried to hide it.
"Thank you Jackson, I'll be right there," she replied, maintaining eye contact as he nodded and left hurriedly.
She turned to Raven whose eyes were wide, the desire giving way to a fear that struck Abby's heart.
"It's okay," she assured the mechanic, giving her hand a squeeze and leaning in to give her a reassuring kiss before looking her in the eyes, "but I should check on Clarke," she added softly, ensuring Raven's recognition before pulling away and standing, "and we should both eat something. Meet you at the Mess?"
Raven smiled not entirely convincingly but nodded and although Abby wanted nothing more than to stay with her, to wipe away the worry clearly plaguing the younger woman, she knew there was no quick fix. If she was capable of easing the pain she and others had caused it would only be in time. Panic stirred in her chest for a moment as she worried about hurting her more, but she had already hurt them both enough - she needed to let this be and see where it led them.
* * *
Raven watched Abby leave the bunk, her head trying to question everything that had just happened. But it was different this time, she could tell even without Abby's reassurance, and yet her thoughts tried to second guess themselves even as her soul wanted to soar with the memory of her touch.
* * *
Fandom: The 100
Pairing: Abby/Raven
Spoilers: Up until the end of Season 2
Rating: M
Disclaimer: The bits from the show are not mine. The *feelings* and extra bits are...
Previous chapters: 1 , 2, 3, 4 & 5
Chapter Six - Friction
"Hello?" Clarke asked, waving her hand in front of Raven's face.
Raven's eyes snapped to Clarke's face.
"You were staring off into space again," Clarke pointed out with a hint of annoyance.
"Sorry," Raven apologised, looking down at the bow in her hand, "What did you say?"
"I was telling to focus on your breathing and stop thinking of my mom," Clarke answered, teasingly exasperated.
Raven blushed.
"And you actually were," Clarke deadpanned, "I was kidding." She went to a nearby log and sat down.
"I'm sorry," Raven apologised, sitting beside her, "Is it weird?"
"Uh, yea," Clarke replied, her eyebrows raised in emphasis.
Raven looked away but Clarke bumped their shoulders playfully, "I'll get over it eventually," she added with a smile.
Raven felt her lips crack into a smile as she watched Clarke turn to look down at their feet.
"What did she say? Before she left you?" Clarke asked guardedly, “you know, after you kissed her,” she clarified awkwardly before glancing up at Raven.
Raven sighed, "She told me she couldn't," she answered before meeting Clarke's eyes.
"She couldn't," Clarke repeated thoughtfully, "Not 'no'," she pointed out.
"It doesn't matter," Raven replied, standing and holding the bow up as if she had an arrow, eyeing the line like Clarke taught her.
"It does," Clarke argued softly, "I just don't know how to fix it yet."
Raven looked over her shoulder at Clarke, "You don't have to fix everything. Except how crap I am at this - come over here and bring me an arrow," she challenged, successfully changing the subject.
Clarke nodded and got up, grabbing the quiver from the ground between them.
* * *
Clarke had been gone for a couple of hours when Raven heard gunfire. She grabbed the bow and quiver and holstered the knife she had been using, running out the door towards the sound.
Her legs had grown stronger and she manoeuvred through the underbrush without much trouble, stopping when she saw the man standing over Clarke with a rifle. Clarke was bleeding from her stomach and the man was speaking to her. Raven crouched closer until she could hear what he was saying.
"...my son is dead because of you, my wife and my sister are dead because of you."
He pointed the rifle at Clarke's head and Raven watched her close her eyes.
"I deserve this," Clarke agreed, "Shoot me."
Raven knocked her bow, aimed, took a breath and released. She missed by a wide margin but the man saw the arrow and panicked, looking around for the Grounders he imagined were in the trees. She ran out from her hiding place as soon as he turned his back, stabbing his shoulder and knocking the rifle from his grip. She picked up the rifle and pointed it at him.
"Not today. Get out of here," she commanded, gesturing for him to leave.
He glared at her but turned, holding his bleeding arm as he left the clearing.
"Raven," Clarke mouthed breathily as her eyes fluttered closed. It was only then that Raven saw the amount of blood Clarke had lost.
She slung the rifle and the bow over one shoulder, leaning over Clarke and feeling her back, the bullet had gone through. She pulled Clarke up and struggled with her weight, trying to figure out how best to carry her before slinging her over her shoulder in a fireman's carry. It probably was not the best way to transport her but Raven knew that if she did not get her to Abby she would be dead by morning. She grunted at the full weight of Clarke's body, her legs protesting as her old pains resurfaced, but she pushed herself to move, one step and then the next. She had to do this, Clarke had no other options.
* * *
Abby was woken in the night by Jackson.
"Abby wake up. We have Clarke. She's bleeding," he informed her evenly, Abby hearing the panic behind the doctor's calm.
She jumped out of bed, her heart beating out of her chest as she threw a long coat over her pajamas and ran to medical as quickly as her healing legs and lungs would allow.
As she entered she saw her daughter on the table, pale. Her shirt had been cut to expose the wound in her stomach.
"What happened?" Abby called as she washed her hands and found the necessary tools.
"She got shot," came a familiar voice from the corner, "One of the mountain men who had the treatment..."
Abby looked up and saw Raven, her shoulder and chest covered in blood.
Their eyes met and Abby could read the worry in Raven's eyes, "Please tell me I'm not too late," she begged.
Abby shook her head and she turned to her daughter.
* * *
Raven left the tent and tried to clean herself up as best she could, returning to sit outside and wait for the outcome.
It had been a couple of months since she was last here but the camp felt the same. She realised with surprise that it felt like home. She had not really felt at home anywhere since the Ark.
She heard a rustling at the door and Abby came out, sitting beside her without looking at her.
"She'll make it," she stated simply, her voice breaking. She turned to Raven, "Thank you. I can't bear to think what would've happened if you hadn't been there."
Raven's heart swelled in the light of the good news and the joy on Abby's face, but the pain was still there, aching beneath the happiness.
"Just glad I made it in time," Raven replied, her eyes watering as her mouth crooked into a smile.
Jackson popped his head out, "Abby, we're ready for you," he informed before going back into medical.
"Ready for what?" Raven asked.
"Blood transfusion. Clarke lost a lot. Mine is the most suitable," Abby replied in staccato sentences, squeezing Raven's knee gently as she stood and went back inside.
Raven felt the touch suffuse her body with warmth but tried not to make it mean more than it did, a friendly gesture. Abby had made it clear they could be nothing else.
She stood up and made for the mess hall. If Abby was giving blood she would need food. Even if there could be nothing else between them she still cared and she knew Abby well enough to know that the doctor would not think to take care of herself while Clarke was still in trouble.
Raven returned half an hour later with a sandwich and a flask of water. She entered medical cautiously but it was empty save for Abby and Clarke, linked from right arm to left by a tube filled with blood. Abby was sitting next to Clarke watching her breathing but as Raven entered she turned.
"If you're giving her blood you'll need this," Raven asserted, passing Abby the sandwich she had made, ensuring their hands did not touch. She handed her the flask next, "It's water," she explained before backing up and taking a seat closer to the door.
"Thank you," Abby stated gratefully, putting the plate on her lap and using her left hand to bring it to her mouth.
After chewing her first bite she looked up at Raven.
"You look like you could use some too, you want half?" Abby offered, holding the sandwich out to her.
"I grabbed something already," she lied.
Abby nodded and took another bite.
They sat in awkward silence as Abby finished her sandwich and drank some of the water, Raven's attention on Clarke's still form. She was breathing but still quite pale.
"Raven?," Abby voiced, snapping the other woman out of her reverie.
"Yea?" Raven replied, giving Abby her attention and trying not to focus on the nerves in her stomach at the sound of her voice.
"...I wanted to apologise," Abby began.
Raven opened her mouth but Abby held her hand up, "No, please," she asked, closing her eyes briefly, "let me get through this."
Raven closed her mouth as the feeling in her stomach intensified.
"I was... I am...scared," Abby admitted, before looking up at Raven, "but I was making it about what other people thought and not about what I thought."
"And what do you think?" Raven asked, her voice shaking at Abby's admission, at the possibility held within it.
Abby took a deep breath and exhaled, "I think I care about you," she admitted cautiously.
Raven nodded, trying to keep her breath even.
"I don't want to hear any of that sappy stuff," Clarke's croaky voice interjected.
Abby jumped out of her chair, nearly pulling the cannula out from her arm as she stood over her daughter, face blushing bright red as she took her hand.
Raven chuckled in spite of herself, standing up to see Clarke as Abby looked over at her questioningly.
"She knows," Raven told her with a half smile before turning her attention to Clarke, "good to see you."
Abby looked back at Clarke, "How you feeling honey?" she asked, her blush fading slowly to make way for the tears gathering at the edge of her eyes at her daughter being here and conscious.
"Awesome," Clarke replied, groaning as she tried to sit up.
"Stay still," Abby chided, "you lost a lot of blood."
It was then Clarke noticed the cannula in her arm and the matching one in her mother's.
"Gotcha," she replied as she lay back down and closed her eyes.
"I'll leave you two," Raven murmured, excusing herself, "Glad you're okay Clarke."
"Thanks for saving my ass Raven," Clarke replied, eyes still closed.
"You're welcome," she replied with a smile. She turned to Abby, "See you," she voiced awkwardly.
"See you," Abby replied, a small smile playing across her lips, "Thanks again for the food."
Raven nodded and exited.
As Raven walked out the nervousness she felt inside the med bay exploded into a lightness. She felt childish but Abby cared and try as she might she could not wipe the ridiculous grin off her face.
* * *
Abby awoke to find her head on Clarke's bed, hand still holding a compress against the cannula spot.
"Oh good you're up," Jackson noted, "I didn't want to wake you but you should really get some sleep in your own bed, you gave a lot of blood last night."
Abby looked at Clarke, she was asleep but some of the colour had definitely returned. She nodded at Jackson and got up, swaying a little on her feet as she waited for the lightheadedness to pass.
"Whoa," Jackson uttered, rushing to her aid and holding Abby's arm until she had her bearings back, "Let me help you home."
"Thank you Jackson, but I'm fine," she asserted emphatically, meeting his eyes before pulling away and heading towards the door.
"Take it slowly," he cautioned and Abby could feel his eyes on her as she left, waiting to come to her aid.
She smiled in spite of herself before turning in the doorway, holding the beam for support in attempted nonchalance, "Anything changes let me know," she instructed, watching Jackson nod before she turned back and left Medical.
As she made her way back to her bunk not even the bright mid-morning sun could ease the edge to the physical and emotional exhaustion wracking her body. Seeing Clarke again and having to save her, in addition to Raven's return and her own tentative admission, all vied for their place in her anxieties as her body struggled to keep her upright in the face of her blood loss.
She slowed at the bunk Raven used to inhabit, wondering if she was back there. Her stomach fluttered at the thought of her but she knew she needed to recover before she could face the younger woman again. The thought made her dizzy again and she leaned against the wall, lowering herself to the ground as the world swam before her.
When she opened her eyes a moment later she was looking at the ceiling above her bed.
"Hey, you're awake," came a familiar voice by her bed. She turned to see Raven sitting in a chair beside, but not too close to, her bed.
"How did I get here?" Abby asked sitting up carefully, the remnants of a headache still pounding behind her eyes.
"Jackson came to check on you and found you passed out in the corridor outside my door, I caught him as he was bringing you to yours and opened doors for him," Raven explained, "He's recovered well," she noted offhandedly.
"Thanks to you," Abby affirmed meeting Raven's eyes purposefully. She had forgotten what Raven's gaze felt like when they were alone, how the focused intensity of it made her feel like the world around them had stopped.
Raven took a breath, shifted her eyes away and stood.
Abby cocked her head at the retreating form, standing up carefully and putting a light hand on Raven's arm, looking at her quizzically when the younger woman turned to face her.
"What's wrong?" Abby asked softly.
Raven dropped her eyes and bit her lower lip before looking at Abby again, eyes wide with a hint of sadness.
"I don't know how to be around you anymore," she replied softly.
Abby smiled compassionately, "I've been having that problem for some time now," she confessed as her lips curved in a half smile.
Her hand was still perched awkwardly on Raven's arm but she did not want to lose the simple contact, warm and addictive, and she let it fall along Raven's arm until she was holding her hand, stretching out their arms until she was able to lean against the bed, not yet trusting her ability to stay upright.
“Really?” Raven asked, one eyebrow raised as Abby nodded. Raven narrowed her eyes, “How long?” she inquired with her usual hint of challenge as she took a tentative step towards Abby, decreasing the pull on their arms.
Abby's heart beat harder in her chest, Raven's proximity and gaze making her admission all the more intense.
"Since the night I slapped you for helping Clarke," She admitted, lips pressed together as she kept her eyes on her left hand, linked with Raven's right and held between them.
"Wow," Raven replied, her gaze following Abby's as she interlinked their fingers.
Abby looked up at Raven's face but Raven was watching their hands intently, lacing and unlacing their fingers. The sensation was traveling up her arm and making her even more aware of how close they were. She stood up straight as Raven looked up, their eyes locking as her heart hammered in her ear.
Abby held up her free hand and brushed away a stray hair, tucking it behind Raven's ear before pulling her hand back as casually as she could manage. It had been an unexpected gesture but felt right in the way things had always just felt right with Raven before she had started recognising and worrying.
"Don't worry," she almost whispered, eyes dancing between Raven's before falling to her lips, "Just be," she offered, more to herself than to Raven.
Raven bit her lower lip in response to Abby's gaze, her breathing shallow as Abby watched the desire in her eyes. Abby leaned in slowly, eyes flicking between Raven's eyes and her lips, overwhelmed by her own need. Her eyes fluttered closed and she felt the loss of Raven's hand in hers moments before she felt them on her neck, pulling them together as their lips met.
Desire flared within her and she returned the kiss thirstily, desperate for contact as Raven's tongue slid past her lips.
* * *
Raven could feel her body heating up as Abby's gaze made her feel faster and more acutely. Her experiences with Wick and Bellamy had been purely physical, while her relationship with Finn had been built on the comfort of their status quo. Her want for Abby was uncomfortable, scary and heightened by the emotional connection she had long felt but hardly understood. She saw it in Abby's eyes too, a slice of fear mixed in her desire, but she was not hiding it this time and Raven's breath grew shallow at the force of it.
She watched Abby's gaze move from her eyes to her lips and back again as she leaned towards her with a slowness that was almost painful. Raven could feel Abby's tenuousness, watching her eyes as fear and worry duelled with desire as she grew closer by moments, Raven's own want escalating with her proximity. She saw Abby's eyes flutter closed, her breath ghosting across Raven's lips and her want overrode her patience. She pulled her hand from Abby's and took a hold of her face, fingers lightly trailing the back of her neck, thumbs stroking her cheek as she pulled their lips together.
The feel of Abby's skin against her hands sent electricity up her arm as their lips met, Abby's lips soft against hers, tentative for a brief moment before they grew forceful. Raven's fingers tangled in hair as she brushed Abby's lips with her tongue, the taste of her sending waves of heat to her core as Abby's mouth opened to the exploration.
Abby's hands had found their way to the edge of Raven's pants and she felt fingers hook beneath the waistband, pulling her closer. The press of Abby's body against hers left her breathless and she broke the kiss, meeting Abby's eyes. Abby's slightly mussed hair only added to the look of intense want radiating from her eyes, the look itself melting Raven from the inside as she strove to maintain the stability of her legs.
* * *
Abby saw Raven falter, her breath coming in short gasps as she stared at Abby with a desire that shot straight to the building heat between her legs. She leaned back against the bed, pulling Raven closer as she braced Raven's bad leg with her own. The kiss was slower this time, methodical, as Abby explored her mouth with a patient thoroughness that elicited a soft moan from the younger woman. Raven broke the kiss, leaning in to trail lips across Abby's neck and under her ear, nipping lightly every so often in a way that made Abby bite her lip, her body electric.
They heard the voice before the swish of the doors and broke apart as Jackson entered, his eyes flickering from one woman to the next.
"...ahh.. Just checking to see if you were up. Clarke just finished lunch and I thought you might want to eat something.." he informed her, clearly uncomfortable.
A smile broke across Abby's face at Jackson's discomfort but she tried to hide it.
"Thank you Jackson, I'll be right there," she replied, maintaining eye contact as he nodded and left hurriedly.
She turned to Raven whose eyes were wide, the desire giving way to a fear that struck Abby's heart.
"It's okay," she assured the mechanic, giving her hand a squeeze and leaning in to give her a reassuring kiss before looking her in the eyes, "but I should check on Clarke," she added softly, ensuring Raven's recognition before pulling away and standing, "and we should both eat something. Meet you at the Mess?"
Raven smiled not entirely convincingly but nodded and although Abby wanted nothing more than to stay with her, to wipe away the worry clearly plaguing the younger woman, she knew there was no quick fix. If she was capable of easing the pain she and others had caused it would only be in time. Panic stirred in her chest for a moment as she worried about hurting her more, but she had already hurt them both enough - she needed to let this be and see where it led them.
* * *
Raven watched Abby leave the bunk, her head trying to question everything that had just happened. But it was different this time, she could tell even without Abby's reassurance, and yet her thoughts tried to second guess themselves even as her soul wanted to soar with the memory of her touch.
* * *